Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 10th October 2017
Morning all!
Keeping it simple today, and beginning with a quote written many years ago by Coca Cola : "The pause that refreshes." As we know to pause and breathe.."deep breath".. can relax, calm, help to get focus, relieve anxiety and tension, and can give a new perspective or outlook. Its so simple to do but how often do we do this?
If we can pause and take a deep breath, we can then turn towards our body and feel it in our body.We are turning towards our emotions instead of escaping or fighting them. In doing this rather than resisting or evaluating we can find relief in the midst of them. For example, pause, and deep breath, recognize fear and feel it in my body. But rather than run away from it, pause and take a deep breath, glance at fear and acknowlege it, and then let it fade away. Or it may be that when we turn to our body, we feel muscle tension. And this can be released by long slow breaths, letting the tension go as we breathe out.
So the pause that refreshes. The more we do this when not stressed,the more we are able to do this when under pressure. The challenge for today is to pause and breathe. See what difference you notice.
How is your day going? Do you need some support? What difference do you notice when you pause and breathe? Or pop in to say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place. x
@rozie
this might help :)
@Tenacity37
This helps a loooot
@sensitiveShade5337
And glad it helped you a whole lot Shade. Hug x
@Tenacity37
I like it! Thank you Tena.
@rozie
It's actually the breathing thing from the growth path :)
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@rozie
I watched a Brene Brown talk to start off my morning. I thought it would be encouraging but it left me feeling ashamed. Ashamed that I'm not showing up in the arena, as she calls it. Ashamed that I'm not being creative. Ashamed that I ran away from being creative. Ashamed that I let the critics get to me. Ashamed that my critics were people who I thought loved me, and ashamed that I couldn't recognize that they were actually my critics. Ashamed that I consider my relationship with some of my main critics (mom and dad) today to be more important than my creativity. Ashamed that I sacrificed and orphaned parts of my self because I couldn't bring myself to block out my mom and dad. Ashamed that I don't have anyone in my life who thinks I am brave, who picks me up and dusts me off. Ashamed that I don't have a relationship like that. What must be wrong with me that I don't? Especially at my age? It's not like I'm still in the "lost years" as she calls them. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. I find it ironic that Brene Brown's research is all about shame, yet often when I listen to her talks, shame is the feeling I am left with. I feel lesser than her, lesser than the creatives she speaks to. I feel that I have failed, that I am still failing now. I feel somewhat like I felt around my ex. I always felt lesser and ashamed.
I will try to take a breath as you suggest. That is how I am doing this morning.
@singercrystalspirit I feel like a lot of inspirational talks can be taken in two ways. One is the way you talked about, looking back and feeling sad you weren't already doing the things they're talking about. And the second is looking forward and figuring out how you can implement what you just heard to change your life, and getting hope from that. I think those of us with trauma are very ingrained in the past and are much more likely to hear a story with that and immediately look at the past, at the negative. It's so easy for our brains to go down the path of shame because that's what our brain has learned to do.
If you looked at what they said in the show and instead started a statement like "How can I use these tools to CHANGE" do you feel like you would get a different answer and lessen your shame? Also, it's ok if the answer is no. Sometimes, words just hit a certain way. I do believe that you can spin this to get a positive, though. What I saw in your post was a person that wanted to change. And I believe you can.
@Hoxenos
No, it would make me feel bad also. Because I would feel like I "needed" to change "because something was wrong with me."
I don't like doing anything or making any changes that are motivated by negative feelings, such as feelings of inadequacy or shame or regret or pain, because then it validates that yes, I ought to have been ashamed of myself, and I'm proving it because I'm changing myself due to feeling shame.
@singercrystalspirit That makes a lot of sense. Didn't mean to poke a nerve, just wanted to see if another perspective would help in some way :) We all experience the world quite differently. Thank you for sharing your side with us today.
@Hoxenos
In the future if you were to comment on my things again, I would appreciate further questions for me, asking more about where I am coming from, rather than assumptions about me.
In my perception, you have disguised hurtful remarks as though they were support.
@singercrystalspirit You are definitely right that I should have asked more questions and will make an effort to do that more in the future. I sincerely didn't mean to be hurtful and am very sorry that I did hurt your feelings. I will take this as the learning experience it is and try to do better next time.
@singercrystalspirit
Hoping the pause and breath helped you Singer. I'm sorry that this was the outcome for you and not the one that you perhaps hoped for from listening to Brene Brown. We can listen and read and gather information from a wealth of sources.Some of it may fit for us, and some may not fit at all.In the end I think its about deciding what is relevant and letting the rest go. Please be gentle and kind with yourself and know that we are here with you. Hug. x
@rozie
Thanks rozie
My day started off okay - exhausted though. Had to work a full shift yesterday and then go out all night afterwards.
