Weekly Prompt #18: What are your main sources of stress in your life?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Are there any particular thoughts or worries that frequently occupy your mind? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your main sources of stress in your life?
This week I want us to reflect and explore this topic that can help us understand and explore the sources of our stress. Please take a moment to identify the areas that are causing you the most stress. Let's get started and all thoughts are welcomed!
Note: A helpful tip from @hope : "I recommend the book 'How to stop worrying and start living'. You can find the audiobook on YouTube"
Join us in the Anxiety Support Chat every Monday and Tuesday!
Marriage is the main source of stress in my life. I fear marriage, I don’t know why I have high expectations of my husband being understanding, my best friend and his availability whenever I needed. I’m not married yet and have gone through many dark and traumatic life experiences.
@Larastruggling I am sorry to hear that Lara. It sounds like you are feeling quite stressed by expectations in relationships. Marriage can certainly bring complex feelings. What matters most is how you treat yourself and others with compassion. Please know you are not alone in this and we are all here to listen to and to support. Please feel free to share as you feel comfortable to.
@ASilentObserver future, tomorrow, family's expectations
@yourfriendandyourshoulder It sounds like you are experiencing stress around expectations from your family and concerns about the future. How does that show up for you emotionally? You must feel a lot of pressure.
@ASilentObserver i afraid that i end up upsetting them but it's fine I'll try my best
@yourfriendandyourshoulder It sounds like you have some worries about upsetting others.
sometimes it would be nice if my parents would actually listen to me. Back in July Mom encouraged me to apply to be an (unpaid) Disablity Adviser for our Region (didn't get it). We made a resume for me on a websit but Mom had to pay for it.
I did warn her at the time its was a "monthly" payment thing but she didn't want to listen to me and still did it. But last night she said she got her (bank card) bill and it still had (resume site) had charged her for it stiill.
So she had me check on it and I just canceled the subscription after i told her about it being 'mothly payments" and she told me I could cancel the subscrpiton for her.
@Disneywoman It sounds like this situation with the resume site subscription was frustrating. I can understand why that would be difficult. Her not listening then led to an unwanted charge. Your feelings in that moment seem understandable. What else is on your mind as you think about this experience?
@ASilentObserver
just annoyed. But what's ironic is the fact that I read Not Always Right website and Mom says that "I'm learning how to deal with awaful X, Y, Z" people." or in my view "X,Y,Z situations" like the one metnioned about being charged for more then one month on a site.
@ASilentObserver
My main stress is probably my identity and sexual preference. I have been raised in a very religious house and the concept of being any form of queer was not only seen as a sin in my family but was a abomination. Not only am I pansexual but I am also Transgender. I struggle with how I feel about myself and others. As well as how I am seen in society. As well as the overwhelming fear of being outed to my family and the ever aware present knowledge that when I do come out I will be disowned by the majority of my family. Considering the toxicity of my family, it doesn't bother me with most of them however I am close with some and knowing how they feel about LGBTQ+ physically hurts me. To hear them tell me they love me but knowing they don't love me Just who I let them see.
@SquidwardBobRoss Thank you for sharing parts of your personal journey with us, Squid. It takes strength and courage to be your authentic self while navigating relationships where you may not feel fully accepted or understood. You deserve to be surrounded by unconditional love and support. How does it feel to carry this experience?
@ASilentObserver
It sucks.
@ASilentObserver
I stress over making a living.
I can't even work part time due to my autism and anxiety. And even though I live as humble as possible, I need at least enough money to eat and have a roof over my head. The government tries to re-integrate me into a workplace currently, but so far all attempts have failed. I'm worried they will get fed up with me and drop their support. Then I won't be able to afford to live. It's terrifying.
@Stoffel I understand this situation causes a lot of stress and worry. Feeling unable to support oneself can feel terrifying. You are determined to live as independently as possible despite challenges. What concerns you most about your situation changing in the future?
right now, I'm stressed out because people don't seem to understand my problem in trying to turn a blender file into a package file after I changed the said acccesory to left hand from right hand in blender -I just need to export it into a package file and I have no idea how to do that.
And I'm already two days behind schedue with my Simlit because of this **** messing around.
