What do you hate about yourself?

I wish I had a tinier nose. I wish I wasn't so lazy. I hate that I have no energy, no motivation. I hate that I don't feel like or want to do anything anymore. I hate that I can't wake up early in the mornings wide awake and excited to start my day. I hate that I feel so heavy. I hate that my soul feels weighed down, and like there are rocks around my ankles. I hate that everything scares me. I hate that I get anxious quickly. I hate that I don't know how to help the scared cowering hurt little girl I am at my core become strong confident and spring wild. I hate that I don't know how to become that. I hate that I don't know how to fix me. I hate that I've made progress so slowly, that I still cant quite feel the colors, or the sweet laughter of sunshine, or the kisses of a golden autumn day. I hate that I can't feel them anymore. I hate that I don't want to read books anymore, write stories anymore, or dream. I hate that I only get nightmares at night, I hate that I don't dream of flying anymore. I hate that I isolate myself from my friends and don't mind it. I hate that I cherish the quiet I attain from pushing everyone away. I hate that I'm too ashamed to talk about how I truly feel. I hate that it's hard for me to open up. I hate that I deep deep down feel like I don't deserve anyone to care about me. I hate that I'm not a hyper bouncing ball of glee anymore. I hate that I've faded out weathered away and washed out. I hate that I feel so exhausted and drained constantly. I hate that nothing appeals to me anymore. I hate that I grew up, hate that we'd moved away, hate that I wasn't my daddy's little girl, hate that my mom stopped telling us stories, hate that i had to change schools, hate that my dad didn't take us vacations, didn't take me to the shooting range more often, didn't try to be my friend. I hate that my mom stopped being my friend, stopped talking about her thoughts and replaced me. I hate that I don't know who she is anymore, hate that she doesn't know who I am now. Hate that to her, her daughter is still that little girl she'd make time for, the one she knew. I hate that my dad was more a dad to other children than he was to me. I hate that he lied to me I hate that he hurt my mom I hate that I had to grow up afraid every single night dreading when he'd come home. I hate that I'm all broken. I hate that I'm not whole. I hate that the past hurts and those few happy memories hurt even more.

I hate that I'm the student proffessors curve grades for, I wish i was smart enough to grasp simple concepts like everyone around me. I hate how lonely i am and I hate how dull my life Is. I hate the way my mind functions and I hate that theres no way to fix it.

I have nothing left to live for. I want to be dead.

My anxiety and addiction to role play

i wish i didnt cry so much. i cry when im sad, angry, confused. i cry when the store runs out of my favourite soda. i cry when i drop my textbooks. i cry when someone makes a joke that isnt even related to me. i cry when people yell at me. i cry when i yell at myself. when i dont have enough bus fare, i cry. when i dont get to a store before it closes, i cry. when it rains, i cry... why am i such a crybaby. im weak. i dont want to cry anymore.

That I have apparently done something to warrant being shunned/ghosted. That either one or numerous mistakes I've made are that unforgivable and terrible to justify such from my best friends :(

That I cant shake off this anxiety/depression off that I got from a shock that hit my heart. I have always been strong & I dont know why its been so difficult to beat it. I wish I could be myself again! And not have fear or this nervousness Ive been experiencing.

Anxiety, depression, autism.

the top 3 things that make me unlovable and that caused my best friends to shun me as punishment; well for those and all the mistakes I

I wish I wasn't so lazy, I wish I could help my boyfriend like he helps me, I wish I wasn't such an idiot, I wish I didn't feel like I'm attention-seeking or jealous, I wish I was able to be confident and do things without feeling like theres somebody watching or laughing at me, I wish I could be less shy around everyone, I wish I could feel happier all the time and not jus sometimes...

So many reasons, and this is only some

My awkardness and shyness. I think I have social phobia or some kind of heavy struggle to be around people and be my own self, socialize. And as well, to enter in a circle of confidence with other person, this can be even a relative. I have this thought everyone who I talk to will judge my imperfections, me. I also have anxiety and isolation.. I always been shy by nature but, it got more heavy with years. I wont be specific. Think it has a lot to do with how I see my value as a human being, and insecurities about my looks and maybe having someone toxic to me it influenced me in some way... Sometimes It pains me to be so painfully shy and awkard even with some guy. Yesterday, I had a party and there was this guy my cousin presented me and I say hello to him with a kiss on the cheek and just walk off, then I started to overthink I'm the problem, why I have to be like this, and this and that, there was a part of me that thought that I shouldn't shame myself for that, I just don't like meeting guys in parties and clubs,bars etc, since I don't go tend ro go to these kind places a little to bars but anyway I prefer to get to know someone in a more everyday enviroment, even with my struggle tounlock confidence on others. I just feel like nobody understands my way of being, my awkardness and shyness, It just seems to me that I come off as girly/childish and like a first-starter in my behaviour and boring or indifferent. It pains me.. because I like talking just about what I like and agree on things with other, and just talk about movies, sagas, music and having just good time walking, laughing. I don't even know if this makes any sense.