Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

My child says they are gay, lesbian or asexual. How do I cope?

29 Answers
Last Updated: 09/15/2020 at 6:29pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Hisham Tawfik, M.S.W.

Counselor

Counseling and psychological services are my passion more than my work, It is all about love, and love is the only real value.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 6:49am
Well realize that your child being bisexual gay/lesbian or being asexual is not wrong and support them and help them it's better they told you then feeling they should lie or cover it up its not easy for you or the child just love them and don't judge them.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2014 9:00am
Tell that is completely normal. Define sex for them, sex is just an physical activity, where we get satisfaction when our hormones are released out. There are different forms of sex like straight, gay sex lesbian sex oral anal threesomes and so on. Hence tell your kid that they are completely normal, and to be safe and think twice and thrice before doing anything they want. Make them relaize that, like all they all have 24 hours in a day, there blood color is also red and its the same sun they see just like all others.
Anonymous
December 18th, 2014 2:51am
You accept them for the person that they are because that's the person they always were. There will be so many other pressing issues in life other than a persons sexual preference, keep it in perspective and don't let it define you and especially them.
RainyGirlILY
December 30th, 2014 12:25pm
By remembering that they are still your child who you have loved and cared for -that has not changed
julesap3
May 30th, 2016 4:10pm
You accept them. You have to understand that what they are feeling is real. It may take a while to understand, do research and ask questions. Just be a supportive as you can.
Aayla
December 9th, 2019 1:53am
Let them talk about it with you and express their feelings. Telling you about it was important for them, so let them free to share as much as they want. If you have questions, you can ask them in an empathetic and respectful way. Support them and let them know that it's ok and you just want them to be happy. If you're new to this, do some research about these realities, and look for the support of an LGBT association. Many of them are used to supporting the family of LGBT people and helping them understand and accept this reality.
HeyItsMeLiz
November 9th, 2014 1:54am
Never tell your child outright that this is wrong, or shun them for what they feel. For some it's a choice, and depending on your religion and beliefs, it may be a good or bad one. But for some, they can't help it; it's just how they feel, and they may grow out of it. Don't act like your child is something abnormal or dirty, because chances are, they already feel that way.
LookForTheRainbow
November 10th, 2014 5:20pm
Accept their sexuality, it's their life and choices. They would be living a lie if they tried to live as heterosexuals.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 6:03pm
Well, they're your child. You must love them to want to cope. Just tell yourself that this is what he/she really truly wants.
serenesunset15
November 16th, 2014 8:35am
it is not some thing for you to cope with. sexuality is not something you can choose. you cope with trauma, you cope with tragedies since being the above is none hence there is no need to cope instead be there for your child and support them. it is already tough for them in this narrow minded world.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2014 5:52pm
Well, you need to get your mind clear. Talk about the situation, talk with people who experienced the same thing. The important things is, never forget your child in this situation. You're not alone!
LucyInTheSky
December 22nd, 2014 1:24am
The most important thing is to just listen and not judge. Your child is opening up to you and trusting you with something that is really close to their heart and probably really difficult to talk about. The next thing is that parents should learn more and do research, ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions about what this means. Remember they are still your child, the same one you loved before; and that's all that matters.
Beyond
December 27th, 2014 11:35am
That's nothing wrong with that, every person is different. Your child relies on you to be there for him, especially in a situation where people are judgemental and disagree with their preferences, so the most important thing for him now is to have someone to believe in him and tells him that its natural and they shouldn't be ashamed for who they are, despite people's believes.
Anonymous - Expert in Parenting
April 29th, 2015 10:41pm
Love them for who they are, not their preferences. Just because your child is gay doesn't mean they are any different than before they came out. Also keep in mind that it took quite a bit of courage for them to come out to you. Support them and love them! They are the same as they have always been!
LovelyFlower94
August 18th, 2015 6:59pm
It's important that you support your child through this regardless of how you're feeling about it. It is sometimes hard for parents to understand or get their head around these conversations, however you need to makesure you listen to them and reassure them that you're always there for them and always will be. You could try talking to your friends about it if you're finding it difficult to understand, or if you're finding it hard to accept or understand your child's sexuality there are lots of online helpsites and advice sites as well as help books.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2016 2:30am
You accept them for who they are. Let them openly discuss it with you, perhaps they could help you understand. And you support them. Just because they have a different sexuality than you doesn't mean their character is any different. They simply have a different preference when it comes to partners.
grumpymama
February 20th, 2016 4:33am
I'm not sure I understand the question. How do you cope? What are you coping with? If your child is something other than heterosexual, it is just who they are. Love your child the same as you did yesterday.
TangledRivers
February 21st, 2016 10:54pm
