Ogled by Men
I just got stared at twice by a man, and given attention I didn’t require.
This is why I wear such baggy and ugly clothes (besides my sensory issues). To not be seen or noticed.
I just want to cover myself up and be invisible to men.
I am NOT an object. Do NOT leer at me.
@jesusredeemedme2425
That sounds really uncomfortable. I can only imagine how invasive that felt. I relate about the baggy clothes. Your boundaries deserve to be honored
Sending supportive beams your way
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm sorry you experienced this.
I don't know why more men don't just read the room, when like to be complimented and to feel desirable and wanted but not by absolute total strangers.
Value the person first 🩷
Exactly. He was just some random stranger I’d never seen before.
@jesusredeemedme2425
That's not on or needed, I can't tell you what I would have done to him 😂🩷
@jesusredeemedme2425
everyone deserves to have a freedom of choice, the clothes they want to wear and the decisions they make. I'm really sorry that the freedom has somewhat been taking away to you by some fellow men. 💚
@jesusredeemedme2425
Got it. Sorry you went through this. When this happened to me, I started to stare right back in my 20s or call the man out (in the subway, for instance), but I had to learn how not to be afraid to do that.
@Fradiga
Next thing you know he grabs his cam and you go viral as Crazy Karen annoying an innocent citizen 😄 The world is not fair. But love your courage 😍
@LadyInSilence
Guys are not always dangerous or that clever though. There is a difference between possibility and probability. I often decide on that before I make a move.
@Fradiga
Smart lady. You should start giving training 😍
@LadyInSilence
Well, thank you for the big compliment! This is something I explain a lot to my 12-year old grandson at the moment but there are instances, during the 7cups chats, when this becomes useful too. It is the same as "on a scale of one to ten...."
I've experienced this at my most vulnerable, one just after a major panic attack, it's like they zeroed in on prey... Ick..
Now I mostly give off unapproachable vibes but I've taken back my wardrobe, slimmer fitting, pretty colours, style that makes me happy..
I have earbuds with loud music on though, I'm oblivious and that's my preferred state :)
Just ignore or I've now perfected my grouchy look to such an extent it's almost natural
@ScrabbleBrain
(73F-fr) You should not have to do that, just in case one man in 5000 leers or another in 500,000 would assault you. This state of mind of yours is very much a young lady's anxiety, where possibility and probability are confused.
Your issue might also be a common problem where you live, and other females may have the same complaint.
I was not a fashion plate, but long dressed nicely for work (grooming was important) and if some unknown bloke was giving me an appreciative look on his way, well, all the better for my gratification. Sure sometimes a team of outdoor workers could whistle at me, but hey... that was a game and I could ignore it or just smile and wave without stopping. I was more self-conscious about the fact that I often carried strange things, like a music instrument, which would grab the attention of any passer-by. Remember that you have better manners than those whose gaze is a tad too insistent.
That said, I was almost mugged twice in my life (both times in NYC) but had the reflex to change my route just in time. The police knew them too when I walked into their precinct to make a report.
@Fradiga If you're followed home, cat-called or harassed, you have to do what's best for you. Sometimes it can be flattering to receive a smile or compliment but most of the time, the only way I am left alone from unwanted attention is to scream at the top of my lungs, Stop following me or I will call the Police.
It's a scare tactic but the only one that works, saying calmly/politely can you desist, doesn't do anything, some men are taught to be scarily persistent.
It's not a nice feeling at all.
@ScrabbleBrain`
@jesusredeemedme2425, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're absolutely right: You are not an object. You deserve to be seen with dignity and humanity. You are not alone in having experienced this. Their inappropriate behavior is not your burden to carry. Brush them off. You are a human who walks with dignity, grace, and purpose. They can't steal that.💙
I’m really sorry to hear that, male gaze is a gate to lust. It must’ve been so uncomfortable for you. That’s why Muslims completely cover themselves. So there’s really Nothing to see 🫂
I don’t understand how they can’t respect your boundaries since you wear baggy clothes to not let such thing happen.. Mashallah sister 🫂🤍
Tbh sometimes I’m jealous of Muslim women… covering everything, with less chance of being leered at by men…
Not every mens are bad ..be strong...if it's happens to u again, just call him " Grandpa" (to know his place)....
Maybe it wasn't his intention to make you feel that way. (I don't mean to minimize what you feel) With autism being looked at can feel intrusive and overwhelming. Sometimes sunglasses help provide a sense of security and privacy, making it easier to be in public spaces without. Do you think something like that could help?
@mytwistedsoul
That's an excellent idea !!
@Fradiga Thank you!
@jesusredeemedme2425
Men's brains are not quit built the same way as us women's and most of them do not even realize that the way they look at us is felt like another of those micro-aggressions. Most of them truly think they are inoffensive. Some do a double-take because they are not sure they've seen you before.
I would understand that if you have been abused or been in really tricky situations in the past that it re-opens wounds, however. The rest is a measure of self-confidence. Some women go diametrically all the way to flaunt their "assets", and practically call to be stared at or more.
When I lived in Japan, I resided in an area of Tokyo where it seemed I was the only "gaijin". Of course I caught a lot of attention everywhere from men, but I felt they were harmless and culturally, their behaviour was decent. Sometimes, a mate of theirs would ask me to forgive them because they had drunk too much. Being aware of Japanese manners in such instance, I would immediately answer with a gesture that I felt no harm and that I understood their reaction. Of course, Japan is a rather safe country.