Traumatic Experiences Community Check-in: September 6th
Hi Trauma Team,
I know that this has been an incredibly difficult and upsetting time for your team. At this time, the best course of action is to start fresh and rebuild this community that means so much to many of you. The focus has always been - and will continue to be- on supporting members who have gone through traumatic experiences.
With this in mind, I want to check in with you on how youre feeling and how we can best support members of the trauma community moving forward.
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
@Laura @courteousNorth5140 @LifeIsMyCanvas @PurpleHeart16 @RumpleSteeleSkin
@Kate
The last thing I want to do is come in and create more upset. I want the trauma community to continue to go from strength to strength, and for people to find the support and compassion they so richly deserve. But why oh why could you not have asked these questions before now? I could weep! Weve been almost begging for help, yet none has been forthcoming. Its so very upsetting that your response is a reactive one, and not proactive.
So thinking of the future, it has to be a proactive team that listens to the members, and allows opinions to be heard and considered. One with regular active members of the community to rebuild trust, and develop relationships. I know this can happen. Whether it can happen on this site remains to be seen.
Edit away.
@DeborahUK
i am just happy shes here now. i do not judge for the past, but will focus on the future.
i am also very happy to see you here too 
@Kate
You ask for an opinion and then you ignore the answer you get because you don't like it?
So really what you are showing is that our feelings matter as long as we agree with you.
I don't think you want to know my thoughts and feelings.
@nolongerafraid Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words. It is not that people are not deserving of a reply but I also do not want to come off as defensive or hurtful in any way. Sometimes if I'm unsure of what the correct reply is, maybe it's just best to let that person be heard.
@Kate
If you have paid attention to what has been said you would understand that by not responding you give the impression that you are not listening. And that what is being said is ignored. And being ignored is what triggers really bad.
If you would just answer that you hear what they are saying, that you are sorry but don't have an answer right now. That you are willing to talk about it. That would help.
So maybe your intentions are okay but that is not what is coming across.
@nolongerafraid Ok. I hear you. My intention is not to trigger or make anyone feel unheard.
@Kate Thank you. So maybe there is room for improvement.
@Kate
I feel very unheard.
@DeborahUK I hear you Deb and am working on replying to everyone in this thread to acknowledge your thoughts and opinions.
@Kate
Yet you still ignored my comment for six hours whilst responding to everyone elses. I know Im persona non grata round here, but that doesnt make me invisible.
Lets not get into a debate. I hear you want to start rebuilding, and Im glad to hear that. But I just cant understand why you demolished it in the first place.
@DeborahUK they probably think that they can just destroy it and rebuild it, and get new people, they dont care about making issues of people worst by creating more distrust when people already have trust issues because of what is happened to them.
@DeborahUK
*hugs* I feel like I understand where you are coming from. And I struggle with that, too. I've been keeping up and reading with things as much as I can, and it's baffling me because it really does seem like it was ... I will not say intentionally destroyed, I don't believe that, but I will say that it does seem that it was let alone to destruct due to withholding of certain supports, it almost seems like someone(s) wanted it to destruct due to not liking certain people, it does seem that it was done in a very underhanded way (and for what reason was it done underhandedly god pray tell?!), and it does indeed feel confusing that said supports are now being offered now that the destruction has already happened (instead of being offered before). Of course, I haven't been privy to any private conversations or private meetings, so the things I know are far from the whole story. But I just wanted to tell you I at least kind of get you. I won't say I entirely do, but I'm vibing.
@Kate
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today? about a 4 sad but hopeful
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space? for all to be equally valued and be able to express themselves in a way that honors them and others.
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward? Support the members 1st and formost, I've love to see the positivity come back
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc. I personally miss open chat but I also like checkins for the chance to reflect on things.
When I read the checkin today I thought of when I start a new journal or sketch book. That blank page can feel so intimidating.
