How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?
Last Updated: 01/12/2022 at 5:52pm
Tim Van Rheenen, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I will work to help you get unstuck. Together we will apply methodologies that work to find freedom from trauma, sexually addictive behaviors, and relational problems.
Top Rated Answers
Trusting someone who has been known to lie and consistently do so is always a difficult thing to do by nature. It's difficult to do so again after losing the trust but sometimes it is necessary. A good way to gain the trust back in the relationship is to not only see them as "a liar" but as a human too and to slowly build the trust up with small things leading up to big things. This technique is called the foot in the door technique, often described as a way to persuade someone of something it is when you use something small then build it into something bigger. This works because it allows you to gauge how trust worthy they are and as you trust them with bigger things if they maintain their promise then you will know if they have changed. That's just my two cents, hope it helps someone! (:
Don't. The thing about people who do things constantly is that they don't change. If someone lies to you all the time, odds are they're going to keep lying to you. Personality psychology has taught us that, although people mature, their main personalities stay fairly consistent throughout their life. Unless someone has undergone a serious, life-altering event, it's safe to assume they haven't changed. If they constantly lie, just take everything they say with a grain of salt.
Rebuilding trust after a betrayal is one of the greatest challenges a relationship can face. When we trust someone, we’re not afraid to be goofy and quirky, and we freely share our hopes and our fears. Ultimately, it's trust that allows us to give and receive love. When trust is violated, we become self-conscious and hesitant for fear of another humiliation. But if the relationship is truly valuable and your love runs deep, trust can be re-established and relationships that survive disharmony often emerge stronger and more rewarding for the experience. In order to regain trust in someone else, you need to heal. Quite possibly, this other person hurt you dearly. You'll want to grow from this situation by turning lemons into lemonade, but to do so, you should take a little time for yourself. In the heat of the moment, your emotions can cloud your judgment. That means that it's hard to think straight, and you could end up saying things that aren't exactly helpful in fixing the situation. How you feel is very important, and it's a big part of regaining trust, but it's also not productive if you don't step away for a little bit. It's going to be hard not to think about what happened, but try to. At least for a little while. Do something so engaging that you become completely enthralled in the now — go away to a cabin by the lake with your friends, go rock climbing and sweat a little, or have a great conversation with a total stranger. For the time being, forget what happened.
I believe trust is to be earned and not freely given. Once that trust is broken, it can be difficult to repair. If the lying is consistent, then I'm sorry, but I believe at that point the person that lies feels comfortable breaking your trust without consequences. It would be in your best interest to let that person go. You can only do so much for someone else before they become toxic for you.
Realise that everyone is only human. Look into their eyes, and if you see love there, do not hesitate to trust.
Very hard to completely trust them again. Once you or someone else lies or is caught in a lie, the is always a question mark in the other persons mind.
I don't think that once trust has been broken it ever fully recovers, be it a family member or a friend. You will most probably be agitated,upset and question anything unusual that happens
It's hard to trust people who consistently lie but it is important to try and identify the reasons why they lied. More often than not people who lie consistently are insecure and it arises out of fear. Sometimes it's better to work on building up your relationship with them and making sure they know that you would like to be able to trust them and value them. When people lie a lot they tend to live in fear of being "found out" and rejected so maybe telling them that it's not that your upset they lied your upset that you can't trust them. It doesn't work in every case because every situation is different but more often than not if they start to trust you too then the lying will reduce.
When someone proves time and time again that they are untrustworthy and lies to you it would be beneficial to perhaps examine why you require that person in your life. Is it worth your time and energy to constantly prepare for when that person lets you down? Or, is it better to have a fresh start? Sometimes the answer is a little extra heartbreak now is much better than a lot more and long term heartbreak later on in life.
for how long and how often, if you care to tell me. and how are you related to the person who lied to you?
Once a person loses your trust it can be hard to trust them again. From personal experience I learned that a person who has lied consistently in the past will most likely lie again. I suggest that you just stop talking to them.
My answer - you don't have to. There is a significant difference between forgiveness and trust. Once trust has been burned, it must be re-earned. But no one is obligated to give it.
Depending on the severity of the lies you can simply try to slowly build up the trust again by building an honest relationship with them. If their lies are severe (I know that severity has greatly different meanings for people) you can put them on a probationary period so to speak. Try having them be honest with you about everything, if they lie and you are able to catch it than you could draw attention to that. Let them know how it makes you feel when they lie. If the relationship is only causing you pain than you might want to look for another option such as distancing yourself from that person. I do not like to suggest this simply because that is just the way that some people are, sometimes people don't even realize that they are lying or that it cant hurt to lie about a specific thing. If this is a relationship such as boyfriend/girlfriend or husband and wife, than I would suggest that you two go to couples counseling. It will help you both in the long term. You can suggest that they go to counseling and or make an active effort to fix what they have done. Often times compulsive lying is a result of anxiety and/or depression. They may have issues that manifest in this way so it is key to have an open relationship and make sure that all of the problems are laid out if they are willing to do so.
