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What are healthy boundaries? What are boundaries in the first place?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 02/04/2020 at 1:16pm
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Top Rated Answers
Spirited1
November 20th, 2014 10:45pm
I don't like to think of boundaries. They sound too rigid and inflexible. Too restrictive and inhibiting. Lines drawn that cannot be crossed. But, I do think it is important to be guided by VALUES so that you act with integrity and therefore feel whole (integrated) in every area of your life. So, in my opinion, a better question is what is of value? What do you value? Ask 'what is valuable to me?' You might value your family, and friends, your job, the time you spend with someone special or doing something you enjoy. Maybe you value a prized possession or take pride in a great accomplishment or talent. You should also value yourself. And that is where some people fall short. If you feel 'boundaries' might be an issue for you, perhaps consider how you can respect and value your own opinions, likes, dislikes, wants and needs. The first step is really considering these, directly turning your full attention to yourself. Ask yourself what they are, what you want, what you need. Be selfish. No-one needs to know - this is your time, for you. Maybe write down your values or say them out loud. Why not? They are important to you. Try to start sentences with I, not he, she or they. "I want." "I need." "I think." "I feel". Then, consider how you can reconcile your statements with the demands that are placed on you by others. Examine any areas of conflict, pressures or demands on you. Reflect on any times or situations when you feel your values are compromised or you feel conflicted about decisions you are making. This exercise in itself should help to shed light on what needs attention. Lastly, give yourself permission to live according to your values. They are your values. And they are important. They are what makes you, you. No-one else is living this life you are living. There is no-one more important to answer to than yourself. Good luck! :)
Flair30
July 27th, 2015 10:40am
First, you need to name your limits. How can you set limits with others if you are unsure of where you stand? Know yourself and what you can tolderate. Second, tune into your own thoughts and feelings. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary. Third, be direct. This can be difficult for many people, but setting boundaries requires a direct and clear-cut dialogue. In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it. “I don’t like that. Please don’t say or do that. This makes me uncomfortable.” Using direct language will cut down on miscommunication. Finally, consider your past and present. How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. Knowing where you came from and where you are now is very important. Always remember that setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support!
Anonymous
November 21st, 2014 3:24am
I believe that boundaries are so very important in every friendship and relationship. However, some people forget to set boundaries clearly and this can cause a lot of hurt to the second party! Some people understand boundaries automatically but in many cases some people need the boundaries to be clearly stated at the beginning of the relationship OR when boundary violations start to occur. For example when one person begins to depend on someone too much or too frequently for attention, without even realizing it, a good way to set up a boundary would be to schedule time where one can be available for that person and TELL THEM, so that they know when they are allowed to speak to you, and when you need your space!
turkoizdog
November 22nd, 2014 2:23am
A boundary is a psychological limit to how much effort and information you give others. Healthy boundaries allow a person to help and share with others, without risking too much of themselves. For example, helping others without hurting yourself in the process.
Siouxsie
December 4th, 2014 7:53am
Boundaries are set in order to keep ourselves safe from the harm of others. They should not be used to try and control the actions of others, but simply to inform them that there are certain actions you won't allow in your presence. Boundaries should ALWAYS come with a stated consequence if they are crossed. But make sure it's a consequence that you are willing to follow through with, or the boundary is pointless. Also, boundaries are flexible.
LouisaCT
December 18th, 2014 2:52am
Hey there, boundaries are personal decisions you make about how others should treat you, how they should interact with you, and what you're willing to do or think about a friendship, relationships, situation, etc.. for example people set boundaries when in a relationship that are what we consider "rules" usually.. They may make a "rule/boundary" that states "we can share the same bed, but not have sexual relations" if you're not comfortable with that aspect of a relationship yet. An example of friendship boundaries might be something like "we can stay over at each other's houses, but not for more than one night - we need time apart from each other" here are some videos that help define/explain boundaries really well: Kati Morton LMFT - Neediness, Dependency, Boundaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izoBLkfY9Mg Kati Morton LMFT - Personal Boundaries: 5 ways to teach people how to treat us properly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhW4g9urdXQ Best of luck and kind wishes, Louisa. xx
Erynn
December 19th, 2014 6:53am
Healthy boundaries establish what you are comfortable with. They are clear, but flexible. Others respect these boundaries that you have set, and you feel you can adjust them as needed depending on specific situations and times. They allow you to communicate your needs, and have your own space and time when you need it. What a healthy boundary looks like varies greatly depending on the type of relationship in question. You might enjoy googling this or perusing the many youtube videos and books on the subject.
Arkelight
December 27th, 2014 10:16pm
Setting boundaries is how you want the relationship to proceed. Keeping it simple, telling people to take off their shoes before entering their house is a boundary, or asking someone to smoke outside. Asking a person not to invade your personal space or to stop sending you so many messages can be another example of setting boundaries in a different light. Healthy boundaries are those that impact you positively and that can be reasonably achieved by both you and the other person in question.
Anonymous
December 30th, 2014 11:20pm
Boundaries are limits on certain subjects or things. Healthy boundaries are boundaries that will cause you to be better off then you would be if you had not set it.
SageBunny
January 2nd, 2015 9:27pm
Boundaries are requirements based on our own personal wants and needsin relationship to other people. The need to be respected, to have privacy when necessary, or to be physically safe -- and the capacity to respect those needs in others -- are examples of healthy boundaries.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2015 3:04am
Depends on the context of the boundary. In a professional relationship, e.g., there may be certain "boundaries," or social rules, that must be observed (such as avoiding topics relating to religion or politics in the workplace).
Ametrine
June 29th, 2015 10:53pm
Healthy boundaries means making informed considerations when interacting with others based on balancing your needs with theirs and making an effort not to offend or overstep lines that other people have.
Greatlistener87
August 16th, 2016 8:22am
Boundaries are lines that you draw for yourself. Lines that you will never cross no matter what. Its okay to have certain boundaries if it is for your own good. But too much boundaries can cause a wall that will not allow you to experience much.
DaftLillian
August 13th, 2018 8:01am
Boundaries are what feels comfortable for YOU.It's a matter of what makes you feel safe and secure!
Anaiviv01
February 4th, 2020 1:16pm
Boundaries are positive limits that you express to someone in order to give a relationship a nice structure. Interaction is based on what we receive and what we give, but sometimes it's hard for us to set limits because we're afraid to mess it up or to offend the other person. Healthy boundaries delimit the area where you can feel safe, positive, energetic and ready for the game of life. There are also unhealthy ones when we become manipulative or passive-aggressive towards people, or when we push them to second-guess our thoughts without expressing them in a proper, assertive way.