Write a letter of forgiveness to someone who has caused you pain.

My friend,

You came to me in need of help, when you were going through a dark time in your life. I was honored when you came to me, for I have read your beautiful words here that were said in the past regarding speaking the language of love and of emotional validation.

What I failed to realize and understand, though, is that it appeared that things happened in your life and caused you to change your outlook and point of view, and to have a darker and less sensitive outlook on life and maybe those living it. I still feel for you and hope things work out for you for the best. I reached out to you in friendship during this difficult time in your life and if I were able to geographically be there by your side, I would be holding you and telling you that you can cry as long as you need to, it's okay, and you're going to be okay.

Unfortunately, we ran into major communication problems, almost like we were speaking different languages and like I was writing to you in heiroglyphics ... and much of this triggered my social anxiety quite intensely. I soon began on a quick spiral downward, trapped in that all-too-familiar prison of self-blame, feeling like I failed you, failed this friendship, and even though I know my heart was in the right place and I did everything I could do, given my stressful work schedule and the stress and fatigue associated with that ... I continued to feel and believe that I failed you, and every conversation that we were having ended with tears running in nonstop rivulets down my cheeks ... and who would be there in turn for me, to wipe them away from my cheeks?

The bottom line is ... I had to make a difficult decision and end this friendship because I couldn't stand this pain I kept going through and this endless cycle of self-blame. I was blaming myself for what happened to the point where I was beginning to feel like garbage to you, and in my own eyes as well.

Taking all this into consideration ... I forgive you, and forgive myself as well. NO ONE is to blame for what happened ... it just wasn't meant to be and even though we both tried to make this friendship work, our differences were irreconcilable and would only lead to further and more intense misunderstandings.

My friend ... I still care about you and always will, but do not look for me.

@AveryLove Really great exercise Avery! I wrote the letter of forgiveness to my mom. I had a lot of hatred and resentment towards her since I was child and it was something I never liked about myself. But with lots of therapy, a supportive husband, and our good Lord I was able to finally move on with my life and forgive her. What an incredible journey it's been!

Dear Golu,

Hi! I know you aren't here.. That is why I am writing you a letter. How silly, right? You know how much I love you? Words cannot describe how much.

I created a pattern so that I may go there and be with you. From me, becoming a cpa, then acca, to have a job in your country, practice my profession, and be with the man I see my future with. And you, becoming an Engineer, working with the job you really wanted. Us, taking care of our parents, giving them support and love to both our families and everything..

I love youGolu. I don't know if you know it..but I told you so many times in different ways..like, "take care of your health", " See you soon" , " 823=Thinking of you" , "I miss you", and " i want you to do well in your studies for your family and yourself"

I forgive you for saying things that hurt me, without you knowing. I also forgive myself for loving you too much. It's so hard Golu, to forget, because almost everyday, you are like a ghost haunting my memory. It caused so much pain for you are my first love. I wish you didn't gave me false hope when you said you love me, and willing to do everything for us.

Go now, and fly like a bird..and do all the things you want. I can't wait to see you more successful and happy.

We met in an unexpected place and I found love, even though I wasn't searching for it, but unfortunately, it was just my one-sided love, right? (:)

Thank you Golu. I will never forget your smile Forgive me, and I forgive you too.

Love,

Aja

@AveryLove

Dear Sally*

*I changed my ex's name for privacy reasons

I hope life is treating you well. It's been a few months since I saw you last, but I hope you're happy wherever you are. I'd like to honestly say, you've hurt me quite a bit, sometimes without realizing it, but I want you to know that I forgive you. That does not mean I think abusing your boyfriend is okay, it's still a terrible thing to do. I loved you, and you used my trust, which really hurts. It does not make cheering for a rival team during my first state championship okay, it destroyed my confidence and even though I don't blame losing that game on you completely, you were the reason why I couldn't be 100%....not even 50%. But I want you to know that I'm done holding on to all those grudges. I want you to know that I've let it go, and that even though you've hurt me, I will never wish pain on you. I'll never hate you, despite all you've done. In all honesty, I genuinely hope you've learned your lesson and I wish you all the best.

I won't forget what we went through, but I won't let it control my life anymore. I hope you have moved on, as well. I haven't been alright for awhile after we broke up, but I'm doing better now. I'll never be able to look at you the same, but I still see a beautiful and talented girl with a lot of potential in you. Whatever you do, I hope you achieve your dreams and feel proud of yourself. Reach for the stars, and don't let anything hold you back.

Please be safe and take care of yourself!

- Emirson

Hello, B.

I know its been a while since we last spoke, and it didnt end on perhaps a good of a note as it could have. However, I hope youre doing well at your new school, and at life in general. Ive taken some time and thought about it, and I forgive you. I know you may be surprised to hear this after some of my responses(and believe me, I regret those- it was very out of character of me to growl, and Im sorry that I didnt treat you with more kindness after you apologized for everything that had gone down the week before). I think I now understand where you were coming from, though. For most of your life, you had been the best at everything, the most powerful and well-known, and then T, H, and I come along and get recognition across the school for completing a test, and suddenly, your social and school life changed. I get it. Changes can be really difficult, especially when they happen so quickly and you feel powerless afterward. I know you were having some struggles with sel-worth, and I imagine that couldnt have helped, which is likely why you started saying mean things about T, H, and I, because it helped you feel better about yourself. I get it. Im not mad at you, not in the least. I wish we could meet up and start things off on a new foot, although that may be hard, since T and H still harbor some negative feelings towards you. All of us probably could have responded better after you apologized, and Im sorry that we reacted how we did and dicnt forgive you earlier. I honestly wish I could have joined this site earlier and become a listener before all this went down so I could try to help you feel better about yourself and get back to a more normal state. I hope at your new school, youve found your group and are happy with who you are. I hope that you are free to be yourself and that you are successful in whatever career you choose to pursue, whether its taking over your dads company or playing basketball, or doing whatever else you chose. I wish you the best and hope that you stay safe and have a good life.

