From Shadows to Sunshine: Finding Forgiveness and Healing
Hello Trauma Community. I am Remina. I want to talk about the importance of forgiving yourself after experiencing trauma. I have personally dealt with shame and such feelings, and know that as a trauma survivor, it is not so uncommon to deal with misplaced blame and guilt, even though trauma is never our fault. Forgiving ourselves is a dynamic step towards healing and recovering your peace. I know it seems contradictory and like it doesn't make sense but forgiveness after trauma can be the fundamental first step needed in the journey. Traumatically impacted individuals often wrestle with feelings of guilt and shame, making this self-forgiveness a key component in recovering.
Self-forgiveness involves understanding and addressing the deep-seated self-blame and negative emotions that arise from traumatic experiences. The path towards forgiveness is unique to you as it is personal and can be challenging. The first step is having the courage to acknowledge and sit with your pain, truly feel it, and understand the roots of your pain.
I am going to share some helpful resources I found when I was looking up this topic, but I am also going to summarize some steps that might help with your journey before sharing these resources.
The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. It is beneficial to recognize and accept your emotions, no matter how painful they may be. It is okay to feel hurt, angry, or sad. These emotions are a natural part of the healing process.
The next step is to take time to try to understand the trauma you have experienced. Take the time to reflect on the events and how the events affected you. This step can help you gain insight into your reactions and behaviors.
It is important to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the kindness you would show someone else. Remember you are HUMAN and it is normal to struggle with difficult experiences. Be gentle with yourself as you plot your healing journey.
Additionally, I encourage you to seek support. This support can be friends, family, or a therapist who provides a safe and supportive environment for you to share your feelings and experiences. It can even be a Listener here on 7cups. Just talking about your trauma can be very healing.
The forgiveness I mentioned earlier involves letting go of any self-blame and accepting that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Understand that you are not responsible for any of the trauma that happened to you.
Also focus on personal growth. Use your experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on what you have learned and how you are now stronger. Embrace the changes and resilience that has come from your healing journey.
I recommend practicing mindfulness and relaxation. This healing journey can be stressful, so engaging in mindfulness practices like deep breathing, can help calm your mind and keep you present and connected to your emotions.
It is recommended to create a healing ritual that symbolizes your journey towards self-forgiveness and healing. This can be as simple as writing a letter to yourself, creating art, or spending time in nature.
This next one I can't stress enough. I recommend boundaries. Establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and create a safe space for healing. This can be setting limits with people or situations that trigger negative emotions.
Finally, during this healing journey, don't forget to celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Every step you take towards forgiving yourself is a significant achievement on your healing journey.
As I mentioned, I wanted to share some helpful articles I found on the internet that I feel might be beneficial reading.
10 Ways to Cultivate Self-Forgiveness as a Trauma Survivor
Forgiveness After Trauma: 7 Practical Steps For Embracing Forgiveness And Healing
Forgiving Yourself for Ways You Coped After Trauma
What are some materials you have read that have helped you during your healing journey?
What are some advice you have been given or wish you had been given during your journey that might help someone else going through their own journey?
@Remina thank you so much remind 💓
@TheNorthstar7
You're welcome 💗
thank you so much for taking the time to write this. this is very important to know. dealing with trauma can be so difficult but this post can help us in many ways. 💜🦋
@Bubbles2025
Definitely! Trauma can be very complicated and personal. I hope that my thread makes it one step easier for everyone dealing with their trauma.
