Weekly Prompt #17: Are there any particular thoughts or worries that frequently occupy your mind?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: How does fear affect our decision-making process? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: Are there any particular thoughts or worries that frequently occupy your mind? How do you manage these intrusive thoughts?
This week I want us to reflect and explore this topic that can help us understand and explore intrusive thoughts. Let's get started and all thoughts are welcomed!
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I get anxious when i have to do things alone sometimes.
And i’m so scared of losing a loved one.
@bubbleSpruce7816 It's understandable to feel anxious when facing challenges alone and to feel scared about losing loved ones. You're not alone in experiencing difficult emotions. What thoughts tend to come up for you when you feel that way?
My own shortcomings. People. Driving. Parenting. Family issues. Health issues. Obligations. The combination of all of these and trying to improve myself, restart a career and a path to achievement, and no time for all of it.
@helpfulPrune3049 It sounds like you're experiencing a heavy load of responsibilities and goals right now. Reflecting on all the things you mentioned, how are you currently feeling about it all? You aren't alone in facing difficulties, and I'm glad you chose to share here.
Thank you for saying that. Although I don’t like to complain, I have to say, I feel a crushing feeling from the moment I wake up. I’m having a hard time managing, and I try to give myself encouraging and positive thoughts, but I end up burnt out. I have no one to talk to as to not bother anyone, so I get lonely as well.
@helpfulPrune3049 I understand this feeling of being crushed from the moment you wake up can feel overwhelming. It shows strength that you try to give yourself encouraging thoughts, though it's difficult to not feel burnt out without support.
@ASilentObserver it's really silly actually but just consumes me like crazy i just find every single thing i utter from my mouth is the stupidest thing ever and sometimes i don't even know what the *** i just said so i weird people out , a bad guess is that i think too much i read tons of books about the importance of words and how influential it is and how attractive people talk and i really wanna sound funny and smart MY BIGGEST fear is being a boring person so i try to come up with something smart to say so i end up saying something weird and unfunny so i tried just saying whatever comes to my mind with no filters and it's even weirder and unfunny and unmature im surronded my attractive minds so i feel the constant insecurity about my personality i am not the friendliest i have been an introvert for a good minute so i forgot how to be socially smart like i see live examples of women not so pretty but well spoken and fun they own whatever room they go into and i feel jealous that im boring i'd rather stay silent than saying anything at all then i complain that i have no one around but i do have people i just can't connect with them properly i just wanna attract people and make them attach to me and love my company and miss me lots when im not there i wanna have a great mind and well spoken personality i wanna be funny and smart
I feel like every single person has their own charm, and their own crowd that would appreciate them as they are. Pleasing others is very stressful, so it’s the best thing to appreciate all the wonderful things about yourself and just project that into the world. That way you’ll attract people that would love you for who you are.
@helpfulPrune3049 it's just im surrounded with such attractive ppl so i feel the competition in me to seek for a better version of myself but unfortunately some qualities i can't have them or i don't know how to learn such qualities so i always feel there's hope for me to make myself the image i drew for myself
If you don’t mind me asking, what qualities do you hope to have? Some qualities eventually just come with interaction, when you feel more comfortable.
@helpfulPrune3049 i want to be a better conversationalist i want to find stuff to say without saying off putting uninteresting stuff to say to just continue the convo completely weirding out whoever im talking to i want to be funny i want to get what i want through talking alot of women in my family and friends use it to get some people to do for them stuff without feeling pressured to do so i want to make meaningful conversation that brings out the hidden in people so that they comfortable enough to be around me and trust me to say whatever
@crimsonGrapefruit8587 It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be the perfect conversationalist. Comparing ourselves to others can often lead to feelings of insecurity. You are not alone in wanting to connect meaningfully with others. What are some things you appreciate about yourself as a person?
@ASilentObserver I really hope this doesn't get taken for more than what it is...
I have great deep desire that never goes away about wanting to be a little boy instead of a teen.
It's near obsessive, it hurts (makes me feel deeply sad no matter what's going on in my life).
