Weekly Check In Feb 8 - 14

@AffyAvo

Valentine's Day is coming up. How do you feel about the day?

I am excited 😮 i am taking my boyfriend on a picnic

If in a relationship - How do you find disability impacts your relationship?

Maybe sometimes i just don’t want to be touched at all. Especially during a meltdown

If single - Do you think disability is a factor or does it impact dating?

i am not very social irl at all. I am a very quiet person 😕

How are things going today?

not very good. I went to bed with a raging headache 7 and a half hours ago from 5 hours worth of crying, and i woke up crying too..

@AffyAvo

@AffyAvo

Not a fan of the holiday for a variety of reasons, I'm not a fan of most major holidays. I prefer quiet nights in doing something simple.

I'm single and have been in relationships. My disability definitely impacts my dating. My official disability is from mental illness from C-PTSD. Severe PTSD from interpersonal trauma. I have a history of trauma that makes me susceptible to being targeted by narcissistic-type abuse, psychological abuse, se*ual abuse, etc.

Generally I find that I can manage my mental health better and my PTSD responses if I manage them alone. Very rarely does reaching out for help or relying on an outside person for help actually assist in alleviating my triggered episodes.

Living with other people therefore is incredibly difficult. It effects my memory and I have a strict need for routine and a predictable schedule.

On top of it my CPTSD generated dissociative identity disorder and many monogamous relationships cannot survive having an alter forward in the body who is not interested in romance, relationship, etc. any of it for a month or more. So polyamory is the better way for me to manage relationships so that all of me can feel safe, secure, appreciated and so that no 1 person is attached to an oscillating flaky mess for their relationship needs.

So that our partners can go other places when certain alters are unavailable or blocking the relationship.

I'm also developing a physical disability with a hand injury that adds to chronic pain and difficulty managing basic tasks throughout the day. There's a balance of relationship accommodations and I don't like having people do things for me unless I ask first, navigating how to be supportive and helpful to one another is a long arduous journey.

How is today going?

Feeling pretty productive. I had to wash the compression gloves for my hand, but I found another exercise routine I can do to help alleviate some of the pain and that's been helping in lieu of the gloves. Got the laundry done, cat litter, vacuuming. Then later I have a dungeons and dragons group after dinner. My roommate also has been less dismissive and mopey so that's helpful.

@AffyAvo

Normally I feel great about it but this is the first Valentine's Day without my fiance. He was KIA overseas in October so thinking about the first Valentine's Day without him is hard.

In a relationship the disability is a factor. However, if there is one thing my man taught me was that if someone truly loves me my disability isn't going to stop them from loving me and enjoying life with.

Today is okay. I passed out late last night so it sucks and I am nervous about my chemotherapy tomorrow. Plus I have gotten no sleep in the last 24 hours so yeah. On the upside I had a chat with a member and they left in a better mood and were so thankful for my listening ears so that made me feel a little good. Hoping the rest of the day is as pain free as possible but I will probably just sleep after the chemotherapy.

Valentine's Day is coming up. How do you feel about the day?

Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. She has passed away . I use this day, her birthday, to remember her , tell stories with my aunt about things we remembered about her, fun stories, and go to the cemetery together to bring her flowers for her birthday. It is a bittersweet day - sad because I miss her so much and joyful because i get to think and talk about her and share a meal with my aunt in memory of my mom - something that she would have enjoyed. I also take this time to talk to her :) ...actually - it's really kind of a very sad day.

If in a relationship - How do you find disability impacts your relationship?

Not in a romantic relationship, but I will take this time to think about my relationship with my aunt , we take care of each other and live with : My disability effects this relationship because I do care for her but I can not run out to the store like I used to for her - and I feel guilty for that. Sometimes I feel like I am a burden on her more than I add to her life.

If single - Do you think disability is a factor or does it impact dating?

Yes - because I can not go out and a lot of physical activities that most people want to do, I can not really go out much at all ( nearly solely housebound but because of my damage to lungs- I can not catch anything, even a little upper raspatory bug so going out in public right now ( this will change if my lungs ever get better, but we don't know if they will) is not something I can not do right now. So there is no way to even have a relationship right now at all. I can not date - ugh, I live a solitary life. It, at this point, looks like I will have to be single for the rest of my life.

How are things going today?

I have been having a rough time, lots of inner battles and tough things going on in my life. Lot's of health fears too. But - I have a lot of gratitude for having my aunt to help support me through this and I am trying to have a positive attitude.

Ugh - sorry for this downer post.

I think my autism can really affect dating. My instinct is to mask it for the first while, and then when they get to know me they're usually uncomfortable or rather I went back to the way I was. It's hurtful, but eventually, I'll find someone who loves all of me.

doing job interviews with a brain injury is hard because they don’t call me back to tell me that I got the job.

@AffyAvo

Hi Affy!

I hadn't given Valentine's Day much thought, other than the other day when I finally got out of the house, as I had to get a shot at the pharmacy, my shingles shot, #1 of 2. I saw all of the Valentine's Day things all over the grocery store, as my pharmacy is located inside a grocery store here. I thought there was a lot of marketing and $$$ geared toward targeting people's spending and impulse buying also for Valentine's Day.

Other than that, I haven't given much thought to celebrating Valentine's Day in tons of years. It just hasn't meant anything special to me in (I don't want to tell you how many years 😊). I guess my feelings aren't "there" for it anymore. So, it more or less just comes and goes on the calendar for me. I do remember how I used to feel when it mattered with someone, and how it was so important with them. It was a big deal with them! Those are very nice memories. 💙

How I feel about v day- it makes me feel lonely and forgotten about. I had a roommate who I was close w and we would get each other things on this day. I moved two weeks ago and still got them a card and drew a picture for them. They didn't get anything for me this year so I just feel forgotten.

