Craving for a supportive and kind voice :(
⚠️ Trigger Warning: Emotional distress, harsh environment, fear, feelings of worthlessness, and loneliness.
Hi everyone. I hope you’re doing good today. 💜
I don’t really know how to begin this, because my thoughts feel tangled and my heart feels heavier than words can carry. But I’ll try.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m living two lives at the same time. On the outside, I smile, laugh, and act cheerful. On the inside, I feel like I’m slowly breaking apart in silence. I keep telling myself that my pain doesn’t matter, that my struggles are too small to be spoken about, so I keep everything buried within me.
People ask me why I don’t open up, why I pretend. The truth is, whenever I try to share, it ends with regret. I feel questioned, misunderstood, or judged. And afterward, I wish I had never said anything at all. So I’ve learned to stay quiet, because silence feels safer than being misunderstood.
These days, I can’t even sit alone for a moment. The silence isn’t peaceful anymore. It feels loud, overwhelming, and accusing. It feels like it’s reminding me of everything I’m trying to run away from. I find myself using Cups just to distract my mind, because being alone with my thoughts feels unbearable.
The people closest to me speak words that hurt more than they realize. There is so much harshness around me that I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point. Their words don’t fade after they are spoken. They replay in my mind again and again, like an echo I can’t turn off.
I’m constantly blamed. Constantly compared. Every small action of mine feels like it’s being watched and judged. I can’t argue back. I can’t defend myself. I respect them, and in many ways, I love them. So I swallow everything. And now, all of it is hurting me from the inside. My chest feels heavy every single day. Sometimes I even struggle to eat because of how overwhelming it feels.
These comparisons have slowly taken away my confidence, my faith in myself, and my sense of worth. I live in constant fear, fear of when I will be blamed next, fear of what I will be blamed for, fear of not being enough no matter what I do. I feel ashamed of myself for simply existing.
There is a fear inside me that never leaves. Not even for a second. I don’t feel rest. I don’t feel peace. I don’t even feel empty. Just a constant restlessness that follows me everywhere. I find myself being afraid of everyone.
I don’t see kindness, compassion, or empathy around me in my real life. My mom often tells me, directly and indirectly, that I am worthless, a disgrace, and a disappointment. My dad used to be the only place where I felt safe, but now even he seems disappointed in me. Their words don’t just hurt.... they sink deep into me and stay there. My days are filled with guilt, fear, and a heaviness I can’t describe.
I think I have become so used to cruelty that even a small kind word feels overwhelming to me.
I don’t know how to overcome this feeling. My chest feels like it’s burning from the inside. The sadness, the hurt, the emotional weight... it’s all stopping me from moving forward. I’m scared of what pain I might have to face next.
Will I ever get over this?
Will I ever feel genuinely loved?
Will I ever escape this deep, stubborn loneliness?
Will someone ever gently tell me, It’s alright?
I’m honestly looking for advice even if it’s something my heart may resist hearing. more than advice, I’m simply craving kind, supportive words.
Even a few gentle words would mean more to me than you can imagine. 🤍
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Aww my heart goes out to you.
When our closest people seem to be disappointed in us, it feels unbearably painful.
It’s a vicious trap though, between what’s real/ true and what our inner thoughts tell us.
Sometimes other people may not be as disappointed in us as much as we are in ourselves. When you’re dealing with a low self esteem and you’re constantly blaming yourself for everything not-right in your life and of those near to you, it’s easier to look at yourself with criticising eyes. It’s unfair and overwhelming but it’s also very human of you to struggle with seeing yourself in a better light when you’re not doing okay.
Silence can feel comforting as a last resort, when it feels like how you feel and what you have to share doesn’t matter to anyone.
Im superrrr proud of you for trying to reach out and open up here, for allowing yourself a chance at being heard, receiving the support and care you deserve. 💖
You don’t have to continue to bottle things inside, you’re welcome to lay it all here, there’s (almost?) always someone listening, eager to support you and remind you that you matter, that your worth is more than what your current situation makes you believe, that you are deserving of feeling better, happier, accepted and loved for being exactly yourself. That you do not have to carry it all alone all the time. And it’s okay to let people see your vulnerable, not-always-bubbly side too.
Try to be as gentle with yourself as possible okiee? Meaniee inner thoughts might not let you believe it at the moment, but you really are doing the best you can to make it through this moment and it matters more than you’d realise.
