Why do I constantly feel as though I am not good enough?
Last Updated: 07/17/2021 at 7:49am
Claudette Pretorius, MA Counselling Psychology
Licensed Professional Counselor
I know how overwhelming it can feel when you're having a tough time. I offer clients a space that is non-judgemental and empathetic whilst navigating these times together.
Top Rated Answers
This can happen often when we have spent so long surrounded by the high expectations that others have for us that we begin to take them on for ourselves (ie: parents expecting that their child will get straight 'A's ' that it becomes what the child lives for and if they get one 'B' they feel like they've failed or aren't good enough). Sure, it is good to have expectations and high goals for yourself but these need to be realistic. You are the only one who knows what you're facing so you need to be the one who sets the goals that you know you will be able to achieve. If you need to stay in bed for a day because you can't find the energy to get up, that's okay. It doesn't make you less of a person, you just had a bad day. I'll leave you with something my physics teacher told me. I had been stressing out all year about grades, feeling like I wasn't good enough. It came to exams and I ended up in hospital but I still tried to make it to tutorials. She came to me and said "You know what, I dont care if you mess this up. I would rather you just scrap a pass but were feeling better than push for a great grade and end up sicker. You matter more than one single event" That goes for you
There could be a number of reasons one would constantly feel not good enough. Having a low self esteem is one, mental health issues is another, past trauma , abuse, financial problems, are a several I feel would cause this belief.
I feel the same way about myelf so it's much easier for me to give my story as an example. I am a teen, smart A student, obedient enough and not at all rowdy or naughty. People at school always compliment me on how my parents must be proud of my marks. Telling me of how much their parents spoil them when they get a simple B on a test. Mine don't. As a 15 year old, I start to internalize all these things and wonder why my parents don't care that I'm number one on the top 10 or how I got 100% on an exam I didn't even study for. Perhaps I'm not good enough. I should try to be like my younger sister who always gets praised for even the most mundane things. Like washing the dishes or something. I want that. To get praised and acknowledged. But I'm i don't get it so I start internally lashing out at myself and comparing myself to my sister and other people. Maybe if I lost weight and started going out more instead of locking myself up, then my parents and family would start noticing me. I come from a big family, so receiving attention is something foreign to me. Maybe if I was stopped being so weird, I could actually get a girlfriend/ boyfriend. Friends have always told that I'm pretty so why do all my relationships end after a month. Am I boring? Then I try to force myself to like things I'm not interested in. My friends don't read so many books and they have boyfriends. So maybe I should stop too? Even though I love reading, i stop either way. Cool kids don't laugh at dorky jokes, they talk about labelled clothes and boyfriends. But I can't afford labelled clothes and I can't keep a boyfriend. What's wrong with me? There basically isn't a way to completely stop self loathing and the feeling of not being good enough. You might think being rich, older, smarter or prettier and slimmer might solve the problem but more insecurities will come along. My advice is that you should have that one friend you can always unload all you troubles unto. Or keep a diary. Hell, ranting out to an online buddy might help. Anything, but self harm.
Feeling down is a whole you can dig into the opposite side of the world, but extremely hard to dig yourself out of. You have to believe in yourself, and sometimes that means going out and finding something that makes you happy. You're amazing, just go out and find something that makes you feel that way.
For many reasons: First, there might be a chemical imbalance. Then we notice our own mistakes a lot more and tend to only see those, not our accomplishments. That doesn't mean you are not good enough!
Self confidence is the most important thing you must know what you are and what your limits are my motto DO WHAT YOU LOVE, LOVE WHAT YOU DO
That's the depression talking, you are and will always be good enough. your not alone. people care about you.
That is because we often try to hold ourselves to a higher standard that might not be where we can be right now. Take note when I say right now, because it does not mean we can never reach that standard. Sometimes we need to take a step back and say "I am good enough".
Well, this is kind of hard, but maybe you compare yourself to people too much. Maybe your parents keep pushing you. Whatever the case is, try to tell yourself that it is okay if you go your own pace. Don't compare yourself. I am pretty sure you are amazing at something, you just need to find it. I promise everything will be okay in the end.
As has been pointed out in another answer already, there's one thing that often contributes to not feeling "good enough". And that thing is how we view our own standards or ideals. For example, many people today are saying that they experience "impostor syndrome" at work. These are mostly young professionals who are relatively new in their fields. The most common reason? They perceive that their superiors are expecting them to perform like senior employees, and so they both behave and posture themselves as being more capable than they are. This is exhausting, and draining, and not very sustainable! And the truth is, that most superiors (when told the truth) give these young professionals more leeway to play around and even FAIL at what they try! It winds up being liberating and exciting for both parties! But of course, this reads as nothing more than an anecdote, and many times when we want to grow, be better, be "perfect" even, it's much harder to let go of our own high expectations. Maybe the easiest way to get started on that journey, and I speak from personal experience now, is to find a little solitary activity through which to practice your imperfection. And to expose yourself to it, but to find value in it. Maybe this could mean setting a stopwatch for a limited amount of time, and doing something creative? Or writing out a draft of a paragraph without simultaneously thinking about the editing? Find something good, or feel something authentic, in these "first drafts", because they're definitely there to be found. :)
Related Questions: Why do I constantly feel as though I am not good enough?
Why do I think everyone hates me?How can I stop feeling like I can't do anything well enough? I constantly feel inadequate and as a result I am extremely passive, have low boundaries, and can't make goals because I think I will fail.I have zero self confidence despite I try to act like I do, I feel bad because I'm a short man (5'6'') always feel like I'm inferior compared to others, how I can get over it ?I am very self-conscious, of essentially everything. How can I boost my self-esteem?Why do I always feel as though everyone is better than me? How to get rid of these feelings?How can one regain self-esteem after severe criticism at work? I constantly need reassurance. Why?Why do I hate myself sometimes but love myself other times?Why do I feel like everyone hates me?I never had boyfriend and everytime i like someone, they put me in friendzone and ask me to set them up with my friends. How do I get rid of my insecurities and stop overthinking about this?