Weekly Prompt #33: What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?
Hello all!
Last week we discussed: Is there someone who has bullied you that you may consider forgiving? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt- What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?
@ASilentObserver haha! Look at the little dog😂😂😂😂😂😂
I have issues looking at people in the eyes, because🤔🤔 it's embarrassing and I don't want to see people's reactions when they see me. Also when it comes to my psychologist trying to get me to talk about certain topics, it's kinda embarrassing too. But otherwise I think I'm pretty open about everything, I'm not shy to say things. I actually have a bad habit of saying before thinking😁❤❤
obs is it freezing weather where you are??? In uk it's gone so cold the past few days. I'm hoping for snow soon😁😁 do you get snow where you live??
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you tiny. It is getting warmer here lately.
Also it sounds like you find it difficult to look people in the eye because you feel embarrassed. How do you feel when people react to you?
@ASilentObserver imagine walking down the street you see a lady whos slightly on the plump side, you smile say good morning, don't look at her any different from a normal person, next you pass a man tall thin, but nose. And you say hi, and don't look at him any differently. Then you come across a lady who is covered in scars, missing legs and fingers. You would not look at me normally, you'd say hi probably out of politeness but, you'd give her a different look
@Tinywhisper11 I understand what you mean. It can be difficult to see someone who looks different, and our initial reaction might be one of surprise or unease. However, it's important to know that people with visible differences are still human beings deserving of respect and dignity. They are more than just their physical appearance.
@Tinywhisper11
I would ask, “Are you Tiny? May I give you a hug for reals?"
@CalmRosebud yesssssss hugs you tightly ❤ I love you
I love you too and you are beautiful, shining from inside of you is a beautiful glow. Anyone can see that.
@Tinywhisper11 I have a similar problem. I can talk to people but I can't look into their eyes.
@BesYar hugs you tightly ❤❤ dw we will get better with this ❤❤
Yes, I am afraid to discuss certain things.
As I get older I feel more confident.
I liked the graphic as well, it’s very cute.
@CalmRosebud haha! Yeah look at the lil doggy😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and hugs you tightly ❤❤❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I love you too. Hugs you tightly back. The lil doggie is so cute how it got right through the gate. But I don’t have fluffy fur!!!!!!! lolz. Obs picks the funniest and cutest graphics.
@CalmRosebud so your not a furry then!?!😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
Bahahaha, I am furry when I am Lionness!
@CalmRosebud Thank you Calm. I liked the gif too. It sounds like you are hesitant to disclose because you fear others may judge you. How do you feel when people judge you?
@ASilentObserver
No, most people just very simply don’t care. They care about themselves.
@CalmRosebud
Lola is exception. So are other people on 7 cups and so many nice people on Sharing Circles.
@CalmRosebud or maybe I have to open myself to the possibility that most people are just trying as hard as they can. They are juggling many things, as am I, and are trying to stay cheerful and positive, and it’s not always possible given the circumstances, some events are worthy of tears and we should all be crying collectively and then picking up our pieces and carrying on.
I wonder why you decided my “why” now that’s a topic worth exploring. Maybe you’re stressed trying to respond to all these people. After all, you’re human.
I would say fingering out how to negotiate through my hip joint pain
@Countrygirl095 I am sorry to hear about your hip joint pains. How has it been affecting you?
@ASilentObserver some days are easier than others, but it's always been an ongoing issue because of the way my hips were formed due to my condition
Afraid of being judged, showing "weakness".
Maybe they don't understand or you hit a "wall".
And maybe also a little fear for yourself, because discussing it with people makes it more real and then you also have to admit your struggles to yourself.
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you are hesitant to disclose your struggles because you are worried about being judged and wanting to avoid that feeling. I appreciate you sharing these feelings with me. How do you think others might respond if you were open about how you are doing?
