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I tried to talk to someone about what happened to me, but they just said I should stop complaining. Are they right?

42 Answers
Last Updated: 08/03/2020 at 10:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
September 11th, 2014 9:25pm
No,If you feel like something is bothering you then the only way to feel better is by talking about it,don't take what they said literally they could of meant that you should try move forward and overcome what happened rather then just simply complaining about it is easier said then done but you just need to keep trying and you will feel much better.Dont think that you should not talk about things with people because if you just bottle it up you will feel worse.Move forward and you will feel much better ,I promise :)
October 1st, 2014 11:37pm
They're totally wrong and clearly not a useful person to talk to about anything important. Some people have too many issues of their own to have the patience required to listen anyone else's issues. They're not bad people, they're just not optimal listeners. Don't give up, you can find good listeners here. It's often easier to tell the big stuff to an anonymous stranger so you don't feel judged or fearful that it will come back at you in a bad way.
October 25th, 2014 6:08pm
Absolutely not-they are 100% wrong! Everyone is allowed to vent and share what they're feeling. Nobody should be made to feel like they can't open up and talk to people....what people don't understand is the people they're saying that to.....most of the time already have a really hard time opening up and saying anything at all, and then to be told that....unacceptable!
November 16th, 2014 4:56am
If you want them to be right, then they are right. But if you feel that what you are talking about is an issue, then they are in the wrong. You obviously trusted them and confided in them and that shows strength and courage, so are you complaining, no. You are just trying to get help! :)
November 18th, 2014 2:47pm
Absolutely not! If whatever you needed to talk about was important to you, there must be a place and time for you to actually share your story. We all need to blurt out our thoughts, fears, stories etc from time to time and for me it is inappropriate to just try and get someone off my chest by telling them to stop complaining. Of course there's a difference between nagging and talking, but assuming you did the latter, they're not right.
October 6th, 2014 7:54pm
Why would you think that? You should do what you think it.s better for you and what makes you feel better :3
November 5th, 2014 7:13am
No, if you feel the need to speak with someone, then you should do it. Do not bottle your feelings up.
June 12th, 2015 9:32am
If you have an event in your life that is bothersome and you can't get it off of your mind then it is worthy of discussing with someone. You just have to find the right person who is willing to listen without being judge mental! Everyone has the right to express themselves no matter how trivial it may seem to the next person! Sometimes just having someone listen attentively and compassionately may help to resolve or alleviate the stress that comes with what is nothing you so I beg to differ appropriately when it comes to releasing pent up feelings
November 30th, 2015 3:53am
Maybe stop talking to *them* about it. They clearly don't value or want to understand your feelings. If you've tried all you can to explain how you feel only to be rejected, then this person might not be the best one to talk to. You deserve to have someone to listen to you. No feeling is too small; if it matters to you, then it matters. Period. Hopefully you are able to find someone to talk to who cares about what you have to say, be it here on 7cups,or in your own life. Good luck my friend!
September 10th, 2014 10:25pm
I'm not sure. Tell me what happened to you and then I'll be able to tell you if they are right not.
October 8th, 2014 8:02pm
No, they are absolutely not right. You have every right to talk about what happened to you! Clearly this person is too self-absorbed to care about what others are going through.
October 9th, 2014 2:26am
It is never productive to ignore someone's feelings. If you need to express yourself and someone is brushing you aside as 'complaining' you may need to reevaluate who you are speaking to. You should feel safe to share your concerns and receive feedback in any relationship.
October 13th, 2014 4:12am
No they are not right. If you are in the need to talk to someone let them know that you want to be heard and not let down. Those that tell u just might not be able to help.
October 14th, 2014 5:53pm
No! Not everyone is able to listen without judging. Some people feel that when others talk about their negative things in their life they are complaining. However, you are just trying to find someone who is able to listen to you.
October 17th, 2014 8:33pm
Absolutely not. Them telling you that means that they arent supportive && wont help you through what happened. That's when you leave, && find someone better.
October 22nd, 2014 8:18pm
'Talking' and 'complaining' are different things. Keeping things to yourself can be very unhealthy - so talking is great - but complaining can also be damaging. The best thing is to share, to learn and to GROW from experiences, whether they be good or bad. No one has the right to silence you.
October 25th, 2014 3:02am
No, my friend! It is very healthy to talk about your feelings, and very brave to seek help! No matter what has happened to you or why, you deserve to be heard with compassion. Perhaps this person doesn't know how to support you, but there are many who will know how to do just that! Listeners at 7 Cups are here for you, no matter what, and we truly care. It is never complaining to simply need to be heard, or to seek help in any way! It is the best possible thing you can do!
October 26th, 2014 5:25pm
Not at all! Your emotions are totally valid. Everyone experiences hardships, and expressing your emotions is something that should never be discouraged.
October 26th, 2014 11:24pm
They are wrong. I recommend going to a more trusted individual and telling them what happened to you. Find someone who will value what you have to say, such as a parent or trusted adult.
October 27th, 2014 2:25am
Honestly, I wouldn't say they are right. Sometimes the person you are speaking to does not know how to respond to situations such as this. There are many people out there who are not comfortable hearing about difficulties or tragedies that people have faced and that is completely okay. If you ever need someone to speak to, you can always speak to someone here at 7 Cups. Remember, sometimes we just need to find the right person to speak. If it helps you get through whatever has happened to you, then definitely speak up and let someone know. We will always be here for you. Sending lots of love and hugs your way
October 29th, 2014 8:40am
I do not think, the only thing you can do is continue to protest for a fair go. Be patient :)
October 30th, 2014 8:35pm
Not at all! Sometimes people think that the best way to cope with emotions is by trying to make them "less real" by minimizing the experience or cause of them. They might also believe that your experience shouldn't have caused your emotions, because they would have reacted differently themselves. Your emotions are valid, and you have every right to vent and work through them. Whether you're frustrated, irritated, angry, seriously upset, or saddened, these are all things that you need to work through instead of keeping silent. The bottling up of emotions and frustration can have a serious impact on both mental and physical health.
November 3rd, 2014 5:19pm
Absolutely not. I don't know what it is that happened, but I'm sure if you feel the need to talk to someone about it then you should.
November 5th, 2014 3:35am
We all want to be listened to when we have problems. If you are telling everyone and trying to get attention, then you should stop. If this is a genuine experience that you need to work through, then they are wrong.
November 7th, 2014 2:04pm
You just might be talking to the wrong person. If you want to talk to somebody then maybe you should see someone. Nothing wrong with speaking with a professional just to talk.
November 14th, 2014 6:04am
No you have a problem doesn't matter if it's big or small you as a human have the right to talk about it, it's healthy to talk about your problems .
March 28th, 2015 7:06am
No. They aren't right whatsoever. If what happened to you impacted you physically, emotionally, mentally in a negative way, then talking about it isn't complaining. You're simply trying to speak to someone about your feelings and if they don't like it, you should talk to a professional or someone that can be more empathetic.
May 27th, 2015 12:40pm
It's perfectly normal to express how you're feeling. It's not meant to be carried forever. You're more than welcome to connect to the listeners here, who are here for you to talk to. I'm sorry you went through that, but don't think it's abnormal, or that you're alone for wanting to express yourself! :)
May 29th, 2015 6:40pm
No they are not right,you tried to seek help for something that happened to you. You weren't complaining.
June 5th, 2015 1:07am
No. If it matters to you that much, you shouldn't take what they said to heart. Often, those we try to talk to that react like this haven't been through the situations we have. If you're concerned about what happened to you, you could go see your GP and/or a counsellor.