I also tried that mappping thing I found on this forum - and I am kinda upset about what I found out about me and my life and who the heck IS " me" anyways?
I don't feel I need extra support today so far anyways...it is only 9 am - HAHAHAHAHAHA.
But I feel confident today can be a good day.
For me, everything comes down to the breath.
Breathing meditations or just focusing on deep breathing is my fav coping skill and grounding skill ( because I have a tendancies for my body togo numb) - so the breathing is always there for me.
@blissedNblessed
Many hugs and a lot of extra support headed your way. Mapping was a very big step. Congratulations! Do you find that meditation helps you clear your mind to give you a little break from all of the internal questions? If you are not comfortable discussing it right now, please don't give it a second thought. Proud of you 💛🌸
Awww, hugs back and thank you.
Yes, mapping was SUCH an insight and so frightening at the same time - very big step.
Yassss- meditation helps to clear my mind and so offeres a break from my internal questions and incessant questions.
I think about it as a mini vacation of non thoguht for me.
I have been mediating since childhood, raised with these skills ( so very greatful)...and when the thinking is overwhelming and overpowering - i rest in the gaps between the thoughts.
Or sometimes all i can do is rest in the breath and know that I can pull myself back together from there.
@blissedNblessed
Thank you for taking the time to answer especially on a tough day. It is a very important part of my life too. I am trying to refine a few things right now and you helped a great deal. Back to the basics for me ✨💫
@Compassionatelistener108
Hey!
Back to the basis is a good thing
It all comes back to the basics in the end, anyways :D
<3
@blissedNblessed
Lol, yes it does. Layer after layer (:
@Compassionatelistener108
yassss - like a freaking onion! :p
@blissedNblessed
Yes hoping your day is a good one for you! I can understand that mapping is a big step,and gives insight but is also frightening, so try to just take from it what you can for now, so that its not overwhelming
As you say its all about the breath. Sometimes all I can do is rest in the breath and know that I can pull myself back together. I think this is very helpful. It may be all we can do at times and that's okay. Thank you for shatring this with us. x
Today is a travel day so I began my day with meditation. I love these techniques . Deep breathing, pausing before I react (or trying me best to make it a habit) and feeling like it is a part of being gentle with myself are all things that are meaningful to me. Thank you for reassuring and reminding me how important these things have been during both the ups and downs of my healing process. 🌟
@Compassionatelistener108 Sometimes it's a bit tiring to always be reassuring ourselves that we're doing the right thing and it can be a bit of a load off our shoulders to hear it from someone else, right? It's so true.
@Hoxenos
The support, reassurance and redirection from such a caring group is so helpful. Take care today and thank you for the post. It means a lot....
@Hoxenos
Yes thank you... agree sometimes it helps to hear from someone else. .. its true!
Good luck to all and keep up the good work
Hi, I am new to this site and wanted to say hi. I am here because where I live there aren't support groups and there is only one therapist that deals with trauma. She is trying to set me up with one of her interns because her own caseload is too full to take me on as a patient. I was diagnosed DID/MPD 9 years ago and at that time there weren't ANY therapists that knew how to treat it....so I at least have a hope right now. :)
I have a lot of dysfunctions because of my disorder. Talking to people is one. Being around people is another. Without a therapist, I had to learn to live with my illness and avoiding others was the only way I found to avoid major triggers. Problem is that you can't avoid people entirely and a life of solitude has caused me to lose any coping skills that I had. I am hoping that if I can overcome my fear of talking to other people that I can begin to heal in that area. It is a rather lonely life when you are too scared to spend time with anyone.
I am taking classes such as communication skills, relationship skills, anger management, overcoming grief, self esteem, and a few others to try to learn how to cope with everyday life. I am hoping these things will help along with the therapist and support groups.
Anyway, it is nice to find a place that I can come to where there is some understanding of the effects of trauma. I feel safer trying to talk to people here than in my everyday life, at this time.
So... hi, nice to meet you all, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.
@TeenyTinyAppy
Hi! and a warm welcome to you. We are glad you've joined us here. Yes this is a safe place amidst others who understand about trauma, who live with the effects daily, and who support and encourage each other. And I'm glad you felt you could talk with us here.
Sounds like its been very difficult and isolating for you But clearly you are now finding ways to get through, and as you say having the prospect of therapy gives you hope. And doing those courses too will support you.It takes courage to begin the journey to healing and you certainly have this, as you step out, one step at a time. Look forward to hearing from you again. x
@rozie i try hard to try and stop and breathe or stop and think my mind has been slower since the meds but i still feel that i do stupid stuff :(