What I Wish People Knew About Bullying

@SoulfullyAButterfly

I wish people would know that words can have a massively detrimental impact and do, in fact, count as bullying. Trying to damage someone's reputation with rumors or "vague posting" on social media is also a form of bullying. It doesn't need to be overt behavior.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

I can't believe Maisie Williams used 7cups. That's pretty cool. You know, in my observation 7cups was much safer back then. These days it feels like if you become vulnerable people would keep pushing their opinions or advice on you. So it feels scary to open up about bullying here.

@SoulfullyAButterfly yeah bullying happens everywhere. In school, college, house, workplaces even in social media. Since people are aware more about 'bullying' now so, some people make passive agressive jokes, advices and that should count as bullying too

@SoulfullyAButterfly

1) What do you wish people understood about how bullying affects someone emotionally?

I wish people understood that after experiencing bullying people lose their sense of self, even if part of it. Part of them feels less then before or often go to a dark place where they experience nothing but fear even though on the surface they are physically in a safe place.

2) Maisie talked about reaching out for support when you’re being bullied. What part of that message resonates with you?

It resonates hundred percent. While experiencing bullying, it's likely that you have been targeted after being seen as vulnerable. That you don't have any support or resources that you could turn towards. Feeling extremely lonely and isolated, feeling helpless is very normal in this scenario. When you reach out and people validates that they see that you're hurting, it's not right for the abuser to hurt you and that you're in a difficult situation, in a situation where your humanity is being stripp.ed off. Then you feel seen and not alone, and you don't feel like you're le.ss than human. That's why reaching out and being supported in a decent way absolutely necessary.

3) What’s something you wish someone had said or done to support you during a difficult time? 

I guess I have written it in the previous message. If they stood by me instead of telling me to "ignore them" and do self care. I tried to ignore my bullies and did self care but what it did is that it made them feel more powerful and made me even more vulnerable because I was exhausted from self care.

Another thing is being told to set boundary without actually standing by me. Setting boundary is the right approach but support is so necessary while setting boundary to bullies.
If the person doesn't have equal power, say they are ill and stuck at home. While the bully is healthy, can move easily, is accepted by the society and has energy then the bully has more power over the person and they use it to hurt the person. With repeated hurt the person loses their sense of right or wrong or that they deserve better.
So instead of forcing and pressuring the person to "set boundary", offering them support and compassion, letting them talk about their problems and validating that "Yes, what you're going through is valid, your feelings are valid", helping them see the situation clearly that "This is not right of them to treat any human like this, it's cruelty or injustice". These kinds of words would help them. Telling them to "set boundary" takes away any effort from the listener and delegates the task to the person who's suffering, who is already dealing with so much. And it also makes them feel guilty and extra small that they can't stand up for themselves. Which only enables the bully.

4) If you could talk to your younger self during a hard moment, what kind and gentle words would you say?

I would say they're so wonderful and beautiful. How others are treating them doesn't make them small. That I'm by their side. That this pain isn't for nothing, this would bring something beautiful. Even thought they feel insignificant and gross now, this would eventually bring something good.

5) What reminder or tip would you offer someone on 7 Cups who is dealing with bullying right now?

That they're not alone, they have help. That they deserve support and being treated like human beings. That I understand their pain.

Conclusion: One listener here supported me for a while when I was being embarrassingly bullied in my own house. They didn't try to fix the problem, just stood by me and was angry on my behalf, showed me the way the person was harming me because I was in a painful dark place. That was so helpful, is so hard to come by. I'm really grateful for this. Another member once said, "I'm angry for you", when I said I got bullied. These two people stood by me and I'm really grateful for that. Even though the member uttered only one sentence it meant the world to me.

On the opposite POV… remember that people bully because they’ve been hurt. They’re protecting themselves in some way from being hurt again. I know because I’ve been on that side of the bullying coin.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

1) What do you wish people understood about how bullying affects someone emotionally?

It is damaging to the self esteem.

2) Maisie talked about reaching out for support when you’re being bullied. What part of that message resonates with you?

Totally. Reaching out to someone older and wiser never hurts.

3) What’s something you wish someone had said or done to support you during a difficult time? 

Confronted the bullies upon my request than laughing at me or the situation/calling me weak hearted.

4) If you could talk to your younger self during a hard moment, what kind and gentle words would you say?

You're not worthy of love and kindness. No one in the world holds the power to bring you down.

5) What reminder or tip would you offer someone on 7 Cups who is dealing with bullying right now?

Please don't hesitate to reach out for support. Sometimes help can come from the most surprising people or sources. Remember that you're not alone. Bullies are usually crack in the head and their actions/words are a projection of their own insecurities. It has got nothing to do with you essentially.

(I'm sorry for using improper wordings. This topic however, is deeply personal to me having had a first hand experience.)

@SoulfullyAButterfly

I wish people realized the long term damage that bullying can cause. 

I know first hand. Self-esteem that's so low it's measured in the negative numbers. Not feeling like you belong anywhere you go. Not feeling like you're worthy to do anything. Feeling like an outcast, a monster, and/or a freak. After so long, you start believing what others say. 

Mom used to say "those bad things are like farts"
this isnt to say ...I am 'for' or against (pardon im not eloquent...im trying to find the words) - I think what it means is...she waters down everything. 
So whenever anything happens, she quantifies it "as a fart" and we dont 'extract revenge' for farts, or hold court orders for them...her way of..pushing everything under the rug
(she does it often)
(but we are not doing a write up on her..of course)

my way of saying...sometimes people do regard bullying as "like a fart" and insist everyone ...simply ignores them. or sweep under rugs.
(again, this isnt about my family...she/Mom just happened to assert her views, ...im using her words as...example, is all)
most things are (in my words) "on a spectrum" or.."on a slider" ...personally.
So, if someone slightly bump into me, or excitedly told me news first (as opposed to, turn taking, for example) - those might be hurtful to stomach, but I can brush them off.
But there are instances where addressing the situation is very necessary (as opposed to...brushing things off).

"all on a slider" I'd humbly contribute, my 2 cents. 

@SoulfullyAButterfly

@SoulfullyAButterfly

1) What do you wish people understood about how bullying affects someone emotionally?
 I don't think my answer would matter because I would imagine it is very rare that a bully cares, and in fact knowing that words can hurt just as much as physical violence may mean that they use them even more to elicit the response and harmful effect they want?

2) Maisie talked about reaching out for support when you’re being bullied. What part of that message resonates with you?
I love Maisie but, the reaching out is something that needs a lot of careful thought now. Often in school a teacher or Head Teacher will actually listen, call the parents AND more terribly get the bully or alleged bully and the victim into a room together to try and 'talk it out in a kind of mediation process.  The victim is often shamed and feels even more bullied but this time by the system too.
That is what needs to be changed, I have no idea why this is still happening - as recent as last month.

3) What’s something you wish someone had said or done to support you during a difficult time? 
I would like to see more people offer support without shame or blame, what has happened has happened and is past. So we need to make sure it doesn't happen again and that all parties can move on and heal. Understanding, using active listening skills, believing, and accepting. 

4) If you could talk to your younger self during a hard moment, what kind and gentle words would you say?
"You will get through this, ignore them as much as you can!"

5) What reminder or tip would you offer someone on 7 Cups who is dealing with bullying right now?
Get in touch, I will listen to you and we will go through this together. There are ways to report the bully, take screenshots, email them to community@7Cups.com  PM a moderator, use the Raise a ticket here https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/requests/new 

For how to deal with bullying in a group support room:-
https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/articles/360026080654-How-do-I-deal-with-a-disruptive-user-in-the-support-rooms