But then I realised that I have journals where Ive painted off the last of the paint from another project. Those pages arent so stark and actually already have the beginnings of something on paper.
Reminds me of where we are at today. Weve already painted on the page and more importantly left an imprint on the hearts of those around us. Lets highlight and grow the things that were awesome about our story, and learn from the messy bits. Its a new chapter of the story and a chance to grow. Change is hard, especially when we feel weve lost friends, or that we havent chosen it but it is still our story to write together.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Thank you for your thoughtful post! Yes, a blank page can be intimidating for sure, but having a fresh start also opens up the door to possibilities to improve and learn.
just adding in the taglist
@Rain45 @Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @raychascotch @KatieMoon1 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @HearingYourHeart @TreesandWine @guyb @Sharkradio @MKjart @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @DeborahUK @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337 @singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Raveninthelabrynth @Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3 @blissedNblessed @Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink @sereneSoul23 @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @Godborned @Jessica86 @resourcefulPond1641 @Lilibuth12 @Tir @Michelle0608 @The_Final_Chapter @Halogen @BubblegumPuppy68 @ScarletPear1945 @CaloenasNicobarica @Hoxenos @Christine1980 @TheresaWilliams @Compassionatelistener108 @LovelyChantel @Pureriver56 @unassumingSummer6022 @Reedrainshimmer @resourcefulPond1642 @Kuma0187 @NonHoPaura @courageousNorth9872 @NacienteLuz @Waterlily16 @Helpfulsoul64 @TheHoneyDoll @Saif1for1Resilience @butters45 @purpleWest8143 @silverIceCream21 @Dandelionmoon @Bumblebee16 @consciousawakening @Shaiya365 @archerzvy @JJi @CopingwithTrauma @musicheals61 @disneynerd23 @ScarletPear1945 @Longday08 @sittinginahoneymoon @Quietbeach @loyalYard9488 @thatdramaticsoprano @understandingJackfruit9057 @amiableZebra3993 @Waterstreams057 @placidFriend3007 @AndreT @orchard9786 @sociableSailboat9634 @Calmlake1999 @emotionalMaple9419 @calmballoon3183 @disneynerd23 @MomRNFNP @Pdanziger @easymap6620 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @candyhaunt @namelessgirl99 @plumLake851 @streamoftears @quixoticRaven @Redhawk6547 @Sk1ttles @Shayc1 @Samdoc99 @Mikathewolfdog @Tacomytaco @stella17 @blinkk @PaperCrane1123 @Equalnotabove @felicia96 @CartoonDarling @Tayboi @Compassion21 @lilblackcat89 @ashes @selfdisciplinedTriangle5384 @amiableSummer3420 @FangsInsanity @Anj0806 @Spoonog @rissadawn @brokenflutterby @g00dwitch @No715 @SpruceRaven @tidyMoon3222 @helpfulHuman4992 @Djs3 @dynamicHemlock1736 @Hope3729 @hardworkingStrawberries3477 @courageousCake401 @humorousBeing8966 @NancySV1 @mysticPhoenix883 @oceanmom @gymnast9460 @Nonbinarywaffle7706 @Tbeth @felixfriend @Chels @8883ef @DaisyLion @forcefulSkies @spotthedot @courteousNorth5140 @Alcynically @ArianaMay @SB @affectionateNorth4018 @J12g34 @FloweringBunny @loyalDrum2337 @nolongerafraid
leave cookies, doritos for Torr and pillows for all (vegan snacks for Maple and I)
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Lol, thank you! 😂
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Im in a diet, gotta lose weight cause pants are getting smaller 😬 but thanks for tagging me
@sensitiveShade5337
You know what? Its the dryer!! They always shrink my pants. Maybe you have a dryer like mine!🤣😂❤️
@sensitiveShade5337
erghhhhh diets .... fat free cookies?