Lots of hugs your way. 🫂💖🫂💖
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Hey hi shining… ✨
Sry for the late response… hope u NVM :(
Exactly… it’s truly unbearable when the people closest to us feel disappointed by us, and even more painful when that disappointment turns into words, looks, or behavior that feels like hatred. It cuts deeper than anything else.
I feel so despaired within myself for not being the person they want me to be. I keep blaming my mental health for so many things, and yet I end up regretting it later, like I’m failing from every side.
I’m honestly afraid to share. Whenever I did, they literally used my words against me. Instead of feeling understood, I felt exposed and misunderstood. So I slowly stopped talking. I went silent. It hurts a lot inside, but at the same time, that silence feels stiff, safe, and strangely comforting.
The circumstances around me never really made it easy for me to vent. I don’t have anyone IRL with whom I feel seen, heard, or understood. I don’t have support around me. Cups is the only place that feels like an emotional anchor for me.
Thank you so much, SUN. I’m really trying… slowly… but it’s very hard for me to let ppl in. Whenever someone walks beside me for a few days and I start feeling attached, suddenly a fear strikes inside me. That fear never lets me feel at ease. Eventually, I step away… or they do on their own.
Thank you again… I really hope maybe one day things will be the way I wish them to be. Ur words truly touched me and comforted me more than u know. I’m really grateful for u. I’ll carry ur words with me for a long time. 💝
Sry, it's long... please NVM.
Hugs 🤗.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I'm sorry you are constantly blamed.
And you feel invisible.
Unseen.
That's alot to carry.
And it's so unfair.
Never trivialize all you are going through.
Or feel bad about reaching out.
It can be hard to navigate being you and being happy amongst all this chaos.
Sometimes you feel as if you are pretending.
But it's not that simplistic.
Your family don't dictate your worth.
You are kind, funny, intelligent, creative, loving, you radiate so much energy here.
We take you as you are, and dong expect you to wear a mask, come as you are 💚💖
@Amanda84
Thank you for those sweet words Amanda. it really means a lot from u.
I'm tryna to convince myself that they're words n actions never means what i am but time to time.. their words eating me up alive.. n making it like it's impossible anymore. i couldn't handle the weight of hatred.
I'm so grateful to have you all around me, the way y'all support me... it always means more than it seems 💗.
Thank you for all those sweet n lovely words for me. ❤️ thank you for accepting me as i am... i means a lot 💞
Lovee you too, Hugs 🤗💞
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
girl, I swear I just made the exact post. ❤️❤️❤️
love you. we’ve got each other 🫂
@peachThinker662
Hey hi peach 😊. i missed you a lot, u aren't active much recent days i guess 😭 !! n I'm sry u walking the similar path n sure it's not ease.
Yeah, tysm... we got this together. Hope things will soon ease up for us, sending you lots of love and embrace ❤️
Hugs 💝 
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
miss you too sweetie 💜💜 I’ve been trying to name my emotions out loud and be a little more understanding of myself. It’s a journey 😮💨 I hope that you are able to do the same.
Lots of love!!!! You deserve happiness 💜💜
@peachThinker662
Aww, New pfp 😃? cuteee, love it <3.
Exactly, doing the same... n slowly trying to reach out <3.
Thank you, n love youuu 🤗 
I’m glad you are reaching out … that is a big step…even when you do it slowly. Never understood it entirely until I did it. Proud of you. ❤️
And yes, new pfp, a great friend on cups made it for me . I love it
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Aww love, you are one of the sweetest person I have met over here, one of the nicest ones and hey it is completely alright to feel such way, no one has the right to blame you, you are beautiful, amazing and kind and deserve to be loved just like everyone else. I am sure things will be more than amazing soon. 💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
@scarletBalsam388
Heii sweetie 💞
Those are the beautiful word i came accross this day, thank you your thoughts msg n Love the way u support me... same for you Dear. you're someone so lovely out those Ppl's I've met 💗.
Thank you once agn... love youu..!!❤️
Hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Aww thank you love, good luck!🥰🥰🥰
@scarletBalsam388
Full of my pleasure 💜 
*hugs* <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Aww <3 Hugs received..!! thank you 💗.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Here's some horrible jokes for horrible times to get you to feel not so horrible.
Keep going Ailura! We are rooting for you!
How do you light up a soccer stadium?
With a soccer match
What did the two ocean waves say to each other?
