Weekly Prompt #18: What are your main sources of stress in your life?

@ASilentObserver

Social anxiety. It affects my day to day life a lot.

Hence, also affecting my work :/

@ASilentObserver Family, People, The Future, Relationships. Basically sums it up.

My Dad is a big sorce of stress for me since he tries to show that he cares, but he treats everyone like we're 5 years old or something. Like tonight for my own supper I made Ramen (Ramyeon for me) and yet Dad started an argument (and said I was the one aruging!-that's what my parents say i do whenever i disagree with something) about the fact I had the "water on too high" (Max) well unless I want to wait all *** night for supper, of course I have it on dam Max! When its time to put in the salty flavouring&the noodles that's when I'm going to be turning the dam thing down! And during the argument he said "Do you want to forget about tomorrow?" (we're going to a shooting range tomorrow been the first time in awhile we been there).

I got my ramyeon instructions straight from Mom who also eats Ramyeon and on the orgional recipe (long lost) it says to turn it down the stove volume to 5 when its time to put the noodles&flavouring in. But like I said Dad treats everyone like they're 5.

@ASilentObserver

I can name the big cause of stress in my life.

1. Money

2. Work

3. Family relationshiip

While I'm thinking about it. One of my peers from the program died last week after a hit-and-run in her town near the Tim Hortons' we normally go too in the town.. The viewing and furneal's on Monday and Mom and I are planning to go (Mom didn't know the woman, and I barley knew her) to support the woman's family. I think I'm going to skip October's get-together because I want to get Harvey's food next week because I'm kind of tired of Tim Hortons' food. But as I said, I wasn't really know the woman-

Well I'm thinking of my program- there were issues that kind of bothered me at the program the first one is that check in took FOREVER to get done when the program was in-person. It because they would allow people to go on and on, and on. So either it took a long time to get to me, or it would take a long time to get done (and we could get on with the first half of the day) if I got to go first. Oh and one last thing it will show up again later- if someone had something they're trying to deal with (absuive boyfriend, etc) they would normally be allowed to talk about it. Keep this in mind for later.

The next three accounts will be about lack of commucation from the peer leaders in one story I will refer to a leader as "Briar" because to me she was like that (I have 2 other stories also involving her but those are afterwards)-oh and for simple's sakes, I'm going to use code names for my town (Willow), the program's/friend's town (Achilles), Mall town (Pickwick), another town (Oliver) and for a City (Toto).

First time there was a lack of commucation was back in 2014- there's some background information here-at this time, the leaders in 2013/2014 didn't have an office or a way to hook up the phone to the buzzer for when they did get an office in the program room- and since the program is in an apartment building-we needed to be buzzed in so at this point in time there's was like 1/2 of a sandwhich board with a doorbell that we're suppose to use to you know, buzz in to the program.

Now what happened is I didn't go to the program on Chinese New Year's Monday in 2014 was because if I remember correctly frostbite weather. So what I was unaware of either that Thursday, or the following Thursday-was that a pipe burst in the office-so that (program)- was closed for awhile -so because I was unaware I went on the Thursday and I was totatlly confused about why there was no "doorbell" until I saw a note on the door-saying that program was closed. And this was about 10am in the morning- and I had meltdown because I didn't know how to deal with a disruption like that because I had gotten into a routine by that point into going twice a week to the program w/ exceptions of course!.

I was able to calm myself down and went down the hill and returned to my town and called Mom (who was just leaving for work) from my church. This was when I started advocating for a phone tree.

The 2nd incident happened in Winter 2016-Now there's two things you need to know here. One I have a very good memory so when People say "We will do E about G" if they change it to "We told you C" I will get really *** off about it. The other thing is that at this time, I was only going to the program once a week, due to being in an employment program which was a utter waste of my time(but that program is a totally another story).

Now my program was planning on going to the Major Museum, in Toto - and we're would be going on a Monday (so I could go as well)- now for maybe 2 months before we're going to the museum the leaders would say that they're would deal with lunch business (ie they would make sandwhiches,etc) but another 2 weeks before then they were then saying that before people got to the building for the field trip they're going to be talking to I guess their boss (Even though all 3 were from different units) but they still said they would "take care" of lunch still.

Now I turned up on Monday of the field trip looked around and saw no paper bags or any other sign of food and one of the leaders Briar said "We told you to bring your own food". Can you guess how *** off I was about that?

And I was even more *** when i found out they're had only been telling people that on previous Wednesday (a day I wouldn't normally go) and the previous Thursday (when I wasn't there)! I'm just gratefully I had a bank card by that point or else I would have had major problems about lunch because I hadn't brought a lunch with me since I was expecting the program to provide it.

