I've got to get this stuff off my chest ❤️🩹
Hi, so you loving people do not have to read this, but I have to get all of this off my chest. I wouldn't call myself a caregiver but at the same time I am really
To give you all a run down of my personal life, I'm 26 I have this incredible loving wife,🥹💓 we live with my wives parents, no big deal I get along with them both of the time. Unfortunately my wife's mom has so many health issues to the point of we never know what's going to happen.
Before I moved in with my beautiful wife I was a caregiver and a damn good one too, I kept a tight ship, I have all the knowledge I need to help my mother-in-law, and I don't mind I love to help the people I care about. But sometimes the stress is too much, I try to take care of my well-being in general. 💖 From good hygiene to personal care and grooming, not to mention my physical and mental well-being.
Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something I'm not sure what. My wife and I are constantly around her and that didn't bother me, but at the the same time there's this part of me that screams.
Maybe this is a little selfish info don't know, we always are there for her but we wish we could live you know. In a way we aren't living we can't get out of the house unless we are taking her to a appointment or grocery shopping. We wish we could get out spend time with our friends maybe go on a date..
I'm always happy to take care of my friends and family in anyway, that's one of the ways I show my love. 💕 I just get so overwhelmed and honestly kind of scared, I don't ask for help when I do household stuff but that's another thing I stress about, I try not to ask my wife for help because recently her MS has been fairing up bad, and the snotty nephew does things halfa**Ed so I don't ask him either. I just don't know what to do, I try to manage my stress, release that anger and anxiety but I feel like I'm still missing something
Thank you for letting me rant I'm sorry, I hope everyone is doing amazing 💖💖💖
@crimsonRaspberries1486
You don't have to be sorry at all.
You are doing your best.
You deserve to be happy.
It's not a bad thing to want to have a date and some alone time.
Being a carer is hard, you need time to destress 💜💕
Thank you for your kind words dear, I'm so tired always in everyway I don't get the time or enough if I do.. I'm just a that point of I feel like I'm not alive. I'm not s#ic!d$l but I feel like I she given all I can give, I want to support my wife and her mum but it feels like I can't even do that.
I know that me taking care of her mum is a big deal and I know I'm at the end of the day trying my best. But as far as financial support goes I can't because I'm always watching her, and her insurance wouldn't put me on as a caregiver🙂↕️
Last two days the only way id taken care of myself is eating taking my vitamins and sleep 😔 maybe less than five hours
I've gotten no time to take better care of my overall well-being ❤️🩹 I'm not given the time
@crimsonRaspberries1486
Hiya Raspberries
I'm 26 and single and freeee,... Just kidding
I don't got a wife but I got nothing but taking care of my mom when I'm off work, or I simply too tired to do things. And your craving to do something a lil bit fun, selfish, and could be a little irresponsible is very well placed like you are still young.
I say you can convene with your wife, express feeling and concerns. I hope you can plan something that would match your budget and conditions. Either you can hire part time caretaker. Or even take them to dinner. I mean you guys are couple and you guys might plan to have kids and you probably be will have less private time when you have kids around. Hope you have bestest luck to go thru this.
Really appreciate your comment, luckily my wife and I have talked but hiring a caregiver is just out of the question because we have four puppies who are very protective over their mama which is her mom.
Not to mention there are smokers in this house and very messy people it's one obstacle at a time, but it's something she is not willing to do at all which is a slight downfall but it's not at the same time because it's more bonding. Just a couple more inconveniences, again thank you for your response 💖
@crimsonRaspberries1486
Full-time caregiving is very demanding, and usually, the expectation is that it will become even more so as time goes on. It's admirable and heroic that you are so dedicated to providing such care. A major problem with being a sole caregiver is that even if you manage to take a break, that sense of responsibility remains present, often in a very oppressive way, so even when taking time off, the stress of that responsibility takes its toll.
I think that may explain why despite your best efforts at self-care, a part of you "screams." Like everyone else, caregivers need balance in their lives. An essential part of that balance includes periods of time in which they can "let go" at least temporarily of that sense of "looming responsibility." Such a thing is rarely 100% attainable, regardless of the kind of work you're doing. Even people working mundane jobs often have thoughts throughout the weekend related to not wanting to return to work on Monday.
With caregiving, there is a relentless emotional demand that few people can begin to understand unless they have been in that situation. At the same time, the rewards involved are equally beyond the understanding of those who have not performed that kind of work. Regardless of the rewards and best intentions, nonstop caregiving denies a person of physical and emotional balance.
People often deny their need for respite, or in frequent cases, such relief isn't available. Hopefully, peer support such as that which is available here can help.
Nonstop caregiving without respite makes me think of operating a vehicle without ever maintaining it. Eventually, reliability becomes precarious.
In an unofficial way, first as a home health aide, then as a nurse, I often provided respite, so the family could go out and enjoy a meal, or take part in some other kind of diversionary activity. I also put families in touch with agencies that offered respite care. Perhaps something like that is available in your area.
Be very kind and understanding towards yourself. Indeed, you are hero, even if you sometimes feel the urge to go running and screaming into the woods.
Thank you for your lovely message it really does make sense and it's a wake up call and reminder to myself. You must have a very difficult job yourself as I do or any caregiver does.
Like I said in my forum I love to help that's part of the reason why I loved being a caregiver at the official job I was working at. I love helping my mother-in-law and I love how the muscle memory and instincts kick in everyday from being a official caregiver.
