My friends are starting to leave me out?
Last Updated: 08/25/2020 at 2:08pm
Danielle Gonzales, PsyD
Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!
Top Rated Answers
People come and go. That's just how it is. I've lost contact with a few people I used to call "best friends" at certain points in my life. Don't worry about it, you'll have more friends in no time.
Friends tend to do that when you do something that might have been disloyal to them or unpleasant in any way. Take a deep breath and think about it. Look through your history with your friends. If everything seems perfectly fine then either they are fake or you are not social enough.
Leave those friends, find someone who bothers with your time, they aren't worth it if they're leaving you out. That's life, you develop new interests and friendships sometimes don't work out. Don't give up hope though, and it's not your fault, just press on and hopefully, you'll find a new friend soon! :) Best wishes to you.
It's best to communicate, but first make sure you're prepared in case they are dismissive still. (By "prepared," I don't mean to steel yourself and feel nothing, but have a recovery plan if you do get disappointed. For example, a hobby you can engage in, a separate social group even if it not be among friends, or a place you consider your own sanctuary.) When you are ready, ask them questions such as if they've been busy, or how was their other friend whom they've been hanging out with. It helps to be specific as to when. When doing this, avoid sounding accusatory. The point of asking them these questions isn't so much about "testing" them or evaluating them, but about having something to hold onto later that they said themselves. After asking them those questions, tell them that you're beginning to feel excluded and want to be included more (e.g. invited more, included in conversations). They're likely to give you feedback after telling them this. Sometimes it's criticism, sometimes it's acceptable. Either is okay. What's not okay is if they start blaming you or accuse you of being clingy. If they blame or gaslight you, be prepared to find a new set of friends. The transition might not be easy, but you will not have the energy and time to both chase after people who don't care about you AND at the same time find people who do care. If they're accepting but it still doesn't feel enough, you can choose to stay with them but also find more friends. They're not draining you, so you'd have the time and energy to look for other friends. In this case, it's just a matter of having subjective preferences on how much you want to hang out together. Unlike the other case, this means the friendship is still okay.
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