@Disneywoman It sounds really frustrating to be stuck on this issue for a few days and feeling the pressure of being behind schedule. Not having understanding from others can make the stress even harder to handle. You must have spent a lot of time working to change the accessory and wanting to move forward with your project.
@ASilentObserver i figured it out after I posted that.
Mom calling me a "brat". That's not the problem-she has called me that many times before. But whenever I try to point out she helped me become this way she refuses to see sense that she DID make me that way... she always said "I did it to myself".
It just its so annoying being able to do very little in the house except maybe cook once a week for the family (didn't this past week due to appointments), and empty/refilling the dishwasher and setting the table.
So between three things: both the parents espically, Mom, giving up on dealing with my temper tanrums which led my sister, Luna to be the "parent" for me when the two of us home, and she was kind of nasty-bossy even when I was a teen and Young Adult and Dad being a bossy person.
So is it any wonder I'm a nasty bossy brat?
But the reason she called me a brat is because I wanted another cover for my bed because that's what she *** told me to do last night. But whenever I want to go to bed by 11:30pm that's never happens because something delays me going to bed.. Mom's been a lazy *** hole*, and not want to do it when I ask about it until I knock something over in the *** family room (not itentionally but when I have NO OTHER PLACE TO PUT MY HOUSECOAT-so my "arms are flapping" when I put my house coat back on after going to the bathroom downstairs), me getting distracted by either Hogwarts mystery or Sims 4, or some other thing. And also because of my Summer/Spring-fall/Winter PJs are all over the place in my bedroom I can't find apporite PJs for tonight.
*I mean right now she has a right to be a lazy *** hole due to being totally stressed out from having to bake a ton for this Saturday's bazaar. But I also need to be able to get to bed when I WANT to go to bed, and not be delayed because of Mom wanting to be lazy.
@Disneywoman It sounds like you are feeling frustrated with the situation at home. Wanting to get good rest and find your comfort items can be important for feeling at ease.
@ASilentObserver I don't think I mentioned this earlier. But the one time my sister was actually far away at univeristy-- I basically was an only child. Most other people I know there siblings are closer in age (more or less) I only know like 2 families that the eldest was about the same year gap as me with the youngest -but the different between that family and my family is there was an Middle child between the 2. That the age gap between the eldest of the family "Peter" who was my age, and the only girl in the family was "Harriet" (not actually names) because "Harriet" was born at the end of Gr.1 for "Peter" and I. But there was a middle brother "Blake" as well.
The only other family that had a the 7-age year gap between the eldest and the youngest (who is now deceased) is "Axel's" family. The eldest is my own sister's age but the youngest was my age (been dead since 2018)
But it would be nice if Mom could at least see herself in at least helping me become "the brat" she said I was last night. But she has refused for the last 10 years to see that
@Disneywoman It sounds like growing up without a sibling close in age was challenging at times. The age gap between you and your sister has left you feeling alone. What feelings arise for you looking back on your childhood?
@ASilentObserver
Its not so much being basically an "only child" despite having a sibling. Its more the fact my parents didn't try to parent me (unlike my sister) until I was an adult. They bascially let me get my own way because they didn't want to deal with my "cows" and they wonder why I'm spoiled brat now? But at the same time they refuse to see letting me get my own way is why I'm a spoiled, bossy, nasty brat (or so they say)..now or at least around them I am.
@ASilentObserver
Oh my parents always had this thing of someone having to come into the doctor's office with me (not for any safety reasons like SA) but do to the fact "I might not be able to understand the doctor". If something was to happen to my parents and Luna (my sister) was still in the country and talking care of me-I highly would like to believe that she would actually encourage me or have me being in the doctor's office by myself unlike what our parents do.
@ASilentObserver Instead of forgiving each other myself and someone that I know just fight anytime we talk. it's also been frustrating to always express or overexplain yourself to someone who seems to always feels confused
@chipandale33 It sounds like the lack of understanding in your relationship is frustrating and exhausting. You deserve to feel heard and validated by those close to you. Your feelings are understandable - it's difficult to keep sharing with someone who doesn't seem to get where you are coming from. How does it make you feel to constantly have to re-explain yourself without feeling truly understood?
