Stay STUCK in my own Muck, or FIGHT, like never before! Again and again.
Listed below are other threads, I created, on this topic, in the past. I always seem to spiral downhill to the point of hopelessness.
But then I fight, not because I'm strong. Because I'm snared and scared of what will happen if I don't fight. (not about harming myself, but, about losing everything... including my dreams and aspirations)
After I fight myself out of danger, I'm able to maintain and function with just a little bit of hope.
If I visit this thread, It's because I'm down and almost out. (but not out yet). I come here to talk myself out of hopelessness.
Anyone is welcome to interact, share, and just let it all out. Find a little relief, and hope to continue on.
Listed below are past threads:
453pm feed dogs clean beroom.
I wish I can express in words how my brain is working right now. Every productive thing seems like an extreme burden to implement.
I don't understand it. Thinking about it is making me sick to my stomach.
I've been doing so well. How have I broken so completely, so quickly.
I know why I just don't want to admit it. I don't wanna own it. I don't want to accept it. But I don't have any more energy to try to change it maybe all I've done was waste you're thinking that I can make something better that I have no power over.
step 1 stop the self hate
step 2 robot through production if i have no feelings or purpose until they come back.
step 3 robot through production. do the right things as i know them.
robotic - stoic - no self pity - silence - acceptance - stop self hate - accept humble limitations -
Follow this journey..
In two weeks or perhaps a month I have been reduced to nothing. We are right in the middle of the year 2025. For about 25 weeks of 2025, I did well.
Something has broken me for the past four weeks 2025 and I am at rock bottom.
I have 22 weeks left in the year of 2025 to rebuild myself. I choose to start now. My demise started 4 weeks ago but my last two weeks have been horrible. I do not want another horrible week.
@IsayUncle hi there! thank you for this thread as it has made me feel less alone. i read your updates and i'm so sorry you lost your dog. i love doggos and know how painful it is to lose one. you really are going through so much and just want to send well wishes your way <3
i find myself resonating a lot with your comments. i too am struggling to function. i've been staying up late due to anxiety and sleeping in, and being late to all my appointments and not functioning well at all. i barely slept last night, rushed to an appointment today without eating and was late. there were way more people there than expected. came home and dealt with bugs in my apartment that have me on high alert. (in the background of my life, my apartment is a mess, and my housing and income are at risk, and will be for some time, so there's a lot of uncertainty and i've been on edge for months) i went into an ocd/anxiety spiral and started crying and shaking.
i started doing grounding exercises to calm down and stop crying. surprisingly started feeling a bit better and my thinking started to become clearer. i thought, maybe i can find a listener to chat with on here in the time i'm not seeing my therapist (i plan to try). so i hopped on and saw this thread... i'm glad i found it.
like you i experience self-hate. today i noticed i was telling myself i am stupid and a failure etc. i just wanted to join with you saying - today, i want to try to have less self-hate. i am doing things to help myself and starting with basic things. but that's ok. this will pass. i will be ok. i think you will be ok too. what we have going for us is we refuse to stop because we have so many good things ahead and want to keep going.
phew, that felt good to get all that off my chest. thank you for allowing me the opportunity to write this.
@fearlessWriter78
i'm sorry you relate so well and i relate with you too. (but i'm glad it helped) i totally get the anxiety about about everything.... little and big!
That is awesome you did some grounding exercises. I do know when it's bad, it'll get better and i know it will. it will for you too, so hang on until it breaks. that's how it works for me and then i get hopeful again.
I hope you can do the same.... babysteps,
I do write and scream when it gets bad. It helps to get it out.
is there anything i can do to help?
@IsayUncle i'm hanging on! lol stuff just keeps popping up and getting added to my to do list. it's exhausting. babysteps is good to keep in mind.
i'm in my head a lot so it's very helpful honestly just knowing someone else who understands, cares.
do you scream into a pillow or just out loud? i might have to try that in my car sometime lol
do you mind if i maybe come back here at some point to vent again?
if there anything i can do to help you?
@fearlessWriter78
Any time coming back.
i'm ok, thanks. my deep depression broke...yay,
if the squallar it caused, doesn't run me back down that rabbit hole, maybe i'll be ok for a few weeks. thank you for asking 🤗
just let out whenever you want. i'll hear you. until then keep doing the best you can and know..... ur OK!
@IsayUncle that's great your depression lifted. i feel like crying on a daily basis and tend to a bit. something i have to work on i guess.
i did scream a bit in my car this morning. i think it helped 🤷🏻♀️
@fearlessWriter78
thank you.
