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How do I come out as nonbinary?

113 Answers
Last Updated: 12/30/2020 at 5:22am
How do I come out as nonbinary?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amelia Winsby, PsyD

Psychologist

I often work with clients who experience a wide range of emotions and difficulties. I am non-judgmental and enjoy working with individuals from all walks of life.

Top Rated Answers
AidenCarver
August 11th, 2019 4:19am
There's no right or wrong way to come out as non-binary. Just be honest with your feelings while saying it out loud to someone. Remember you might not get a positive response. But just be yourself. That's the best you can do. Something like, "I think I don't fall in the binary side of gender. I'm most likely somewhere in between. I'm still figuring it out but that's what I wanted to tell you. " Remember that the person would most likely question you even further. If this person happens to be genuinely curious about you and want to know more then that's fine but remember some people just ask questions to make you feel you're not valid. So beware. Coming out is a daunting process for sure. And it takes time and patience to do so. Also, the chances of positive responses are more if you know this person very well and you know they'll love you know matter what. In any case, Good luck. I hope your coming out process turns out to be smooth as hell. And I hope this helped.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2019 7:57pm
Explain to whoever you’re coming out to that you don’t identify with a certain gender identity. Explain to them what it means to be non-binary. Let them know your opinions and beliefs on the situation. Often, people with big personalities struggle with being labeled as merely one or two things. They have so much more to them than just one label or identity. Many non-binary people feel they don’t fit the typical gender norms of any gender identity. They’re human, no matter what gender they are/identify as. People deserve to be treated like people, with unconditional love, respect and compassion.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2019 11:31pm
I'm a transguy, but: to come out as non-binary, you can first introduce what it means before saying "I'm non-binary." Like, "Do you know what it means to be non-binary?" and wait for the person's reaction. If they have a neutral/positive reaction, say "I'm not [however you feel]. So I'm non-binary, then." This can go for other genders as well. After that, well, if they accept you, introduce your preferred name (if you have chosen a new one) and your pronouns. After that is just whatever the person you're coming out to does or says. Gender is a journey. Stay safe, everyone!
Anonymous
November 7th, 2019 8:16am
There are so many different ways to do this and all of them valid. First of all, I would like to commend you on coming out as nonbinary to yourself! I know that may or may not seem like a big deal right now, but it is. And it's a huge step towards coming out to other people so that you can live your truth more fully. When I came out as nonbinary, I did a couple of things. With the people I'm closest to and feel safest with, I talked about it in person or by text. To my family of origin, I sent an email explaining that that was how I identified, what the term meant, and what it meant to me. And then I posted on facebook, but because I was changing pronouns, I actually just posted about that. It didn't feel important to me to explain my gender identity to everyone, but it did feel important to ask them to gender me correctly. I found the key in all of it was a willingness to educate people because mostly people just didn't know that being nonbinary was an option. Mostly, to reserve my energy for the harder conversations and questions, I found some 101 articles on sites like Everyday Feminism and The Body Is Not An Apology to share around.
Marlo3
December 8th, 2019 5:08am
This can be very intimidating and you should only do it if you are safe but from my experience you should just go for it and expect lots of questions to come. Have notes mentally prepared on what you what to say and exactly what you are trying to get across. You can also have videos and articles prepared from nonbinary youtubers and creators to help explain more in depth. Just remember, your safety is of the utmost importance and if coming out risk safety or security then do not do it for the time being. Also compromise by coming out to come people but not others. Stay safe, stay frosty
MoonlightPrimrose
March 21st, 2020 5:02pm
First of all a few questions to consider: Who are you coming out to? How educated on gender and LGBTQ+ topics are they (probably)? Are you financially or otherwise dependent on the people you are planning to come out to? Is it safe to do so? Once you’ve answered these questions for yourself - as best as you can - there are many ways to come out and it has a lot to do with your personal preferences. You could write a letter, an email, sit down for coffee or dinner with the person you’re coming out to and talk about it or just nonchalantly drop that you are non binary. Some people prefer to come out in a comedic way, maybe there is a funny situation to blurt out the truth about yourself, others have come out in a more serious or prepared way. Maybe you can collect and prepare some easy to understand information on the gender spectrum and queer topics for somebody who might be unaware of all the wonderful things these topics hold. Some people might be more willing to drop their scepticism when you can show them books, celebrities and articles or even talk about friends who are non-binary (only with their explicit permission!). It is always good to remind yourself that none of what has happened or what might happen is your fault. You have the right to be seen and understood the way you are and you deserve to be heard and treated with respect and love no matter what. Now, go forth and spread the pride, you’re amazing!
