Weekly Prompt #3: What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity

@ASilentObserver

What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity? What was that journey like for you?

Understanding my sexuality came the same way heterosexuals understand their sexuality/gender identity. What differentiated in my journey was lack of support, dismissiveness, and pressure to conform by society and fear, as a result. Things felt better when Canada amended Canadian Human Rights (and subsequently all provinces) in 1990s to include sexual orientation & gender identity as a protected right from discrimination, etc., with addition of same sex marriage recognition in 2005.

As Canada comes up to 30th anniversary LGBTQ amendment of to Canadian Human Rights Act (2026), and 20th anniversary for amendment to the Marriage Act to include same-sex marriage (2025), there is an 'uprising' to restrict Trans persons, under 'Parental Rights' legislation, that specifically targets  Trans youth & children in schools, & access to affirming healthcare. One province has already passed such legislation. The other (where I live) has tabled, where people of all orientations & identities are fighting to preserve our rights.. So the journey continues, where this journey should have been done a long time ago.

I identify as aromantic and asexual but over the past few years, I have used a wide range of different labels because I was so unsure!

For me personally, it was a really hard pill to swallow as I've always been interested in romance books and love songs so my natural conclusion was that one day, I would fall in love and be in a happy relationship with someone else as well.

But once I actually started dating, I realized that I felt highly uncomfortable with any kind of intimacy outside of the typical friendship stuff. A hug or a kiss on the cheek is totally fine, but anything beyond that makes my skin crawl. I can find people beautiful and nice to look at, but I've never thought: "Wow, I'd like to see this person shirtless!" At that time, I dated both guys and girls and they were all people that I really liked beforehand and was convinced that I had a crush on them so it was very frustrating for me to realize that I just could not feel the same feelings that they had for me. It made me lose some of my closest friends in the process but in the end, I'm glad it helped me find out my identity! 

Sometimes it's still hard for me to accept my sexuality, especially now that all my friends are getting into serious relationships and I kind of feel like I'll always be second place behind their partners. However, I recently discovered that an old classmate of mine is also aroace and we've been talking about it a lot now. It really helps to see that I'm not the only one and that there will always be people that will choose platonic relationships over romantic ones! :)

@ASilentObserver

I have a really supportive also LGBTQIA+ friend, and when I kind of 'came out' I guess, they lent me some of their books about aroace people. it really helped me accept it better, because I was kind of just like, "You know what? I'm part of a pretty cool community." now, of course I still have bad days, where I feel like i'm going to d!e alone and unloved, but hey, no pain no gain, amiright? 🤪

@ASilentObserver

It's been a long two years and I could talk about it for thirty minutes, but I'll spare you all the details and give the basic idea:

- Rebelled a bit from my strict Mormon parents and made a Reddit account because I have a hyperfixation on Hollow Knight

- Found Hollow Knight roleplay community and joined because "why not?"

- Met the first openly LGBTQ people I'd ever met

- Phobic beliefs I had been taught as a kid begin to break down

- New friends support each other and their mental health problems, so I finally open up and share some of my problems

- They're the first people I ever opened up to, and they told me my pain was valid, even though I had told myself for years that "I have no reason to be unhappy, obviously I'm just ungrateful"

(Didn't happen at this point but at one point moved with most of the group to primarily ***)

- They encourage me to get diagnosed for ADHD

- They teach me to be kind to myself and they never judge me for who I am

- I begin to question religious beliefs now that I better understand the way my emotions feel

- I leave my church

- My parents find out, get upset, get rid of my access to ***

- Finally fully demolish my phobic beliefs

- Begin to analyze myself now that I no longer have anything to hold me back

- Remember a ton of really weird things from childhood, including but not limited to:

Relating to femboys but never quite being one (I now realize this is because they're too masculine. And I guess it might sound kinda funny to call femboys "too masculine" but it's the truth.)

My parents always allowed and encouraged me to be "weird" (though not necessarily gender deviant) so until I reached puberty I was actually pretty happy in my own body.

The moment I hit puberty, I felt instantly agitated and hopeless pretty much constantly.

I always had a fear of showing any kind of "weakness" or femininity because gender was so difficult for me.

"Humans are so booooringggg I don't want to be human, I want to be some kind of monster, or angel, or something" (Later eldritch abominations, the void incarnate (you can tell I have a special interest with Hollow Knight), and finally an anthropomorphic axolotl because why not?).