Safe hugs, sorry everything is so tough right now. I'm glad you are here with us *sits with you*
@sensitiveShade5337
Oh shade....😀 and i posted the lemon meregne, I'm sorry xx
I should be on a diet too 😩 its very hard.... Well done my friend, proud of you ❤
@Kate
hi kate
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
3
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
i think it would be a good idea to include the full trauma taglist and let people choose if they wanna be involvced in the future or no
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
i want it to be less exclusive mnoving forward
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
the oen chats were good i thinik. id like people to feel lie theyre importnat even if they arent on the leaderlist
@purpleHeart16 That's a good idea about the taglist. If anyone wants to be removed from it, I'm happy to do so.
Hopefully we can get some open chats set up again soon!
@Kate
@melliotm is the tag list king ... i have no idea how the list worked but there used to be a link to add or remove yourself from it it think?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Tag list king :') ahahh
@LifeIsMyCanvas There was. AFAIK Rain was admin for the collaborative Google doc master list, so I'm uncertain if anyone else has access. The list you posted is the most recent iteration, so I would start by adding that to a new Google form to allow for new additions (as well as an opt out for current members who no longer wish to be on the check in tag list).
As for what I personally as a longtime member in good standing of this community want to see going forward, @kate: transparency and accountability.
Simply put: What is happening? Are you now leading/rebuilding the team? Will future team members undergo training in trauma informed practice, as was required by the former leadership ?
And, most importantly what steps will be taken to restore the trust of members who have been caught in the middle of this unfortunate conflict all summer? Quite frankly at this point I'm skeptical that it is even possible to move on and make this a true safe space for people living with trauma, but an accounting should at least be made, if only for closure (if not necessarily reconciliation). We (as in the members of this community) are owed that much at least. ⛺
@melliotm
Simply put: What is happening? Are you now leading/rebuilding the team? Will future team members undergo training in trauma informed practice, as was required by the former leadership? I am not leading the team. As a Community Manager, I am helping with rebuilding and will help with onboarding of new leaders. If anyone is interested in applying for roles, please let me know and I will get you the appropriate applications. Yes, moving forward all team members will continue to receive training. A new training is being written as I don't have access to the old training.
And, most importantly what steps will be taken to restore the trust of members who have been caught in the middle of this unfortunate conflict all summer? Trust is not something that is easy to gain or restore. But we are willing to take steps to help rebuild the team and show that supporting members is the most important aspect of this community.
@Kate Thank you for your response, Kate. Who specifically is responsible for writing the new training protocols, and will it be subject to expert review before implementation? This community is made up of a number of individuals who have experienced ACE (adverse childhood experiences) and that needs to be taken into account when forming a new leadership structure. Again, will the training centre the principles of a trauma informed care approach? https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/three-e-s-and-4-r-s-samhsa-s-new-publication-on-trauma-informed-care?
@Kate "But we are willing to take steps to help rebuild the team and show that supporting members is the most important aspect of this community."
Generally speaking, from an administrative perspective, what are some specific measures (both top down and bottom up) that could help to further the process of reconciliation when internal conflict disrupts an organization? I realize this check in is meant to be a start btw.
@melliotm
Thanks mello you are awesome! Training is absolutely required, unfortunatly it got deleted so I've been rewritting it and getting feedback
@LifeIsMyCanvas Ok that partly answers my question to @kate regarding authorship -- thank you, Canvas.
@melliotm I'm hoping that once a first draft is ready we can share the training with all of you for your thoughts and feedback as well.
@Kate
Yes. This is a great idea. Thank you. This would provide much needed transparency.
@melliotm
There you are Mel... Miss having u around xx
@melliotm
Well said, mellio. Thank you.
@LifeIsMyCanvas 
(Ironic, considering I'm a republican 😂⛺)
Hey Kate :) *waves*
I really really want to get the trauma sub com back to a safe place for everyone so I agree lets start afresh and make something awesome :)!
