Weekly Prompt #18: What are your main sources of stress in your life?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Are there any particular thoughts or worries that frequently occupy your mind? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your main sources of stress in your life?
This week I want us to reflect and explore this topic that can help us understand and explore the sources of our stress. Please take a moment to identify the areas that are causing you the most stress. Let's get started and all thoughts are welcomed!
Note: A helpful tip from @hope : "I recommend the book 'How to stop worrying and start living'. You can find the audiobook on YouTube"
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i'm so grumpy with my Dad because for the third time he's "misinformed" about what Mom does or doesn't drink.
This time Dad was trying to claim "Mom doesn't drink OJ every day" when I said we needed to get more OJ. I know better.
In 2016 he tried to claim that Mom only ordered water when out at a resturant. I been going out with Mom since I was 4 to resturants and I don't remember ordering water once. She like me will order ice tea unless we're in an Asian Fusion resturant then she might order hot tea for *both* of us.
and earlier this year(?) we're trying to get more Cola and (Store brand) is no longer making the Pepsi version of Cola but only making the Coca Cola's brand of Cola.. and when I said Mom prefered the (blue brand) Dad is like "When does Mom ever drink pop?" I mean come on I only have like half a cup of the Pop can of whatever the flavour of the week is and give whatever's left in the can to Mom to drink?!
@Disneywoman It is really frustrating to feel like your dad does not accurately understand your mom's habits and preferences. It is totally understandable you would feel annoyed being misinformed about something you know well from experience. Your care and understanding of your mom's tastes come from spending quality time together over the years. How does it make you feel when the details get mixed up like that?
@ASilentObserver really grumpy because Dad thinks I'm "nitpicking" with him.
sorry for what will be a triple post!
But both my parents are so illogical about stuff they need to do. I will talk about Dad first.
When we go shopping at Costco after going up and down the aisles in the direction of the Freezer section we will go buy where Dad will buy bulk hummus sometimes and then instead of going straight ahead to the bread area where our breads are Dad instead turns in the direction of the cash registers and go up and down the mini-aisles in the middle of the store's floor and then if we need bread we have to backtrack 5-10mins ALL the way back to the bread section and that's so illogical and Dad doesn't like it that I'm "bugging" him about it almost every week. It just to me it would make more sense to get bread first when we're so close to it before going up and down the mini-aisle in the mood of the shop floor?
And with Mom I don't know *why* she has pysothepary appointments but she does. And they're almost always at 1:30pm. Well every single time she has one of these appointments she INSISTS on doing some kind of laundry-today its towels so it means she barley gets to eat anything before she has to get going she could only eat her crackers and cheese and not the fruit she made for the 2 of us or yogurt-both will be her "snack" later after supper.
If I was in her shoes I would save the laundry stuff till another day and focus on making fruit and eatting before having to get out of the house for an appointment.
@Disneywoman Thank you for adding more thoughts, Disney. I understand how overwhelming all of it is. It sounds like the shopping and appointment routines have been frustrating. Feeling like priorities aren't aligned can be stressful.
@ASilentObserver I forgot to mention with Mom its not just the pyschothepary appointments -My Mom also does this kind of stuff like if she's going to a hair dresser's or last week, when Mom and I had to go to a furneal of a member of the day-program.
Dad and I played some more baseball today. Well when we walked out the door I asked Dad if we needed to lock it and Dad said no. But that's what totally baffled me because he normally locks the door ieven if we're talking a walk around the block or going up to Dairy Queen's iin the car. Before I got my fanny pack or "bum bag- I didn't take a key if I'm was expecting to be dropped off and later picked up by Dad. Like once the other year Dad drove me over to Dairy Queen's which is only a 44min drive from the house and Dad *still* locked the door and except me to unlock the door. Um my Key is inside the house? How am I suppose to unlock the door when tmy key is inside the house? And mom was baking in the kitchen that day so even *less* of a reason then normal to lock the door.
