How would you define masculinity?

Expectations like society's expectations for men don't necessarily help confidence or help anyone thrive at all. I think men should be raised to not be afraid to ask questions, and to be able to have feelings. Many men might have a big role in protecting and providing, but it's more important that we're able to learn and grow. If men can't show emotion or see a different way, then it just makes them unable to understand others or their own pain, and it creates cycles of dysfunction. It depends on the individual, but society needs to grow out of these expectations.

Men cry because they're human, when someone who sees a crying men and labels it as weakness, they set their own expectations and the way they'd like to see a man, not what the reality is.

Society wants men to protect, to stay strong, to not show their emotions and just keep them hidden to themselves... I think it's one of the reasons why so many men struggle mentally. The built up anger and frustration, the fear of being judged makes them suffer for years... and when the time comes, and they actually show or try to express how they feel. People make judgements and make them feel like what they're feeling shouldn't be felt. That it's wrong to feel this way... They show dissapointment and shame them for crying.. which only make things worse.

And the things is, most of the times its the men themselves, who tells other men to "stay strong" and to hide emotions... i think it's a cycle... One which flows. from person to person, probably the men who says others not to cry, have been hurt themselves at times when they've tried to show their own emotions to the society. Which leaves a mark on them, some choose to have sympathy for other men, gives them space to be heard and validates how they feeling, and some choose to make them feel the pain they've felt in their experience.

Being strong doesn't mean to not show emotions or look physically 'musculine' true strength is about acceptance of one's flaws , accepting that we're all humans regardless of gender and social norms.. we all feel emotions, men and women both have the equal right to express themselves and to be validated the way they feel comfortable to.

It's not right to expect only men to be protective in nature.

Men deserve just as much care and compassion as anyone else, it can be hard for them to express it at times, but it doesn't mean they don't feel hurt or don't have emotions. Sometimes they just need a little encouragement, love and the space to be human. and that alone can make a difference 🤍

Also, to reply to the part about my upbringing... I was taught to be myself essentially, except from my dad. He wanted a son who would play football and wanted to work on cars. I learned a bit of those, but they're definitely not a hobby. I wanted to do things like cook and sing. Those things are more often seen as feminine before masculine, and so my dad showed less interest in me... In turn, I had less interest in him too. I had plenty of a community to raise me while he spent most of his time absorbed in work and side-projects.

@Amanda84

@Amanda84

Great question. I think most men are struggling currently based on the pressure from society. Yes it is our duty to do these things, but in the midst of doing the things you listed we face obstacles. We have limited resources to express ourselves and while there is a few, I do believe men are criticized as weak or less masculinity causing us to suppress our feelings and emotions. 

I believe masculinity is finding the balance between performing the role society expects of you and satisfying natural desires that come from being a man.

For example: society wants men to provide, and my natural impulse as a man is to take care of my family. The balance I find between this is having the strength to keep a stable job, which is my masculinity but is not just masculinity; for some people, femininity results in the same drive.

I don't care for the stereotypes of men don't cry, men provide, etc. because it's not representative of all men. They are irrelevant to my personalised and individual version of masculinity... but I didn't have a male role model growing up, so I had to feel it out for myself based on the women around me and their reactions to my behaviour. I've learned that the women around me value loyalty, effort, honesty and compassion. These characteristics are definitely not exclusive to men, but they are core to the way I view being a good man.

for how I was raised masculinity is just like strength and i guess the stereotype that men need to fill. especially around other people I feel like I’m forced to be strong and do stuff like that. even though it’s stereotypical it’s the way I’ve grown up and the way I’ve been forced to live. idk gets tough a lot of the time especially with depression making me feel more weak in life

@Amanda84

If men don't cry then i guess I'm not one, i feel heart broken but there is nothing i can do to fix it, who can can fix it doesn't want to look at my face or hear my voice, or even reply to my texts.

What else should i do but to cry... 

I'm a trans guy, so this is a question i've agonised over a hundred times before.

The best way I can put it from a stereotype perspective is that a man is strength, in all types of forms.

It's a mask, a stunt in order to fit in. To not seem girly, or come across as gay.