Offsite & Onsite relationships
@RarelyCharlie has brought up some possible situations regarding offsite and onsite relationships. Many times these just get a brush off as being pedantic. I think this can bring up good questions though, and I have come across issues arising at times when there is offsite contact - and I really don't know how that was initiated, the offsite contact may very well have existed before 7cups.
When we are encourage to share 7cups with our social media lists and with friends it becomes likely we will have relationships with the same people both here and off site.
People who know a little about me may very well be able to identify me here and I would guess there are others who are as easy to identify (in the case of pictures, even easier).
How are these situations to be handled, especially if there are disagreements that come from offsite onto the site? What is allowed to be shared about others? Ie. If I'm hospitalized and my husband has an account can he share that about me - identifying me as AffyAvo? Or if someone was to die, can that information be shared?
It's true, I have, but mostly in response to what I think have been some wildly unrealistic rules and interpretations of the rules.
For example, our Community Guidelines currently say, in bold, in the section for Teen Mentors (now known as Adult Teen Listeners):
We have a zero tolerance for offsite contact with teen listeners and teen members.
Think about it. This means that if a parent becomes an Adult Teen Listener, their children, their neighbours' children, their children's friends, and so on, and so on, cannot join 7 Cups!
There are ongoing discussions elsewhere about the forum guidelines, specifically. There, the approach seems to me to be to ban almost everything, then rely on moderators to take "tone" and "context" into account when deciding whether or not to take action.
In the situations you describe, therefore, I think it would all depend on whether individual moderators felt upset by the news. Any moderator who feels upset can delete it, in case it upsets someone else.
Has anyone at all at 7 Cups ever become very ill or died, as far as we know from the forums?
@AffyAvo
@RarelyCharlie I have seen a few deaths mentioned on the forums.
@AffyAvo i think he meant deaths or illness from what is in the forums what they are wanting to censor what harm has been caused to warrant something being banned the standard that justifies laws that without it people do get hurt the problem with people getting offended is that different people get offended by different reasons unless that person is predicting that another person might get offended like i said some people are offended by talk of abortion or talk of homosexuality or any subject could be considered offensive out of all offensive content needs worked on a lot of limits need put on that one
Oh no, I meant what @AffyAvo thought I meant. My wording was not clear, and I apologise. I am relieved to know that news some people may find upsetting is not suppressed.
But asking what harm has been caused to justify a ban is also a good question. As a community we seem to fear and therefore avoid imaginary things, a little like suffering from some kind of community OCD.
@jennysunrise8
@RarelyCharlie oh i thought thats what you were talking about and she was talking about people who knew eachother making forum announcements of people dying or some other thing that would show they knew eachother i understand that could be a problem but unless it actually does become a problem or you see its a problem in some other forum somewhere thats predicting a possibility that something bad could happen and if left up to each individual mod to define that can mean a lot of things which is why its important to unpack and define exactly what it includes and excludes right now there is even an " exc... " at the end of the list of offensive things! an open ended exc. in such a vague category as offensive content is not a good thing to do at all there needs to be wording that limits and in this anonymimity category under " clarifications " thats not clarifications thats the opposite of clarifications unless its explained why those things are in there how they relate to that
Well, I'm confused and dismayed by the whole issue, to be honest.
Off-topic, but not entirely. . .I saw the 741741 crisis text line in your profile and put it in mine too. They are planning to provide a service here in the UK soon. It seems very professional. Makes me wonder if that might be a less confusing and dismaying environment.
