It's hard being undateable
And the loneliness, sexual frustration and self-hate that comes with it
@pinkfloydFan6226
What makes you undateable?
@determinedSea4370
And is having a partner really that important in life? I feel like society puts romantic love up on a pedestal, but there are so many other kinds of love out there that are equally, if not more, important. Just look at the Ancient Greeks: there is not just one 'love'. Philia (deep bonds, regardless of sex or romance), Storge (familial love), Agape (selfless love, a love for everything), Philautia (love of the self= considered by the Greeks to be the most fundamental, because you have to love yourself before you can effectively give love to others).
Obviously, I understand the sexual frustrations and the yearnings that come from not having a sexual/romantic partner. The only advice I can give on that is to throw that energy into sports/exercise and creative outlets. And in turn, engaging in those activities with others may lead you to gaining philautia and philia which can then lead you to eros and eventually storge, if you see yourself having a family in the future.
@determinedSea4370 I feel you bro when I was dating someone i inidvertly made them feel bad and I didn’t even realize it until after I didn’t mean to make them feel bad I guess that’s just how I am
@proactiveCamp57 But at least you're dateable
@pinkfloydFan6226 this is really upsetting you isn't it🙁 have you ever dated anyone?? Even like when you were younger?
@Tinywhisper11 Briefly, yeah
@pinkfloydFan6226 that's good 💖 you know sometimes when I'm feeling bad about the way I look, my one carer she does my makeup and does my hair all pretty🙂 sometimes she dye's it and she paints my nails and it just gives me so much more confidence in myself 😁💖 so perhaps it would help you to maybe get a new hairstyle or hair coulor even a new wardrobe try something a bit different to mix things up 💖
@Tinywhisper11 Won't make me any less weird lol
@pinkfloydFan6226 yeah I hear you 💖 I always think I'm a freak well I don't think I know I am. That always depressed me until someone told me to embrace my inner freak don't let it be a bad thing 💖 so embrace your weirdness because of you see it as a good thing then you can make it a great thing💖
@Tinywhisper11 you are not a freak in any way, shape or form 💜🥰
@Amanda84 thanks sweetie 💖 I can hear people tell me I'm not a million times, but I still don't believe it🙁 but thankyou💖💖 love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11 I will tell you everyday until one day you see just how wonderful you are and how others perceive you 💜🥰
@Amanda84 💖💖💖😘
@Tinywhisper11 ♥️
@Amanda84 You can tell me everyday for the rest of my life and I still won't believe it 😂
@pinkfloydFan6226 that's because you need to change your mindset 💜🥰
@Amanda84 I can't
Honestly it’s okay to feel this way. Truly, it’s okay to feel down. But that doesn’t mean it’s true. The thing is we end up personalizing others thoughts and opinions. Because we’re human we want to feel safe. So us feeling like we’re not “enough” or “weird” or “awkward” is a way to feel safe. I think I’m at a point in life where I feel content with who I am. But it took a lot of mindfulness, intention, and acceptance to get to that point. Even then I still have my days. But the thing is the human mind wants us to feel in control so we tell ourselves things to not get our hopes up. Maybe you don’t see how special you are today, and that’s okay but once you realize that you don’t feel this way about yourself and that’s it’s what the mind has interpreted you’ll realize that you are something so powerful. You’re you and no one could take that from you. Trust me the world is filled with millions of personalities and we’re lucky that you’ve been one of those.
I feel ya...❤️
@pinkfloydFan6226 As someone who has never dated, I understand. I don't know what your struggle is, but I have struggled with not liking others seeing or noticing me. And, if I don't think that I am worth being seen or noticed in a positive way, others probably won't be able to, either. I don't know if this helps you. I used to use humor to hide the real me. My mask was a really funny, outgoing, overweight storyteller. Maybe you aren't undateable. Maybe you have a mask like I have had. If you do, others can't see the amazing, real you. I hope that you find what you need.
@pinkfloydFan6226 and what about that case when you are very pretty and dateable and kind-hearted and loyal but still have to suffer a horrific romantic rejection? Yep that's me and my case is the worst. I am an almost 22 year old girl, I love him since 11 years, he is my first crush and only love, and despite my qualities, my love is brutally one-sided. I had even imagined our marriage. It sucks.
You ever think the way you feel might have something to do with your childhood? I’m 43 yrs old and oh have I had my challenges with relationships , as I get older I see more and more where it stems from, my childhood. The feelings of never being good enough or always having to defend myself even over stupid things. Growing up I was a professional figure skater, had everyone telling me what to wear how to look and act, I was pretty much a robot. I own a successful dog walking business now, my mom still tells me how can I tell people my daughter is just a dog walker. My boyfriend, that I love and is great, will say something as simple as dress up for pictures and it triggers me to my child hood. Just something to think about. As I got older I learned to try to not take it so personally and not everyone is attacking me.
@friendlyAcres2509 I think it's just to do with being a weirdo (recently self-diagnosed Asperger's) and not having the looks to compensate for it
There is nothing bad with being different, I’d rather be different than like everyone else! I know someone who has severe asberger’s, he has an amazing wife and a phenomenal job being an architect. Just be patient and you will find someone!
@friendlyAcres2509 I've tried, but it's been too long
@friendlyAcres2509 Plus, the only thing I'm good at, guitar playing, is hard to make a living out of
@friendlyAcres2509 Other than that, I'm *** at everything else, I'm *** at life
Hi. I have Aspergers. :P
It will happen when you least expect it!!
@friendlyAcres2509 🤦
@friendlyAcres2509 No, it shouldn't be taking this long. And anyway, why would anyone want me?
No it won’t
Because you are honest. That is a quality that is innate and rare. You are not a diagnosis or a skill or a job, you are a whole person. You may not understand yourself right now, but that's ok.
@generousComputer6382 I understand that I'm a ***-up, and I can't seem to do anything about it
Believe it or not but you're not alone. Being a good person, can make me feel scared to act like other guys etc. Had one proper relationship. Scared of rejection (always feel like why would someone choose me). Also, I like girls who are caring, etc...
It will work out bud. Like others have said, the key is confidence. Sometimes I guess its a good thing, so you can actually find that right one
@JamieT123 Confidence doesn't work for everyone. And as much as I appreciate you trying to convince me it'll "work out", I'm not buying it, sorry
I can understand. It's hard wanting to be desired by another person.
I'm the opposite. I really dislike when people think of me that way. I can't reciprocate the feelings because I have no sexuality.
🐠
@GentleFish Can I swap places with you, please??
No way! I like where I am. I prefer the relationship I have with myself and the friends I've made along the way.
However, you can join me in this.
One way I've learned to deal with what you're going through is by confronting those thoughts and feelings when they come up. I haven't had or found a forever partner. Not that I'm looking for one. But the relationships I've had taught me more about developing a relationship with myself before trying to have a relationship with someone else.
I recognized that relationships being up a lot of complicated emotions for me. Especially guilt and shame. I'd always feel like a bad friend or a bad partner because I relied too much on others, and not enough on myself.
I'm not saying that's the case for you. Just food for thought.
Why do you want to be in a relationship? What do you think it would do for you that you can't do for yourself?
@GentleFish Imagine going through a long dry spell, women not being interested in you, and seeing them with other men
@pinkfloydFan6226
It sounds like you're feeling jealous. And maybe have an underlying fear of rejection. That's a really tough space to sit in. Feeling unwanted while watching others find connection can bring up a lot of pain.
@GentleFish Oh, it does!