@0Some0where0I0BELONG0 @13irth @adaptableLake3534 @adequatelyInadequate @adventurousAcres9344 @adventurousBranch3786 @AffyAvo @AguaNector6700 @allYou @Amelia2324 @amiableBunny4016 @AshFox2007 @AstronomySkies @audienta @Avaray @BeautifulCreation999 @BeenAKiwi @bela12345 @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @bouncyBreeze44 @BraveAdventurer @BrokenDreamsPalace @BrokenMedic @bubblegumPuppy68 @bumblebee2307 @Bunnylovesyou @CalmRosebud @CaptainTrev @carefulKitten1131 @CaringBrit @charmingSky5972 @Chrissy911666 @Claireolomi @clare7199 @Colorfulcatsofhope @communicativePond1728 @communicativeYard2325 @conicha @CoolBeans29 @coolvibes @Crakyz @creativeStrings1531 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @cueball @cyanPlatypus6370 @DaniAleah156 @Dannc7c @DarkGalaxy55555 @daydreammemories @Deadtiredperson175 @delicatepunk @depressedsatellite1452 @diligentDime8651 @DinaElwy @domesticEmerald50s @Eitas @emotional232023 @emotionalTalker2260 @emylly @FallenAngel0128 @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @fluien @forcefulFriend4768 @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @Ghxstie @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @Greenchoice1 @gregariousBeing5071 @Grits1910 @helpfulLion92 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @Iamwhoiamwhoami @IceCream4IceCream @iloveyouxx @IndigoWhisper @InfinityandBeyond23 @inventiveOrange1313 @Itisbailey @jcqlinshots @Journey144 @jovialButterfly6752 @jr50 @Judy7 @jupitermatilde @JustSmilingThruHell @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @kindTurtle3738 @kittydragon771 @Kunoichi91Warrior @LightofWorld @LillithHolly @Lilly28 @lilmissjaded @lionsaether @littleHuman9247 @littleOtter1342 @LordFireStorm71 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyForever6990 @LovelyOrangeJuice @LoveMyMoonflowers @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @Luchelle @lyricalAngel70 @Marigold357 @maya6548 @mcooper7583 @Meenagirl @Mellietronx @mish3l @MistyMagic @mkaitx @Mooglethefluffy @MunchieTaters @MVObserver @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @neonDog3649 @neonOwl3442 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @NoneTheWiser @nonethewiser @notmyselftoday @Novelwriter @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @Oceanwaves16 @OffDutySeraph @OneErased @OneWithSugar @ottersngiggles @parkey @Parvlakin @PatienceImpatiens @pencilmarks @Petrichor2000 @Philowl @Pidgeymon @PinkestOctopus @politeBunny7572 @practicalIdeal2007 @purpleWheel873 @QuietLotus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @RansviewTheWizard @raspberry563 @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @Redirecting @redmark @reliablePeach8464 @Rosa9570 @SafeSpace1776 @SapphireSoul @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @selfdisciplinedTiger5523 @sensitiveShade5337 @ShapeshiftSystem @shellofashell @shiningDay80 @Silverviolets @sincereThinker3571 @sleepingd0gg0 @SmileSravani @SnippyHam @sofiamartino18 @SoftForestHSP77 @SoulSupporter102 @StarlightSystemDID @stickercollection @Storyhymns1234 @straightforwardSkies7721 @sugarcookies7 @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @teenytinyturtle @The0Vetoed0System @TheAutumnWitch @TheFisherKing @ThisIsLogan @ThreadbareThinker @Tinywhisper11 @TransparentPuzzle @turquoiseHemlock900 @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @underapinetree @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @unique73 @uniqueDaisy @veeceebee @Verysadperson101 @Vivikun9 @WarriorHeartsSystem @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @wontwakewontsleep @WorkingitThrough2 @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld @WriteToHeal42 @xandia @xmoonsie16x0
@Remina
Unforgiveness is like a Cancer it will eat away the flesh from your bones and spread like the California wildfirer
@WorkingitThrough2
That is a great way to phrase it.
Thank you 💗
@sugarcookies7
You're welcome x
@Remina thank you for sharing this post with us all💖 I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself 🙁 I have a psychologist who is very nice and has pretty much been telling me a lot of things write in your post. But I think the trauma is to deep to forgive 🙁 but thankyou💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
@Tinywhisper11
@Remina 💖💖
@Remina
What are some materials you have read that have helped you during your healing journey?
