35+ Community Check-in December 14-17, 2020
Happy Monday to all of you in the 35+ community. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and you are all doing well 
Most of us just carry on, without celebrating the milestones of our journey. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are, each and every step, every win, deserves a pat on the back..Reward yourself when you have reached a goal (little or large).
What have you achieved this year for yourmental and physical health that you are grateful for and proud of? How did you or will you reward yourself?
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@amiablePeace77 Thank you for the prompt as well as the encouragement. I am proud of myself for protecting myself from the toxicity of others, even when they are disguised as family. I love my parents and sister very much but their consumption of alcohol and prescribing to that culture has been destructing our family since before I was born 43 years ago!
@greenErin9
I can only imagine what you have been through all these years, hugs. Good that you learned to protect yourself. Alcohol can destroy lives, not only the ones who are drinking but also all others around them sadly. Have they ever considered to get help like from AA?
@amiablePeace77
This year, I found 7cups for support on maintaining mental health. Things have been going quite well, but I never thought about a reward.
@courteousKitten4481
I am glad you found us and happy to have you in our community 
. Joining a self help site is a big step towards learning to cope with whatever you have to, so something to be really proud of. Rewarding yourself in little ways has benefits like for example production of happy hormones and increase of motivation. Of course, it does not mean rewards for every thing you do but still occasionally in my opinion.
I am happy that I was able to better manage being out of work this year than before. It may be because I've experienced it before but I think it's mostly because I'm learning to cope with my depression and anxiety and use the resources I can. I'm happy that despite the horrible pandemic and its consequences, I have only had a few horrible days. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to take it.
I don't think there's is any reward I have, but I do save up to buy books whenever I can. That's a huge 'self pampering' thing for me. 🙂
@plumBeechwood7549
It's great to hear how much you have improved your well-being 
I find books are a wonderful way to reward yourself , what is your favorite genre?
@amiablePeace77
I like mystery books a lot. But I can read almost anything.
Do you read too? What do you like?
@plumBeechwood7549
Mystery books are fun to read, one doesn't want to put the book aside - so interesting
I like biographies.
@amiablePeace77
i wear clean clothes every day even though I'm at home an no one sees me
@HappyDucky8
Happy I hear you, I find wearing clean clothes makes me feel good even if no one really sees it.
Hello
i am feeling quite stressed about Christmas coming.My son went out the country in Aug and stopped talking to me. I am not really certain why as he hasn't said why. I have a feeling it is because I spoke to his Dad about him leaving the country. He has not had much contact with his Dad in 10 years. He Dad messaged him that he didn't believe him about where he was as he had previously been lying about his address.
as if this wasn't enough I then fell out with my Mum as she had videoed chatted with him and not told me. My Mum also accused me of throwing my son out which is untrue and said I don't believe a word he says. During this time I was so concerned about his where abouts as I had not seen or spoken with him in 6 months. ( in Feb he was living at home). He is 23.
So I don't know if I should buy my Mum and Dad a present and card as I always do. I have felt up to now that that there is no point in a relationship if my Mum doesn't trust that I am being honest. Now I am just thinking should I just try and have a relationship from a distance , meaning that we are speaking but not get too involved with each other.
I have no idea what to do about my son it has been nearly 10 months now. It's a very difficult situation to be in. Any thoughts/ suggests would be appreciated. Thank you so much.
@xzy1000
Hey there..
I have been in similar situations... Relationships can be difficult. And FAMILY Relationships can be some of the most challenging at times. Because not only do we care about the person, and love them, but when negative situations arise our minds can say one thing (or even our words).. and our hearts can say another.
The thing I try to tell myself in these situations (as far as our parents go)... is that even though I might be on the outs with my mom at the time, that she is still my mom. And my only mom. I don't get another. So you might want to stop and ask yourself, "What would things be like if you left things in a negative way with your loved ones, and then something happened)? Could you live with that? Could you forgive yourself for not making things right with them? If your answer is "NO"... Then I suggest that you do whatever you feel is the right thing to do! Or make things right if that is what your heart is telling you. Even if it wasn't your fault. Sometimes we just have to forgive and let things go.
I had a similar situation with my own son.... he was seeing a female years ago that caused alot of issues in his life. And with the family. And it kept him away from us for awhile. And almost a year went by that we really didn't talk or have much of a relationship. But... in time, when HE was ready, he reached back out, apologized, and things have been well ever since. I just had to let go, and forgive, and make peace with things while it was going on. But in time he came around and realized how much his mom (me) and his family meant to him.
Your son is Young..... 23 is younger than we believe or think. They are really just getting out in the world, figuring themselves out, what they want... or maybe they are still immature (Which I felt my son was). Let your son figure things out for himself, but BE THERE for him, and continue to let him know that you are there for him and available to make things right. As well as your parents. If you feel you want to get them a Christmas gift, and that is what is in your heart to do, then just do it. It will make you feel better, and your heart and mind will be clear to receive whatever happens next.
sorry all I didn't mean to add to this thread I am new to writing posts so have abit of learning to do yet, please bear with me!
Politelocean
thank you so much for your in depth reply. It helps to hear from someone who has been through a similar situation. As up to now I haven't spoken to anyone who relates.
It make sense what you are saying and had not thought about just forgiving her / them perhaps as I am too caught up in the emotional pain this has / is causing me. Such a crap situation as I guess my Mum feels caught in the middle as I know for sure she woulld not want to upset my son.
I will give it some more thought, as I guess also I don't feel as if I could take if I did reach out and she doesn't respond it is bad enough that my son is doing that. I guess I got to do something though to find out.its if I feel strong enough to handle that.
Thank you so much I really appreciate your time.
Please welcome to our team @ouiCherie. She is our new Room Supporter for 35 + and Over
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@ouiCherie
Sending you a big welcome to the team, happy to have you here with us 
I found 7 Cups.. This enable me to help others and pay it foward.
@Derekfan7695
I can relate, helping others makes me feel good too. Glad you found the site.