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A Story So Long That Almost No One Will Read It to the End
For the sake of privacy, I will not use this person's real name in this journal. Instead, I will call her Miss Gazelle Eyes because of her beautiful, gentle eyes that always stood out to me. For a long time, she was a source of light, guidance, comfort, and wisdom in my life.
October 2024 was one of the hardest periods of my life. My mother left, and I felt abandoned, broken, and alone. During that painful time, I leaned heavily on Miss Gazelle Eyes. She was not my biological sister, nor exactly a friend. She was someone from another family whom I considered my sister, my guide, my teacher, and my well wisher. I trusted her deeply and shared almost everything with her.
One day, while I was visiting Miss Gazelle Eyes to celebrate her Umrah, I realized I had left my SIM card at home. Out of nowhere, a woman from my family whom I affectionately call my Chachi called directly on Miss Gazelle Eyes phone. Living in a close knit joint family, addressing our elders with traditional titles and having them check up on us is completely natural.
As soon as the call ended, I immediately explained to Miss Gazelle Eyes that it was my aunt calling to make sure I was safe and that everything was fine. Later, I spoke with my Chachi and gently reassured her that Miss Gazelle Eyes came from a wonderful family, so there was absolutely no need to worry whenever I visited her.
In February 2025, my mother unexpectedly returned. I had never expected her to come back, and I was overwhelmed with happiness. I told Miss Gazelle Eyes that my mother had returned.
After that period, things slowly began to change between us. Miss Gazelle Eyes told me that she had started a new job and would be busy. Our conversations became less frequent. I missed her deeply and became afraid that she was slowly leaving me. The less we talked, the more anxious I became.
Although she had once promised that we would talk every Sunday, the weeks gradually turned into months. I repeatedly tried to discuss my fears with her, but these conversations often turned into arguments. Sometimes I felt ignored, and sometimes I felt hurt by the way she responded to my concerns.
As time went on, our bond faced many difficulties, and we ended up in numerous arguments. During these conflicts, her behavior changed completely as she began breaking her promises and speaking to me rudely. She even started blocking me over the smallest misunderstandings.
It broke my heart when she claimed that I was begging for her love, that I was obsessed with her, or that I was experiencing psychological effects. Hearing these painful accusations shattered me because my affection for her was pure, and I simply cared for her deeply like a sister.
We did meet each other in between, and those meetings hold some of my best memories, but after that, things took a wild turn once again.
Eventually, in January 2026, Miss Gazelle Eyes completely distanced herself. She said that she was busy and could no longer give me time. I was devastated. It felt as though the world had ended. Recovering from that loss took months. I cried, grieved, and struggled to accept that someone so important to me was no longer part of my life.
The first thirteen days following the separation became a complete blur because I was entirely out of my senses. My body felt heated all the time, as though a fever had taken over, and my eyes grew painfully dry from constant crying and deep hurt. The emotional stress caused my jaw to ache severely from tension, and my forehead throbbed constantly as if it might burst at any moment.
I completely stopped eating and talking to anyone, which left my entire family deeply confused. To them, everything seemed perfectly fine because I had intentionally hidden the truth. I chose never to mention our arguments or say anything bad about her since I firmly believed our struggles were a private matter.
Because of this silence, I had no answers for my family when they questioned my sudden change. It was impossible to explain to them that this devastation was not a sudden event but rather the final breaking point of a painful one year struggle during which I had already tried everything within my power to save the bond.
This Eid, after months of separation, I finally gathered the courage to message Miss Gazelle Eyes. To my surprise, we spoke politely. During that conversation, I told her how deeply her departure had hurt me.
However, she brought up two issues that had apparently troubled her for a long time. First, she believed that I had created fake accounts to follow her family account. I denied this because I truly had not done so. Second, she accused me of lying regarding the family call incident.
Before I could fully explain myself, she said Allah Hafiz and deleted the chat.
On the night of 29 May, we spoke from approximately 2 a.m. until nearly 4 a.m. After she ended the conversation, I could not sleep. I spent the entire night lying awake, walking around my room, thinking, overthinking, and desperately waiting for morning because I wanted to clear the misunderstanding.
I was also happy because I finally understood the reason she had left, and I believed that now I could clear the misunderstanding and everything would be fine again. I was extremely excited, convinced that by morning I would fix everything.
I eventually fell asleep around 9 a.m. but woke up an hour later because my mother was preparing for guests on the third day of Eid. Throughout the day, I repeatedly asked my mother to speak to Miss Gazelle Eyes in order to help clear the misunderstanding.
My mother had strongly opposed my contact with Miss Gazelle Eyes ever since our previous separation. However, after almost thirty minutes of convincing, she finally agreed to help.
When I attempted to call Miss Gazelle Eyes, I discovered that she had blocked my number. That realization shattered me. I cried intensely in front of my mother.
Although she was upset that I had reconnected with Miss Gazelle Eyes, she still comforted me while warning me not to continue chasing someone who had chosen to leave.
Despite these warnings, on 30 May, I sent one final voice message because I desperately wanted a better ending.
Since then, I have experienced confusion, hope, heartbreak, anger, regret, grief, and disappointment all over again. It felt as though I had reopened a wound that had never properly healed in the first place.
For months, I had worked hard to recover from the first heartbreak. I genuinely believed that I had finally started moving on. Yet reopening this chapter brought back emotions I thought I had already survived.
Since then, I have struggled to sleep. I do not truly sleep anymore. Instead, I drift into short dreams, wake up, lie down again, and then fall into another brief dream. The cycle repeats throughout the night.
Over time, I found myself repeatedly questioning everything.
Was I wrong
Was she wrong
Why did she accuse me of things I never did
Why was I not given a chance to explain
Why was I blocked without being heard
I have felt intense anger because someone I trusted, respected, and loved as a guide judged me without fully listening to my side and used my weakness against me.
My mother, on the other hand, is also extremely angry with me for contacting her again and views that block as a sign of disrespect toward both of us. She was standing beside me, waiting for the call to be answered, only to discover that I had been blocked.
She never had a problem with me sharing things with Miss Gazelle Eyes, but now she regrets not stopping me earlier. She has become disappointed in me and no longer discusses or shares many things with me. Whenever I ask her what happened, she simply tells me to go and ask Miss Gazelle Eyes instead.
Losing the trust and openness of two people I loved deeply has left me feeling devastated and alone.
At times, the pain has become so overwhelming that I have felt completely hopeless and wondered whether trusting anyone was a mistake. Yet, despite everything, a part of me still hopes that one day I will heal from all of this.
At the same time, I have also reflected on my own mistakes. I recognize that I became deeply attached to Miss Gazelle Eyes. I feared losing her, struggled when our communication decreased, and sometimes allowed my fear of abandonment to influence my reactions.
Recently, I sent an emotional voice note on *** because it was the only platform where I was not blocked. Two weeks later, she viewed the chat but did not respond. After a month of silence and uncertainty, overwhelmed by unanswered questions, I finally called her on ***.
As I write this journal, I still do not know how this story will end.
But I do know one thing.
My deepest pain is not simply that the relationship ended.
My deepest pain is feeling unheard, misunderstood, accused, and left without closure by someone who once meant so much to me.
Many people who have listened to my story believe that she may have used these accusations to justify leaving the relationship. Hearing this does not lessen my pain. Instead, it deepens it.
Regardless of what happens next, I survived the first heartbreak, and I will survive this one too.
