A very long toxic relationship
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to get this off my chest. I've been with my fiance for 7 years now. And I don't exactly feel safe around him anymore. Throughout the years, he has abused me whenever he is black-out intoxicated. He has a drinking problem, and recovered from a drug problem 4 years ago. But even still, like once a month or two, he would get black-out drunk, get mad at me for something so minimal, pin me down on the bed and choke me. The last time he hit me repeatedly with a pillow just because I wanted to change the song on the radio. Lately, for the past couple weeks, things have been calm. He did quit drinking and is trying to go to AA on his time off. But with how things have been repeating in a circle, I'm afraid that one day he is going to snap again.
I've already thought about leaving him but first I want to make sure I can secure a place that I can afford, and a roommate. I HAVE talked to my fiance about his issues and his response was "I am trying, I'm trying the best I can. Now I feel this isn't enough". I should have read the signs in the beginning but I was blinded by love. And even still, I do love him.....I just don't feel safe with him. And I am having such a hard time to be strong and overcome my feelings and just be happy for even trying to work on improving my life and doing the right thing.
Please do not ignore the red flags. Get out and get out fast! Leave everything behind and start over. You do not deserve being mistreated. The way he treating you is not love. Don’t let life pass you by another day. Act now!
@JulesMira
from experience IMO alcoholics generally can keep it under control for a while but not easy .... my spouse was a bit of angry drunk and i noticed after he quit drinking he is still quick to anger.....
there is no easy way to say ... you may not be safe and even if you love him staying may be dangerous.
@JulesMira
This situation is not safe for you !
People snap, & often times not in good ways which can leave you feeling like you are walking on eggshells with every move you make. It seems that you are afraid of him & if he has choked you before, and you stayed.. he will not be afraid to cross that line/boundary with you again. Please take it from someone who had to get stitches on her face because I ignored the red flags and stayed after that first punch. It became worst & worst after that to the point i would have bruising all over my neck & he even tried to push me down the stairs. Later on, he began to stalk me & follow me around. Please know that you HAVE to go.
Please consider the Al-Anon group.. it is a free support group for people who are spouses/family of people who have a drinking/drug problem.. you may find yourself a great support system that is confidential. There you will learn that an addict will ALWAYS be an addict in recovery and there isnt such thing as an addict who recovered. This is a constant battle for them.
By him responding back “Now i feel this isn’t enough” it seems he is trying to guilttrip you into accepting his ways because it isnt “as bad”. You dont deserve this! & while leaving a 7 year relationship is hard, it is best to be able to walk away then not make it out alive. Please please please reach out for help.. there are women shelters that can assist you free of cost and hotlines for domestic violence and abuse.
I hope my experience has helped shine some light. I wish you the best of luck & please be safe!
@JulesMir- the situation sounds dangerous. Most communities have support for Domestic Abuse - and should be able to support you through the transition time = and give you guidance for leaving an unsafe situation. You are not alone in being in an abusive relationship - sadly it is very common.
Please take care of yourself, seek help and regain your life.