"Mom, how come only you get to wear skirts to church?"

"Haha, you know, I relate to all three of the Deltarune main characters!" (my brother) "...even Kris?" "Yeah! Because... uh... actually, I don't know" (my brother) "Uh... okay then"

(Trans friend): "I hated acting masculine my whole life!" "Oh, yeah I also hate masculinity. That's why I just, like, don't worry about it" (trans friend): "...I don't think that's how it works"

- But anyway, the actual trigger that broke my eggshell was the artist YonKaGor. Intense gender envy right before learning they were non-binary finally made me confront it.

- The euphoria from figuring it out lasted a good few hours, but after that, it was just general impostor syndrome and panic for a couple weeks.

- My therapist seemed like an ally, but while he had good intentions, he said some... odd things. Anyway, I was feeling discouraged.

- I still couldn't talk to my friends on *** and I only had a few people I could talk to

- My parents figured out I was non-binary almost immediately, and they don't want to be phobic. Unfortunately, their church is still very phobic so it's not exactly smooth sailing.

- That was two months ago, so not too long ago, but it was a very long time coming

Anyway, that's the story of how I figured out my identity. I'm extremely grateful that I had those friends to help me break down my toxic problems before I discovered this.

@ASilentObserver 

"What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity? What was that journey like for you?"

When I was thirteen (I'm twenty-four right now), a hideous panic attack came to suddenly give me an epiphany that I'm male, I want to live life as a man. I later tried to come out on a forum site and was ridiculed by other people in the trans community. "You're faking it for attention." "You're not really transgender." "You didn't go through what my friend went through." Lots of toxicity. Well, I was fourteen then, it's been almost eleven years, and I am still a guy. I just came out to my family last month and it went really well. That's my mother and my sibling. I don't think I could ever come out to my stepdad, as he is EXTREMELY homophobic/transphobic, but, long story short, I'll probably never have to see him again, which is a huge relief. And the rest of my family? How do I even bring it up? I barely know them.

So that's my gender identity, minus a lot of the misogyny I've dealt with that I'm not going to go into. Now my sexuality. I went from being a lesbian (when I still thought I was female), to being bisexual, to finally being male and only being interested in men, which makes me gay. I've had hideous boyfriends, I've had a boyfriend I thought was nice but who didn't respect my pronouns, but most importantly, I've been in a few relationships with cismen who were bisexual and who did very much care about me. So I just look to those experiences and know I'll find someone eventually. That's the most validating thing I've ever experienced, is being loved by someone who loves you not "despite" your differences, but sees it all as the same beautiful person they're in love with.

I came out as asexual sapphic in my early 20s after I noticed that I became more and more grossed out by sex every year and finding women more aesthetically pleasing than men. 

Here is an image showing the differences between lesbian and sapphic identities:

This happened really recently for me. I discovered I am bisexual about 1 or 2 months ago, but I think I had suspicions for a while before. Like I’d find some girls cute, but I never thought it was in an attraction way until recently. I know I’ve definitely liked boys before too. Honestly, I really came to terms with it because of 7 Cups. I made a post on here about wondering about possibly being bi, and the responses really helped guide me.

@ASilentObserver

I feel like once I started telling people I was trans, I started to feel a lot more comfortable and accepting of it. I was raised with a very "not telling someone something is the same thing as lying" household, and I always felt deceitful for not telling everyone I was transgender. 

Of course, it shouldn't be like that for people. You should feel okay to come out whenever, but being able to have everything out in the open let me move on with my transition and accepting myself. I feel like without that extra little push, I would have been stuck for a lot longer. 

I honestly can't say that I've come to terms with my identity, because despite years of searching, I still have no idea what label describes me best. That being said, I'm comfortable with telling others that 'I'm not straight and that's all I know' so maybe I have accepted myself and my lack of label. I don't know. I'd love to find something that works for me one day though, mostly because I'd love to have a cute pride flag pin for my bag. 

I feel like my journey has been quite smooth. I've been really fortunate to find myself in good, accepting friends groups and to be accepted by my family. The only hate I've ever gotten is from people younger than me who think being a jerk is cool. And I hope that one day I'll get to attend a pride parade, and maybe even tell someone whome I like about my feelings for them. Who knows? 

Anyway, enough rambling. Sorry.