And he did it in Sept/Oct of that year as well because of when I went to East Side Mario for someone's birthday I had left the door unlocked (again before a fanny pack/bum bag) so i didn't have a key on me when Dad picked me up and returned me home.
Actually this is going to be a 4 part post The next part is still about keys through but in a different context.
@Disneywoman It seems this situation with your dad locking the door left you feeling confused. Not having a key when expected to come back must have been frustrating. You seem thoughtful in noticing your dad's usual habits with locking up. What were some of the thoughts going through your mind in those moments?
@ASilentObserver the inner door being locked is not as bad as Dad's dead-bolting habbit of the Screen door. Its so annoying the screen door being deadbolted and not just on me, but also Mom to te point we have to put a note up saying PLEASE DO NOT LOCK THE SCREEN DOOR.
@Disneywoman It sounds like the locked screen door is causing frustration for both you and your mom. I hear this is an ongoing issue that's led you to leave notes, yet the habit continues. This lack of consideration must feel difficult. How are you coping with this situation?
@ASilentObserver I'm getting to the point that I want to lock the deadbolt on Dad when he's out (along as Mom isn't out as well)-and then use somekind of B.S. that Dad use like "Oh the Wind must have done it" because that was his last excuse on Thursday, March 12, 2020. before he took the deadbolt off and then put it back on by October 2020 because he didn't like the door being a Thumper.
And with the key. Now after I got a fanny pack/bum bag - because of not a lot of pockets in it, Mom "tied" the laynard to a loop on the fanny pack and I put the keys and extra (like a shopping cart token I found this summer) into a pocket in the front behind the "loop". Something you need to know is that in the colder months the inner door jams so its different to get the door to open. It took until like I think March at least (might have been April?) before Dad realized my key was still connect to me when I try to open the door because he kept yelling at me for the first 2 months about "taking the key out of the lock" but he wanted me to "get out of the way" for him to be able to unlock the door and for me to do that- it means when I took several steps back the key comes ot of the lock sort of automcially?
@Disneywoman I hear you Disney. Not being heard or understood can feel discouraging.
@ASilentObserver
Work. Only work.
My boss is a micromanager, prone to exploding with negative emotions. She keeps coming in to evaluate my space. She has issues with all the bonuses I do that make her look good in the long run. She lashes out when you don't include her in everything. Then she turns around and asks how your weekend is or compliments me.
@neatBlueberry5213 thank you for opening up and sharing with us, berry. It sounds like working with your boss can be emotionally draining at times, with her unpredictability and micromanaging ways. You seem dedicated to doing good work despite the difficulties. How are you managing your own well-being in this challenging situation?
@ASilentObserver
I am doing counselling (both person and career), decompressing with my parents/friends, and establishing firm boundaries between work and everything else.
@neatBlueberry5213 It sounds like you are taking important steps to prioritize your well-being through counselling and spending time with supportive people. You seem determined to care for yourself during this time. What has this process of decompressing and establishing boundaries been like for you so far?
@ASilentObserver
Scary but empowering!
I want to find peace in my inner soul, I tried 10 years menditation. And before I just got there, something stucked there. I felt depressed, sees no hope.
@littlebear111 It sounds like you've struggled with finding inner peace for some time now through meditation. Feeling depressed and losing hope can make life feel very difficult. What you feel has been "stuck" for you during meditation?
Trying to overcome homelessness, hopelessness, and having the rest of my family turn their backs on me.
@KaidenHale I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with homelessness, hopelessness, and feeling cut off from family support. That sounds like an incredibly tough situation to deal with.
It is one of the worst times of my life. I’m trying so hard not to just give up and let nature run its course.
@KaidenHale I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing such a difficult time. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. You mentioned trying hard not to give up - it seems there's still a part of you holding on. We are all here with you to listen to and to support. Please continue sharing what you feel comfortable with.
The past few years have been the worst of my life. I lost my mom in 2020 to cancer, on her death bed she asked me to keep caring for my dad who also had cancer. He was abusive in every way to me my entire life, so being his caregiver was extremely difficult. He passed in January of 2022, in October of 2022, I lost the house and became homeless.