I think all of that you do, is a whole lot healthier than not doing it. but i'm sorry you feel cornered... 😢 letting it out is good.
But with that said, i hope you have a good genuine day, that you don't have to do that, sometimes.
(shhhh, easy does it sometimes)
off topic.... but screaming in the car reminded me of something many many years ago in the car, i use to do. the goofiest thing ever. (a smiling exercise)
it's when you try to make the corners of your mouth reach your ears as hard as you can and then hold that grin for as long as you can. do it repetitively. it doesn't have anything to do with what we are talking about but i just had a notion to share that.....
and, by the way... it actually works, when you relax your face muscles, you can feel the smile stay on your face. 😁
I find myself in a unbelievable situation.
I fought hard for the past several weeks completing jobs and earning money.
I got to the point this week, that I can finish some uncompleted jobs for others and pay off some personal debts.
Before I had the time to use my time and money to these advantages, both my vehicles have broken down. My service truck and my personal truck are in need of extensive repairs.
I had no other big jobs lined up but my finances were secure for a couple weeks until these vehicles broke down.
I was about to have a break down myself, and kind of did today. But then I got a phone call to put in a new septic system. Septic systems make me good money.
The roller coasters of blessings and curses are never ending.
I shall fight again today to get to the starting line for tomorrow.
STEP ONE: Remove battery and put on charger
@IsayUncle
Hugs offered my friend!!! You are an amazing person with rockstar perseverance!!!!
You may not feel it with letting your feelings out but it’s a reminder to us on the difficult days. Good things come.
Storms bring rainbows or something like that anyways
I was asked a question are you willing to tolerate uncomfortable if it means good behind it. Ewwww cmon. But I think it makes us look at the good stuff with a better eye and clearer head.
The tears are sad but we work to find happy moments.
I hope you are having a better day and the week Keeps on progressing!!!!
@peachThinker662
thanks.... we must see the good when we can..... but uggggh!
Wonderful support always helps! thanks for the boost.
have a great evening!
What should I call this new round of set backs and obstacles. NO...., more to the point, what should I call my battle plan or battle cry to overcome these surmounting odds.
My Battle Plan: Forge & Frame! I will reshape these mishaps to my advantage and frame a plan with thenm to succeed.
My Battle Cry: Forge Forward! I will scream "Forge Forward when the heat is forcing me to quit.
My Battle Plan: My service truck is broken down, on the job with all my tools in it. My personal truck is here at the house and I was able to scrounge enough miscellaneous tools to remove my battery and my alternator.
I'll put the battery on charge this evening, and get a ride to the job that I'm working on. On my way to the job I will drop off the alternator or buy a new one.
My battle plan also consists of getting things prepared for the next steps, of the job that I'm working on, to bring with me tomorrow. This job that I'm working on, is not a paying job. It is a continuation of a coutesy job that I've previously started and now, finishing it up 100%
My battle plan must be active until I am vehicle dependent and and then, beyond that, back to job security.
Right now, i need to finish the mechanics of the truck and get my stuff ready for tomorrow.
My blessing at the moment, ability to move forward. (Appreciate the roller coaster ride of blessings and curses)
5:19pm: Feet aching, Legs tired, Muscles sore, Eyelids heavy........ Sucess does not care.
Battles are won by doing things tired..... And I am tired.
I got the alternator out and the battery charging. I just need to do some more things than just the bare minimum.
Just walk outside and start. I don't even have a tape measure handy, they're all in the service truck. I have to measure and cut some metal for the job tomorrow. A-ha... a yardstick will work.
8/28/25
the war: vehicle and finance independence.
Today's battle plan: Win small battles / Make strong offense charges on 2 fronts.
I am at war on several fronts.
Winning these wars consists of overcoming numerous battles per war.
Last week, was the concrete floor war. I did overcome numerous battles but I have not won the war yet. It was a war that I thought was only gonna last three days. This war has dragged out for six days. My advancements have been substantial but I have several, remaining, little battles to win, to conclude this war.
I'm taking a break from that war front today, to address another war. Today is a one day conflict that has numerous battles to overcome. The War of the House makes no peace, but to neglect the battles can greatly deterioate the soldiers motivation to fight in other wars.
The current battle: fold clothes. 😂
I overwhelmingly won the "folding clothes" battle.
Other laundry skirmishes exist. I will retreat to the mess hall for regroup and lunch.