You don't. It has nothing to do with you and isn't an affliction that requires coping. It should be the same to you as if they say 'I have blonde hair' or 'I'm tall'. It's a part of who they are and that's that. You should accept them and move on.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 6:29am
Well except them for who they are it mite be a lot to take in and it's not easy to cope with but its better your child told you the truth instead of feeling they had to lie or cover it up its not easy for anyone the child or adult but you will work threw it with love and care just be understanding and don't judge.
happyApple83
March 29th, 2016 6:43pm
I would be sympathetic to their statement and let them know that I am ok with that. It has to be a lot on their end to come out and tell a parent that. We have to be sensitive to their emotions and feelings as well. If we have questions to ask them, maybe we can ask in a day when we have had time ot think about what we were just told.
live4logan
March 30th, 2016 1:25pm
It's is tough to hear that your child is not what you expected them to be, It does not mean that you think it is wrong, it I the worry that is associated with their well being. What you need to know is that they will be ok, there is nothing wrong with them. You show that you are supportive in whatever it is they want to do. For yourself, join a support group so you can understand what is going on, that you and your child is not alone, and you can learn about the wonderful things you can experience by being a parent to someone that is gay, lesbian or asexual. They will also help you deal with your fears and maybe look at it from a different light.
Luckyhottubsandwhiches
April 18th, 2016 12:07pm
Do your best to tell them that they're still your child and you support them. Even though they have a diverse sexuality they are still your child and they love you just as much as you love them and support is what they need the most in those situations.
softLight60
February 14th, 2017 6:08am
They are your kid, they look up to you for everything. You should feel glad that they felt comfortable with opening up to you about such a personal topic. Right now they just need a support system from the ones that they love. It may not be ideal or what you imagined but at the end of the day that is still your kid and they need you to be there for them.
Pinkcarpet
December 5th, 2017 12:55pm
The same way you did when you thought they were straight. Encourage your child, teach positively, tell your child that the only important thing is to find someone who loves & respects him/her & makes him/her happy. The gender of the person who adores your child & ultimately makes them happier is irrelevant
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2018 1:50am
Chances are, it was pretty hard for them to tell you this. Let me tell you about when I came out to my mom about being bisexual. I came out of the closet on a rant of telling her some other things regarding my mental health. I had been wanting to do so for quite some time, but never had enough courage to do so. But I just did. At first, my mom was very supportive. I got the best initial response I could've asked for. She just said "Okay." and moved on. However, after a week or so, she started telling me that I'm not actually bisexual. She told me that she KNOWS I'm straight. She was right about the first part, I've recently discovered I'm not actually bisexual. I'm pansexual (meaning you feel attraction to anyone of any gender identity or sexual orientation, including non-binary people). But I still haven't told her this because she told me I'm straight, no questions asked. That was really damaging. I think the worst thing to do to someone when they come out to you is for YOU to tell THEM they gender identity/sexual orientation. I don't know if you support LGBTQ+. But if you don't, still be supportive. Your child really needs it, especially from you. Don't view them as gay/lesbian/asexual, view them as your child. And on ways to cope, discuss it with them. Now I know I said that the best response I could've asked for was when my mom didn't make a big deal of it, but have conversations about it doesn't mean you're making it a big deal. Try to understand where you child is coming from, try to find some common ground. Talk about it with them. It's okay to ask questions! They may not feel comfortable answering, and if they're not, certainly don't pressure them. But odds are that they'll be happy about you having an open mind. If you really need help with coping, there are probably support groups for parents out there.
ShaynaRae
February 5th, 2018 9:30am
I think it's important to take care of yourself too. For some of us, it's easy to support them and make them feel loved and secure. It's important that you demonstrate unconditional love to your child, but it's also important for you to take care of yourself. That could be therapy, a support group, or just taking time for yourself with friends.
endearingLion70
April 17th, 2018 1:50pm
Your child will always be your child you should try to honor and accept their life choices and still love and support them
Marynyc
July 28th, 2020 9:40am
Be there for them. Support them. If you think they are too young to really understand what it means, explain to them with simple and caring words, what being gay, lesbian, or asexual means. If they are old enough to understand it, then just be the loving and supportive parent they need you to be. Being a part of the LGBTQ community it's hard enough as it is, in this cruel society. But to know that they have the love and support of their own family, it could change their whole experience and it could make it easier for them to be themselves. Loving your children is accepting who they are.
athomeschool1234
September 15th, 2020 6:29pm
If you are having trouble coping with our child's sexuality then maybe you should find a support group to help you navigate your fears and concerns. Sometimes talking to someone who is going through the same experience can help quide you. They also may be able to provide you with education regarding the LQBT community. Finding out that your child's future is different than you imagined might make you feel that you are the morning the loss of your child. That may be normal. You do not have to go through this process alone and you should never be ashamed to ask for help.