I manage it by... well... honestly I cannot manage it, I can only suppress it (which is not only difficult but also not sustainable), one easy thing is distractions but it's short-term... and another thing is that it used to be a lot worse, I used to cry like every week just due to the thoughts, now I don't but I'm in this continual state of subconscious/unconscious emptiness.
P.S: Quiet a bit anxious about this comment... 😓
@Archer468 Thank you for sharing your feelings with us, Archer. It sounds like this desire causes you a lot of deep sadness that is difficult to manage. What helps you feel seen and understood during these times? Please know we are all here with you and it is okay to feel anxious. You are not alone.
@ASilentObserver Thank you, that's true, it does cause sadness... what makes me feel seen? well, fortunately just expressing myself which I think I'm already doing, what's more important is not getting harshly judged by other people.
@Archer468
me too
@ASilentObserver AI.
@SilverRailey Can you please share more? silver
@ASilentObserver well, as ELON MASK said "AI is far more dangerous". and look what people can do now with AI, WHAT ABOUT 5 years or 10 years from now, how scary will it be??
that's why m worried more about AI than WWW3.
@SilverRailey I hear your concerns about how AI may continue developing and the impact it could have. Your worries about the future are understandable. What in particular fuels your thoughts on this? However you feel is okay.
@SilverRailey
that is pretty concerning
@ASilentObserver
I play the "what if" game all the time.
what if I could have saved her
what if the few friends I have are not really my friends?
what if I never get passed my adhd, depression, and anxiety?
what if I am the reason so many people around me have passed away?
what if I lose my mind to the point that I wake up strapped down to a bed or in a straitjacket?
what if my one friend passes away today?
what if my mom doesn't make it home?
what if my boyfriend gets hurt too badly?
what if my mother is already gone and I never get to find peace?
or what if she tries to take me against my will?
what if I'm not strong enough to fight my way out?
what if everyone is gone and I end up alone?
what if I lose myself, and nobody can help me?
If only I could stop these thoughts. but they just keep coming, so I try to drown them out. but they just get louder.
Other times I manage to not think about it, but later feel guilty, because I should be worried about my family, how dare I ignore that, I'm terrible for not worrying about the ones who I love. how can I even say I love them if I don't worry.
then I play the "blame game":
It is my fault they are gone.
I don't deserve them
I am not worth the love they give me
why do they care about me? they should be running away, before something bad happens to them too. and when it does, it will be myself at fault once more, for not warning them, for not pushing them away.
But I can't push them away, I need them. I have nothing else.
God, why am I so selfish??? how can I say I love them when I only seem to have my own needs in mind.
I hate the back and forth battle.
@Lillypad176 Thank you for sharing so openly. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of difficult thoughts and emotions. You care deeply for your loved ones and it is understandable to worry, yet blaming oneself often does more harm than good. How can you show self-compassion during this challenging time?
@ASilentObserver
thats what ive been trying to figure out
@Lillypad176 that is okay. We will figure out together. You are not alone in this.
It's 'I will never found love again'. As to how i manage them often time i just suppress them by working on stuff. Cause sometime i just feel powerless to stop it. Nothing seems to work. So i'm forced to used some extreme measures to ground myself or risk it becoming a bigger problem 😔.
@RhysThe3rd It sounds like feelings of loneliness and being powerless are weighing heavily on you. Those emotions can be so difficult to face alone. Want to share more about it?
Yeah, i've spent most of my time running from the thought. I do this by focusing on my studies. I went as far burning myself out so that i never had the time to let the thought resurface.
It's just been very difficult. To live a paradox of not wanting for this thought to resurface but at the same time feeding it by holding it as a core believe. I isolate myself whenever i feel this negative emotion. There's simply no one to call for help. I'm all by myself.
Yesterday i had a tantrum because i let my personal problem interfere with my responsibilities. I just wanna give up. I feel as if i'll just play this game of running away forever. But my body won't let me. I always hesitated, which only fueled my frustration. So i screamed, some things were smashed, wardrobe were punched. The thought that i'll have to wake up another day and experience this again just.... So that's where the extreme grounding technique comes in.
@RhysThe3rd It sounds like you have been struggling with difficult thoughts and emotions for some time now. I can understand how isolating yourself and burning yourself out in your studies was a way to cope, but it doesn't seem to have brought much relief or peace. You must feel exhausted. What has it been like to carry this burden alone for so long?
