Guilt is eating me up
I have hurt someone I care about. I didn't realize she was hurting. I was triggering her past trauma.
You don't realize how pain devoures people until they reach the last point. She did, then she deleted all her accounts.
I have no other means of communication. I want to apologize. I want to say sorry for what I did. I want to say sorry for not realizing it. She was such a sweet person. I messed up.
I thought I could move on. But it's been a month and I am still agonizing over it.
The fact that I hurt a good person so bad.... Its unbearable
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
I can see how much you care.
And you are not a bad person.
You are kind.
Caring.
And you cannot always know what'll trigger someone.
It's difficult you cannot say sorry.
But you might have to let this one go 🩷
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
Sadly, in the world of connecting online sometimes we do not get the chance to say things we wish we could. Deleted accounts or blocked etc makes us unable to say sorry or explain.
if you think she may ever look at your account you could post a sincere apology and hope in the universe they see it.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
Hey dear ❤️
I'm so sorry to hear that you going through such things:(
Self blaming is something so intense to carry n I've been there n still...! n i can somehow relate things of what u mentioned. ik the suffering, it suffocate 😞. we lost ourself in such thoughts constantly - day n night - all the way...!! 😔
n look at u..!! you're kind, n still regretting things, that say's who u r. no one knows what would trigger other's, dear. n the thing is it's not ur intention. so, pls don't be hard on urself..! ik it's hard to get over such things but still i want you to move on.
We all make mistake, n our mistakes never define us who we are ( even it's harder to me to accept the fact but I'm slowly moving on ) n ik not everyone are the same but I'm certain that you're a good person:) i see you 😊 i see your beautiful soul. 😊💗
Please don't be hard on urself, dear...!!!🙏 you're not alone in this, we walking besides u ❤️ hope things will soon ease up for u 🌸
Hugs 🤗
If someone truly love them they don't hurt. You get to know real value of person when they are gone.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
Hi. You have no idea how it hurts when your past trauma is triggered. Its beyond control the emotions and pain we go thru. Its like reliving a whole scene that you are trying so hard to replace it with good memories. I often fear this might happen to me all the time. Not sharing could save me but it could mean I’m not feeling safe with that person yet. Once I feel safe and reveals it, then be used against me. It will shatter my heart into pieces. We often have trust issues and sharing a trauma is a big deal.
Deleting her accounts just means that there’s no way to be able to let that feeling be remembered or felt again. A defensive way to safeguard what’s left of her.
If you know someone who knows her, perhaps they can convey yoiry apology. Knowing that you are sincerely sorry does bring some sort of comfort that you did care. All the best
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
It must be difficult living every day knowing you made this mistake with no way of fixing it. I hope that one day you'll manage to find her and apologize properly as you spill all your sorrows and regret. As for now, unfortunately there isn't really anything to do and you shouldn't torture yourself just because of this mistake. I hope you can reflect on your mistake and figure out how to prevent those same mistakes happening in the future. I know you'll get through this and I hope you find healthier coping mechanisms that will help guide you into forgiving yourself. You deserve forgiveness, and even though you may not receive it from the one you hurt before, eventually you should do yourself a favor and give yourself the forgiveness you deserve. This one mistake doesn't define you, you are more than the accidents that occur.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548 I wish the guy (he could of been a possible bf once again) could apologize for how all went down for us past Sunday. I wish I didn't block him from all social media. Also I'm thinking of desactivate my *** account. This post resonates me. When I read it hoping it was actually him who wrote this and I'm that girl... But no. We had a discussion over WhatsApp about intimate stuff that happened between us. I think there's no turning back. I has to put some limits and he didn't respect it. Anyways. The last thing that he said to me is that I have no value and I'm a waste of time. Now I feel like something's missing in my life.
I hope that you can communicate your feelings to her.
But how... That's what's agonizing me.... I don't know... I have thought of showing up at her house. But man, that's creepy af.
I don't even want to bother her anymore, I just need her to know I never meant it... It's getting too heavy in my heart.
I go to sleep thinking about it, wake up thinking about it, it's affecting everything I do in life.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548 Honestly I don't consider myself very good about giving advices. But I think going to her house is not a good option at least for now. Maybe with time she'll reappear I don't know. Maybe she communicate with you eventually. I hope she does. Just don't put so much thought about it for your own good also. Try to do your things as regurlarly and open up about all of this with someone you have confidence with, let things out.
I know it is wrong to show up at the house, that's why I avoided it.
What do you think about an old school type letter? A physical letter sent to her via mailing service.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548 I think that would be a good idea. A honest apologize. At least maybe that would bring some peace to you as well. Try being totally honest about it and avoid triggering anything that may cause her bad feelings. A month has passed as you said, try giving time to things. Try putting time to the letter and your apologizes. If it takes days to write it then it takes days. I hope that helps... A letter is a good option it means you took the time to put your feelings into it and to apologize is human and mature.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548 and don't be so harsh on yourself... In the process. There's people who say mean stuff and they never apologize for triggering stuff that makes you feel down... Like I said he said to me I have no value vía sms and that hurt me a lot because I struggle with stuff in my life, I struggle a lot because I feel like I'm no good, I'm not enough for many things. Him saying that was a nasty move, I have told him before I struggle with some things in my life so... But anyways I hope the letter bring peace to both of you.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
I read your thread and am going to interject here. An old school letter is i think the best option, but do it for yourself too. It will help you release your guilt, then it is up to her. If she doesn't respond you can move on knowing you did everything you could and it will put some closure on the situation. We all make mistakes, take comfort.
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548 just go talk to her and whatever happens happens
I believe sometimes in life, you just have to let go even if it's the love of your life. I get you want to apologize but right now is not the time. Please give her space, but realize things happen and you are not alone. Sometimes things have to end so something new can blossom!
@selfdisciplinedEyes3548
i know it's hard to give yourself grace... so i'll give some to you. you seem like such a genuine person, and i know you would never would have wanted to hurt her intentionally. it's not your fault, you didn't mean to. it's hard when we can't change the past. you're strong and i know you can overcome. sending all my love <3