I started sleeping in my car at my new job hoping no one would have a problem with it being in the lot overnight. I finally saved up enough to get into an extended stay motel, but those are not exactly safe and once you get into those places they are so expensive you can’t afford to leave.
fast forward to now, my fiancé passed away in May in a car crash after being deployed for two years. On a single positive note, my best friend reached out and realized I am homeless and told me, not offered, but told me I was moving in with her and now here we are nearly four months later.
@KaidenHale Thank you for sharing more with us, Hale. You've endured immense hardships and losses over the past few years. I am grateful that you have found caring support from your best friend during this difficult time. How have you been processing all the emotions from these life changes and losses?
I honestly don’t know how. I’m so numb that when I try and open up to her all I can do is cry. Day and night, I know I am safe now, they both love me. I can’t stop the tears, I contain them as best I can during the day so I can “be productive” but early mornings and late nights are so tear filled I wonder how much more I have left in before all of these tears dehydrate me.
Mom thinks my SimLit is to dam complicated and all I was talking about is why or when would Hannah II (a 2nd character, twin of the MC) would be contacting her TV reporter cousin about the "accident" that the Cousin JUST reporter on?!!
My Mom somehow got my impression of the **** chapter that there were two different accidents that were happening and the 2nd one was something Hannah II witnessed
But what I was actually talking the *** is that Hannah II is getting her bridal dresses because her boyfriend proposed to her at the end of the last chapter. And during the bridal dress shopping, that another relative, the owner of the store- tells Hannah II to come to the *** TV because of something bad that just happened. And on TV there is the TV reporter cousin reporting on the accident but everything ELSE is a Rashmon chapter except for the opening and closing of the *** chapter.
@Disneywoman It sounds like this story means a lot to you and you've put in a lot of effort to craft the details. Misunderstandings can be frustrating, especially around something creative that's so personal. What feelings have come up as you've thought more about your mom's perspective?
@ASilentObserver just really annoyed
@ASilentObserver Not at my parents but at Willow residents (town name has been changed for safety reasons) I have issues with parts of my town's town planning for instance. On a street which I walk to either go to library or more likely to church for my volunter job- at one corner there's a stop sign right in the middle of the sidewalk so that if someone didn't have guide dog or a cane and was alone, they could walk straight into it or even someone who was distracted playing maybe Hogwarts Mystery, or Hogwarts Awken or Choices you Play stories- or otherwise distracted (ie text messing) by their phone, could walk right into the stop sign. The three other stop signs in the area, all are at the corner of the their corners but not this one even though there's a big spot for it
I have tried to contact the town about this sign issue but they have bigger problems like dealing with the fact that some of these residents on the *** group don't want to home "druggies, criminals, people with mental illness" and other homless people going into a new low-barrier shelter that the region as a whole brought.
My other problem with the town is the highway joints that are on two overpass bridges. Back when I went to gym on the one street, during the winter I would constantly, fall on the one joint because the joints are up over the sidewalk. And since I had no choice (related to parents) but to walk to and from the gym.. I couldn't risk spraining an ankle or anything. I mean someones' going to sprain ankle or maybe sprain a hand, if something couldn't be done to cover the highway joint to make it not as much as a hazzard-I mean seriously does a highway joint have to go up and over the sidewalks?!!
The only other thing isn't something I think the town can fix only the gym can. It just when I went to the gym, you're supposed to put your shoes in a cubicles underneath the lockers but I have two problems 1)the cublicues didn't have any doors on them, and 2)My own way to get to and from home (unless I had an accident, like being tired and falling down some excerise equipment because I misread someone)- was to walk to and from home on Tuesdays&Fridays or walk from the church to the gym and then home. So my only way of protecting my boots during the winter time (and my other outdoor shoes during the other seasons) is to stuff them in the locker with everything *else*. (and not to mention, my boots are always are too big to fit into the cublice)
Anyway fellow residents are either saying "I should try to contact the town" about the stop sign and the joint- but as I said already I have tried to with the former. And I don't think the town can do much about the gym. Or if they're not saying that- they're saying that the post has a big "me, me, me" thing but the only thing "me, me, me" is the bit about the gym's shoe-lockers.