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
1-2: My migraines have been giving me loads of problems and I have been in alot of pain. Its risking my job at the moment which is really upsetting me as i've gone through alot to get where I am now. Had to miss therapy yesterday because of them.
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
Very minimum keep up daily checkins, they give me some kinda structure to my day and I like reading it even if I don't feel up to speaking that day. Keep trying to respond to everyone, be empathetic and try and keep this place as stable as you can. If there is going to be more change give lots of warning. Change is scary to people who've had tonnes of bad change in their lives, and don't trust good things to last very long. People have come out of their shells over time in this community and I want to make sure that keeps happening, I think at the moment lots of people are hiding waiting to see if this place will get stable again or not.
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
Think I outlined a few above, but just to get this place stable again. Consistancy in the team, people we know, checkins all these kinds of things. I don't want to be worrying why posts have been taken down, or if the team members I know and consider family are going to feel forced to disappear. That will just take time and consistancy, a plan would be good. We've all spent enough time fighting, we want a safe place to let those walls down and just breath.
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
Checkins and I really really miss discussions and open chat. If I was having a bad week I would always check the community for when they were on as they gave me a safe space to speak. I liked getting to know people over time. I personally hate ice breaker stuff, but thats just me, it may well help more shy members of our community come out and say hi.
@Lilibuth12 Thank you for your feedback! I'm sorry to hear about your migraines. I experience migraines too and know how debilitating they can be.
We will work on getting discussions and open chat back as soon as possible and will continue with daily check-ins. If anyone would like to help with check-ins, please let me know.
@Kate
Sorry I've read through some of the stuff above. I have one question really. If we havn't got any team in place and you want a whole set of new people to come in and take over, how on earth are we going to trust that this isn't going to happen all over again. We have already had people removed, then people trying to replace and in the end they get beaten down too. What on earth is happening here!??? I am totally up for this place to get more inclusive etc., but we need to be able to walk before we can run and at the moment we are barely stumbling and you've got rid of the people with the experiance, time and effort to keep this sub com going.
Sorry if that came across as aggressive, we just need reassurance what happened before will NEVER happen again. And if it has to for whatever reason that all other options have been explored and routes taken before it does. How can people feel safe when the floor gets ripped out of them again. Its frankly re-traumatising for people who've already been through so much.
@Lilibuth12 It's not aggressive. I understand the frustration and definitely acknowledge that trust will not come easily. These are valid concerns and something that I can only promise to work on going forward and work toward making sure any conflicts in the community do not escalate to the point they have in the past.
@Kate
Thanks for the response :) I wanna start again, but you are right trust is hard and not easily won at the best of times. I appreciate this thread and I hope we go in the right direction :) <3 My migraines also make me grumpy ahahah ;)
@Kate
❤️ (Don't read this and think she's got an angry tone. I'm writing this calmly and gently. ) ...But Kate, do you realize and acknowledge, YOU GUYS are the "why & reason & how" things escalated to this point? I read your kind reply just now, but I wonder what your words mean? Can you all even admit that you have fault? Can you ever just post a sincere apology to everyone for hurting so many people? I think that is what I would like to see. Because when I read replies and posts like this, the feeling I get is someone who "doesn't think they did anything wrong and should have stopped those trouble makers sooner". Well, those people you all bullied really got hurt when all they ever did and tried to do, was help all of us. Are you really trying to help? Or just save face? Sincerely asking this question. ❤️
@KLM3278 I sincerely and honestly believe there was fault on both sides of the situation and will take accountability for my part in how the situation was handled. It could have been communicated better and handled in a far more effective manner.
@Kate
Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. ❤️
I really cared about so many of the people you all eliminated. The feeling I get is one of a dictatorship. That scares me. Yes, I do not know the other side, but I did experience a little taste myself. At any rate, thank you for saying what you did.
@Kate
Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it.
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today? 1
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space? unsafe, unheard, unsupported, broken, hurting, heartbroken
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc- this was all here until it was destroyed
@Wildheart123
*builds a giant pillow fort for you if you want it*
It's been hard hasn't it?