@ASilentObserver I don't think they will laugh or anything, but they might think things that leave me feeling judged. Maybe it is also a sense of control or perfectionism as well. I think it will also get some pressure of my shoulders, but they will feel surprised as well. Since in my family and direct environment, talking about feelings or in-dept stuff is not done much, so I think they will be surprised where things might come from, not noticed them at all. It would be totally new for some.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
Thank you for asking this question. I've got a lot of reasons for not disclosing what is going on.
1. I'm afraid of who I might be talking to. I was on a hit list. No joke.
2. It is too much trauma and pain to recall.
3. my memories surrounding my trauma are scattered and sketchy. I don't remember what happened clearly.
4. sometimes when a person, starts a thread, such as this one, and asks a follow up question, I answer the follow up question, only to have the OP not answer.
5. i have so many bad things happen to me that I don't want to tire a person out telling them what has happened lately. You would not believe how many bad things happen. I have told an old therapist that I am the Queen of Misfortune.
6. The constant terrible things that I have happen to me cause me to shut down. Sometimes I am numb. Other times I am in such despair that I don't want to speak.
@purpleTree4652
7. I forgot that I have chronic pain that doctors cannot diagnose. At times in my life, I have missed so much time at work/school that I was given special exceptions to continue in the job and/or school.
@purpleTree4652 Thank you for sharing these barriers with me. You've been through a lot, and it makes sense that you may feel hesitant to disclose. Please know, you are in control of what you share and when. I can see how each one is understandably contributing to you feeling hesitant about opening up about your experiences. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to explore these challenges with me.
Fear of judgement. Insecurities. Feeling like it's complicated to explain. Vulnerability because things get used against me. I often feel irrelevant
@mytwistedsoul It sounds like you have had difficult experiences with opening up in the past. Those are understandable feelings to have. How do those feelings show up for you in this situation with your friend?
@ASilentObserver I think I'm confused lol - my friend?
Because I am a very private man, & have been for a few years now. I don't trust too many people with that kind of info. Personal info is personal, you see... I was once dx'ed with "avoidant personality disorder" but really, it's just my basic attitude after the calamities I went through & the lessons I learned from them. This is not a completely safe world for such disclosures, nor has it ever been. I do not believe that will change.
@slowdecline48 It makes sense that you would feel hesitant to disclose after experiencing calamities. Would you like to discuss more about what kinds of calamities you experienced, if comfortable and okay to?
No, Silent, but I appreciate the thought. Nice of you to say so.
This much I will say: one reason why I won't disclose more recent misfortunes is because I do not wish to look like a fool. It was foolish...if I had just followed my gut instinct at a certain point in time, I would've saved myself a lot of trouble after that.
@slowdecline48 I get that feeling, Slow. I understand you're hesitant to disclose more recent events because you're afraid of looking foolish. Part of our role here is to work through those emotions together. Take your time and share what you can. there is no rush. <3 We are all with you
@slowdecline48
that is totally understandable. it's difficult to regain trust after going through misconduct. Opening up is not easy and feels unsafe on many occasions in our lives.
@ASilentObserver
Thank you for this post as I struggle to be open about many things
So here’s what I think my barriers are:
- Afraid people won’t understand or will think I’m crazy
- Afraid I’ll be too much of a burden on someone
- I don’t know when or how to talk about things till they REALLY bother me
- I can’t open up about my trauma or my anxiety without getting anxious
- I’ll be recommenced to therapy when I’ve never gone through therapy successfully because I can’t open up about things
- I can’t talk to therapists about problems because I forget all my problems when I want to share them with someone (I think it’s an instinct or something)
@ivoryDog4942
I feel you on the strange mind wipe that seems to happen when meeting with therapists, or docs/professionals in general. Idk what that's about but just wanted to say that you're not alone in it!
@memyselfandmoth
Thank you, I really needed that! I get frustrated easily, I’m not that patient with myself or people listening to me..
@ivoryDog4942
I don't know if this is somewhat like what you experience, but for me, it can be hard to talk and relate with people/communicate when my anxious thoughts are going a mile a minute, yet i'm trying to keep it somewhat together/composed.