@jennysunrise8
@RarelyCharlie i didnt even think about people outside the US and i dont think people outside the US can call or text either of those numbers and there are plenty of people outside the US here so im going to go find a list online that lists crisis text lines and free numbers to call for different countries and put the link to it on my profile under what i wrote about it i think that would be a good idea for listeners to think about what they want to say about it and let everyone know in words that are well thought out since its not on the main page as it should be but some of the guidelines are definately confusing and need explained as detailed as possible so that its not misused and does more harm than good and now is the time to give details and define exactly what everything means or it will evolve to include what people right now dont intend it to include
@jennysunrise8 for any listeners interested in putting a link to international suicide prevention numbers here is a good link to add on your profile will send them to the international association for suicide prevention with a clickable map that lists everything in their area https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis-Centres/
That link got to their home page, not the map, for me. Maybe this will get the map directly: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
And for online services: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Online_Crisis_Intervention_Services/
@jennysunrise8
@RarelyCharlie yes the real problem is as with any company that has a monopoly over something the lack of competition creates an environment for people that is dismaying and confusing they can afford to treat people poorly in all sorts of different ways and it doesnt matter because they know theres nowhere else for people to go no other place offers a service that they offer right now in our small town there is one cable company and the service is very bad but if you want cable you have to just deal with it in other words there needs to be an 8cups of tea lol
and actually there is competition in the works thank goodness just did a google search for online listeners and there are a few places that have this set up in baby stages free listeners people can talk to a few working now and some are not live yet but its on the way and is going to give 7cups a run for its money (literally) soon i think
https://www.iprevail.com/chat (up and running now they give rewards to peer listener volunteers that can be redeemed on amazon)
https://www.okletstalk.org/caring-listeners/ (very new it seems site needs to be more functional cant click on some links but good start)
https://www.blahtherapy.com/chat-hub/ (very basic but can be expanded to become more of a social network that would attract more people)
and a few other efforts 7cups might be the first but not likely to remain the only place people can be and find free online listeners and depending on where this project is going some listeners here will likely find an alternative right now its fine but well see how things evolve if 7cups starts regulating listeners lives off site and listeners need the permission of some group on 7cups to allow them to say or do things off 7cups thats a bit extreme
@AffyAvo
I had an ex-gf join 7 cups on my reccomendation, connected with me as a listener, and then complained about her ex being a rotten so in so. Of course, I was the ex in this case, and after an hour she let me in on the joke.
I laughed.. alot.
I had her register an actual member account and she's refrained from contacting me sense. If she wants to talk, she can find me on social media, which she's fine with doing.
Lovely woman, if anyone is single... umm.. err.. never mind.
@DaveMcGrath Haha sounds low on the drama aspect and you both have a sense of humour!
@AffyAvo
It was pretty funny, couldn't fault her for having some harmlessfun at my expense.
It does make sense to not have contact with people you know personally on here because it would stir up a lot of drama. It's not to say they can't talk, just find someone else to talk to on the site.
@FaithfulPrune9638 So in group chat rooms should everyone who knows each other have to mute one another? What if someone is a group mod?
@AffyAvo Im not saying that about chat rooms. Just one-on-one chats. That to me would be awkward.
@FaithfulPrune9638 i thinkits a matter that should be left up to each individual to decide who they want to talk to here if they feel awkward or that it would cause drama by contacting someone they know here and also offsite they can choose to talk to another listener but each person should decide that for themselves who they select as a listener shouldnt be imposed on them because of someone elses fear of what might go wrong if they did most likely no tragedy will happen from talking to someone on 7cups that they know and trust to be a good listener off 7cups so i think we just need to leave that up to the individual what they feel comfortable doing who they feel comfortable talking to
@AffyAvo
My life's mainly offline.....no facebook...nothing. Cups is rare.....so sure no one comes to Cups (also....my 'tribe' leads offline lives) so....im so sure im invisible to some extent...
Which makes being on cups freeing. Thanks for bringing up this topic!
I have about 5 000 referal clicks, I presented 7cups in different local events, made 5 kiosks for 7cups in them within 3 years. Additionnaly there is few French speaking listeners on 7cups. So YES, it happens from time to time that I get members that I know offline, including teens. either by what they say to me (their story being familiar, they gives some infos about themselves without I ask) or their profile picture, etc. Most of them will never recognize me, but I sometimes recognize them. Or I share it on other sites, and people register here using a similar (or the same) username. I treat them as any other of my members and pretend not knowning them. sometimes it's in the chatrooms. it's rare they recognize my style, but sometimes it happens. 7 cups encourage us to spread the word about 7cups on internet, our blogs, social medias and even offline locally (posters, events). They even give us extra points for referal clicks and when new members/listeners register from our referal links. But I never invited anyone that I knew on the site to talk to me offline, asked or shared infos. I never accepted to contact someone offsite that I knew only on 7cups.