@Kate
Hi Kate
It has been very difficult.... Trust definitely a huge thing x
I think hearing from you and Laura more often checking in on us like you are doing now and getting replies back would make us feel like you are interested in us, i know not engaging in conflict is a stand made at a point, but for members, for myself it's a huge trigger. And it just creates distance and more hurt and anger, It is not your intent but from the other side it feels abusive. My history silence is anger, a form of discipline.
We have been through lots in life, we therefore react out of instinct at times, when safe is in our eyes is taken away, our leaders on trauma have been our lifeline, literally and figuratively speaking, for some the only one they have.
I absorb a lot, but every time trust gets pulled in different directions, i just step one step back and distance, I was starting to feel like a pawn piece being used, also a trigger. It was like an us and them, an isolation/discipline feel.
Kate we have said this i know, so I'm stopping there.. We feel deep, but we also care deep, and understand deep, I would like our leaders back, and Rain back, trauma was rain.. (and every other leader there, but you all know what i mean❤)
It doesn't quite feel the same, i don't know how to be open properly now, although i am trying now. And will hate myself later and probably asked it to be removed😳
Please be present, engage in discussions, when you engage you become part of, when you become part of then people start seeing you as part of us, as you have seen we tend to fiercely protect family, because family that gets you/it is rare and therefore valued deeply, and yes passionately, yes we feel like we have been deeply wounded, but we have faced worse trauma then this and time again we stand back up. We give chances and watch actions to see how they align with words, we are not bad people, if you all got to know us you would start seeing what we see in each other.
We speak about a lot of stuff, not always pretty stuff, sometimes we can just react and say things as we feel but it's part of dealing with trauma.
How am i feeling... I think a 5, oddly enough.
Had therapy today, normally im abit out of it after but today i feel ok.I'm thankful for my psychologist.
We buried someone that was a big part of my life for many many years, i havent been coping well and they are doing a memorial tomorrow. I have to somehow get through that without cracking, i dont do the crying thing, i try avoid feeling sad, it triggers other stuff. So saying goodbyes here got to me.
I would really like all our leaders back and Rain, and then see you interact with us as well. It's the longest other than with my psychologist i have stayed in a place and opened up and i have wanted to run many times, but for the peeps i have met and connected with here. in real life i pretend, here i can show my damaged side, the ugly side, and it's ok, people get it, even sometimes without saying stuff sometimes, .
Sitting on "the porch" hiding out in a cave, virtual hugs, we know we are not physically doing that, but it is about being understood, feeling cared for, not feeling alone, feeling heard.
Ok I'm waffling.
I don't want conflict, none of us do, we want safe, understanding, respect.
(all our leaders are close to my/our hearts so please don't feel I'm leaving you out, cause i love and appreciate all of you ❤) but my friend kite, is one of the first people I met on 7 cups almost 2 years ago... she's a passionate outspoken one, says things not always packaged and wrapped in a bow, but we know where we stand when she talks, we know she cares for us, we know we will hear as things are, we need that, we know she knows where we have been and will be willing to climb down into that dark dirty ugly pit along side us sit with us there, give us "a blanket and a light and keep watch", help us see that we can climb out and help us do that too. I feel safe with her. She reminds me of a big sister that's got your back. I just wanted to say that. And inside she is a soft sensitive soul that feels deeply. ❤ i don't know why, but just wanted to say that.
Thanks kate, for making an effort, to reach out, at trauma we talk and understand at a different level. But we also care at a different level, but we are not too hard to get to know.
I have definetly got verbal diaria tonight.
I'm ending off now
Hugs to all
@Avaray Hugs Av x ❤️⛺
@melliotm
Hugs Mel❤
@Avaray
It is hard when people we rely on are not able to be there for us in the same way. I know that I feel sad about the things that have happened. I am sure that I dont know all the reasons why people are not here, but Im also being realistic and accepting there maybe reasons they are not going to be back.
