Today We Endured Abuse…
TW - abusive driving
Today my mom and I endured verbal abuse and more, and it really triggered, scared, terrified us both…
A friend (more like acquaintance) offered to take us to a beloved coffee shop. She knew my mom’s been feeling very nauseous and dizzy (see my other post). First she moved the steering wheel back and forth and shook the car around (not a good or kind idea when your passenger is nauseous and dizzy!), and then she LAID on the gas and sped down the freeway, laughing and citing that she wasn’t used to her new car yet.
Then, she told my mom off about giving her directions to the coffee shop (which she had wanted).
After that, my mom wanted the woman to stop using her phone while driving (we were on the freeway). She suddenly started yelling at my mom. Not just telling her off. Yelling. With intense anger. With an “IS THAT CLEAR????” at the end. It was absolutely terrifying and my mom and I both froze, scared. We were trapped in the car (the woman was driving), we were on the freeway, and we couldn’t leave. I was so scared… My mom was scared the woman was going to hit her.
And then very soon after that, she suddenly switched back to a congenial personality. It was so confusing and it made no sense… It was very Jekyll and Hyde behavior.
This isn’t the first time she’s treated us badly, and been overbearing, but this was WAY worse than before. I haven’t been this terrified by someone in a long time.
When my mom and I finally got dropped off at home, we talked about it and then immediately blocked her. Her abusive behavior was scary and uncalled for, and boundaries need to be set.
Both Mom and I were very triggered and afraid. We’ve both been abused in multiple ways in the past, and this behavior brought back memories we didn’t want to remember.
Thanks for listening… I needed to write this down. When you tell someone your struggles, the act of telling someone, or writing it down, takes away some of its power. <3
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Thank you for sharing! You are loved and valuable!
I’m sorry if tagging you guys annoys anyone… Sometimes I just need to feel heard. Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming into the void… Tagging people helps. Faster responses. Diminishes the pain, the sadness, the fear…
@jesusredeemedme2425 That's really heartbreaking<3 all the fear and confusion you both must have experienced. It hurts me that you had to see your mom in such a dangerous situation. I'm sending you both so much love and warmth<3
I hope that person stays blocked forever. The environment she created was so hostile and unsafe. I'm really sorry that you both had to go through that. I'm also proud of you for being able to talk about it here<3 She broke your trust is such a frightening way, I'm sorry about that.
Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. And when old pain resurfaces, it's completely okay to process it in our own way<3 Take all the time you need. We are here for you and your mom.
@jesusredeemedme2425 that made me cry 😢 I'm so sorry you both had to deal with that🙁 I love you and mrs Fred very very much and I hate to think you both were so scared. I'm so glad you blocked her, I hope you never see her again. Anger is just one letter away from danger😥 hugs you both tightly 💖 I hope your both ok 💖 I love you 💗
That's horrible... I'm so sorry to hear this, and whatever issues that lady has, I hope you don't ever have to see her again. Don't let it stay with you.
A little late for that. It made me SH. The pain, the fear…
Ugh... I know what that's like all too well... you didnt deserve being pushed that far, and she doesn't deserve any power over you... I wish I knew how to make this better. : /
I do too.
And the thing is, it wasn’t even me who got yelled at, and I was terrified…
Why do I attract abusive people??? A guy tried to break my finger and threw me out of his car two years ago. He broke me and now I’m scared of men. And now this?? With a female????
The really bad thing is that you were trapped there...
You truly didn't deserve this
Maybe I’m destined to be a punching bag my whole life.
That's a purpose for no one. You do so much else, and it's not ok for people to just put their issues on you, you know?
@jesusredeemedme2425
*Trigger warning: heavy content*
That sounds terrifying. And it reminds me of my mother.
She would be so kind. She would garden. She would make lovely meals. She would clean and talk and smile. But then she would fight, yell, drink and do drugs, and it culminated in a stabbing. Non-lethal, not the point.
I remember one night she chased me and my sisters out of the house screaming she was going to kill us. I was so terrified I could barely get the door open.
It's just... why? What is the reason for such madness? My mind needs to know.
Mental illness is a beast. We don't understand it yet. You didn't do anything wrong, and you likely won't be able to figure out exactly why this happened. So now you're left with a lot of uncertainty.
You can be certain you did the right thing by blocking and moving on, and opening up about it here. Bottling things up builds a kind of potential for collapse. You can be certain that God has a plan, and he understands why madness exists. You can be certain I have faith your struggles are meaningful and in time everyone will come to understand these things.
Don't let uncertainty defeat you. It might be hard, but if you can radically accept that nature is taking its proper course, you will find peace. I know it's a little hollow, but such is the nature of reason.
Practically? Listen to music that reflects your state. Read things you enjoy, appreciate art. Act in defiance of this darkness and be a light that never gives up. The more you love yourself, the less madness wins. It is certainly a battle, it's not easy. I feel for you so much!
I wish I could just fix things, or at least make it a little easier for you to cope. You have it in you to recover from this, just try treating yourself like you treat others on here.
I try to tell myself, “She’s gone, you blocked her, you’ll never see her again”… But my mind isn’t accepting that I’m safe now. I’m still in shock and terrified… Tense and fearful… I can physically feel it in my heart.
My mom said that one thing she learned in her DV support group years ago (yep… lived through that too) is that you will never know why. And that’s one of the hardest things to learn…
@jesusredeemedme2425
I fully believe you may never know in life, but God, knowing everything, will tell you in the end.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I'm so sorry you and your mom had to experience something so frightening and upsetting no one deserves to be treated that way, especially in a moment of vulnerability. It’s incredibly brave that you listened to your instincts, protected each other, and set a boundary by cutting her off. Your safety and peace of mind matter so much, and I’m glad you’re both home now and not alone in this. Sending you both so much gentleness and care right now.