Do you have any solid advice for me? If you do I'd love it, there's always room for learning and plenty advice, in order to take care of her my, wife and everyone else I have to take care of myself somehow but all the self-care I do is just not working aside from being on here.💖
Yes it is really very stressing situation.
You must have your take care of your physical and mental welness and at the same time see how far you can take all the responsiblities and add others to from home or they insurance and she will get all needed help and learn to say NO politely. Bc you don’t want to hurt you wife or mother in law. So care fully and diplomatically try get out with your wife so can also feel the realities of like. Also try all other options you have. I am sure you will resolve this issue soon
Best of luck bro, you are not alone we are all here to help each other.
Good night
Hi, thank you very much for your response, I wouldn't mind if she puts me on her insurance to be a caregiver but the issue is I don't have all the legal licenses to be put on our insurance even if she asked. But my wife and I cannot hire someone to take care of her because of the puppies and we are not taking the puppy away from her.
At one point we did go out for a little it was just something small it was just grocery shopping but we still counted it as a date because we don't get a lot of time together as it is but while we were gone she took a very bad fall and no one was there for her so that kind of blew up in our faces. And that was actually a couple days ago when we tried to have a nice outing it was quite devastating to come back and find out like that.
Hi again appreciate the very sweet message that you had sent, I will never see how glad I am to have you guys by my side helping me we are never alone indeed we are always there for each other because it's the right thing to do. 💓
Hey so I’m also a caregiver as well and let me tell you it gets very stressful. But you are doing the best you can to your ability, sometimes it’s hard to find resources to help you out more in your situation I help out take care of my grandpa and it’s a lot. In the end make time for yourself and wife there was a saying that my teachers said to me before I graduated from high school, he said “sometimes you gotta be selfish to find your own happiness” at first I didn’t understand it till I realized how much I helped out with other people’s situation to the point I lose sight of my own happiness, so just remember it’s okay to put your self first even if you feel like your being selfish. But in the end your not because you have done so much you can. And I also say talk to family members figure out a schedule that works between you guys that way it’s not just you and your taking care of your mother-in-law. And I also know your mother-in-law appreciates the help and care you have given her at her lowest time.
but keep your head up because you are doing a great job and you don’t have to apologize it’s how you feel and I get it, it’s frustrating. Just remember your health and happiness matters.
Your right sometimes you have to be selfish to find your own happiness, but that is easier said then done!💓 No one wants to help me out here except my wife and when she is going through a flair up I don't ask for help.
My wife and I try are best, because there is no routine,again thank you so much dear, I'm proud of you for being a caregiver too, it's very difficult and demanding, I often forget what a special heart it takes to be a caregiver...
You yourself are made of flesh and bones. Those have a limit. Have you heard of "the body keeps score" like from my understanding even if you seem fine your body remembers the trauma. It is also "traumatizing" to your body if you constantly push it to its limit. It is great that you are helping and caring and showing your true love to someone dear to you, but it is okay to realize that sometimes things can be out of your control or are beyond your capabilities at the moment. Take a deep breath and exhale through your mouth. You are someone's hero in their story (with God's help)
I've heard of that saying, there is also your body is your temple! Thank you for your message, I understand what you are saying, there have been many moments when I don't get to take care of my well-being and then something bad happens over time... Like a ticking time bomb, 😨
Hey there you are doing an amazing job and it would come back to you way around keep it up take care and remember to take rest when you can
I try my best 💜💜💜💜
@crimsonRaspberries1486
Hello, how fortunate for your mother-in-law to be receiving such wonderful care. No apology necessary. You have been doing the best you possibly can. Being a caregiver can be extremely stressful. In order for you to stay healthy and have mentally well in it important for you to take care of you. You will not be able to take care of your mother-in-law if you are physically and mentally ill. You and your wife deserve some time for yourselves as well. You should be able to have a date night and/or time that you can share together. If there is no one else in the family who can care for your mother-in-law while you and your wife share some time alone, the family can hire someone to come in for that period of time. Many nurses who have jobs are willing to take on part time jobs in people's homes. Visiting Angels is also a great place to find someone who can come to people's home for however many hours they are hired. I wish you the very best.
Hello, thank you very much, Visiting Angels is indeed just as wonderful as Sunrise Senior Living, I used to work for them for a little while, that's how I know what I'm doing. As far as hiring a caregiver for her, she will not let it happen, my wife and I can tell her all about it and try to convince her till we are blue in the face, she will not have any of it. I can see where she is coming from especially as with having three dogs one of them being a Italian Mastiff. Of something happens to her he will turn into cujo (Steven King reference), plus she is so bl***y embarrassed over the way her home looks.
We try to keep her home nice and tight but we are only humans and other residents in this home do not have respect for her ( we are working on kicking them out). I so wish we had the money to have someone take care of her, but even if she allowed it we don't have the money.
All I can do, all my wife can do is just try our best! We bith try to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others including her mother. Thank you kindly for the gentle reminder 🙏🏼💜
@crimsonRaspberries1486
I am so sorry that your mother-in-law will not allow others to care for her. I know you and your wife are doing the best you can. I do hope that you and your wife will find time for each other. You both deserve some self and couple time. Take care. Best of luck.
Thank you very much, gosh sometimes it feels like I'm order to do so we have to sneak around like teenagers 😂
