Weekly Prompt #13: How do you compare yourself to others?
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good week.
In the last week, we discussed Have you ever experienced emotional burnout? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt is: How do you compare yourself to others?
Comparing ourselves to others is a common human behavior that can either motivate or demotivate us. It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives, achievements, and possessions to those of others, but it's important to remember that we are all on our own unique journeys.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
I try not to compare myself to others.
@purpleTree4652 that's great to know purple. Comparing yourself to others can be difficult. Focusing on your own journey and progress can help you feel more centered. What helps remind you of your own strengths and progress?
@ASilentObserver
focusing on your own journey and progress can help you feel more centered. What helps remind you of your own strengths and progress?
lol, oh is that what we're doing? I don't know. I'd have to think about that.
I was thinking that when I lived next to an extremely wealthy community, I got in the habit of not looking at the houses and the people that I would see in them. If I am reading the news and they highlight someone wealthy, and famous, I don't read the article. If someone is walking past me who I think is beautiful, I don't look at them.
@purpleTree4652 I hear focusing on your strengths and progress can be helpful. What kinds of things remind you of your strengths, without comparing them to others? I'm glad you were able to find a healthy way to manage those feelings and focus on your own journey.
@ASilentObserver
My listeners on 7cups always tell me I'm strong. I do know that I will keep going and no one can stop me. I'm not sure how else to answer your question.
@ASilentObserver
How do you compare yourself to others?
As it was previously stated “Comparing ourselves to others is a common human behavior… ”
Subconsciously I have done this many times. Maybe it is little narcissism, I have found that I will do this at work when such and such is given special treatment or something of the sort.
In reality, what difference is it? As in other posting I will convey:
I am not the sharpest knife, the biggest hammer, nor am I the best tool for<fill blank>
But I am the most useful tool and the most dependable tool
Which when I read what I wrote, it does give an impression that I am comparing myself to whatever and then giving justification for what I am.
Hmm
@Barltik2065 I understand navigating these types of thoughts can feel challenging. Self-awareness of how they impact you is a good first step. It takes time and patience to manage these feelings in a way that works for you. Focusing on your personal journey and what gives you meaning can help drown out unhealthy comparisons. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Barltik. <3
Mostly in terms of achievements or traits/characteristics. Unlike many here I don't believe comparisons are bad in & of themselves, if you do them carefully.
Whenever I compare myself to someone else, I always try to include perspective. That perspective includes, above all, the fact that if you are better than X in one respect then there is always Y who is better than you in the same way. Ditto for less than/worse off than: if you have it harder than A, there is always B who has it harder yet. What comparisons should teach us is that much of human life is relative...
Hierarchies exist & always will, as long as humans remain social animals & any trait (& any resource) is not equally distributed.
But one's place in a hierarchy does not by itself determine one's worth as a human being.
Very well said. Majority of life as we all know it is a comparison in one shape or another. It’s something all humans struggle with regardless of economic status. It’s the economics that we all see all the time but that is only one facet of the gem. The emotional and mental sides of people that we do not readily see is what should be on the forefront but those are the parts that people choose to hide.
Knowing that this unfair, biased method of manipulation exists, one would be wise to create mental and emotional blocks so that the effects do not last as long.
@slowdecline48 Very cool, <3 Comparing ourselves to others can be complex. I hear you value perspective-taking when making comparisons. Focusing on your own journey and the unique qualities that make you who you are can help reframe harmful comparisons. Your self-awareness and willingness to reflect show strength. Please continue being gentle with yourself through this process.
@ASilentObserver Thanks, I'm glad you approve...been wondering if I should gather the replies I post into a collection of some kind. Not sure what I'd call it. I doubt I'll do it, though...got enough on the plate as it is.
I think a lot of the times, when we compare ourselves to others, we often compare to those who are better off than us. Just like how when I'm no longer as happy going to work nowadays, I look at how other people are enjoying their work, or how I'm not working a full-time position, when others my age are already in stable careers, or how all the same-aged people I know, are all married and have their own family, while I'm still single, or how during the early stages of my depression I had no support from family and friends, and seeing how others have support, and the list goes on..