From A

@AveryLove

This is a great idea...but I'm not there yet. I have accepted who he is, but I am still angry. I'm angry at myself for not seeing it earlier. Even though it makes no sense, I'm angry at him for not being who I thought he was. I hope someday I can forgive him and wish him happiness.

Dear L,

Although we have sat and discussed our situation and what needs forgiving numerous times at length I still don't believe you listened. Or you forgot. So writing it somewhere you will never see it seems just as effective.

Firstly I forgive you for not listening or not caring, they're surprisingly hard when you are struggling. I forgive you for choosing your drugs over me, I know about addiction I don't take this personally. I forgive you for leaving me so many times, I know my love scares you. I forgive you for cutting out anything challenging in your life, even your kid, to continue having fun. I worry if you didn't you wouldn't be here still. I forgive you for months of no contact. I forgive you for the other girls.

You know I love you more than you loved me, but if this isn't true and you never told me, I doubt I could forgive that.

Eternal love

B

Be okay with being the vulnerable one in a relationship. Things aren't always equal or easy on your side.

Hello there, old friends. Former friends.

I'm worried about any of you seeing this, even if that's unlikely, so I'll give you all fake names. Link, Gold, and Birdy.

Link, I forgive you for the years of pain you caused me. I let go of the active resentment but it took me over a year to get over you, even though I was the one who left. Even now I'm still dealing with the trust issues you compounded upon. I understand why you acted the way you did. It's no excuse, but it is something that I can grasp onto, and I finally accepted that I can't change you. And I'm fine with that now. I hoped for so long you would change and I realized I wasn't the one who could do it. As much as you hurt me, I can't imagine what kind of person I would be if I hadn't gone through that toxic relationship, if I hadn't grown strong from the fallout. It still shouldn't have happened, but now that I've let go of lingering bitterness I can see that there were some good times sprinkled in with the bad. I genuinely want you to do well in life and accomplish the things you always dreamed about, you were always full of ambition and that was something I liked about you. I think you could do great things in your industry if you fix the problems that made us split up. I still don't want to see you ever again, but that's because I've finally gotten over it all and I don't want to feel angry or hurt again. I forgive and let go of those negative feelings, but I do not forget. I will never allow you to do what you did to me again. But I also won't allow a grudge against you to hold me back anymore.

Gold...what do I even say? I also wish you the best. I never wanted anything different for you, even if you thought I was shallow and didn't like you anymore. The truth is, you hurt me a lot with comments that you made but never thought about. When I found friends who didn't do that, I gravitated towards them and neglected you. I'm sorry about that. I should have been more mature and told you that was how I felt. Did it also hurt when you blamed everything on me? It did. I didn't deserve that. But even when you let me go, I tried to make it easy for you because I'd already forgiven you. Already moved on, and wanted to help you do the same peacefully. I hope that you are happy now, I doubt we will ever see each other again. If we do, I hope we've both grown compared to how we were before, so young and stupid. You were right about a lot of things, but you were wrong about the most important one. I never wanted to hurt you. And I was more hurt than you thought I was.

Birdy...I spent two whole years being angry at you for something you knew hurt me, but you never talked about. It was just one thing in a long line of disappointments, but it was by far the biggest. You never talked about it, not once. The whole time, I wanted one of us to say something so we could talk it out. Anything. But I was too stubborn and proud, and I think you were too guilty. Or you didn't care enough to. I always felt like I was just part of your entourage. I was the side character, and you were the star performer who had everybody on their side. We used to be best friends, but you left that friendship way before I did, and left me hanging. But you pretended you were still there, at least. When I finally realized, I got angry and unequivocally left. And you noticed, of course you did. I've never been subtle. So long I waited, and then finally I had enough and decided to tell you that it was over, that I was done. That we were done. And I was SO, SO ready to blow up on you, to vent to you about how hurt I was. But even when it came time, I couldn't bring myself to. I realized that all these feelings weren't worth it. We parted amicably, and mutually. We had a grown-up talk, the likes of which I never had with Gold. And it was a heck of a lot more civil than the massive fight I had with Link. I also wish you the best from the bottom of my heart. I realized that you weren't really the demon I made you out to be in my head for two years...you were a good person. You just weren't the right person for me anymore. And I was finally ready to let go. Now that I have, I have no regrets. I wrote the longest paragraph for you because you're the person I have the most positive feelings for, despite the hurt you also put me through. I still don't want to be friends anymore. But I hope as fellow human beings that your life is good.

@AveryLove We will both be dead one day and I dont want to take this thing into eternity. So lets make amends whilst we are still on planet Earth and capable of remedial action. I forgive anything wrong you may have done to me. It was just a question of being human with all the limitations that implies. I hope you learned as much as I did. Stay well.

@AveryLove

Former faker friends:

I hope you are happy that you turned on me a few years ago because I didn't do you what you wanted. Just so you know, I do not appreciate you trying to turn it on me and gaslight me, following the fact that I called you out last month. I know that you will care how about how your words were hurtful and made me feel very icky and exhausted. Still, you are liars and abusers who make others miserable because your own seems to suck. I also know that neither of you is worthy of a friendship with me and nor are you kind. Honestly, grow up, both of you, and start taking responsibility instead of continuing to hurt other people. That includes learning to look at yourselves in the mirror. Anyway, it's been two years since I was treated like a piece of trash because you are miserable people who want what you want, Truly, you both are selfish people who abuse and hurt others.

Anyway, I wish both of you nothing but the best