So if the town haven't done anything about the stop sign how can I trust them to do anything about anything else like trying to find a way to prevent the joints from injuring someone?
@Disneywoman Thank you for sharing your experiences, Disney. It sounds like some aspects of your town planning have been challenging and frustrating. Bringing concerns to the town and seeking change can feel discouraging when issues remain unaddressed. How have these experiences affected your sense of safety and well-being in your community?
@ASilentObserver
I just don't feel safe either on the highway overpasss during the winter time (which is kind of a problem, when you think the one bridge I have to walk on to get to the Go Station with Mom during all 4 seasons of the year.
And Its not so matter an issue of *my* safety about the stop sign but others someone's bond to get knocked out eventually with the stop sign in the middle of the sidewalk.
I only know of one ibcident where the town changed their tune despite years of complaining from people like my Mom. But it took until someone DIED for there to be any change.
(people are saying about the locker business that "I shouldn't wear so much gear" but I had started severl times I had to WALK to and from the gym when I went there and the only way I can walk there in the winter time is with "wearing so much gear")
@Disneywoman It sounds like the safety concerns around the highway overpass and stop sign are really worrying you. Walking in winter conditions can feel threatening. What feelings come up for you as you think about navigating this situation?
@ASilentObserver let's just say there's a reason I stopped going to the gym when it was suppose to snow, or when it rained. Even though I only full stopped going to the gym around the time my Mm sprained her wrist because it was the one Sunday she didn't take her bundle buggy to church in Jan 2018.
I haven't returned to the gym since 2018 though because of being busy and also in Jan 2018-March 2018 I had to help Mom put on and put off her bra when she was getting dressed for the day or for getting into her night gown.
@Disneywoman It sounds like caring for your mother's needs during that time added responsibilities that made it difficult to maintain your regular routine.
@ASilentObserver Well she stopped needing my help after March 2018. But I still haven't returned to the gym- probably because of the problem is I have to *** walk to and from the ***. Now if i was allowed to use a *** bus(es) to get home or something.. I might return but they're (my parents) say that "walking is good" for me before and after going to the *** gym or at least that's what they *did* say when I complain about the walk when I did go. Its a over a 30min walk just to GET to the gym from my house and another 30 min walk back and if I was going from church to the gym its a 35min walk and then after my excerise I have to a 30 min walk back to my house.
I have often complain about how I don't want to "over exercise" but Mom says someone like us can't over excerise unlike how Luna was before having Covid (early March 2020) or her accident (August 2022). But I know I *can* over excerise and I don't want to risk injuring something - like I have some socks I got 2 Winters ago and after wearing them I thought something was wrong (aka " I over excerise") turned out my socks were too tight.
Even Dad says I can over excerise.
@Disneywoman It sounds frustrating to face those long walks, especially when you are motivated to exercise. Long walks can be challenging and discouraging from returning to exercise. What feelings come up when you think about walking that distance?
@ASilentObserver It just if i could like take a bus to and the from the gym, I could focus on the excerising more then having to limit my excerise to what I can because I have to walk over 30mins home (which is real pain, on Fridays when that's my cooking nights) after walking over 30mins to the gym (or over 35mins if I had come from church).
But even taking the bus I still would need to have "too much gear" because I would have to go down to (Street 1) to catch the bus to the Go Station and then transfer to the next bus pass (gym). and vice versa coming back.
But my parents say "its more excerise"..
@ASilentObserver My mother, the cause of my past trauma and recently she broke my heart to million pieces. My health.
@helpfulClementine9300 I am sorry to hear that your mother was the cause of past trauma and that she recently broke your heart. That must have been very painful for you. How are you feeling at this moment?