Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Panda2026
1 1,376 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts183 Forum posts22 Forum upvotes54 Current upvotes54 Age GroupTeen Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceJuly 25, 2026
Bio

A revolution is coming but for now I need to redeem my mental health first

Recent forum posts
Panda2026 profile picture
Im getting tired
Trauma Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 September 29th
...See more Today was a normal day except for that I felt really depressed and mad and angry and I don’t know why. I have been through so much trauma from dying of sickness to bullying from friends, etc. today I cried silently on my way to school cuz I just couldn’t handle it anymore and was reminded of my friend who left me and I didn’t bother tryna stop myself from crying. Tgen I got to school and felt sick and like I was gonna collapse from depression but then eventually like 4-5 hrs later felt better but was mad at a teacher ciz it felt like she was helping too much w stuff i didnt need and then it felt like she was banging me (ik she didn’t mean to tho) so I felt trapped and mad for the rest of the lesson cuz I do not need another reputation of being incompetent. And then things calmed down until we (me and grouo of younger kids plus my friend) got told off for being too loud when actually me and my friend were fine but then the younger kids joined and started making things louder. After that I was fine (after I got rid of the anger at wjat just happened) but then I was tryna do work but my friend kept talking to me and im terrified about her mental health cuz I don’t want it to get to the level of mine. And then eventually I gave up working but then just got really depressed , mad, angry, and rageful and just wanted to scream but there was nothing new to the day that happened so why did my emotions change that quickly when I was fine a few seconds earlier. This has just been a normal day. It’s like if im listening to someones else’s troubles for too long it reminds me of my own which triggers so many past experiences and bottled up emotions to the point it just makes me feel like im losing my mind
Panda2026 profile picture
First time in my entire life I feel less alone
Disability Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 August 19th
...See more I wanna cry. I was walking through a mall and I saw someone with one crutch walking woth a little bit of a limp. He had no visible injury, no cast or anything I could see. I just can’t shake the feeling that he has a physical disability kinda similiar to mine *** and he also noticed me and he gave me a smile that I normally give to ppl to get them to stop staring at me. I just can’t shake the feeling that he is disabled like me. Just in that interaction I only got the vibe that hes just like me. I feel like I’m not alone anymore
Panda2026 profile picture
Anyone else feel this way?
Self-Esteem / by Panda2026
Last post
 August 13th
...See more Does anyone else feel threatened when people are kind? Or am I just weird?
Panda2026 profile picture
Idk what to call this
Depression Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 August 12th
...See more Today was my first day of school and I was so excited but now I am having suicidal thoughts. I am not in crisis this is just what it’s like when I’m sad so like it’s avg for me. This morning I tried to make a joke because my friend mixed up where to write smth and I stupidly forgot that she did t like that kind of stuff. After that she said to a diff friend that she wants to go to the LC (Individual needa corridor) for lunch but doesnt want to be alone so I offered to come and she just made a noise which I knew meant she didn’t want me there. After that tge teacher played a song that reminds me of a friend that I miss so much that it feels like he died (smth happened and he left me). Also (and this is such a spoilt thing to be really upset and stressed out about) but im in the first year of form 6 and 6 form used to be allowed to wear their own clothes but we found out tdy that starting next school year we have to wear uniform and ive also been really severely sad abt that and it’s such a spoilt thing to b sad abt but like I feel a lot more confident and like myself when I’m in my own clothes. And like this whole day i just kept having the same thought “Am I going to end up alone?”. I know ppl say live in the moment and im trying to but like I just can’t shake the feeling that im gonna end up alone. And ik ppl say live”the only person you need is you” and that you have to love yourself otherwise you will be lonely. But I want friends, I want people to laugh with, I want people I know wouldnt just leave. I want friends I can trust are actually my friends. I know it’s a big ask but Thats just what I want. I have friends but I don’t trust that their my friends cuz I’m used to having “friends” and then randomly finding out theyrenot actually there for me and wouldnt even notice if I was gone. Im trying to focus on work but all that does is shut me out from ppl and look like im not doing well. I just want to stop feeling lonely but ik that’ll never happen u less I get rid of my disability and my autism. Ik its not good to blame those things but honestly wothout them I would b normal
Panda2026 profile picture
Need a listener
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 July 30th
...See more Is there a listener that is good abt talking abt psychosis and those kinds of disorders? I don’t have a diagnosis of any personality disorder but I definetly have some of the struggles related to things like psychosis and stuff . I can’t reach a mental health professional rn cuz they’re away on break (the one my mom is looking at for me), I just feel terrified. Im not in crisis (well unless my whole life is crisis lol) but I need a listener
Panda2026 profile picture
Im so tired of this sh**
Autism Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 August 1st
...See more I need a break. I hate masking. I hate having to explain myself or put up with things that tire me out so quickly. I hate being terrified of losing friends cuz of my Autism evem tho ive literally been diagnosed with it. I also hate when ppl r like “don’t use autism as an excuse” LIKE BRO IM NOT USING IT AS AN EXCUSE! IT LITERALLY AFFECTS MY LIFE AND CAUSES ME SO MANY CHALLENEGS AND TRAUMA FROM SOCIAL LIFE AND ALSO JUST DAY TO DAY INTERACTIONS AND IM JUST TRYNA EXPLAIN WHY I DO THINGS THE WAY I DO! GIVE ME A BREAK! I don’t believe my Autism is a disability but sometimes it sure as *** feels like it is. Ive had like 2 or more ppl send me full on paragraphs abt why they don’t like my autostic traits (they didn’t say those exact words but more so just named or described my autostic traits amd say that they hate it). Isnt life just so fricken fun (sarcasm btw) 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Panda2026 profile picture
How am I supposed to cope with this?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 July 29th
...See more Im not diagnosed with any personality disorder but I have suspected that there might smth relating to tge personality disorders but thats not that important. I am scared of myself. Theres a part of me that evil amd manipulative and another Thats sweet and kind. I don’t rly know what to do. Im rly scared. I haven’t rly opened up to professionals abt it cuz I haven’t found the right one yet. It’s like part of me is a sadist while the other cares deeply. It’s tiring cuz the ppl that that part of me wants to harm is always the ppl i care abt the most. Im so tired of this 😭😭😭😭
Panda2026 profile picture
Grief
Depression Support / by Panda2026
Last post
 July 28th
...See more I want to allow myself to grieve the loss of my most important friendship but im tired of so much on greif being abt someone passing away. Im not trying to dismiss that pain or say mines worse in anyway i just feel like I’m Overeacting but I can’t think abt him (or amything that reminds me of him) wothout feeling like im gonna burst out into sobs and I feel like I hear him and see him wherever I go. Im so tired of it. And since hes male I feel like whenever I talk abt it it comes across like I had romantic feelings for him but I didn’t. Im just so done. And theres only very few times I can actually let myself feel my emotions (not only regarding this) wothout completly shutting down and getting mad or becoming completly emotionless and doing absolutely nothing and not even eating or drinking water or amything
Search more from @Panda2026
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
21 total badges
First Community First Post Hand Shake Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Bundled 7 Day Streak 14 Day Streak Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan’s Heart
Report an issue