Weekly Prompt #4: How has dealing with grief changed you as a person?
Hello, everyone, I hope you are all taking it easy. Today I want us to think and discuss grief and its impact on us.
Whether you are a healthcare worker, a veteran, a teen, a student, or an introvert, everyone may have some experiences with grief. We are all dealing it with in one or another way.
How has dealing with grief changed you as a person?
Share your grief experiences with us. We are here with you to listen and support you.
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Join the General Support Group Chat to share and discuss more!
@ASilentObserver Personly it changed me a lot,I went from happy girl to this always angry and nervous girl. My grandpa died right in front of me two yr ago,worst part is that somehow I sensed it and to this day I blame me for it. Like I was the cause of it.
@littleWater1579 I understand the feeling of something bad is going to happen etc. I have been there and I am still in the grieving process because of a really tragic passing. I am here for you
@blissfulTouch29 Thank you,me too if you ever wanna talk I am here for you too
@littleWater1579 thank you
@littleWater1579 thank you so much.
@littleWater1579, I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever see something like that. It changes us, definitely.
Try to remember you, though. Don't get lost in the yuck of life. Try to remember that you don't have to be pushed and pulled by life, but you can be the pusher and puller.
Life does change, gets better, gets worse, gets better again...just keep saying out loud, to yourself, and to others that you will get through this. Think of living life in chapters. This is just one chapter, and there are more to come (like better ones). :)
@yardcarrot I started to live day by day,and focus on the positive and thing's that matters to me.
@littleWater1579 I can feel the deep pain and sadness in your words. The loss of a loved one is incredibly difficult to process. You are not alone in experiencing regret or questioning what could have been done differently. How have you been coping with these difficult emotions? We are all here with you to listen to and support. Water
@ASilentObserver to be honest I think like I've just suppressed it put it aside in a little box and it's been like that ever since,it's not healthy I am aware of it but like its line of less resistance.
@littleWater1579 It sounds like that box has been heavy to carry. You're wise to recognize it's not sustainable long term. Please know you have all of us here to listen to and support and your every step counts.
@ASilentObserver It's getting heavier by each day to keep doing that to know something is there but at te same time I don't know how to deal with it. Because if I open it it might end like opening panodora's box it might destroy me. A little comfort is knowing someone like you and other people understand the situation. And for that I am grateful 🙏🏽. 💞
@littleWater1579 i agree with that 100%
@ASilentObserver I personally changed to more introverted than I was even before. It is more harder for me to open up to someone, and show my real emotions. It is easier to just have this mask on and try to act like everything is okay - I know, that it is not correct but for me, it is the easiest way to manage myself.
@Trintzu I can understand feeling more introverted and finding it harder to open up. It sounds like wearing a mask and pretending things are okay is a way you've learned to cope, even though you know deep down it's not the full truth. How have your close relationships changed as a result?
@ASilentObserver
I'm a survivor of homelessness, abuse, mental illness and abandonment to name a few things.
In the last few years I've lost my grandpa, three aunts, a brother, pets, work, a long-term relationship, my home and more.
It's odd to speak on ambiguous and disenfranchised loss because many pooh-pooh it.
How it's all changed me is I don't really have zest for life anymore. Not much energy or focus at all.
Have stopped working (Other than on myself.) and doing things I enjoy, or rather, enjoying the things I do.
This also comes with age; the crushing weight of responsibilities and broken dreams, the old family patterns to break...
It's a lot to deal with on top of the multiple grief and I get enraged that culturally I'm an outcast for it.
No one has asked how I am, no one checks in on me regularly, counsellors are there just as a job.
The amount of times I've been left hanging because some counsellor wanted to go on vacation or whatever is very bad.
Finding good help is very hard, always has been, and now the added stressors of housing instability and grief is a lot.
Our society and systems needs a huge overhaul but most people are content with the status quo and excuses.
I'm obviously pretty upset. I'm not like this usually. So I'd like to say grief and loss changed me for the better...
But I think right now I'm too much in the middle of it. I need a lot more healing before I can say that I'm 'better.'
@Dallady I can hear how deeply painful this journey has been for you. The losses you have endured would weigh heavily on anyone. Though society may dismiss the grief you carry, we are all here with you.How have you been finding ways to honor your loved ones' memories?
My mother passed in February of 2014 after a life time struggle with MS. She was nonresponsive for the last 21 days but obviously in pain. I sat with her each day until I watched her take her last breath.
I was unable to do anything to help her. I regret not taking action. I feel weak and useless.
@Gettingbettertoday I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Your mother was so fortunate to have you by her side during that difficult time. How did your mother's passing affect you and your relationship?
I watched my first love lose his life in front of my eyes, it’s mixed with grief & guilt. I used to be happy although almost everyone disliked me lol but throughout the years I kept losing lost ones and it made me more self isolated and angry.
@LKHP I am so deeply sorry for your loss and the pain you have endured. The grief you feel is immense and complex. How have you been coping with these difficult emotions?