I did want to say though, I never thought of this community as being a leader or group of leaders. I mean of course there are people we rely on and do a lot for us but without all of the members here there wouldnt be a need for leaders? Just a thought, but that doesnt negate what theyve done or what they mean to us.
Im sorry youve lost a person close to you, I hope that you will feel safe to check in with us tomorrow and let us know how you feel after the memorial. I know Id be up for safety caves, pillows, safe hugs and just sitting with you if that would be helpful.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I hear you xxx
And thank you ❤
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Hi xx it went ok thanks canvas, i managed for it to be ok. If you try not go to deep into the moment it is ok. This person cared for me .
But I know he is in Heaven now ❤
@Avaray
I'm so proud of you
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Thank you xx
@Avaray
hi Avaray, I appreciate your words about Kite.. I think what you have said is the essence of her and who she has been to so many of us here in this community. Yes, like the big sister who will go though it all alongside you and stand up for you when you may not be able to yourself.She was a precious team member who I could always trust to be there with me and for me.
A lot is being said about trust. Being able to trust is not easy for trauma survivors, in fact its very difficult. Trust can only grow slowly as there is evidence that we can trust. At the same time there is alot of hurt here too.. and that's going to take time to recover from. Please give us the time for this, and don't make us rush on, as if nothing has happened. That's like putting new wallpaper over the old, leaving the messy stuff underneath, and it doesn't sit well. May not work well.
This site is a place where we listen to our members with caring and respect. What are we modelling if we are not able to do this ourselves? To listen to each other with caring and respect, to accept that there will be differences,and that we can agree to disagree, that some conflict is inevitable and there are ways to work through this.... and that there is room for everyone. x
@Avaray
Thank you so much for sharing all of this Av I've been MIA for a while (on a long road trip) and just catching up and trying to process the surprise I came back to...
It's good to see you.
@singercrystalspirit
Hugs singer, glad to see you too xx❤
@Kate
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
About a 4 but hopefully will improve.
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
I think that replying to messages and actively working toward a new start is positive to see.
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
I would like to see the trust and committment to support restored in a way that people feel safe in the community. This has become my main community from my member account due to recent things in my life and when I found out so much was going on it sort of makes me weary about rebuilding. I think it is important for people who have experienced trauma to have a safe place that they can come to and know they will be supported.
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
I think check-ins, discussions, and open chat were great components of the subcommunity before and I would love to see these built back up to strength, but the team desperately needs a leader that can dedicate their time to builing a team that will sufficiently support this huge community of members.
Research shows that people who experience traumatic events are more likely to develop PTSD if they do not have proper support. While many of us are already suffering the effects of trauma, having support helps to decrease the intensity of the emotions that come with trauma. I have recently shifted from a focus in BPD advocacy into learning more about trauma and finding a passion in supporting people who struggle with trauma related symptoms, rather than just one diagnosis.
Hi Stitch!!!
That's all, for now ..... hi.
<3 Platy
@InvaderStitch
@cyanPlatypus6370
Platy <3 I have missed you. Must chat soon!
@Kate
first of all, thank you for making this check-in today...
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
I think I started the day on a 5, got dropped to a 3 for a while, but with being productive and spending some time with my love I improved it to a 6, so.... I'm fine :)
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
well, recreating safety around here will be hard work I think... right now I personally am just afraid of getting attacked for whatever I say... I have stayed silent lately, cause just logging in here made me sad, made me feel like I'm just sth that doesn't matter... So how to create a safe place? Treat everybody with love and respect, not more not less... don't speak in anger, don't speak with hate in your heart... think of everybody who might read your words...