Single- I think my disabilities impact dating a lot. So many people are into hiking and looking for an adventure buddy. I have also had past relationships tell me I'm a burden which impacted me a lot and I ended up in the mental hospital. People tend to be pushy too. Like I tell them I can't do something because it will hurt me or I just know I can't do it and they push me to try anyway and get upset that I tell them no.

Things today are ok. I'm trying to spend some time outside and be there for myself but I feel so alone.

@AffyAvo

Hi Affy,

Hope you've been alright. I've been away for a bit with business but I'm back today and i have found just what you have asked me for, by chance, Affy. i have found a question thing that only will allow me to fill it out if I have a gmail account. It has popped up under my bell and this is where I have found it, Affy. Let me go back and copy and try to paste the exact info for you.

@AffyAvo

Affy, Hi I am back, I have the info and the proof you have been seeking all along.

I came under my bell. It was titled: Kindness Week! This week we are celebrating kindness week. click here to to join us in the fun!

You click on this link under your bell and you go here:

At the top of this whole post is from VerseArt(who is a very nice person) 3 days ago Random Acts of Kindness Masterspost

Affy, today is 2/17/22 @ 12:27 am EST, US on the East Coast

This was prior to midnight here, Affy, on the East Coast, when I 1st checked this tonight, when I 1st began getting this conformed back to you, Affy.

There are multiple options within this section, Affy.

As it was still 2/16/22 at the point I was here, prior to midnight, I went to the one with the date for February 16. There were ? you can copy, paste, and fill out. There is a tremendous shout out at lemon ice cream cake for coming up with the icebreaker to the post. If you had fun answering those go ahead and tag some friends!

Then it says here is the masterpost for this event. Be sure to check out all the amazing activities we got to store for you!

There is a heart next to that and here is the February events Masterpost.

Next chart here is the participation form. Don't forget to fill this out and get your shiny seasonal badge.

This, Affy, is still where you can click on and find out where it will enter your participant email address, and if it is not and gmail email address, it will auto fill in the end of your participant email email address and computer auto fill the end of it in with it as a gmail email address, in this participant form.

Affy, if you want my participant email address and can find a way for the computer to auto recognize it, you are welcome to have it, just, not in a public forum. I have nothing to hide and am totally honest with you.

But this is a participant form that you have been asking about and I am so glad I have run across one again. This form is still warning for this information, to be from a gmail address and still auto fills in what it can as it is from a gmail address, even though it is not from a gmail address. It has not quit, and will not quit, and will continue on doing so, as long as it is wanted to be done this way here by the "higher up powers of be."

So, this is just an example of what I have been trying to explain. I have plenty of screen shots of this also, fully showing this also.

Yes, I have many more nights when i have worked very, very hard tireless Lessly, often days and nights in a row and thus an tired and brain tired, yes. I have a lot on my plate here that I do not discuss and a lot does not pertain to any of my disabilities, but things that I must do and things that need doing in an adult life. Enough said about that. You do what you have to do. But I am so often very exhausted and it shows on here when I do come here. I do have many years of trauma, and if you care to do current research, even brain scans and PET scans show brain and memory differences from this and this is from far less trauma than I have. Thus, there is a valid, medical, provable, reason, Affy, + all the business work I have been doing. I am not giving or ever wanting any excuse, just letting you know the facts.

Affy, I am a legit person. if you need/want my login email info, and want to see this for yourself be my guest. I just will not give out my personal info in a public forum. I have nothing to hide, I already have identity theft and much else to deal with as it is. I do not need other crap. but if you want to see what I am try to tell you as the truth, please do so. I will not lie to you, Affy. I have always known you to be an honest, upfront, person on here who speaks your own mind, Please think, use your own judgment as you do and arrive at your own opinion, Affy.

Let me try to copy these screen shots. I just tried. This is going to be difficult for me, I see. They are in .pdf form. I wish I could insert a .pdf link.

ok, it won't let me insert it as a picture as it was a .pdf download but is a ,pdf

but maybe i can open it in a tab on my labtop then try and copy and paste the link, as I see it will allow you to input a link address, I will try this Affy, be back next, Sorry Affy. I am older and so wish I was more hip on the newer, more moderern, easier ways of things, Back when I 1st made a web page it was a huge deal then. I made it in MS Word, with tables, put in the borders all silent where you could not see them and tables and such, etc, and uploaded it to the main server, this was many years, tons of years after Ist was in CS and had to connect with a modem, lay land line kind of phone on a platform and wait for your signal when you got lucky and you got able to connect and yala!....this was after after BASIC and SPaghettic code in software (if you could call it that back then) it was on those old 5.25 black real floppy disks--they had NO cover real very soft and floppy --they would make the 3.25 floppy disks seem like metal, haha. those ol' black 5.25 real, real floppy disks back then were like gold and the prized possessions and the wave of the future to only be of fastly outdated and replaced and everything else, haha. Back then, IBM thought they were going to be A #1 for a long time. I had a job sowed straight in with them but did not want it. I knew something was wrong. It was. I had a good friend that ran the IBM center here and the city here is 900 sq miles, I felt bad for her when things went south. Lots has happened. Lots has happened before me and lots will, I hope happen after I am dead and gone, Affy. We all learn and continue to learn until the moment till we die.

Let me go and try to find a way for my old brain to attach these snippit .pdf files for you Affy. If nothing else, it will mean enough that you know I have been telling you the trugh all along and I have no mental disability, just often a very old, tired, worn out brain, but it is far from dead. In fact my brain is still very good and functions very well but I spend so much of it out during the time I am not here on essential things that by the time I am here, I am about , k-put, Affy.