Not forcing things but letting them unfold
Unpleasant or unwanted things that happen to us occur for many reasons and often we can’t figure out the reasons for them to happen. Many of us love to know exactly where our life takes us and get frustrated if things are going completely the other way. It can be very difficult to accept things as they are and to let them unfold in their own time - we often tend to force things but most of the time this does not result in a good outcome, but rather an increase in frustration.
Participation question:
- When have you ever found yourself attempting to prepare, anticipate, or prevent something happening that is beyond your control?
- What lessons have you learned from this experience?
Helpful Videos:
The Power Of Letting Go - Jon Kabat-Zinn - Mindfulness.
Helpful Resources:
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/WeveLaunchedTalkTherapyon7Cups_319430/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link (must be logged into member account) https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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Honestly, this is kinda how I live my life. I like to be over prepared then under prepared. Some times it’s as simple as always having a snack in my bag, other times I have plans A,B,C,& D.
what have I learned? Most the time I only need one back up plan or none at all. But I would still rather have contingency plans because life is so unpredictable!
@amiablePeace77
Thank you for this prompt Ami💕
I so much agree with this thing! Usually, we feel that everything should be figured out at this very moment just because we feel everything is under our own control! While I agree there is no perfect timing for things but there is a right time when they unfold!
1. While I have not tried to control things which are beyond my control, but I have been a fixer sometimes, feeling obligated to resolve people's problems! And yes, to some extent, all we have fears, when we don't find ways to resolve them, we try to create what if scenarios anticipating things beyond our control instead of just taking action.
2. I realized that it's important to learn to live in uncertainty sometimes with faith in whatever is happening. Learn to demarcate what is within our circle of influence and what isn't and stop worrying about the latter. Understanding that while it's good to be deep empathetic support it's not good to be a solver every time.
@resilience2025
You made some good points, thanks for sharing. We can't solve everything for everyone, even not at time for ourselves and sometimes we just need to be able to live with uncertainty.
@amiablePeace77
I did have an experience like this years ago. I was living in the US and was on the phone in early December with our mother in France. I was urging my mother to allow our father to go to the hospital for observation. She refused because then, she might spend Xmas and New Year alone. I asked if I could speak to our father and she said no, as she was sure I would convince him to go. He died right after New Year's Day of a burst aorta in his abdomen.
I still feel terrible about this because, in hindsight, I did not THINK I could have called one of my siblings and tell them to talk to our father and bypass our mother.
I had just lost my own husband the previous year of a similar medical issue. I never confronted my mother with this and left her in peace. What good would it have done to her if I had been rubbing it in?
The lesson is........ karma.
- When have you ever found yourself attempting to prepare, anticipate, or prevent something happening that is beyond your control?
- What lessons have you learned from this experience?
@Fradiga my condolences for the loss of your father.
The problem with wisdom is it often comes after the experience where it could have been helpful.
@soulsings
Yeah... true that!
@Fradiga
You suffered 2 big losses in short time 💙 Sometimes we simply do not see the best or easiest thing to do because our minds are fixed on something, maybe in your case "I have to arrange it" and it does not come to mind asking someone else for help. I can only imagine how scared and maybe angry you were at that time not getting the opportunity to arrange the necessary. What happened was hard to take but you tried your very best. I hope you will find peace with it.
@amiablePeace77 and @soulsings
Thank you for your understanding!
Well, I obviously reacted with emotion at the time (1998) and that prevented me from reasoning. Our mother was SO distraught at her loss and.... of course, I could just welcome her in the Widow's Club with open arms. Her personality was her own enemy and frankly, she had other personal disasters because of that and some wins ALSO because of her mindset. After all, she was brilliant in many ways and a dutiful wife and mother as well. The only thing is that her decision did not just hurt her, but all of us kids as well.
Overtime, of course, it does not matter any longer, because Dad would be - what - 104 now and Mum 99. She died 10 years later and we made sure she would not have to go to some nursing home till the end, even after her stroke.
In our case, maybe family bonds are way more important than the disagreements we might have. Nobody blamed me for not trying harder and that gives me some peace.
@Fradiga
Nice that you have such strong family bonds!
Love this!✨
@amiablePeace77
- When have you ever found yourself attempting to prepare, anticipate, or prevent something happening that is beyond your control?
- What lessons have you learned from this experience?
Always be prepared ahead of time in as many ways as you can for as many situations as you can. Thanks Batman! I actually learned this lesson from him but when I learned it I was too young to comprehend anything about it so now I relearned it through always preventing something beyond my control.
@akunknown
Being prepared (as much as possible) for whatever comes has certainly advantages!
- When have you ever found yourself attempting to prepare, anticipate, or prevent something happening that is beyond your control?
- What lessons have you learned from this experience?
I’ve learned that I do it too often, that it drains me, and that at least nowadays if I let things be and stay true to myself they’ll resolve on their own.
It seems that you have learned a very helpful lesson!