@ivoryDog4942 It sounds like you have a lot of fear around opening up about your experiences. That makes sense, given what you've been through. Please know, you deserve to feel safe and supported as you work through these challenges. You have all of us here to support and listen to you. What would it take for you to feel safe enough to open up?
@ASilentObserver
I don’t seem to trust anyone either. I’m not sure what could help me open about things. But I do know that I’m getting a step closer every time I go on 7 Cups!
@ivoryDog4942 It takes a lot of courage to take small steps towards opening up about what you're experiencing. It makes sense that finding the right person to trust can feel challenging. Please know progress may be gradual, but it's important to keep moving forward.
@ASilentObserver
Hey, great question. I think some barriers for me are wanting to talk about things but not wanting to be probed at. I think in general things have become so isolated and private that it's hard to be genuine but the truth of it is I think you just have to keep pushing and pushing yourself every day to go outside of your comfort zone.
For me with my growth, I've had to learn what is worth sharing and what is best kept private. I've had to learn to enforce my boundaries and respect others, give space and gratitude for their presence in your life.
I hate to worry people when disclosing things I'm going through, things I'm discovering, different things I'm trying... But I have to learn that I *must* come first if I am going to make it through this journey of life. ☀
@memyselfandmoth It sounds like you're recognizing that there are challenges to opening up, but also seeing the importance of doing so. Finding the balance between being private and expressing yourself is a process of learning and growing. How can you continue to push past your comfort zone while setting appropriate boundaries?
@ASilentObserver
What a cute Mini pom 😊
So currently I'm so confused...
I'm going to rant here cause the support room is full...
I recently made a new bestie at school (thank God) and yea we relate, we understand each other. And the thing is, I'm not sure if I should feel concerned or just ignore them when I found out about the **** behind my back.
Me: "But how did you and her knew about me back at 8th grade"
Her: "So there was this circle of gossips and they were talking about you pacing back and forth (I guess when I wait for my mom to pick me up) and yk other stuff... They thought that you're autistic"
The people who talk behind my back about it probably don't fully understand autism but I act odd... I have self doubts about it.
I mean, the thing is, I can pick up on basic social cues. However I feel the need to stim a lot like if theres nothing to do for a second, I'll lose focus and probably either pace back and forth or play with stuff. My mom also told me that I lack self awareness. Like "Look, this person is doing A, why don't you do B?"
My mom thought I'm just ignorant but I feel different. Since I was little (elementary school) , my classmates think I'm weird since I don't initiate social interactions and I stim a lot. And when I wrote a letter to my school counsellor (cause I am good at writing but awkward at speaking), she was like "I dont think you're autistic, you have good grades and you dont seem to struggle in your studies"
Bruh...
I mean, I don't have to be autistic to have these traits but like... I'm so confused... Why do I feel the need to do these stuff? Why do I feel the need to stim? Why is it when I write the words cone out but when I speak it just got automatically held in by fear? Is it possible that I have some kind of neurodivergence?
Also, not only classmates reported about this. Adults had also talked to my mom about this. The people at church reported about this. But my mom thinks I'm normal.
I mean, other people might not be entirely correct but... This concerns me...
And what do I do if I couldn't get tested cause my mom denies it? It's like no matter what I say, my mom is like "You're normal, you're just bla bla bla"
By the way obs, I apreciate you replying to many rants really well, if you don't have much time to talk about my rant or if you don't know much about my topic, you could recommend someone that I can PM
@TheSweetNight Hi night, thank you for opening up and sharing with us. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of confusion and uncertainty around your own identity. You've noticed patterns in yourself that you don't understand, and others have also noticed these things. That must be difficult to grapple with. How are you feeling as you think about possibly being neurodiverse?
@ASilentObserver
But I don't see the sharing circle... It used to be there often but now I don't see it
@TheSweetNight
When is the sharing circle held at the teen side?
@TheSweetNight Night, you can participate in other group chats and Sharing Circle happen at 1.30 am Sunday
@ASilentObserver
What Timezone?
@ASilentObserver
And if you wanna know how I feel about this, idk I just wanna know more about myself