Don't fully trust them right off hand . Work on your relationship. be honest and tell the person hey have to work for your trust. Let time heal you guys if that is what is meant to be
i dont see the point of trusting , its as simple as that - go away from the once who dont know how they are treating you and seeking benefit from you . leave them ! Make peace with yourself .
It takes time and the person who lied to you needs to understand that too. Think of it like this: Take a hand mirror, now throw it on the ground, now try to reconstruct the mirror. That's what it's like. It takes all but a few seconds, a few words, to break someone's trust. To rebuild that trust with someone, to learn to trust that person who lied, it will take an enormous amount of time. The first step is to forgive, but not to forget.
The truth is that one can never fully trust such a person again, no matter how much one loves that said person. However, if the person in question is visibly regretful and terribly guilty, then you can probably give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes the best way out is to see things from their perspective as well. Empathizing helps understand the context in which the person made such a decision. Also, a lot depends on what the person is lying about usually.
Unfortunately, re-gaining trust is not an easy thing to do. I think it takes a lot of forgiveness, acceptance of wrong doing, time & hard work on BOTH sides. I do believe that you should only forgive those that are repentant. And always trust what heart says.
why do you want to trust the person again? if the person consistently lied to you and you gave him/her enough chances? then disconnect with the person. sometimes you can't take it all. that won't make you a Mother Theresa. Don't waste time.
Take your time to think carefully whether you still want this person in or life or not. If you do, remember that we're only human, people make mistakes. The first step to trust a person is to forgive what this person did. Another thing to a successful relationship is communication. Be honest. Tell the person how you feel, let them know that they need to work to gain your trust completely. Hope everything will work out for you!
The burden of proof does not lie with you, the person who has been wronged. The person who lied needs to regain your trust by proving that they are trustworthy and honest.
They have to earn your trust. Of course every situation is different, but they need to prove to you that they are worthy of your trust. If they can't do that or don't know how, maybe they aren't meant to be a part of your life again.
First of all. It depends on what they lied about beacause it makes a difference if you lied about stealing something rather than lying about sleeping with another person. Second of all ... If they lied about something huge you dont need that stress in your life. Third of all ... How many times have they lied. You see ... It all depends on who the person is and what they lied about before. If its little lies and there willing to earn up to there mistakes I think you can really trust that person because there trying to change themselves for you. If its a big lie its gonna take time to trust that person again. They have to really proove it again. Thats really all. Have an amazing day people and stay possitive and happy. 😌😊
Sit down and talk about the stuff. We are human, and we all make mistakes. We are not perfect. peace
Trust is not given, it is earned therefore the person can hopefully regain it once again. If they do not try to regain back your trust then they did not value you in the first place. There are also white lies which a person can tell in order to protect you, some people can overlook lies like these while others cannot. I think trust depends on the person because some person are also more forgiving than others. It also depends on the nature of the lie and one's ability to accept the lie which was told and if they can move on from it.
To be honest, I believe this question should be asked to the "liar" and bear thae responsibility on their shoulders. This clearly is impacting the relationship between yourself and this person; if there is any hope in repairing or maintaining a relationship (whether it's a friendship, intimate relationship, etc), it starts with open communication. Depending on their answer, you either will or will not be satisfied; without some sort of satisfaction, trusting will be a difficult task. . Good luck!
I have a best friend who lies very consistently to me. We both have a love hate relationship going on. There are times where i love to bits and the only thing i could think off when i'm off doing something fun but there are times where i wished i hadnt knew her since the start. We are both very competitive individuals and we always want to be the best among our peers. I know as a fact that she lies to me very consistently with her lifestyle, relationship status or results in that matter but i choose to forgive and forget. I still love her no matter what because i know deep down inside my heart, she's the only person who would ever get me to crawl out of my bed at 3am just to fetch her a blanket so she could stay warm :D thats how much i love her
Forgiveness is a gift and its worth nothing unless you use it. Betrayal hurts but it helps you grow as a person.
Trust is not about the other person. When you ask "how do I or should I trust someone who consistently lies?" What you are really asking is, "will I be ok if I am betrayed or hurt again?" Confusing "blind trust" with "trust" gets many of us into sticky situations. If you choose to trust someone blindly despite having being lied to repeatedly you are setting your self up to be let down. If you have decided to "trust" someone because you have seen an effort to change and a genuine remorse for having lied in the past, then your decision is being made from a place of clarity and evolving experience. It is always a difficult thing to do, to trust again. I have always found that if I just trust myself enough to know that I will be ok no matter what, the initial question of "how do I trust again?" becomes much easier to address :)
People wins the trust with many factors and it needs time to do it but first at all you need to forgive for begin again.
Related Questions: How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?
What is considered substance abuse?Why should I stop drinking?Why do I feel depressed when I'm not smoking weed?How can I stop drinking or taking drugs?How to use Amethyst for sobriety? I've heard people say they bathe with it. How is it to be used?Can you become phychotic from quitting drugs cold turkey? Particularily cocaine?I have no clue on how to handle even one of my emotions. Please any advice?How do I help someone I have a hard time relating to? How do I deal with the stigma of IV use when I need to use in public places?I smoked weed and had a terrible panic attack. For about a week now I randomly feel dizzy, my chest gets tight, and my arms and legs go numb. What’s wrong with me?