The last incident- March 2019. Now sometimes for lunches at the building my program had potlucks-and when we had potlucks my Mom would make a cake for me and I would take it to the event. Now this Monday was March Break week for school, and this Monday my parents were going to drop me off at (program) and go back to Willow for Mom's doctor's appointment up where I used to wait for a bus to (Oliver) to get to college after getting one bus outside my door to get up to the other street.

Now at the time there was construction happening outside the program's building that year, and also I was trying to help out the program by instead of them dumping the coffee grinds(?) into the garbage by bringing the stuff home for composting. Oh and there's an grocery store that's next door to the apartment building (which will come into play) that we normally get some of the food stuff for lunches when it wasn't potluck days. Oh and one last thing, we just got the program's office's phones hooked up to the apartment buzzer

So the plan this particular day was I was to go spend my day (10am-1:45pm) at the program, parents would go to the doctor's office for somekind of appointment, and they would return to get me in the afternoon and the three of us would go see a movie.

Now what actually happened is I got dropped off and I went into the "lobby" to get buzzed in and I saw a sign on the board about "program closed because of water shut-off" and Dad's car was just leaving when I went back outside and I tried to chase after it (It had to go around the building due to the construction, as well as the fact you can't turn left on the street outside the building)- but with me being loaded down with cake, the empty container for coffee grinds, and a backpack, I couldn't really chase after the car fairly well.

And I was so upset I couldn't remember the family Doctor's name, all I could remember was what streets the doctor's clinic was on. Not that it helped me in either way because a)I was the only one with a phone and b)the phone wasn't wi-fi connect.

I went to the store next door and I put my cake on the stairs leading up to the 2nd floor and one woman manager came down and said "to go to Achilles' Library" but at that time, I didn't know where it was and even if I *had* known where it was I would have been too far to carry a heavy cake (not to mention, I probably wouldn't be allowed in with the "outside food" as well),

After that manager left me still upset and shaken up, another manager a male- came up and asked me what my problem was and I told him and he helped me out by looking up the clinics in Willow on his cellphone and It took me a couple of tries but the receptionist at the 2nd clinic said I wasn't calling the right clinic and she would call the righ clinic and get my parents. I was so upset I forgot to tell her to pass the message to the parents I was at the grocery store.

So it was a good thing Dad had to go around the apartment building again because I guess he wasn't obviosuly thinking of the fact why would I be at the apartment building when there's no program/ or how the heck could I have semi get into the touch with them, when I had no access to the internet?!!

Last two things I will take about is two more "Briar" stories.

The first of the two stories (i can't remember what year it was 2018 maybe) I will related is related to another field trip to Toto this case to see a baseball game with some colourful birds playing. This was either my third or maybe my fourth trip to see a game. Now for the last 2 trips to a baseball game in the city- we took the public transit from our towns (Oliver/Willow/Achillies/Pickering) to Toto. I have to mention the other two leaders, the one from Oliver I will call Kristy and the other one I will call Raven.

Now I guess whoever had the role that Raven had at that point, (it changed so much, I'm starting to joke about it being cursed like a teaching postion in a magical book series)-is responsible for getting a group pass-at this point it was a paper pass, but the pass was only vaild, from the point the leader got on to the point where we got off and vice versa. So if you had someones who got on somewhere before Point B the pass isn't vaild for them. And I'm going to call one peer who also lives in Willow with the name "Blair". (not his name).

I don't know if its obvious, from my train information. but I'm an expert rider of this commuter train system because of growing up on it for trips with Mom to the city for either "fun" or for my specalist's appointments.

So in the week leading up to the program- I was going to get on the train in Willow, and Kristy said she *might* be getting on the train in Willow, the day of the game comes me and Blair are the only ones at the Willow Station and no sign of Kristy at all. I luckily happened to tap my transit card on one of the machines at the station don't know what Blair did. Kristy, and Raven (As well as some peers including the now blind friend I mentioned in other posts) both got on at the Achillies station and Raven had the the paper group pass. And Briar and 1-2 others got on at the Pickwick Station.

Now when we're going back to our homes when we're at the main train staton in the city- I tapped my transit card before I got on the esclator up to the platform.

Now on the way home.. I mentioned I tapped my card, or something about tranist payment come up and Briar and I ended up in basically a never ending loop of conversation of her saying I should get the group pass from Raven and me trying to explain that wouldn't work because it "expired" in Ajax and wouldn't be vaild for me and Blair and it continue until Briar got off at Pickwick Station.

