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Stressful Working environment

by reservedAcai5282

August 25th

...See more I started at a new organizational unit in February. My colleagues there have a hard time opening up, and I was often left out of things — both my manager and a female colleague did this. I thought things would improve once a new colleague joined in March (the team was expanding), someone I already knew from before — let's call her GY. At first it was really good, even though the others stayed distant. Now it's July. A few weeks ago I started noticing I'm being left out again. GY, the colleague I already knew, has become so close with one of the colleagues who was already there (let's call her N) that they even chat on Messenger outside of work. My manager (let's call her O) has also been acting strangely toward me. For about 3 weeks now, when GY talks to the group, she looks at everyone except me. When she does talk to me, she avoids eye contact and uses an odd tone of voice. If GY, T (the 4th colleague), or O need help with something that falls under my responsibilities, they ask N to help — even though it's not her role. When I talk about things from home, like my dog, they don't react or pay attention. But when N arrives in the morning, they immediately ask about her dog. If someone asks a question, they ask N for her opinion. My opinion is never asked for. They don't wish me a good vacation when I go, and they don't ask how it was when I get back. I feel like I'm constantly making mistakes, and that it's being talked about behind my back. This morning they barely greeted me when I came in, didn't even ask how I was. I asked if their vacation went well — my manager answered half-heartedly, and GY just muttered "It wasn't good." Then an hour later when N arrived, GY greeted her cheerfully, almost singing. O started telling N all kinds of things, including matters that fall under my job responsibilities. While O was on vacation, something happened with one of my cases. GY, T, and N discussed it among themselves without asking me at all. I explained how it should be handled, but they didn't even listen — N said it was nonsense and not the right way to do it. In the end they decided to take it to the director because they disagreed with how we'd handled it before. This morning I went to make coffee, and when I came back GY and O were talking but stopped and got vague as soon as I walked in. It wasn't about me — it was about a personal situation of O's that's uncomfortable for her. I don't need to know everything, and I don't even want to. But it really hurts that I'm left out of conversations, that they don't believe me, and that my opinion is never asked for. Even though they know what I used to do in my previous role, they still don't ask me to help with certain tasks — they'd rather go to the director. It's like I don't even cross their minds. O recently had a birthday. We started organizing it, set the table, planned a surprise. Everyone finished their part before I did — I was last because I was washing my hands — but by the time I got there, GY, T, and N had already congratulated her. They didn't wait for me. This morning I asked GY for some office supplies from the storage room. She asked me to send her an email about it later, and to also mention — kindly — the item she'd brought up for T the other day. I've now received what I asked for from her, and she gave some to N as well. Then just NOW she discussed with N that N should write her the email about this, including the item she'd given T the other day. She'd agreed on this exact same thing with me less than an hour earlier, yet now she's handling it with N instead. Am I imagining this? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I'm devastated, because I didn't change jobs to end up in a much worse environment. I thought after a few months it would get better. Instead it's much worse. I'm heartbroken and don't know how to handle it. I can't just not notice these differences in behavior. On their better days they're kind, and I start to convince myself I'm being paranoid. But then something happens again and it all starts over. What did I do that changed their behavior toward me? Was it that I don't agree with their political views? Was it that GY and I had a bad day a few weeks ago and vented our grievances to each other a bit more than usual, and after that she changed and turned completely in a different direction? I'm sad.

Advice Needed: Feeling fed up at work and how do I handle hard situations like this?

by communicativeField1804

August 25th

...See more Hello, I am in need of some advice here especially on how to handle a situation without making it worse for myself. I currently work as an IT in a healthcare office but I don't just do IT. I do so many things here - including participating in payroll process. I have been working with the payroll team on and off for the past 2 years. Our payroll process is complicated because our clinician’s visits have to be individually reviewed and verified before they can get paid. I am primarily assigned to do the retro-pay portion and for maintaining Google sheets templates and formulas that the team uses for payroll calculations. There are 2 other outsourced employees who handle the regular-payroll visits. I have repeatedly told them that if they notice anything wrong with the template, formulas, or calculations to notify me so I can fix it asap. Lately they haven’t been communicating these issues to me, so I am assumed everything was working correctly. Unofrtunately, I often find out that something is wrong only after an employee contacts me about the paycheck, Management has also made me the “face” of payroll so even when the problem something I caused, the employees usually come to me. The other major problem is that the accounting employee who receives the payroll files. She becomes extremely stressed during payroll processing and has a history of yelling at me and other people instead of calmly explaining what is wrong with a file or calculation. Many of the issues she gets upset about are minor and could easily be corrected before the payroll is submitted to ADP if she simply communicated the problem clearly. This has been happening for years. When I first started in 2022, the previous payroll team was fired and I was temporarily asked to help with payroll and retro-pay. I remember being yelled at constantly during that period despite not having any experience of it before. Later, in 2024, I was pulled back into payroll after another employee was struggling with the workload. Since then, I have been invloved with the retro-pay side of things. And how I got involved was also something I didn’t appreciate. She had told me to tell the guy to do his job “or else she will make me do it”. She has also said this to me recently that if some things aren’t fixed “or else you will do it. What frustrates me the most is that time company itself has never really streamlined this process. There are constantly changes, corrections, unclear responsibilities, and last-minute fixes. Yet when something goes wrong, the people doing the actual work are blamed rather than the process being improved. After the most recent payroll cycle, I honestly have reached my limit. I drafted a formal letter to my bosses requesting that I be removed from payroll and retry-pay responsibilities. I explained that I can contribute more effectively in other areas where the company already has significant backlog. The problem is that I cannot simply quit this job right now. My permanent residency process in the U.S is tied to this company so leaving would create a much bigger problem for me. I may need to stay for another year or two until my permanent residency is approved. Given my circumstances, finding another job isn’t as straightforward as applying somewhere else. I’m trying to figure out how to handle this respectfully and strategically. Should I send the formal request to be removed from payroll or do I just tolerate how I’m treated until I can leave? How do you deal with someone who repeatedly yells at you when they are stressed? How do I set my boundaries with management especially when they made me responsible for something that isn’t primarily my job? I don’t want to create unnecessary confilct or jeopardize my position. I am also becoming super frustrated and burnt out by being the person everyone comes to when something goes wrong. I would really appreciate any advice from anyone.