@ASilentObserver
My grieving experience…
What changed me as a person happened in 2015. I lost a friend, his personal demons won and I lost him forever. It was hard to deal with. I couldn’t process what happened, the pain and guilt consumed me for literal years. Even when I was trying to heal and come in terms with it, I still felt bad. Many things followed after that.
I don’t really know how it changed me as a person, because I barely remember myself before. I admit I was always an “introverted introvert” and aloof. However, it did make me withdraw from reality. I found comfort and safety on the internet. A delusional safety if I may add.
So here I am now… an asocial loner who has major difficulties to adapt and fit in the real world. 😅
@Random28 I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It's clear this experience deeply impacted you. How did finding comfort on the internet change your perspective? You are not alone in feeling this way.
Luckily, working in the Operating Room, I haven't needed to deal with any losses of the patients. Aside from my work though, in the past couple of years, I have had to deal with grief for other people I've known. Two people left suddenly, 6 months apart. They both lived less than 6 months from their diagnosed final stages of cancer.
My grandmother recently had her 93rd birthday, although since we lived overseas, my family were unable to attend her party. But, cousins that attended, sent us pictures. One cousin looked through her home and came across photos of when grandma first got married. Pictures of my grandfather in military uniform, and pictures of when they were dating and getting married. Seeing those pictures, at that moment, I was sad. I never got to meet my grandfather, as he left the year before I was born. I've visited his grave once, back in 2009.
With the recent losses of those two people though, it made me think about my own life and the lives of my parents. My dad in his 70's and my mum closing in to her mid-60's, I sometimes end up worrying about them. I think dealing with losses and grief, it's like a part of us is raked out from our hearts. Like there's a hole somewhere inside and nothing can replace it. At the same time though, I think it also makes us stronger. Although every loss is devastating and breaks our hearts, but through each loss, we find different ways to cope with it. We end up looking at our own lives, the present and the future; planning to live life to the fullest and with no regrets. To treasure our times with friends and family now, when we still can.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk I can hear the deep care you have for your loved ones and the sadness that comes with losing them. It's clear the memories of your grandfather and seeing those old photos brought up feelings of missing him and wishing for more time together.
@ASilentObserver
grief... i remember when my grandfather, my mother's father, passed away - i was terribly stricken with grief. i did not know how to handle my emotions, i was just very confused by how it happened all of a sudden, and i wondered how life would go on without him...
thankfully, i had my family and friends to support me and be there for me, without them, i would not have had the faith and courage to overcome the loss of my grandfather...
@NewYorker11 I can feel the deep love and cherished memories you had with your grandfather. The pain of losing a loved one we are so close with is incredibly painful.
@ASilentObserver
thanks so so much for your comment @ASilentObserver i am grateful for your kind words!
finding comfort in the fact that my family and friends were always there for me definitely helped me in the healing process that followed the passing of my grandfather...
my family and friends were a short phone call, text message or social media post away, they were always behind me in life, through the toughest of times... i dedicate my life to them as a single person!
@ASilentObserver
I can't even calculate the ways that's influenced me... But there is something I've noticed lately.
I'm getting a little fearless. Much more confident. I think I'm used to the idea that things and people go away in some way or another... That's the dark part of it. It allows me the flexibility of planning how I deal without them, but I miss the intense vulnerability in a way. If only it hadn't come back to bite me so many times.
@Torean It sounds like you've grown in confidence and resilience, yet miss the deep connection that comes with vulnerability. What aspects of vulnerability do you find most meaningful?
@ASilentObserver
It's more the fact that more vulnerability somehow makes things feel more meaningful in general. I feel like... Say, I can stop to smell the roses, and the sensation might be the same, but I sometimes wonder if I'm missing something. Like, should it be effecting me more, or in a different way? Maybe make me remember something to the point that I feel like it's happening again? It kinda destroyed me to be vulnerable to those effects, it got tiring to feel the heartstring pulls and the slight clenches in my insides, or the goosebumps, the rising panic. But, then I wonder how much of me is left. Just the parts that know how to be constructive and have fun? I know that I'm predisposed to amplified emotions, and I normally feel unaffected by things now. My main emotions at this point are happiness and disgust. Anger and depression are rough, sometimes rougher than ever, but they don't show up nearly as easily. As for love, I feel like I can't really count on anyone except my dog and my guinea pigs. So, I can still feel it, but I know the distance is there.
I'm still figuring it out, which I guess is one of the reasons I am here... I'm a professional scuba diver/instructor and on Feb 1 I lost a diver. She had a heart attack underwater. I was able to rescue her from the bottom but when I got her on the boat she had no vital signs. I did CPR for 30 mi utes until we were able to make it to shore and paramedics took over. She didn't survive. Now, I'm anxious when I'm awake and having nightmares when I finally am able to sleep. @ASilentObserver
@Kimrz I can understand why this traumatic experience would haunt you. The guilt and regret must be overwhelming. What has helped you the most in coping with these difficult emotions?