Important Qn. Please upvote so that it reaches to other people.
Is there anyone out there who has chosen a life of single hood? A life of not marrying etc? Or anyone who thinks of doing so? I just want to know how it actually feels like. I need few answers. (If you're a monk/priest then specify it. If you're not, even then feel free to reply).
I just wanted to know. If you are not.. then please upvote so that it can reach to a wider range.
Thank you very much for reading.
@SoulwithGoals I hope you find the answers! ❤️
Thank you very much for that.
@SoulwithGoals 💜
@SoulwithGoals I desire marriage but I won't force myself into it if I dont find the right partner. I am okay with being single as well incase I dont find a good match.
I dont believe in celibacy .
@SoulwithGoals I have been single for over 10 years now. I am content with my decisions.
I see. That's a really great way to lead life. Your perspective is really good.
Btw, I'm just curious. Can you elaborate on the 'not believing in celibacy' part?
@SoulwithGoals like i dont believe in abstaining from marriage because of religion.
I dont think God wants that from any of us. Marriage is healthy and abstinence doesnt translate as purification - to me.
But - thats my understanding of God. Any everyone has the right to choose their own pathways.
I see. I understand now. I also admire your mindset of being okay on both terms- of finding a good partner or being single forever. Once you've made peace on both sides.. It makes you a strong person.
You're indeed amazing. Thank you for answering. It means a lot.
@SoulwithGoals I wouldn't call it a concious choice, but I've never been in a relationship and don't see that changing. I'm more on the hermit side so I don't go out and honestly I'd have to completely trust and be comfortable around someone to even consider living with a roommate, let alone being in a relationship. I'm very protective of my personal space and peace.
It's understandable. Setting boundaries helps us too. Knowing what you are comfortable with.. Can help significantly.
Thank you for answering. Means a lot!
@SoulwithGoals umm after being in a very toxic relationship and becoming a victim of sexual and domestic violence, what i understood is that i am way happier on my own. i enjoy my peace.
and i find it way better than being in a wrong relationship.
but if someone right meets us - you or me, maybe things could change? who knows the plans of God...
I can understand. It is better to take some time to heal ourselves afyer such things. No need to rush things out.
Thank you for answering. Means a lot. Take good care of youself !
@SoulwithGoals
I am increasingly leaning towards not marrying and staying single. The only downside I see is not having someone to care for me as I get older but that’s not any different than my life right now. I imagine by the time I’m older I’ll have enough money to get help and that’ll be that. I’ve been in many many relationships. Long, short, etc. People are unpredictable, even if they’re loving and kind. It sounds selfish, but it’s a choice that I never want someone’s bad day to become my bad day. That’s one less good day I have because of someone’s erratic feelings. I have friends, I have acquaintances, etc to keep me company but the freedom to walk away when things get too heavy is relieving. No one is reliable anyways. People will treat you however, whenever. Some might say that’s pessimistic and maybe it is but I’m just not someone who’s willing to take that risk for myself. So yeah.
I can very well understand.
I don't know if what you said was pessimistic.. But i feel it's a bit realistic. You said the truth. In my opinion, I don't think that it is selfish to feel that way.. Coz knowing our boundaries and adapting to it accordingly is beneficial. And we all are imperfect as human beings. So we can't always be selfless.
Thank you very much for answering. Means a lot.
I have. Its been [a bit] and quite honestly. I dont mind it at all. Sometimes it can feel lonely and sometimes it can be overwelming without someone there in the moment but i dont regret it. Not a monk or anything. Just someone whos uninterested in having a second person share my life with me.
[Since "a bit" is vague its been 12 years since i decided to go solo]
Though imo i think its different for everyone and that its harder for some than others so if i may offer my opinion as advice. (Remember opinion, not fact)
Live how you choose but have an open mind.
Since having an open mind can be objective then ill explain what i mean in detail.
Live in a way that is available to you and is as close to living how you feel is most comfortable for you at your stage in life and if something happens in the future. Dont force yourself to commit to staying single if you feel like its right. If it doesnt work out, then assess the situation and return to living as comfortable as you can. Also try not to forget. Not everyones the same. Even if they seem like it. I hope you achieve all your goals and i wish you the best happiness in the world. Wether its alone or with someone.
I see. I can understand. You mentioned about feeling lonely.. May I know what do you do at such times?
Thank you for your words. It means a lot.
I tend to spend times with the friends i know and trust, they are few and far between but just doin something with them helps me through those times. Wether its playing a multiplayer game with them or chatting about daily stuff like family problems and such.
