Am i wrong about feeling this way
I have been experiencing deppression for some time now but i put on a smile in front of my family as the perfect good daughter but i feel nothing towards life or goals i don't feel the drive to achieve my dreams i feel like i failed but even after that i still try to get out of this cycle by trying harder in uni after i got into medicine my grades got worse due to my mental health issues but this year i tried beating the cycle and actually trying i still procrastinate and mess up but i try and even though it's not perfect i think i improved truth be told i don't feel that happy towards those wins but i try to celebrate them however my mother tells me to try more to look for scholarships abroad i did get one but i rejected it a years ago because it didn't match with what i wanted eversince my mom has been anxious telling me to try harder to be the first like i was before to be more like my little sister and to try truth to be told i love my mom so much and i tried telling her i m not well and that i m feeling a detachment towards life feelingless but she said it's because i m living a good life if i was poor i wouldn't have time to think about being deppressed she doesn't believe in mental illnesses and says i m just feeling disappointed in myself for not doing well in uni so i stopped talking i don't know why i thought this time would be different but i didn't cry or react i simply stood silent i know i won't probably be opening up for a loooong time but am i wrong for feeling this way ?i have no reason to be like this she is right and i have a good life too but i can't help it i really can't what would it take to find someone who d just listen for once and guide me
@wisteria28
I wish I could just give you a big hug now and make you feel appreciated and worthy because you are!
It must be hard to suppress your feelings and put a mask on when being with your family to please them and hide how you really feel! I can only imagine the pain you're going through when your mom compares you to your little sister. Depression is a real thing and very hard to cope with alone. Please don't be harsh on yourself for not being able to do what you're expected to do. When one lives with depression life becomes so much harder in many aspects of life and having good support is crucial! So glad that you decided to join here! Unfortunately, many people and sadly often the ones who are closest to us are in denial of mental illness. So sorry you're in this situation too.
Whilst mental illness can be challenging, often there are also many ways to get support and support yourself by learning coping skills.
Here are some suggestions that might be helpful:
- Use the Self Help Guides https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php
- Connect with a listener for a 1:1 chat and for some comfort https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
Depression support https://www.7cups.com/forum/depression/
I would like to give you also the link to the current AMA (ask me anything) where you can ask questions related to mental health experiences and challenges answered by Dr. Melissa Berg. Please submit your questions as soon as possible as the AMA is running only for a certain time.AMA With Therapist Dr. Melissa Berg - Discussion | 7 Cups
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/AMAWithTherapistDrMelissaBerg_356379
I hope this helps 💙
Thank you so much for being so kind and understanding and for the links 💕 sending you lots of love i hope your days are blessed 🤍🤍
Do what you need to for you. One day your folks will be gone and you'll be left on this earth. You have to live with you till the end.
I ve been trying to honestly but i m very attached to my parents and i love them dearly even if they don't get my feelings sometimes even if they hurt me by accident i know they are hurting too but they weren't taught any better since mental health isn't talked about in my country so i do not blame them i know they love me deeply too i guess i need to figure out a way on my own though the thought of them leaving first pains me more than their words can so i can't imagine a world without them thank you for your considerate message anyway 🤍🤍
You're feelings are completely valid. Life gets hard in this way especially during school. I'm not in college yet so, I'm not sure on how to help you. I just wish you good luck! You will get out of this stronger!
Thank you so much you are so sweet wish you luck in your studies too your words are enough to help me so thank you very much 🤍🤍🤍
@wisteria28
Yes, I understand what you mean, it can be incredibly difficult when your mind feels like it won’t stop. Constant worry can be mentally and emotionally draining, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by it.
You’re not alone in this, and your feelings are completely valid. Sometimes just putting how you feel into words is the first step toward feeling a little lighter. I’m here to listen and support you, without any judgment.
If you’d like, we can take things one step at a time together. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Thank you so much i would like that very much it is nice to have someone who will listen 🤍🤍
You have a great mom that supports you and wants the best for you. With that said; only you can set the goals for your future self. I left my country and family when I was 22 to do what I wanted to do. It took me 12 years before I got my engineering degree and now I’m self sufficient.
Wasn't it hard to take that step ?i feel scared of the thought of leaving them is scary the world itself look scary when they aren't around
I feel the same but I physically don't know how to smile truly
It must be painful to me I got used to faking smiles that it got hard for others and myself to differentiate between lies and truth sending you love and lots of hugs 🫂 hope you get better
@wisteria28
The pressures and opinions of others, even when they care about me, can make life hard going. So I don’t believe you are wrong to feel depressed (or without happiness in your successes). Actually, I don’t believe any feeling is wrong, but I think how we handle the feeling can be “wrong” in the sense that some methods are not helpful.