But in reality, there are always people who less fortunate that us, yet, we don't usually compare with those kinds of people. I think that it is okay to compare ourselves with others, as long as we don't think less of ourselves, that we are unworthy of having greater things. To turn it into a positive, we could compare ourselves to others, and make it into a drive/motivation to work towards reaching that person/situation that is better off than us. I most people compare themselves to others, whether it's intentionally or subconsciously, so it is important on how we deal with that comparison, what kind of light do we shine it on?
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk , so very well stated! A big yes to this ^^
@Jaeteuk Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It sounds like comparing yourself to others can be both motivating and discouraging at times. What feelings come up the most when you compare yourself to others?
I think at first, it would be discouraging. But when some times has passed and I look at it in a different light, comparing can become motivating. So, it's mixed feelings, but it gets better overtime.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk yess for sure, Jae. It's understandable to have mixed feelings about comparing ourselves to others. But please know you're not alone in this journey.
@ASilentObserver Hey! I compare myself to others in so many different ways, but I tend not to because it is not the most healthy thing to do. But when I do, it's usually academics; I will set someone as a goal, and I will try to surpass them, and I will learn from them, on how they do certain things to make them "good"
@ThomasX It's understandable to want to compare and learn from others. Comparing ourselves can be complex. What feelings come up for you when you compare yourself to others?
I try not to, but sometimes I feel I should be doing more or better, because others can.
@notewriter0805 relatable
@notewriter0805 It's okay to feel however you feel about this, you're not alone in experiencing these types of thoughts. Focus on being yourself and doing what feels right for you.
Im off and on depending my mood and the situation at hand that day lately I been extra hard on my self because my life completely did a 360 from overcoming so much financial problems mental health relationship issues better my career goals life goals sobriety to completely losing it all losing my apartment relationship got worse more domestic not being able to work due to no child care not having mental health meds or dr or support groups friends nothing just gone like at a lost the little help there is in this area I feel stuck lost sinking like a ship so I def have been comparing my self and other feeling envy and angry at my self for not being in a better soot
@diamondintheROUGH2022 I can only imagine dealing with such big changes all at once has been overwhelming and frustrating. Feeling lost, stuck, and sinking are understandable emotions in this situation. You're dealing with a lot and have faced many challenges lately. It takes strength and resilience to keep going through all this. Your feelings are valid. We are all here with you to listen to and support. <4
Thank you so much I tend to be so hard on my self telling my self I’m being dramatic or over the top with how I feel but come to realize like damn girl your going through the ringer right now and the feelings I’m having are more than natural and normal to have trying to be kinder to my self has been harder than I thought
I tend to compare myself to my peers often. In one sense - the one thing I lack - I only compare myself to the way my friends and strangers speak. I often try to copy them and feel comfortable doing so. I don't really have a voice/opinion or if I did, my family squashes it, so I try to fit in mostly through the loud voices I was brought up by.
I don't really have a strong sense of self. Maybe if I tried more things, I would have a better idea of myself - what things (not people), but what things I like/am interested in.
The other categories of expression, like, clothing, academics, I don't really compare myself with them. It is what it is.
@tealBear2472 It sounds like finding your own voice and sense of self can be challenging when you feel others have influenced how you express yourself. You're on the path to discovering your authentic self through self-reflection.
@ASilentObserver I alway drag myself through the dirt when comparing myself to others. He’s taller, he’s richer, she has a better personality. I find myself doing it on this site. Start off just chatting with 1-3 people then everyone else jumps in and I get drowned out of the whole conversation. And that really pulls my Trigger.
@OnlyDarkness Your feelings of frustration and being drowned out are totally understandable. Focusing your energy on your own interests, talents, and values is a good first step to building your self-confidence, regardless of what others are doing. Comparing yourself to others can make it hard to see your own strengths and value.
@ASilentObserver Thank you Silent I appreciate your reply.
@ASilentObserver I usually just think that others always have something better than me a lot of times, like sometimes I think that some people are pretty, some people at least have a boyfriend, or they're very good at something and yeahh they just seem "perfect" or like they have something really cool in their lives that I wish I had too, or you know when some people have money and they travel a lot...
@mariainfj It's understandable these comparisons come up often and leave you feeling overwhelmed at times. These feelings are natural. Get why focusing on others can be frustrating when you wish you also had those qualities or experiences.