23 and lost
I’m 23 years old neurodivergent and I feel totally lost in life. After struggling with my Associates for FOUR years( not because I’m not smart but because of toxic family), I quit and started a new program at a new school. Now after just one quarter, I am quitting and planning to move out for mental health. I did so well last quarter and the faculty love me and want me to stay and offered to help me find resources to leave my toxic family. But I want to leave all together and find peace of mind. I fear nothing will change, if I don’t physically separate myself from my family. How do I cope with future me problems like adjusting to the new city/state? Will I ever heal? And how do I cope with the damage done to my psyche? How do I stop the voices that tell me I’m making the wrong choice? I have big thoughts and feelings hitting me all at once. . A lot to prepare for the big move. I have no energy right now and am in a depressive episode. But I thought I’d reach out to my community for advice or even words of encouragement. Thank you for reading.
@RaccoonPhases
Big changes can send people into a depression..... the what ifs or overthinking can be exhausting ......it is scary to feel lost and unsure.
we can talk ourselves into the worse case scenarios and it brings me down. i look to friends whom i have seen doing things i thought were too much or too hard and i realized the difference is they did not talk themselves out of the change. It is about attitude IMO
Take a deep breath make the choices you need to make and believe the best will happen. One of the best feelings is DOING things we have never done ...to discover what we can truly do when in unknown territory.
@RaccoonPhases
@RaccoonPhases
Hello. I'm also Neurodivergent. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. I've had to distance myself from some family members before. I won't tell you that it gets better or easier because everyone's experience is different.
First of all, I want to congratulate you for commenting here because that's a good thing.
There isn't a certain timeline to heal, everyone's timeline is and looks different. In my experience, sometimes I learn as it goes when it comes to cutting family out.
Sometimes talking to people online helps me, maybe it can help you too
<3
@RaccoonPhases
Hey there! Its nice to meet you. I'm in my late 20's too and neruodivergent, so I do understand that it can be a struggle...
I'm sorry to hear that you struggled in school due to toxicity in your family. School is hard as it is. But good for you still persevering, even if that meant doing a new program. Remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to where you want to get to. Its super hard to study when we don't have the support from those around us.
Here are some of the questions that you asked...
How do I cope with future me problems like adjusting to the new city/state?
I'm not sure what you mean by "future me problems" completely but adjusting to a new city or new area is hard. I have moved around a lot in life and it doesn't really get any easier. But what helped me was to look into the area before I moved and plan out some things I wanted to do (it can be free/low cost) when I got there. This gets you familiar with the area and you feel a little less like a fish out of water ❤️😊
Will I ever heal?
Most of us will go through some really really hard times in life, and it sounds like you have had to deal with a lot. And I am truly sorry for that. I can't say if you will "heal" or not, but there is help for you out there that can support you in this next journey in life - Cups being one place!
We have a lot of sub communities here that you may really find helpful getting some support from
- Relationship Stress
- I know you mentioned that you're neurodivergent so we have ADHD and Autism sub communities!
- Living with a toxic family can be super traumatic too so the Trauma Support sub community could help too
And how do I cope with the damage done to my psyche?
I think by ^ this ^ you mean by your toxic family? It is definitely super hard to cope at times but thats why it's super awesome to have a support network if at all possible - I know, easier said than done.
There are resources on Cups that may be helpful for you ❤️
- Dealing With Toxic Family Relationships is written by one of our experts/therapists
-
We also have a Family Stress Self Help Guide that may be helpful
How do I stop the voices that tell me I’m making the wrong choice?
Whenever we are making big choices, it's completely normal to have that inner voice that doubts what we are doing. But something to remember is that you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you have any support system outside of Cups like friends or supportive, non toxic family members, then think about sharing this with them and seeing if they have anything to share with you too
I know this was a lot of information and I am of course not expecting you to answer me ❤️ Its totally okay if you don't. But I do hope that some of this information is helpful for you
Hi!
I moved out of my mom's place after being in that toxic state for years too long. I say do it!
If you think you need to move states even, go for it. My only advice would be to secure a job before up and moving (if you don't already have one) because living is expensive in today's world.
My family is equally toxic and I've finally come to a point where I can talk to my mom without having it backfire. (about 5 years since I've moved out to be away from family)
I think everybody is different so I can't say one way or another whether you'll be able to heal or not, but I can say I think I've healed a lot. I'm not 100% but I'd say about I'm at least at an 80%. (Hope that makes sense) and part of that is due to me choosing to work in the social work realm so that affects everything also.
I think you'll do great!
Work hard, dream harder.