It was very challenging. Every day feels like a three front war. Sometimes i won the battle sometime i capitulate. I often feel like i have no one to talk to.
@RhysThe3rd It sounds like you are experiencing a lot each day that can feel overwhelming. Having challenges without feeling supported can make it even harder.
Rats, rat bait stations and anything that might have been touched by a rat cripples me. I have a family friend who fell into a coma and passed away suddenly became he came to contact with rat urine.
Ever since, I go out of way to avoid those deadly creatures.
@KiwiFresh I understand this must be very difficult for you. Having such a frightening experience could understandably make anyone avoid rats and anything related. You must feel very alone in dealing with this. Just know that you are not alone, and that with time and support these feelings may lessen. How does living with that fear affect your daily life?
@ASilentObserver I developed OCD in compulsive washing of things that I fear to be contamined by rats. Avoiding places where rats are known to be at and going out at night. An invisible prison that no other will understand.
@KiwiFresh I understand this must feel very isolating. Your fear of contamination and avoidance sounds like it takes a toll. You mentioned feeling imprisoned - is there anything that brings you a sense of freedom or relief, even if just for a moment? Please know we are all here for you Kiwi.
@ASilentObserver Well, staying at home helps. But I can't do that always. There are after office drinks with colleagues, dinner sessions with friends. Sadly, I have been making excuses and turned them down over years for fear of encountering rats. Social life get affected much but this is the dark secret which I have no one in real life to turn to.
@KiwiFresh hmm,i get that. It must feel difficult to have kept this fear secret for so long and have let opportunities for social connection pass by. How has it impacted your sense of well-being over the years?
@ASilentObserver
My thoughts are that ima relying to much on my family and not not being self sufficient. Idk I don't really have a coping strategy I jus over think alot lol
@SystemFireSkye Hi Skye, good to see you! Hope you are taking easy on yourself. Thank you for opening up with me. It sounds like relying too much on family and overthinking are weighing on you. If I can ask you, what's fueling those thoughts? We are all here with you to listen to and to support
@ASilentObserver
HIya obs it's great to see you. As for my thoughts I sometimes wonder if I should be more...self sufficient, I guess. I bounce back and forth between thinking I'm treated and act to much like a child and thinking that maybe it is for the best.
Currently the main repeating thought in my head are the flashbacks I'm getting from my sexual abuse when I was about 8 or 9. My classmate was abusing me during the classes and then following me after school. Nobody knew until a few months ago.
The flashbacks happen when my husband touches me and it feels like my past abuse is happening in the present and I get severe anxiety and panic attacks.
I live in constant worry and fear that I will never be able to enjoy my intimate life again. I feel like a broken toy sometimes, damaged goods. But I have hope, my husband is supporting me a lot and yesterday after a long time I finally had no panic attack 💪🙏
@mish3l Thank you for opening up and sharing with us <3 I'm so sorry to hear about the trauma and abuse you endured as a child. The flashbacks and anxiety you experience are completely understandable as a response to such a violation of trust and safety. You have made progress in finding safety with your husband, and your strength in overcoming panic is inspiring. Please know that you did nothing to deserve harm. We are all here with you in this. <3
@ASilentObserver thank you Obs 🙏❤️ Btw. your gifs always make me smile :)
"Your did nothing to deserve harm" - I am sorry but I still cannot bring myself to see it this way even though everybody says it was not my fault 🙈 I blame myself because, you know, I actually agreed to it. He asked me whether I want to do it with him but I thought he meant some kind of a card game (lol on me🤦🏻♀️), and I wanted him to stop bothering me do i could focus on the class so I said yes. I think I will remember it until the end of my life, the worst mistake I have ever made. And then there was no way out of it, he did not want to stop. I was a naive little kid, I didn't even know what a kiss was.
@mish3l I hear this memory from your past brings you deep hurt and regret. It's so understandable you would blame yourself, yet none of it was your fault. You were just a child deserving of safety. Your resilience in surviving such a trauma is inspiring. You did nothing wrong - you are whole and worthy as you are. Take your time and know you have us here with you. I am glad gifs help you make smile <3