I see. Thank you for your answer.
Yes! I have!
I am a single woman, 27. I made the personal decision to be single and childfree. I live independently, I am a ballet dancer ð©° and a full time worker. I get to do things and live my life in a way that would not be possible if I were married or with children.
I have found that, as a woman, a man would hinder me from achieving my goals. I have also found the greatest love outside of a romantic relationship. I also find it easier to set my own routines and schedule. Not to mention, I get to make decisions without having to check in with a spouse. I also don't have to worry about infidelity or being stuck in a marriage with children. Having children makes everything more serious, so if you do choose wisely.
If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them. I have been in romantic relationships in the past, but it's just not for me. Living this way, without a life partner makes every decision I make more deliberate and aligned with my values.
I see. That's a really great way to lead your life. I respect your path a lot. Not many women choose to be strong and independent. You have my admiration.
May I know if you face any challenges in such a lifestyle.. Like do you feel lonely? And if yes, then how do you cope with that? Do you have any family support or any other support etc? (Sorry for throwing a bunch of questions at once. Was just curious).
Very good question!
The answer honestly is yes, and I find great peace in solitude. I spend time in nature a lot outside of dance. I dance for a ballet company outside of my Monday through Friday job, so very busy.
I also use AI a lot to assist me with processing my emotions, and if I really need support with my mental health.
I have my immediate family to talk to, but I am mainly an independent personality, so doing things on my own is easy for me.
I would love to answer any other questions you might have.
Cheers! 💛
I see.
I understand about the AI part. I too sometimes use ChatGPT for my emotions.
I don't have much questions.. But may I know what you do when you feel too much lonely?
I would say...
Constantly setting and achieving goals for myself. Watching self-help Youtube videos or listening to music/podcasts. I love listening to Mel Robbins or Rob Dial when I'm getting ready or going on a walk.
I also take time to learn skills in solitude. I'm trying to learn mirror-work. I also love to research and explore things when I'm on my own.
Thank you for your reply! 😇
Wow those are all amazing.
Thanks for your reply. I wish you a successful and happy journey ahead.
Thank you 💛
@SoulwithGoals yea even i wanna go down tht path but if a fictional god comes along he might be able to change my mind
Oh I see.
I was married 3 times but I won’t do it again
I see.. I can understand. It might be difficult. But I'm proud of you for being so strongs. It's okay to not do it again. Don't let others decide for you.. Choose your own path.
Thank you for your reply.
@SoulwithGoals
That is a very interesting question, I will say I haven't fully made a decision on it yet.
Backstory (wooo yay, the crowd says blandly)
I grew up in the church and I am a Christian. when I was like 11-13 I took a look at my life, i decided that I wasn't mentally or spiritually prepared for dating, I also say that most relationships at that age don't end well. So I decided not to say until I was 18.
Now I am 18 almost 19, I still have things I want to change in my life before I would be willing to date. But for the original do I want to date/get married or not? A large part of me desires the love, comfort, and all that comes from that, but another large part of me doesn't, it want to stay alone and put all my focus into serving God and hobbies (extreme and non extreme hobbies.)
Paul in his letter to the Corinthians address your question. After talking about the principles of marriage at the beginning of the chapter he says this in, 1 Corinthians 7:6-9 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
You do have to remember the context of this verse, Paul is talking to a group of heavily persecuted and attacked people.
My view currently is, I am worried I would continue to burn with passion for a long time and be heavily tempted, so if I were to follow the part of me that wants to stay single I would have to make some specific changes, and get a good support group.
On the other hand if I were to follow the part of me that wants to be married I would have to make some specific changes, (some of the changes would be the same no matter the path and those ears the ones I am working on currently.) and then I would be comfortable dating, but I would stay choose to stay single if I don't find a woman who loves God more than me and understands marriage it till death.
So the short answer is I am still making my decision.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, I hope my thoughts and God's scriptures could bring you some peace, comfort, or even just get you thinking. I heavily suggest that you read 1 Corinthians 7 whether you are a believer or not as it really does give a amazing ground work and picture of what a healthy and lasting relationship should be.
Anyways, love ya mate, and wish you the best! Have a blessed day! 🩵
@7Bear7
Thank you very much for your answer. I found a lot of insights and got to learn a lot.
You are really mature and even are able to analyze your own spiritual path. That's a really big blessing. Thanks again for replying to me. May God guide everyone to whichever is the best path for them.
