Expectations

@soulsings In my younger days, I would have agreed that many frustrations of mine were because of expectations not being met. However, as I grew older and worked on myself I realized that there are just somethings beyond my control. I won't always be able to control the situation or stop things from happening and that's ok. I won't be able to stop others from saying things and doing things and that's ok. Frustrations happen when we try to control things that are just beyond our control and it's like setting yourself up to be disappointed. If I expect from people, then I can't be surprised. My life is more beautiful when I let go and release anxieties. It's more beautiful when I can allow people to surprise me. ♡

Expectations is a good thing to keep you focused but it can also be tough when you are a people pleaser …. Balance in life is always needed… everything in moderation. 😎

Sometimes unexpected results when something doesn’t go as planned …it is the journey not the destination … learning from mistakes and failure is how you grow. 💕

Expectations that make you feel stressed figure out why you are stressed and is this expectation still necessary ? Do what makes you smile … 😊

@soulsings

yeah,so this is a perfect thread for me to ans,coz i am dealing with a massive failure -doesnt seem that way for the world-but it tears me apart bcoz of my personal expectations,i am a perfectionist-and i am really hard on myself-so yeah-when things go too off the way to manage and it feels terrible -and i get angry on myself- i distance myself from the rest of the world-take time to experience the beautiful mess and then i take time to observe my broken self-i live the sad emotions-cry my heart out until i get back my strong self ready enough to face the world

@soulsings , that's a very crucial point you have point out. There is no denying that expectations from oneself and others can keep one going sometimes. However when things take a turn for worsts. They all come crashing down.

* How do you pull yourself out of frustration when things do not work the way you expected them to work?

Ii try to remind myself that not everyone can accomplish a goal or master any particular skill during there first few efforts. Surely many has done it. But we are all unique so we will have a different path too . And that's okay too. I can get there ony on pace , only if I Keep going. That's one thought that pulls me out of frustration when things don't go my way 😁

* What can you do to not get caught in the trap of expectations?

I believe that there is nothing wrong in aiming high. And I try to remind myself that if someone is expecting me to soar high , then it comes from a place of care and love. That one thought keeps expectations from becoming unhealthy, most of the times. Of course there are moments when it doesn't work and I sulk like a four year old who lost it's puppy

@soulsings

How do you pull yourself out of frustration when things do not work the way you expected them to work?

It depends on what it is. If it is something practical like something I built does not work, usually I do not dwell on it but rather say to myself "Well, this did not work let's try something else". If it has to do more with emotions I use positive self talk which often helps to find peace again.

What can you do to not get caught in the trap of expectations?

I think the only way for me to not get caught up in this trap is to lower expectations and be content with how things are (not giving up though! )

@soulsings

• How do you pull yourself out of frustration when things do not work the way you expected them to work?
  I realize that my feelings, emotions are sending me a message, like the GPS when we take a wrong or less-efficient route to our destination. So, the first step is accepting and acknowledging those feelings. Then, I try to see what I can change in my process/plan and do course correction. We never have control over the outcome/goal, the goal is just a by-product of our plan executed well. And the frustration can lead to a self-loathing trap if we worry about the outcome not being achieved. So, I guess it helps more to see the situations as, "something is not working out, what can I change?" compared to "I am not good at this, I never plan well, I will not achieve it". It's called cognitive reappraisal, and can be learned through practice :)
  
• What can you do to not get caught in the trap of expectations?
  It's quite normal to set up unreal expectations from situations, and that's also okay because when they're not met, we learn some lessons about ourselves. I think it could help to question ourselves why we need the expectation to be fulfilled? As in, 'a short-term benefit or long-term?' How essential is that need in life? And if it's sensible, we can create a plan that's not vague, so that we keep getting reality checks on our journey. Otherwise, we might create some airy scenarios and get frustrated every time reality doesn't match-up with them. So, I guess we should be aware and ensure that our plans are not vague to begin with, and if they are... we can always refine them. I know, there are so many unexpected things that come up that we can't take into account beforehand, but as other members have said, if it's out of our control, we have to make do with what we can control. I, personally, don't find it helpful to hear, "lower your expectations"... because I don't think people can consciously lower them without affecting their self-esteem. So, I feel we should judge if we're planning vaguely or not, and we can avoid the "trap" of expectations.

@soulsings

• How do you pull yourself out of frustration when things do not work the way you expected them to work? I have kind of learned to not expect anything from anyone except myself.
• What can you do to not get caught in the trap of expectations? Do it your self

@soulsings

When things don't go the way I want them to I try to take a step back and look at the problem from another perspective, if that doesn't work I will take a break from the problem and come back to it when I'm in a better frame of mind.

To not get caught in the trap of expectations you really have to understand and push yourself to try your hardest, regardless of expectations when you know that you've done your best you will feel your best.