Blurt it out, Spew, just type and type till there is nothing more to say.
I'm tired of having PTSD. I'm tired of not being heard. I'm tired of being retraumatized because my therapist of 3 years got a new job. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of doing too much. I'm tired of not sleeping. (ha ha) I'm tired of being treated badly.
I feel the same. I have been suffering from ptsd for a year now and it seems to just be getting worse. I applad you for making the steps to finding a therapist in the first place because I have yet to find that courage.
I have PTSD also and have only recently started trying to find a therapist. I seem to find for me that when it's getting worse, it's my mind's way of telling me I have to deal with something. I usually end up reflecting on whatever it is bringing up over and over, kind of dissecting the event/feeling, allowing myself to feel it and often cry till my stomach hurts. Then I take some deep breaths and take a nap or do something soothing and it goes away for awhile.
I feel the same exact way. I start to feel better for a little while but them out of nowhere I get hit with the flashbacks and then my anxiety takes over and I have the hardest time calming down.
I've had PTSD for 20+ years......I didn't start dealing with it until a year and half ago....It does get harder before it gets better. I feel what you posted.
Oh I'm glad I found this thread! Sometimes it helps to just let it all out. Journaling works wonders and so do friends you can trust, family or mentors or awesome listeners on 7cups. But a forum is for typing as much as you'd like or need to lol, just glad to know its here. And it's cool that you can talk about whatever (within reason). Sometimes anxiety can make your thoughts speed up into a crazy whirlwind but once it's out on paper... Or a screen it just grounds you and you feel better:)
You're right @luvtorun and I encourage you to write here as much as you want :)
I'm so lonely it hurts....
I'm so tired of being scared of saying what I want!!!
Do you believe that if you try to get rid of one anxiety it comes back as a different kind?
Hi @HoneyKittens
That is an interesting question. I don't know myself (I hope not!) but do you believe it does??
I couldn't sleep last night. I watched fight like a girl on Hulu plus. It was an interesting documentary. I liked that it touched on PTSD a bit. I felt stronger after watching it.
I'm a brilliant piano player. I'm not bragging just speaking the truth. I can't read sheet music to save my life, yet I can listen to a piece and know how to play it in minutes. So why then have I Been given such a gift, if it will be ultimately wasted. I'm 15 years old. Upon diagnosis the doctor looked me dead in the eye and said "you'll see the inside of an insane asylum before you see your 30th birthday". I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. Thanks life.
Hi @Doomedpianist1999
No matter whether you perform and bring joy to thousands or perform in your back room to just yourself, your gift will never be wasted. People pay a pretty penny to experience the feeling of the music coursing through their soul. When you play, the music courses through your soul but it's coming from yourself.. from deep inside yourself.. in essence, you have a gift, yes, but that gift is one that you are giving yourself. Be content in yourself :)
Your a bit young for that diagnosis my friend......not that I doubt you, but I think your doctor is wrong. schizophrenia doesn't present until your late teens or early 20's. Good luck to you and don't lose hope about you gift.....music sooths the soul.
I'm scared that if I tell anyone about my depression they won't believe me. I'm tired of not doing anything because I'm not motivated. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I don't want to speak to a councillor because I'm afraid that it will make my thoughts worse again. I'm tired of all my friends using the word 'depressed' when they have no idea. I don't want them to think I'm weak. And most of all I really want to learn how to play the guitar but I can never bring myself round to doing it.
Hi @falloutLightwood99
I'm a guy so I put the whole "got to be staunch" sort of pressure on myself. After an incredibly traumatic event, I attended counselling, much against my nature. At that time, I thought I was weak and, ironically enough, my counsellor said that she wished more men would take a step back and attend counselling. It was then that I realised that taking a positive step forward is a strong thing to do and never a weakness. And on the perspective of your friends, true friends would never feel that you're weak by saying that you're suffering from depression.
Whether any of this resonates with you and gives you food for thought for what you might do, I don't know.. the future is in your hands :)
I'll be going to katsucon tomorrow morning. So I'm going to bed early tonight.
Hi @HoneyKittens?
What is katsucon? :)
It's a convention that's in February.
Oh, thanks :)
