Is this justifiable? I want your opinion!
Hey everyone, lately, I've been seeing a lot of shorts and videos where people say things like, "I love them, but I have to let them go." And honestly, I find it hard to understand.
It’s baffling to me when people say, "I love them, but I have to let them go." If you truly love someone, there should be no obstacle you can’t overcome together. Relationships, in my opinion, are about growing together—supporting each other through life's challenges, not using those challenges as an excuse to walk away.
Take personal growth, for example. People often say they need to focus on their career or personal goals, and that's why they break up. But why can't you do both? If you love someone and communicate your needs clearly, your partner should understand and support you in pursuing your dreams. A relationship shouldn’t be a setback, but a source of motivation. Having someone who believes in you and supports your goals can make achieving those dreams even easier.
The idea of "figuring things out" while in a relationship often feels like an excuse. Growth doesn’t need to happen separately; it can happen together. If both partners are willing to invest in the relationship and grow alongside each other, there’s no reason to leave. A relationship isn’t about holding someone back—it’s about lifting each other up.
I just feel like, in many cases, when people say, “I have to let them go,” it’s more about external influences or fears rather than real reasons. What do you think? Do you agree, or is there something I’m missing?
@Iamdata
I totally agree with you. I don't understand it either.
Maybe some people are too concerned about 0-1 solutions, while either you choose a relationship, or a career, or feeling comfortable with making no efforts. I don't understand why so many people see relationships as something opposite to growing. So many people cling to toxic relationships, and as many - when they have a chance for a blooming relationship - seemingly take an easy way out.
But, let's not complain 😉 Maybe the real issue is to meet the right person, who is enthusiastic rather than looking for excuses? Who is open to experience life in all aspects and able to forget any possible previous disappointments?
@jacek73 yes exactly... And if the relationship was toxic and there were abuse then the idea of letting go is acceptable but I don't think I can accept the other reasons as genuine.
@Iamdata
It can be both ways. Many are IMO not really in love but in real "like". They jump to the i love them or convince themselves of it. Again in real love you do not need to leave so you can focus on more then one thing and make love work. i think many who say this are looking for excuse.
The growth thing is very different. Many do not grow together ...one may sprint ahead and then the other grows at a different pace ..........this is very stressful at times and could lead to taking a break etc. growth is more then pursuing things like career etc. Growth can be deeper about who you are and how you want to live ...people change all the time. Support for a partner can be promised but unless you may not know until you face whatever the path is.
What spurs growth? for one person it can be outside things and a partner is not always inspired or changed by the same thing. Example someone who survived a big illness or injury and they want to live everyday doing more and seize the day .... while the partner happy of course that partner survived they do not have that sense or change or urgency. WE can love someone and it changes by the time you are ready to say "i have to leave " the feelings have faded and what once was is no longer there. Love fades ....sometimes it is work and it is not always effortless.
i think it makes great romantic movie/ books but long term committed relationships are not "love is all we need and we can overcome all" etc. Being realistic in relationship there are times when you do question if your love is enough.
@toughTiger6481
I actually agree with the beginning of what you said—it’s possible that some people confuse limerence with love. They get caught up in intense emotions and convince themselves it’s love when, in reality, it’s just infatuation. In those cases, I understand why someone might feel the need to walk away.
But when it comes to personal growth, I see it as something that naturally happens in a relationship. If two people truly love each other, they should be able to grow together. Of course, that requires mutual effort—your partner should accommodate your growth, but at the same time, you should also adjust for theirs. Growth isn’t instant; it’s a process. So if love is still there, why can’t the relationship evolve along with the people in it?
You mentioned the example of someone who survives a serious illness and gains a new perspective on life. If they suddenly feel the need to "live life to the fullest," why wouldn’t they want to do that with their partner? And if their partner truly loves them, wouldn’t they also want to be part of that happiness? Communication is key—if you tell your partner what you need, there’s no reason they can’t adapt and experience that new phase of life together. What does "living life" mean anyway? If it doesn’t involve things that would actively hurt the relationship, why would leaving be necessary?
