Weekly Prompt #27: What is it about setting goals that fills us with anxiety?
Hi everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Write a letter to your anxiety Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What is it about setting goals that fill with anxiety?
The believe that it is not an attainable goal for me, reinsuring that I am not worthy... So before going down this ladder I'd sometimes rather not set any goals.
@Suen00 Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Suen. It can be difficult to set goals when we feel uncertain about achieving them or our self-worth. You are not alone in sometimes preferring not to set goals - it is understandable to want to avoid potential disappointment. What feelings come up for you when considering goals that make you hesitate?
I feel completely discouraged in these circumstances, which means I don't have the energy to take on new challenges on the first place.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, Obs,
I have had the experience of setting a goal that is like "taking a bite too big to chew," and then failing at it. The experience of failure can create anxiety when constructing a new goal.
So, when setting a goal now, I try to be as realistic as possible, knowing that unpredictable circumstances will arise, but assess my energy level, time constraints, and other factors as best as I can, before declaring or embarking on a goal.
With love and courage, Rose
@CalmRosebud It sounds challenging to set goals that feel too ambitious, which can then lead to feelings of failure and anxiety. What aspects of a goal help you feel most motivated while also feeling supported in your ability to achieve it?
Obs, I think it’s that when I really believe in something and I have that lofty almost passionate vision about it succeeding, then I keep doing all the little steps, because that Big Idea keeps me on fire and motivated. Thanks for asking!
I believe it's the feeling of not being able to live up to the goals that I have set for myself. I feel like if I set goals then I won't accomplish them. Pressure does play a roll in it as well.
@ShortStuff772 It sounds like setting goals can bring up difficult feelings of anxiety and pressure for you. Reflecting on not being able to live up to the goals you set yourself must be challenging. What feelings arise in you as you think about pressure playing a role?
@ASilentObserver Fear of failure for sure, but also fear of change, it's easier to stick to the same rhythm instead of making a change to try and archieve a goal. You keep wondering is it a good decision, change, action, move or whatever and maybe don't see the results in the short term and that leads to worrying constantly
@Michelh1996 It is understandable to feel anxious about setting goals and the potential for change or unknown results. Your concerns about sticking to familiar routines versus pursuing goals and wondering if decisions are "good" reflect how challenging change can feel. What aspects of achieving your goals excite you most, or give you a sense of purpose when you consider working towards them?
@ASilentObserver I guess the biggest aspect of exitement is progress, a visible or measurable thing that shows you're on track. Measuring in this is a key aspect I think as it should help making a big task seem smaller by having short term goals that are easier to stick to. But the danger in this is a mistake or failing a goal, a fallback, because the impact of this is usually bigger than the impact of a moment of exitement by reaching a small goal of progres.
@Michelh1996 Measuring small successes along the way helps make the big tasks feel more manageable. It sounds like making progress towards your goals is really important to you. You clearly put a lot of thought into setting yourself up for success.
@ASilentObserver Thanks, it's keeping my mind busy on a daily basis at the moment I think and compared to others and my past self I think there are some steps forward that I have made.💪
But most of the stress and anxiety still comes from the danger of failure or a setback/fallback. The impact of a negative result seems so many more times as prominent in your mind as a minor win you see😪
@ASilentObserver yeah thinking about the future, I guess it's probably knowing I'm not going to make it, and if I do, then I could get hurt. But honestly I can even plan out tommorow cause of its on my mind I have to do something, I don't know why but the stress of doing it builds up and up till, I'm so stressed out about it, I can't do it
@Tinywhisper11 It sounds like setting goals and planning causes you a lot of stress and anxiety. You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed with future thinking - it is very common to feel uncertain or lose confidence in yourself. But you recognized what was happening, and that already is a sign of strength. How does all that pressure make you feel internally?
The problem is feeling inadequate. Any failure re-enforces this idea which is painful, Success does not diminish the feeling. It just postpones the inevitability of being found out.
@Gettingbettertoday It sounds like setting goals can bring up difficult feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure for you. What's contributing to those feelings help you feel understood?
@ASilentObserver
I don't understand your question.
@Gettingbettertoday gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly
@ASilentObserver
Knowing I will more than likely miss the mark. I have a very short attention span.
@WorkingitThrough2 It is understandable that setting goals can feel anxiety-provoking when faced with the possibility of not reaching them. Please know you are not alone in experiencing challenges, and it may help to be gentle with yourself as you continue learning and growing at your own pace. What thoughts or feelings arise for you as you consider your short attention span?
@ASilentObserver
I don't have real feelings that I am in touch with except anger. My other emotions are pretty dead. I and my therapist are working on it❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 It sounds like working on connecting with your emotions is an important part of your therapy journey. Having difficulty feeling emotions besides anger can make life feel quite limited. You mentioned working with your therapist - having support in this process is wise.
@WorkingitThrough2 yaaay! Me too ❤❤ we can just cruise through😎
@Tinywhisper11
I am hitch-hiking with you😂, so slide over😂
@WorkingitThrough2 plenty of room for two♿😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
on my way🚗🏃🏽♂️🏃🏽♂️🏃🏽♂️
I am currently feeling it alottt. I have to fly to another continent for a better future, to be independent, to find a job. The future is a bit unpredictable but I have set some goals. I think I have been comparing myself too much with others in my field. Those who are more successful in their career. And I just so desperately wanna be there where they are. I think all of this is incredibly increasing my anxiety.
Hi @Goodlistener28 !
For me, the source of your anxiety shows how serious and dedicated you are about your career. I acknowledge that when the level of the anxiety rises above a certain level it is frustrating and even can make us numb and passive. But I think that type of an anxiety you meantioned is a first step for our journey to start progressing in our careers. I believe it comes from a positive side in us that want us to perform well and I hope we can turn it into something empowering for the later steps.
I also hope you get the support you need, away from your home country. Take care and good luck with everything 🍀
@Goodlistener28 It sounds like setting goals and thinking about the future can bring up a lot of uncertainty and comparison that fuels anxiety. Wanting independence and success is very understandable. You've taken brave steps already in working to build the future you want.
@ASilentObserver What is it about setting goals that fill with anxiety?
I guess it's probably the fear of not being able to fulfill those goals, to achieve them. That is possibly the biggest hurdle for me, as I am so very scared of not succeeding and not being the person people around me (sometimes only in my head) expects me to be.
@TheMadHatterWasHere It sounds like setting goals can bring up feelings of anxiety due to the fear of not achieving them or meeting expectations. Reflecting on those fears is understanding. You are dedicated to growth in a way that honors your journey. What's important to you in working towards your goals help explore how to support yourself through the process?
For me, it's not finishing projects but I'm getting better at it, I finish my crochet projects and I feel great after completing something, this helps with my anxiety
@compassionateCar7091 It sounds like completing projects helps reduce your anxiety. Finishing what you start and seeing the results must be very satisfying. You're making progress in managing your feelings through crocheting, and that takes strength. What specifically about setting goals causes anxiety for you?