Anonymous
March 26th, 2020 4:55am
If you are looking to come out, know that you face no pressure in doing so, and you should only do so when you feel completely compelled and ready. For me personally, I came out through the process of discovering myself and I made sure I was coming out to those I knew would support me. Just asking those around you to be open and listen to how you feel may be helpful in your decision to come out. Not everyone will understand it, and a lot of them may have questions, but don't feel you need to be the one to educate them on everything.
ricardo2002
April 17th, 2020 2:22pm
It depends on to whom you are disclosing it, but there are several ways to explain, you can show the TV show Queer Eye where Johnathan Van Ness will illustrate one kind of non-binary person. If you plan to come out to all society, well, just be yourself and act as you feel day by day. There are many non-binary examples that you can show friends and family as examples that is OK to express that, I would use Media - something people didn't have available 30 or 40 years ago. Our world is changing, and it's our job to change it to acomodate all of us.
SevenSolstice
April 30th, 2020 1:36am
Coming out can be a scary and anxiety-laden experience no matter your orientation or identity, but especially so when your identity is one that isn't well known, much less that well accepted. I think to begin with, it's a good idea to ensure your safety when coming out and afterwards. Personal safety always comes first! When coming out as part of a generally poorly known identity group, I think it can help to anticipate the responses people might have. This includes just being perplexed and uninformed, and as humans, we often don't accept things we don't understand. This means that it could be very useful to come prepared with answers to the typical questions someone might have about being non-binary, as well as educational material on the topic. Further, it's always a good idea to prepare yourself to be met with disbelief and other less than positive reactions. Remember that someone who might otherwise be supportive is being confronted with possibly shocking information, and they may react as such. As hurtful as it may be, consider that their reaction may be towards the topic, rather than you as a person. I think it's also a good idea to come armed with a set of guidelines for the person you're coming out with to follow. This might be how you'd like them to address you, pronouns, etc. Accept that even if they're supportive, there will be an adjustment period. But that efforts to reduce their confusion and uncertainty will always help them help you!
Elliot2003
June 24th, 2020 8:50am
Well that can very from person to person for me i came out honestly by mistake, it was kinda funny i was making a joke about being non binary to one of my friends and my mom over heard me. there is no real right way to come out, you could do it face to face, in a letter, through a meme anyway that feels right to you, the most important thing is your safety if you feel safe to come out as non binary and your ready to let the world now great! if you don't feel safe or don't like your not ready yet that's cool too its you journey not anyone else's there's no rush
Anonymous
July 8th, 2020 4:08pm
For yourself, it may feel a very scary and potentially even embarrassing thought to try and come out as nonbinary. You have to think to yourself, why am I worried about doing this? What is wrong with coming out, expressing your true sexual identity? The answer to both questions is NOTHING. Don't think about what others would say, do it because you know it is best for yourself, and your real true friends will always be there to support you. Don't forget there are many people to talk to if you may need some assistance with coming out, like ourselves!
Anonymous
August 6th, 2020 11:10am
You must feel worried about this which is completely understandable. Remember the world is changing to a much more accepting and loving place. Just do what feels right and go with your gut. You are not alone in this and there are many, many people out there thinking about how to come out to family, friends and everyone else. There is no rush and know that there are also many resources to help if you ever feel worried or stressed about this. You are incredibly brave, so just remember to try to take it easy and do what feels right.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2020 11:08pm
I'm non-binary. There is no one right way to come out as non-binary. The best piece of advice I could give to you is being okay with how you are now and making peace with the fact that many people aren't going to be---and that's alright. You don't need your existence validated by anyone. If you have specific pronouns, people might call you by your undesired ones. I don't wanna be pessimistic and say, "prepare for the worst" but I wouldn't suggest going into a possible battle with knowledgeable warfare to help yourself and shield, in a way, from unnecessary hurt. Today, I got a message asking about my gender and when I tried to answer, "I'm nonbinary", it took a turn for the worst and they asked about my genitalia. Don't ever tolerate disrespect and love yourself as you are :)
Anonymous
August 16th, 2020 4:50am
Ther is no right or wrong way to come out, just as long as you are certain that you will be emotionally and physically safe. Or, if you don't think your current living situation will be safe (for example if you are a teen living with unnaccepting guardians or family members) be sure you have a backup plan, such as a friend. But, as far as the act of actually coming out goes you can do it as openly and dramatically or play it as lowkey as you want. This is a huge step in accepting who you are and how you identify with yourself and the world so no matter what you do, stay true to yourself.