I agree that relationships aren’t always a perfect 50-50. Sometimes, one person gives more for a while, and then it shifts the other way. But as long as both people are willing to adjust and support each other, love should be able to withstand change.
I get that the idea of "letting go for their happiness" makes for great storytelling in movies and books, but in reality, if you still love each other, why not fight for it instead of walking away?
@Iamdata
There is not a one size fits all in life. the original plan for most people in the beginning of relationship is often all the things you said....... growing together and give and take and fighting for love no matter what.... then life happens.
Growth takes time and we do not control life on what spurs our growth and changes. If we tell ourselves you go first, then I get a turn .......sounds good in theory. What if both people have growth pulling them in different directions there is no time to take turns.... who postpones their growth and changes. It is often the smallest trickle of water that carves a stone.
The example of living life in my post was a person who went thru something no longer wanted to wait until_(insert whatever previous goal here)__ was completed. Their partner thought telling them "someday" was a compromise to not change what was their original plan only add the desire to travel later on.
How far is one partner supposed to bend ? How much is someone willing to sacrifice? how many dreams/ or plans would a person be willing to abandon for sake of love?
In the idea of one takes a turn then the other has a turn.... seldom comes out in equal and resentment grows. This is the type of thing where fighting for Love no matter what is tested. love sometimes loses....
@toughTiger6481
Damn 😭😭
@Aayla
Hey, this is a really good argument, and I honestly had to pause for a moment to think it through. Your first point about people changing and compatibility really stood out to me.
My stance on people changing remains the same as I mentioned to @toughtiger6481 —yes, people grow and evolve, but if a relationship is healthy and both partners love each other, then growth should be something that strengthens the relationship, not something that tears it apart. Growth doesn’t have to mean growing apart—it can mean growing together.
As for compatibility, I believe it’s something that can be built. A lot of people assume that if a relationship faces difficulties, it means “we just weren’t meant to be.” But relationships require effort. Unless there’s a fundamental mismatch—like abuse or irreconcilable values—then why give up on something that still has love? People don’t just drift apart for no reason; they allow themselves to. Instead of making personal growth an excuse for separation, why not make the relationship part of that growth?
@Iamdata
I guess if both are serious about the relationship, no effort is too much, no changes too big and no sacrifice too costly. I like to think of it as a construction site, there has to be a solid foundation laid. This way regardless of whats built on it there's always space for renovations. Without a mutual ,solid foundation, we just putting up tents for camping, and thats temporary 😌
speaking as a woman whos seriously thinking of walking out of her marriage, and hopefully following through with it. Each has a theshold limit, we can work ourselves to death, pour our souls into a relationship but if we the only one there, its pointless.
Everyone deserves happiness, if you feel that uv done everything you could or if you just not upto it, rather leave.
Life is too short to be miserable 💖
@zaaab
Yes I totally agree that if you're the only person putting in the work and the other partner shows no effort then that's only leading to a dead end
@Iamdata
I get the confusion you're bringing up and also get that saying about loving someone and letting them go. Unfortunately I think both points of view are a bit too rigid on these "shoulds" when it comes to relationships and choices.
Yes, like what you said, someone can work on their career/school and be in a relationship and work things out. But what is the situation for those people? Is there something truly "unworkable" or a "dealbreaker" where ending something needs to happen?
Everyone has different relationship goals, threshold and tolerance levels, and values.
I think that quote/saying you're bringing up highlights how someone can love another person and do something seemingly "counter" to it, like letting them go. Here's a real example from my life: I went no contact with my father as a young adult. I tried to "work it out" with him but I kept getting hurt because I was being emotionally and psychologically abused. It took awhile to get there, but I do love him despite the harm he's done to me in the past and so many others in his life AND I have let that relationship go. I don't wish him ill or anything and do hope he finds healing for himself.
Last thought: sayings like loving someone and letting them go can get cliched, overworked in social media and normal talk. And from all the use, the meaning gets so simplified that yes, it's great to proposed an idea and education, but it also becomes a soundbyte and people can just take the little snippet and run with it like it's some absolute rule of many when it comes to relationships. That's unfortunately (or just the reality?) the nature of sayings.