Basically if we had taken it and didn't have a vaild, "backup" payment ability (ie tapping the card at Toto station before going up to the platform) and a conductor *might* have come from to inspect- we (Blair and I) could be faced a fine of some sort (in October of this year a first offence is $35 so don't know what it was at the time). I think she lacks the knowledge I have because she's more of a driver then she is a commuter like I am. And the other two leaders and everyone *but* Blair and I got off in Achilles'. While Blair and I returned back to Willow and I tapped my card again to let the system know "trip's done".

The other major story that involves Briar is related to a schoolmate's death. I will call the late Schoolmate Axel, and I will refer to his surving sisters as Ameilla and Alice. Amellia the oldest of Axel's two sisters, is my sister's age (41) . I know its not important to the story but when Axel and I were still in school both is parents died, I believe their Dad died in the 2nd half of Gr. 10 for Axel and I . And his mom died, not too long before that maybe a, year or two at the most. And I will refer to my sister as "Luna".

Now its Decemeber of 2018 its almost time for the Christmas break from stuff- so on Wednesday I went to church to do my volunteer job and sometime in the afternoon we got a call from my sister, Luna and she told our Mom who answered the phone that Amelia had posted on *** about Axel's passing and when the viewing and the furneal was going to be.

The next day a Thursday would have been a happy day because a lot of fun activies to do at the program because it was a big hoilday party. But I wasn't really in the mood to celabrate do to the news of Axel's death and at the check in when it was *my* turn to check in I wanted to talk about the upseting news but Briar said something along the lines "good stuff only today".

Which was completely unfair and it also meant throughout the entire day when peers saw me being I guess the best way to describe it was "down in the dumps" when they talked to me I had to talk to each one indivually about the upsetting news as opposed to sharing it openly with everyone at the check-in.

And when I tried to talk to Briar about it-I forgot what she actually said but she might as well as said "I don't care". if it wasn't for the potluck that day- I would have gone straight home after Briar's attitude of "Happy things only today" at check-in. Now if I had been allowed to talk about the upsetting news at check-in-, I might have actually been able to enjoy the activies they had that day- but I can't remember if I joined in any but if I did, I wasn't really enjoying myself because of the upsetting news.

And that's not counting the minor things like Briar picking on me for "leaving a mess" on the table I ate at and tells me to clean it up (yet as of 2017/18 we had what I can only call a chore sheet and we 'signed up' to do different 'chores'- for the program, helping with lunch-shopping, preparing food for lunch, on non-potluck days, cleaning the seperate (locked) washrooms we-use, vaccumming, wiping the tables, collecting the garabge/recyling-had to constantly make a ton of annocuments that Tim Hortons' coffe cups were garabge and not recycleable when I did that job-, and washing the dishes)- and yet whenever I signed up to do the table wiping chore, I found some of my peers are even *more* messier then me! And yet Briar only ever picked on me for MY mess!

And I really sorry about the busload of stories in this one post. So hopefully you're able to read each other pretty well. I tried to pagraph the stories out a little bit so its not a "giant wall of text" to read.

testing 1,2,3

If i will have to d1e without knowing what it feels like to be loved at least once.

I just remember another stresser (I'm trying to find my thread on another site, about issues with Dad/Luna) to put on the thread I started here. The thing I just remember is I get stressed for some reason (Maybe anxiety that's related to routine being disrupted?) - when we get low on Orange Juice or Milk - I have OJ 7 days a week for either breakfast (Wed/Thursdays), or for Lunch (Monday, Tuesdays, Fridays, Sat and Sundays), I use milk more- I have choclate milk every night for supper, but depending on the time of year, between Dad's cereal or oatmeal, cold coffee, all 7 days a weeks if he gets up at the right time (pre 11am), and ebeside my choclate milk, I have "Dad's breakfast" as well on "shopping days" (either Thursday or Friday depending on reasons), i sometimes once a month have a 'better' version of coffee, or some hot choclate (sometimes with a "Nestle's Carnation choclate package-aka After Eight, Areo's S'more,s or Turtle choclate or with me adding some kind of flavouring -like orange/pepermint things from the cubpoard)- to drink at home, on a Tuesday afternoons, or during the summer Mom makes smoothies for the two of us. Or she (or Dad) helps me make Iced Cofee/Iced Hot Choclate. And I occasioanlly have a pudding (chocllate, Butterscotch or think it was Toffee)- and that uses milk as well.

So when we get low -I get really stressed about it to the point I "argue" (according to my parents) about them (er Dad) buying milk or OJ. Like early this year Mom got made at me for constantly bugging them about "no OJ" because we're low on OJ- and Dad didn't buy any back up because he's a chepsteak the previous week and Mom said "shut up and eat , or I will take the paper somewhere else to read" .