Anonymous
August 19th, 2020 4:33pm
It helps to tell the people who are most likely to be understanding first. Their positive reaction should boost your confidence and help you to find telling the next people a little easier. So first, you might want to think about who the first people should be. Find the right time and place to tell them, but don’t overthink this too much. Be open, honest and answer any questions that they might have. And remember, if you are met by a negative response, the whole of the LGBTQ+ community is here to support you. There’s also a website called WhenICameOut that you may find useful!
softMemory3386
September 13th, 2020 4:13am
First of all, I just want to say that your identity is so valid, and you're so brave for thinking about coming out. First things first, I would make sure that you're in a safe environment to come out. The Trevor Project has a really great "Coming Out" page that gives a couple of great suggestions for testing the waters. For example, trying casually bringing out LGBTQ+ issues, or even non-binary issues to the people that you're planning on coming out to. If you don't notice any red flags, then it's probably safe to think about coming out to those people. If you have a trusted friend, try acting out how you want to come out to others with them. Practicing the general words that you want to say might help ease anxiety around coming out. there are also some really great nonbinary support tumblr blogs out there (I also believe that there are some reddit communities, but I'm not certain about that.) Hope that this advice helps, and I hope that everything goes well!
Anonymous
September 16th, 2020 5:45am
There are different ways you can do that. It depends on how YOU want to do it. Some people feel like they want to celebrate it as a public announcement type thing. They might even throw a party, like a "non-gender-reveal!" (Please, no fireworks!) Or, perhaps you feel it's a more private thing, and you choose to just start making changes that ease you into being more you....changing your hairstyle, or your clothes, or your nickname...and then, if and when people ask you about it, you simply acknowledge and educate: "I don't belong in a box." I think the best thing to do is to take some quiet time for yourself to imagine what YOU want your "coming out" to look like. Create the perfect scenario in your mind. Consider and create the perfect responses from your friends, family, and even from strangers. And then share that vision with a close friend or two, and ask them to help you manifest that vision into reality. You are doing something magical for yourself: you are becoming your most authentic version of you. There's nothing nicer you could do for yourself, than be you! Congratulations!
Alyx05
October 9th, 2020 2:08am
It depends on the person. But a good tip is laying out hints to whoever your coming out to. And coming out can be done by song, making a cake with the flag or saying "I'm Non-Binary" etc. But just use your imagination or whatever you feel comfortable with. Also another tip is to come out to friends first to see how their reaction and to see if you yourself are ready to come out. Also if they don't know what Non-Binary means educate them about who you are and how to address you. Also it will take some time to get used to your pronouns, so if you feel a bit weird about it that doesn't mean that your faking it.
StarryNights099
October 11th, 2020 4:11am
To come out as non-binary you must first make sure you are in a safe environment to do so. Afterward it’s as simple as sitting down privately and telling the person that you’re non-binary. If they respond positively that is a person to keep in your life, but if they respond negatively then you should cut them off for your well being. Some people have a very binary mindset and cannot understand what it means to be non-binary, but it’s not your job to educate them. You must do what’s best for YOU and not worry about anyone who disagrees. I hope this helps, stay safe!
KayleeVolunteers
October 25th, 2020 9:17pm
That is a tough one. I think coming out as anything that is not perceived to others as "normal" will be difficult. However, I think the first step would be to assist the situation. Currently, are you in a safe spot to come out to your family? If not, maybe it would be base to wait until it is safe for you. If yes, there are still other questions that you should think about. Are you personally okay with coming out? Have you except yourself with who you are? I think the number one priority, however, is your safety and be honest.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2020 5:48pm
You tell who you want to tell. Coming out to the world is less about everyone else knowing who you are, and more about you being comfortable with who you are. I think the misconseption with coming out focuses more on the people around you and how they'll react and less about the fact that you are just living your life honestly. But also its up to you. If you want to officially come out, you can just tell your friends/family/anyone you want 'Hey, by the way, I'm nonbinary. These are the pronouns i would like you to refer me as.' If you dont deem it necessary to say that then continue your life as you usually do and if at anytime someone refers to you not as the pronoun you have chosen you can say 'by the way I'm nonbinary and this is my preferred pronoun'. I dont know how helpful i was but I want you to know that you dont deserve anyone any explanation about who you are or how you live your life. Take care!
00sunny00
November 7th, 2020 6:10am
it depends mostly on your current situation/relationship with the person/people you're coming out to. it's obviously more important to have a plan if you're coming out to someone who might not be very accepting, whereas someone accepting of the community could be a lot more simple. i was blessed with an accepting mother, so i came out as lesbian nonchalantly one day while we were at the store, but something like this might not be the right answer for you at all. a good idea for coming out to someone you're not so sure of as being supportive or not is to tell them one of your friends came out as nonbinary, and see how they react.
QuietSpark
December 30th, 2020 5:22am
Start with the most trusted friend, if you think that no one in your circle is open enough to hear you then find a community online and accept yourself as nonbinary. You are free to change your mind later, what matters only is that you feel like you identify as nonbinary now. What other people think is their own problem, it might sound harsh but we already spend a lot of time managing our own mind so why bother managing others? Remember, if you think that you are in danger due to your identity then take your safety into consideration first. Ask yourself a question if the danger is perceived or real. In summary there is no right way to come out, you are what you are. Other people can have their own opinions. Do other's opinions hurt sometimes when verbalized? Yes. But you will do well, I believe you can do it, stranger.