@ASilentObserver I'll feel stressed and always end up crying later. part of me hasn't been able to understand how someone can be aware of struggles of another person but yet give you grief about those struggles as if they've always been some kind of hinderance to their life. they made you think opening up to them was a safe space but really it was only for them to say how you confuse them, how much of a bother you were when you had depression episodes late at night and they woke up to more then a few texts. you'd think that person would want to give love, comfort and care but in the end it was just you made my life miserable but saying it a subtle way that wasn't too obvious
@chipandale33 I am sorry to hear you've experienced feeling stressed and crying after opening up about your struggles. It sounds really hurtful to have someone claim to be a safe space, but then respond by saying you confused and bothered them. You don't deserve to have your struggles dismissed or portrayed as a hindrance to others. Everyone needs compassion. We are all here with you to listen to and to support.
Money 💰. Lack of money, or low savings, low investments and any possible debts in the future to buy car 🚗, house 🏠 and spend for kids (school, college)
Lack of Job / Job Security 💼. I'm currently searching 🔍🔎 for a job since I got fired recently 😔
Lack of direction in life ⬇️⬆️⬅️➡️
Lack of purpose in life
Not knowing my passion for sure and the struggles to discover it
@hopegood Thank you for sharing what's on your mind. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of uncertainty and pressure. What worries you most right now in your current situation?
Mostly just how I'm gonna live a functional life with a full time job. And when I'll get a full time job.
About full time job - I'm currently interviewing for roles in a few companies. Most companies I applied to rejected me, so, it got pretty scary quickly but it wasn't that surprising after some point because I knew what my weaknesses are, in terms of work stuff
About living a functional life - Currently I don't have anything (any official work) to do at my current company, as I got fired and I'm serving my notice period, which ends on October 31st 2023. So, I have got lot of free time in my hands. I just learn work stuff or blog about work. Sometimes I read books, see movies, chill. I have been having a good time, like a vacation. It's very comfortable and flexible. What's going to come is a bit scary - joining a company for a full time job, and also being able to do the other things that I want to do, aspire to do, and also do any explorations, and also spend time with family; it's all gonna require really good time management skills 😅 gotta work on honing that
@hopegood You seem to have a caring attitude toward balancing work and other aspects of your life that are important to you. I have confidence that with preparation and self-awareness, you'll find a healthy way forward. It sounds like you're feeling both excited about new opportunities coming up and also feeling some uncertainty about managing everything well. Transitioning to a new full time role while also making time for other priorities can understandably feel daunting.
I was looking up something else earlier. But I realize how upset I'm still mad about Mom changing the "food" plan 5 times on me when we're in a town which put on plays. I think part of the reason I was so upset is that if we pick one plan we should stick with it and not change it unless we abouselty have to change it. But I think the other reason is the fact the *** Mom has never **** in the 7 out of 12 years we gone to the town the excuse she used this year to avoid going to (Popeye's) or (Dominos). The excude being "we can have them at home". (and I also probably didn't like the fact to have either at home meant having to eat it in the actual house unlike you know being able to eat at table in the resturant because Dad barley wants to eat out at an actually resturant-Mom had to I believe convince him in June to eat out for supper for their anniversary)
Background information
Now for 12 years outside of 2020 and 2021-Mom and I been going to Stratlon (not actually name) a town which put on both Shakespearan and other plays. Now for about 6? years out of the 7 years- there was a Tim Horton's in downtown within walking distance of 2 theatres in the area -Olon theatre, and the Peterson theatre (connected to each other sort of). This was the only food place in downtown that wasn't a slow-food place. So Mom and I would always eat there for supper. The place closed down in 2018. (No wonder, there food was always running out by 5pm in the afternoon and they're suppose to be open until 9pm).In 2019- there was a sign on the door saying that Popeye's Louisina Chicken was going to be coming in there.
Around 2015 a Subway opened in the same building a computer repair store was. Last year when we went to get Subway in the same building we discovered it wasn't a Subway anymore but a breakfast/lunch resturant. No outside of Popeye's the only other big name food chain names (Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Canada's A&W and now Subway and Tim Hortons) are basically very inconvicent to get too unless you have a car which mom and I dont because those resturants now are on the stretch of road which takes you into town. So either you need to be paying for the very expensive hotels in that area, or you need a car if you're staying in a pub and Inn or in one of the downtown motels or in an B&B if you want to get to Mcdonald's or to get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Around I think it was 2016-might have been 2017-a new resturant moved into the town Domino's the building its in was a Chinese resturant-but way before Mom and I ever went.