I think isolation is the worst. I’m glad you posted here. Even if things don’t change yet on the outside, like your obligations, circumstances, and your parents, the act of sharing does lessen your burdens because you’re not alone in carrying them. You also demonstrate courage, strength, and perseverance by being here and seeking help.
I’m new, but this seems to be a community that is full of caring and support. This is the kind of good “medicine” I received from my in-person group of friends who helped me change my life, and I’m so excited to find 7Cups where this help can be available 24/7!
I hope you can continue to share and see that there are people here with you through this challenging time.
It does help i joined the community recently too yet everyone has been so kind and listening it's nice i also wanted to know other people's opinions and experiences that could be helpful in my healing journey 😊 ❤️ thank you
@wisteria28
You're welcome!!
@wisteria28
Hi ... just checking in. It has been some time since this post. Are you feeling a little better, after you shared about the feelings you’ve been going through?
How have your parents been treating you?
Hello thank you for checking in 🤍🤍🤍🫂some days are better than the others and yes i did open up to my mother about my feelings but unfortunately she didn't really understand me they are still treating me well and i don't blame them for not noticing my mental health that much since they have a lot going in their plate too i think afterall i ll need to deal with this on my own it's alright though it's not that bad somehow it feels a bit better
@wisteria28
That’s great you opened up to your mother, and even though she didn’t really understand, you showed courage by trying to communicate. I’m also glad that you’re feeling better about managing your mental health concerns. It’s hard to do it alone, but you have some real help here at 7Cups, and it’s so good you have found it beneficial.
You mentioned that your parents have a lot going on as well? What are they dealing with? And how are your classes? Are you done for the summer?
I m still not done with my classes i still have an exam coming up and my parents they are doing well but they are always busy since my sibling was anorexic so they tend to get paranoid if she ever shows signs again the two or them are also busy with work and i don't think they have the time to think of me that much it felt disappointing that my mother forgot my words by the next day or simply chose not to talk about them i guess i m getting used to being in my own little bubble it was always like this
@wisteria28
I can see how your parents would be worried over your younger sister. And I can understand the kind of isolation and neglect you feel.
I didn’t grow up in the same situation as you (my siblings are about 20 years older than I am), but I experienced neglect because my siblings had their own lives separate from me. When they were ready to leave home, they either went to college or got married, and nothing changed with me since I was still in grade school.
All the while, my parents were also busy with work (and being immigrants who didn’t have an education and didn’t speak English, they didn’t understand the idea of therapy or “finding oneself”).
Growing up was indeed isolating and lonely. I admire your parents for caring about your education, but I get how hard it can be for you when they don’t understand or even appreciate the challenging emotions going on inside. I hope you have received some relief and a lot of support here. How has your mental health been in the last few days?
I hope you are doing well now and i ve been a bit better thank you it's thanks to this kind community and to you for always checking on me you are so kind i don't have much friends so the feeling of having someone care is new and heartwarming thank you again
@wisteria28
Thank you for asking … I am doing very well—and even when I’m not doing great, life gives me the blessings to see things a different way.
I’m very happy you are feeling better. That’s what brothers and sisters are here for, to look after each other in our spiritual family!
Good luck on your exams, and I hope you finish your classes soon 😊
Thank you and i m really happy you are feeling well your perceptive of things really made me smile i do feel like i got a new precious family here thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Well it's a normal thing for people to not have goals yet, maybe set some and go do them.
It's not really about not having goals but losimg interest in life honestly i did have goals and dreams but suddenly it felt exhausting and meaningless i m still trying to figure out my way
Though having less may motivates at times it sometimes fails to motivate all times for some. Some suffer hunger and still arent earning enough for food and for school it doesnt necessarily makes things easier but sometimes gave more to accomplish at times for some.
A friends advantage to having fewer or something that aided them they eventually if insightful or getting advice learned to evaliate most essential needs/seek mainly 1st achieving the skeleton of goal and building from there over trying for more everytime 1st. Maybe subtle but for them aided.
learning from them aided me but one thing that aids som arent always aiding everyone,
Bests on Goals,
@wisteria28
Dear Wisteria;
I am sorry you are struggling with depression and your mom doesn’t accept mental illness.
There are no wrong feelings. You are entitled to feel the way you feel. It is not healthy to pretend you are happy when you are not. The focus needs to be on what things people might have said that caused you to feel down on yourself. Then to realize that you are not what people said and they might have been dealing with their own baggage. Lastly you can forgive yourself and whoever might have hurt you with their words. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words i am trying to be kinder to myself lately and to those around me i no longer blame them for not noticing my pain sooner maybe i should have spoke soomer though i don't think that would have changed much i think i m moving on a bit i still grieve the person i used to be and the dreams i had i still try to find dreams and to do somthing
