How do you stop caring about what others think?
As someone with anxiety and intrusive thoughts when out in public im curious for any tips
@Krustythekrab
Ah, this is one of those things where it is easier said than done. We've all been there. It's tough to erase those thoughts especially with anxiety. For me, it helps to try to redirect my thoughts and practice self-acceptance. 💜
I am interested to know the reason why the opinions of others matter.
@Hapra
im not sure why its just a feeling of needing to belong for the sake of livng "right" or being "up to speed" with everyone else
@Krustythekrab
Since its what you believe in its difficult to change , there is no specific method for it but you can continue with the feeling that you need to listen to people , you will reach a point when you have just 2 options either 1. You listen to them
2. You ignore what people say.
Your choice makes all the difference.
@Krustythekrab
That's normal human behaviour that's been present for millennia. Being in with the crowd and accepted is what meant surviving or not, so I think that's where this anxiety stems from, even though it probably doesn't apply as much in the modern individualistic society we live in.
I love one liners. About 60 years ago, I read in a newspaper advise column, "You would worry less about what other people think about you if you realized how seldom they do."
The reality is that you can't listen to or see into other people's minds. If that's the case, it's you who thinks about others and what they are thinking about you constantly.
Most of the time, your intuition will alert you when something you are doing is not right or not wrong. But to cope with your neighbours and family members (society), most of them are forcing themselves into things they don't like.
This causes double-mindedness. Either you like it but keep stopping yourself from doing it, or you don't like it but still force yourself to do it.
Things that your mind says are right, and if those things are not going to harm or disturb anyone unnecessarily, then it's obviously fine to live your way.
Simple as it is, good deeds bring goodness. Bad deeds bring confusion.
I haven't heard something more true than this.
I've usually been pressurized to keep up with the neighbours.
Anything normal seems abnormal coming from them. Since they've seen the troubled family that i have. In times of crisis.
The crisis being highly avoidable.
I don't feel like it's the right way to keep taking inspiration from other people's houses. I'd like to focus on my own.
My mother is a teacher though, so she does like to take inspiration from others. She sees good or bad things. It's normal for her to. But at a point comparison gets too much.
Society still sees the bad parts. One wrong thing from your side and everyone judges it. It's the truth. But it is avoidable.
I'm learning to keep up. I'm learning to not lose my sanity from one sentence.
@SoulPitstop
Yes, this makes me think of mindfulness and how it's supposed re-orient ourselves to the present tense.
Often, with anxiety we are accidentally stuck in a negative loop that could get skewed into further negativity. If a pattern can be detected, then maybe this can be disrupted gradually with a ladder where mindfulness is integrated until it is automatic.
Hence, people bringing up distractions, breathing techniques, acts of kindness, keeping busy - to sit with those unpleasant thoughts - and eventually they subside after a while.
I personally tend to come up with phrases or concepts to go lean on when I feel like that. I try to find things that give me little boosts of confidence. Its very personal and can be a good way to get to know yourself better.
Some of mine are "You aren't judging them so why would they judge you?", "They would have stopped talking to me already", and "If they don't like me then they are missing out on something great."
I tend to try to redirect my thoughts towards a fake-it-till-you-make-it confidence. I dont know if it will help you, but I hope that you keep seeking help because you are worth it.
@neonLime1396
I love these kinds of questions. "I don't do this to others, so why do I assume others are doing this to me?"
And even on the off chance that someone is somehow doing something bad to you, that's more of them projecting their challenges onto you and them trying to take you down with them.
@Krustythekrab If we also think about what people will think, then there will be nothing to left for people to think.
Anyways, how big is your circle ? Do you think of each and everyone DAILY ?
and secondly are these judging people going to feed you ? Take care of you ? Pay your rent, groceries, car , electricity bills ?
It's not so much my friends but people who have wornged me and whom I've cut off I wonder what they think of me even if I whoukdt care I worry about friends thoughts too but I've worked through that a bit
@Krustythekrab
That's fair. We can always remind ourselves that those people are not nice and we should spend more time around those friends who are nice. You deserve people who respect you for you.
You can also remind yourself that the actions of one person or a few people don't reflect on others too - I know it's not easy, but at least you are aware of these kinds of patterns.
@Krustythekrab
i just find i simply do not care if they think ......my hair is a mess ... my wardrobe is not their style ....
do you think about everyone else you come into contact with..... ?
if not there is your answer............ others seldom have the time to even notice you let alone sit in judgement. ....... they probably have work or personal items to think about without worrying you.
@Krustythekrab
I try to remember the saying:
Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter :-)
Blessings, Day
I love that saying thank you
@Krustythekrab
You're very welcome :-)
@Krustythekrab
I feel like this is something that comes naturally with age. You start caring less about what other people think for the most part. You get better at reminding yourself that no-one is looking at or thinking about you as much as you think. Just life experiences and knowledge of people make you realise these things I guess.
I also think that I almost never negatively judge someone, so why do I think others are thinking negatively towards me? And even if I did, that person doesn't know and it doesn't harm them, so that applies to me too.
@SilentSerenityy
Yeah, age definitely helps, that's true.
@Krustythekrab Hey, considering the severity of social anxiety- that I also suffer with. I mostly try to talk to myself in my head, for example if it's a certain someone I feel anxious about, I mention what's making them the target and say it's not true. Or superficially, distracting myself with other thoughts.
@Kittykat29
I also have internal conversations so I feel like I’m not alone, if that makes sense. It helps me stay focused on myself by “discussing” my observations with my other companion self. Thankfully one of the two usually has a sense of humor.
@easyWater4109 haha! I'm glad we're on the same boat! <3
@easyWater4109
Talking it out is a great idea. Some people might do an empty chair technique where they pretend to talk to someone in a chair in front of them - the other person could be you, an earlier version of you, another relative or friend, etc.