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
same as above I guess, love and respect is the most important for me, not only here, in my whole life... I'd like to see compassionate and understanding people with an open ear for other's problems, a place for people to share their feelings and fears, the good and the bad... without being judged or invalidated.... I'd like to see a new start... and I'd like to see everybody taking a step back and look at everything from a different perspective, just move away from your opinion for one moment and think about it from a different perspective... if we all are able to do that, I think we all can meet on a new level and actually start growing again...
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
for me personally the check-ins and the open chat always have been the places of support, of meeting people, of communicating with others, so I'd really like that to be reinstalled...
A lot of things have been said around here lately, some things have been wrong, some things have been right... I know lots of people got hurt by words here, lost their safe place, lost people they felt close to... I think we have to move past blaming each other for how things went, whoever you blame for it, stop it, let go of it... we have been blamed enough in our lives, we know how much this can hurt, we have blamed ourselves for things happened to us, we know how it feels to be blamed, to be made feeling guilty... I don't want to cause that hurt to anybody... we all are human, we all make mistakes, but there is a time to just let go of things, moving on and building sth new... I really hope we can work on this together and rebuild a stable and loving community and let go of the anger and hate we all had to endure enough in our lives.... One of my leading sayings is "Treat others like you want to be treated" much love and respect to all
@courteousNorth5140 Thank you so much for sharing your voice and feedback
@courteousNorth5140
I agree
Blame is about shame and it's not helpful for trauma survivors as we have had shame put on us all of our lives in many cases. My ears are open if you need them.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
But sometimes people are to blame. 🙁 They need to acknowledge what they did. If they don't then nothing really changes. That is a cycle of abuse. The people who got hurt, are basically told, be quiet and accept what happened. It was your fault afterall. You have no power unless you do what we say. Shut up. We are moving on without you, unless you bow to our will. This is so scary. This is what happened. This is what everyone wants to continue to happen. That's a dictatorship. That's absue. The people forced out were caring people. They should not have be kicked off for sharing their hearts and minds. Real change only happens when you can disagree and stop the cycle of abuse. All this is scary and breaks my heart. Now I'm crying!!!! We can't just move on like nothing happened. It's literally like 7 people died. Because they are gone. It is so hard and wrong what was done to them. 🙁❤️
@KLM3278
K, I understand your feelings, I really do... you felt safe with the people we lost, you felt close to the people we lost and it will take some time to get over all what happened... nobody is trying to pretend nothing happened, we all need some calm time to think and yes, even to grieve... take time for yourself... take all the time you need... soften your heart and concentrate on the things you believe in... I would really like to help you through this time, I can feel this is hitting you very hard right now... but don't hate... step away from it for a moment, try to breathe and then try to change your persepective for a moment, that really helped me a lot to take a calm sight on things... if you need to talk, please do so... sending you lots of *safe hugs* if you want them
We have enough trouble to trust (new) people, you can't just break a team, and say new people will take it over. You can't just tell us that we have to trust new people like that, like if nothing was happened. We can't just pretend that there was nothing. we lost people we took so much time to learn to trust. It will take months before we can feel safe again into the community. I miss the open chats and discussions, but it will not be the same with different people, we will not feel safe or supported there even if it come back eventually with different people. All what we want is a safe place, but we no longer can get it on 7cups. 7cups is no longer what it was used to it. It is no longer a safe place for us. I'm not sure you realize how killing the team had created a lot of distrust into our community for members seeking support with trauma.
@TortueDesBois
I so relate with the trust issues and how we cannot trust the new people in 2 seconds... it indeed took me couple months to trust my trauma fam and Im afraid it will take a while till I know the new people are trustable
@TortueDesBois
I really relate to this. I will try and I want to move forward. But trust isn't given easily, and these people earnt my trust over months of constant support. Always being there, always being able to talk, if one was taking a break another person I knew was there to be safe. I've spent ages searching for a forum that helped me instead of triggered me and this was pretty much the only place I found.
IDK... I will honestly try. I don't want this sub com to stop working and if I have to accept change to do that I will, but this is freaking scary for me and I think alot of others. Please respect that.