Bullied at Work

by JerseyGirl55305

February 17th

Humiliated at Work Yesterday

by Sasquatch254

February 17th

...See more I have been with the same job for 4 years now, and it's been in person for 3 years. I've overcome a false accusation of sexual harassment and have found people I can bond with in the workplace after I was backstabbed by a team lead and a few of his underlings. Yesterday was the worst day of work that I had in a year, and maybe it should be the last. I am currently making up two work days where we were unable to work because of the Winter Storm. So I decided to take advantage of my empty schedule and work 9 or 10 hour days when I felt like it. But then I also needed urgent treatment for hay fever and I pretty much stopped sleeping through the night because of that and a year's worth of stress outside work and an unhappy situation at home during 2025. An older coworker several rows away from me talks loud, occasionally swears like she is in a bar, and topics sometimes include complaints over non-work issues. But this time, she was arguing with a colleague over receiving help over a technical problem. This was occurring while someone else was helping me with a question involving coding. I usually get nervous around loud complainers and open displays of anger anyway. For several months, I have been unable to work through the day without needing AirPods to block noise because of a person talking constantly to herself at her desk and the previously mentioned backstabbing coworker laughs loudly and engages in long conversations to break up the day since he comes in late. The former put up a large shade over her computer, which I took as her resenting me for something I did, similar to how a previous neighbor treated me whom disliked me. However, I have nothing to do with her during the work day. The backstabbing coworker I am prone to resenting because he threatened to report me over misunderstanding lunch breaks. When he reported me over the case that involved a phony sexual harassment report, he made up petty things he disliked about me that I saw in the later HR report. However, that was nearly 3 years ago and have had little to do with him since then. My boss is someone who I thought was one of the nicest people I've ever met. She was one of the only people who validated my feelings resulting from mental health issues and has praised me over everything I've done well, no matter how big or small. But now I hope she rots because of how she treated me during a meeting I wanted to organize to request my coworkers to be quieter when I was planning to stay longer during the next couple of weeks. She was not understanding at all. I told her some of the context over her concerns over me working longer hours. It was mainly non-work related, but they involved my upcoming birthday and my prevention of showing unpleasant emotions when I see family and friends soon, which has become more common with increasing personal demands. I quickly waved off that discussion to disclose the main problems but then my boss was defensive. She has seemed busier because of the winter storm and increasing workloads, but I'm sure she used this as an excuse to treat me poorly. She saw me in a few longer conversations with other coworkers, which has come more naturally to me when I've settled into my job. But she brought those moments up with me, and said that I would be hypocritical if I requested all my coworkers to be quieter. I have mixed views over profanity which people have invalidated and harshly criticized me for. I usually keep my mouth as clean as possible, but I have let words slip when I feel unfairly treated in hard scenarios. Some of my teammates are way more frequent and harsher cursers than me. So my boss was a no good animal and accused me of times when I've had these double standards too. Just like my parents when they have tried to fill in blanks before I could get a word in, my boss said things like "you're just venting" and got impatient when she thought we were going in circles. This was partly because of my recent fatigue. I organized the meeting since it was going to be easier to discuss things in person. But she took it as a waste of time and wanted to caution me over bringing things like that to a private meeting. Even the higher up who was present acted visibly annoyed, further adding to my embarrassment for simply existing. This is all I can take. I've been lied to by my boss when she pretends to think I do good at work. This is another example of how women have mistreated me repeatedly because I'm unlovable. People expect perfection out of me when they're not perfect themselves, especially when it comes to emotions. I'm debating over not even showing up to work without notice or just calling in sick. If I do show up, I will be emotionless, pin-drop quiet and make sure I do a terrible job to get back at my boss for being the dog she is. I will probably be fired anyway for simply having a bad day and having emotions. Is there any hope for my new disdain for my boss? How should I handle the next couple of weeks with boundaries, people talking loudly and feeling like the world is against me?

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