I can't remember excatly what order the bottle half of the story takes place:
Well anyway Mom and I went to Stratlon this year to see five plays in 3 days. Mom and I went to the Japanese resturant (Which is also serving Korean food)-to have their delicuious sushi. Well the plan was for Saturday to have Domino's for supper (with the excuse of "We can have it at home) but we changed the plan to going back to Japanese resturant instead. Our plan was to have Domino's for brunch the next day but we took a walk but I think the problem is we went the long way (I checked after we came home on Sunday and left on Friday) after leaving the Japanese resturant -we could have gone the shorter route (which according to Google maps is only a 16min walk) but it seem to take about 30 mins the way we got to the Domino's. So the only way we could eat at Domino's on a future trip would be to have afternoon play at the "Big Theatre" and go to Domino's for supper. So we changed the plan to having Popeye's for brunch but did we go to Popeye's for brunch the next day? No Mom dragged me back to the same breakfast/brunch place we had breakfast at the *** day before. And then the plan was for us to have Popeye's for supper so the plan was to change to having Popeye's at home after we got back to Willow after we discovered that the play ended earlier that after it ended we had a quick early supper from a new home-made-coffee place. But can you believe how annoying it must have been for me having the 3rd (out of 4 sandwhiches) in 2 days and that's not counting my 3rd can of *** soda in 3 days- 1 ice tea and 2 colas- no soda fountain soda drink like in Popeye's and no 0.5 litre Soda bottle like in Dominio's? The plan was to have "Popeyee's when we got home" but when we got to Toto's G Train Station -Mom brought the 4th out of 4 sandwhiches- If I wanted sandwhiches coming out my *** ears I WOULD HAVE STAYED AT HOME!! The reason for this change yet again- was "We didn't know what time we would be home". (Mom might have said this earlier)
But when Mom changed the plan to getting Popeyes in (town) to doing it when we got home - this was before our play. I just had a meltodwn-we changed the plan too many times this trip-like if you tell me we're going to have Popeye's for brunch we do it for Brunch (after already changing the plan ONCE from Domino's to Popeye's) and not drag me back to the same resturant place where we had breakfast from the day before. And then change the plan 3 more times in the day.
(Heck if I could-have I would have returned (briefly) downstairs to foodcourt and buy something at McDonald's in the food court, if it wasn't too much of a line--not sure what I would have brought-but it wouldn't be be another sandwhich but i would have been able to get a soda-fountain drink with it unlike the rest).
When I exploded before the play Mom was saying "I was acting like a 2 year old" and she said "this kind of behaviour is the reason we don't want you in Toto alone-how would you react if you're had a sidwalk/road being blocked? or (I think she said) "The subway train is running late/cancelled?"
the two things (something out of my control-ie sidewalk/road being blocked, or subway train running late/cancelled) is not compeltely the same thing as SOMEONE ELSE changing the plan like 6 times in two days over where we would have X, Y or Z meals from-with me being okay with only ONE change-(Domino to Popeye's for brunch)
And we had another fight on the train. (I was annoyed because both Mom and Dad has annoying habbit of interputting me when I'm speaking and yet they don't like it when I do it to them)-the fight has mostly nothing to do with this post- but during the fight Mom said "I used to be fine with changes as a child but I became cankterous with age"
Yeah that might be because I'm a 33 year old woman who can't even go into the doctor's office by herself? I shouldn't have been indepent about 10 years ago not know how to do basically nothing in the else unless Mom is desperate or something. One of my girlfriends who is my age- got to go to (now-non existing theatre productions) in Toto at the age of 16 or 17. But me I can only go into Toto for "puddings" of Mom's like the one a week from this Saturday.
The only indepence I get is when I feel up too it- going to Pickwick Town Centre (aka a mall)-to hang out with a friend. I been talking a long break from that because I basically had to be (G's) caretaker in getting her home.
The cankterous thing is probably my only way of having a rellbious streak-because its not like I'm going to start smoking or doing non-prescrition drugs. I'm sort of addicted to fast food but who isn't really?
