Bullying? or Bully?

I feel as this could be another harmful label to an individual or group of people. Categorizing people under a term used to exclude others. What I mean is yes people who bully others from those who don't are different, but they are still human. I find the term "bully" makes people forget that those bullying are people as well.

I do believe trolling which can be used as another term for bullying, is an act or behavior (like you mentioned) of someone who is going through things and hurting inside and this is their way of dealing with it. Instead of inflicting pain onto themselves, they are doing it to others. People who bully others need just as much understanding as someone who is going through a hard time and inflicts pain on themselves.

This is in no way justifying their behavior. There is nothing right about hurting others or yourself. I think if those who do the bullying were shown some positive attention and were given the help they need, they would learn from their behaviors and hopefully get onto the right path of healing. This is just my 2 cents.

Gaaah @Amelia I love this post! I made this thread a while back discussing more about how bullies are often made villains when in fact bullies get bullied as well :) (well its kind of a post dedicated to everyone who's been a bully, looking at bullying in a mother perspective that I felt wasn't discussed too much) I was about to retype that entire post here but then I realised itd be easier to just link it, hehe :P this is a really cool thread and I've always been passionate about getting the point across that nobody is ever the villain of their own story, nobody ever wants to be the bad guy. As someone who's been bullied in the last writing that thread was harder than I thought but now that I wrote it I realise how much can be learnt from these types of discussions ❤ loooove this thread :D

Firstly, @Amelia, this is an AMAZING post- I loooove it! ♥

It is an important distinction to bring up because ideally, we want to aid in changing this behaviour and a label is not the way to do that. Labels dehumanise peepsicles preventing others from looking at them as whole and complete human beings with their own issues, problems and feelings who need support in their own way. Instead, they are looked at with hatred- the entire human bean becomes the "problem" or the "threat" rather than a singular behaviour.

Labels also make it seem like this aggressive behaviour is permanent and lasting, like there is no possibility of change- also not an image we want to project onto someone. The labels distract from root causes of the behaviour, such as the social or psychological environment the human bean is surrounded by. We need to address these and recognise that the behaviour CAN be changed.

I have other things I want to say, but for now, I'll stop here (cos I'm a lazy bum and my phone is misbehaving :P). Thanksiees for creating this thread, ameee! ♥

I adore this. Just wow!

I had also not really thought about it before, but now, it makes a lot of sense. When you think about it, we know about rewarding good behaviour over using punishment to instill things like value and discipline, why would this be any different? And things like the prison system is based on rehabilitation and building a new life, rather than punishment. These values and ideals should be everywhere, in my opinion. I think that those who bully people are not bad people. They need empathy and kindness as much as anyone else, and if a label takes away from our ability to see them as human, as feeling. The label has got to go! *poof, there goes that label*

Food for thought. Is this the same with abusers?

Sorry--forgot to tag @Anomalia

This is actually a really good point. I've always felt labels are restricting and in cases like these, they can actually reinforce the negative behavior. Ex: "I bully people because I am a bully."

I absolutely agree with everything said here and think it's a really important reminder to all of us.

Yes, trolling behavior and bullying behavior is not acceptable here (or in general), but that doesn't make the people doing it bad people or not people at all. Often that behavior comes from a hurt somewhere deeper, and while many don't want to be engaged outside of the trolling behavior, some may just be seeking someone to pay attention and care.

It's a similar idea with members who get really angry in 1-1s. Often that's misplaced anger at someone or something else that's being directed onto their listener because that is who is there. I know when I was younger, I often would get really frustrated at all sorts of things and take it out on one of my friends because she was 'safe' and she and I both knew that even when we yelled at each other, it wouldn't change our friendship. Usually, we would go head to head, get mad, leave, and come back 30 minutes later both apologizing to each other. :)

All that to say, yes, I agree. And I do think it's important to separate the behavior from the person and try to understand where it comes from. As my mom used to say "I love you, but I really don't like what you're doing right now!"

There are great points here! I agree with the issues of labelling.

I think one place where we need to be aware of doing so is when supporting one person, especially in places like the forums and group chats when they have been hurt by another person on the site. We can support one person without villianizing the other!

Definitely a thought-provoking post regarding the "bully" label, really interesting! Might add my thoughts to this when I don't have an exam the next morning xD

Jace and Anomalia summed up my thoughts perfectly. :)