Nothing they just waved at each other
Did you hear about the cyber-criminal who got away?
They ransomware.
Did you hear about the blind man that fell into a well?
He said afterwards, he just couldn't see that well.
What do you call a pile of cats?
a meow-tain.
Keep going Ailura! We are rooting for you!
@WarmHugs00
Lol… this is honestly the best way someone can get me grounded 😂 I love ittt.
“Did you hear about the blind man that fell into a well?
He said afterwards, he just couldn't see that well” ????? 🤣🤣
I just had the sweetest chuckles on my face. I’m really grateful for this… tysm 💗🤗
Sending lots of my love n a warm embrace ur way 💖
Hugs 💞
Hi,
I hear you!
You deserve to be loved, understood, and accepted.
I am here for you.
Your experience, thoughts, and emotions are valid.
You are not overdoing anything. You are doing and feeling whatever anyone will feel in your place.
I am in the same situation.
Fear especially of people. Not speaking to people till I know they will understand. I even test safety with listeners here before I can share. My family has never understood me. I need help and I live with my parents, but I know there is no point of asking them for help. I won't be understood.
Anyway, you can try emotionally distancing yourself from them.
If you live with them, try to move out if it's for work or study.
I continued to stay with them while my brothers left this environment long ago. My brothers live a way better life.
You will meet people who feel safer.
I understand using 7 cups as distraction. Sleep is my avoidance totally. It is ok.
You are loved. You are welcome here. You are welcome to unload whatever you feel without thinking.
Loads of hugs!
@sociableDrum9946
Hey sweetie..!!
First of all, thank you... u completely resonate me..! it made me feel less isolated.
I'm sry to hear that u walking the similar path. ik how devasrating it was. i see u.
n abt parents, wow...! u just hit the point straight, i love the way u put it. n yeah.. i totally agree with u, there's no point of sharing stuffs, eventually they use it against us or they criticise:(
The worst part is, also my brother left home. it's been year's:(
Yeah, 7 cups is being my only support than anything. tho i don't have any support IRL.
Thank you for those lovely n supportive word's for me, it mean's a lot <3. you're not alone tho, we got this together... let's get healed together. 💗
Sending lots of love and blessings ur way 💞
Hugs 🤗
@Ailurahilelove8tear9
I just noticed this before trying again to sleep, if you are anything like your presence here on Cuos then they must be blind. You are quite simply an awesome supportive and loving presence, I'm not alone in appreciating you ❤️❤️
@RunningMachine
Aww <3, thank you so much for those lovely n supportive word's. it honestly made my day n brought peace to my heart for a moment. mean's a lot for me, i completely mean it 💗
Sending lots of love and peace ur way 💞
Hugs 🤗
Hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I relate a lot to what you said.
Our minds can seem really convincing about the things it tells us, but it doesn't mean it's the truth. You are so strong for what you're going through, and it doesn't make you less than anyone else, it makes you human.
Every one has their own story, their own battles, and yours is just as valid as anyone else is. You are not a burden, you are Enough, and you Matter. What are some things you enjoy doing for fun? Maybe you can treat yourself to some ice cream, or maybe dance to your favorite song.
The most important thing is that you give yourself the same kindness as you give others. It's not a bad thing to put yourself first. ✨️
@4oreverStar361
Hi Star...💕
Thank you so much for ur supportive word's, those are beautiful n heartfelt. That's so kind of you.
Yeah, I'm trying to convince myself what u mentioned... no matter how hard i try, i wasn't seems to be working. if i does for some while n then agn I'm in the same environment, same words, cruelity. so, i fall agn... suddenly everything feels okay n agn i fall for year's. it's going constant n idk... I'm just so exhausted.
But yeah, i hear you... their words would never define what i am, hope someday i can able to take it close to my heart.
n for fun..... i do watch movies / series, Anime's, walk, especially i love cupsing.
Thank you for taking ur precious time to support me, means a lot. 💕
Hugs 🤗.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 I know this feeling all too well, how someone's words can stick with you and replay in your mind. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It can be almost impossible to live up to other's expectations because they often change the goal post. Nothing seems like it's ever good enough. The fault often lies within themselves, maybe they're so unhappy with themselves that they feel it's easier to put that weight onto you. It's not right of course. The people in your life should lift you up, not tear you down. You can love someone but not like who they are as a person. Sometimes those closest to us inflict the deepest wounds, especially when we desperately want to make them proud