The Body Keeps the Score, No Bad Parts
What are some advice you have been given or wish you had been given during your journey that might help someone else going through their own journey?
I learned that holding Bitterness and unforgiveness hurts me and the violator. Releasing the violator frees me. The last part is self-reflection. Examining my own flaws and imperfections.
@WorkingitThrough2
Thank you for sharing! That is some great self reflection. I will look up that reading. I am always looking for more content on this topic.
Thank you for this!
@wontwakewontsleep
You're welcome!
@Remina
thank you as we believe this a very important thing can say we not fully there yet. but we a lot farther then we was even few months ago.
one thing we found helpful was look at who told you the things you take on and blame self for. this helped us see that we was allowing them that hurt us to put the blame on us. so as we looked at that we saw that not everything we blamed self for was ours at all. so we have had to forgive self for taking on things that did not belong to us to take on.
like we was told if we not have dressed as we did the boys would not have hurt us. but we was only 3yr so it was not due to how we was dressed at all. that was guilt they was putting on us that did not belong to us. so we forgave self for blaming self for things we never did in the first place. so was not on us.
looking at ones beliefs can help so much to come to forgive self we found
@stormieandpaws
Hey there. Thank you for sharing! I am glad you are able to look at the beliefs and work towards healing.
@Remina
your very welcome we found by sharing with others even when one not know who reading post they made. it can help another' in many ways. we find at times we read post from others and they help us. we not always say anything to the one posting either. so hope what we posted helps others.
@stormieandpaws
I hope it helps too
if only i deserved forgiveness
@jetmorph
You do!
@remina not while i am still such a failure
@jetmorph
I am sorry you are feeling this way. What makes you feel this way?
@remina im alone undesirable weird ugly poor and isolated. i know to my core that i will never find someone, and its my own fault. i isolated myself, no matter the reason this is the result and how i will die. in a world that doesnt want me
@jetmorph
That is a horrible way to feel, I am sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself. What happened to cause you to have to isolate and feel this way?
@Remina i was regularly bullied through my teens and 20s. I was made to feel deviant and unacceptable.
I was touched against my will, called names, attacked in locker rooms, mocked, written on, had my locker and car defaced. the other boys made a sport of it. and no one did anything to stop it.
@jetmorph
Oh, I am sorry to hear about the trauma you endured. I can understand how you have internalized everything that was done to you. It sounds like you're really struggling here. What do you need right now?
@jetmorph
you do we all do most times we hardest on self we not forgive self hold onto the things we did use them over and over against self. in the end others have forgave us but many many times we not forget self. it very freeing when we come to point we forgive self and understand no one perfected so we all do things that we feel bad about or even things that guilt not belong to us, but we take the gult onto self. then beat self up with it
@Remina
I deeply resonate with your point about how trauma survivors often carry misplaced guilt and shame. It's something I’ve wrestled with personally, and it truly is one of the hardest yet most important hurdles to overcome.
What really stood out to me was your emphasis on acknowledging feelings and practicing self-compassion. These are gentle yet powerful tools that can create a shift in how we view ourselves and our past. I used to believe that forgiveness meant excusing what happened or invalidating the pain—but I’ve come to understand that forgiveness, especially toward ourselves, is more about reclaiming inner peace and no longer letting the past dictate our self-worth.
As a listener-in-training, I'm learning how crucial it is to just hold space for others—without judgment, and without rushing the process. Sometimes, healing starts simply by hearing someone say, "It wasn't your fault, and you're not alone." That’s why posts like yours are so important.
A piece of advice I once received—and wish I had believed sooner—is: You don’t have to earn your right to heal. You don’t need to be “better” or “stronger” before you start showing yourself love and forgiveness. Healing is nonlinear, and every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating—just as you beautifully pointed out.
@tingtingxin
Holding space is all we need to do indeed! I love how you put it where we dont have to earn the right to heal!