I need advice
Since i was a kid i often slapped myself or bit nails till they bleed. Now i have deeper issues, because summer's coming and i won't be able to cut anymore. And i already look like a tiger with those scars on my hips. But I am getting a bit better, exept those intrusive thoughts i have. In October my mom made me go to therapy. Only 1 session and nothing more. The therspist told me that i should use a boxing sack to hit it till my knuckles hurt. But i doubt it works since i'm not a fan of sports and i woukd most likely get bored or tired of it. So any tips on how can i replace sh for atleast this summer?
I wasn't into sports either. Is there anything that you do enjoy? Books, photography? Something to get lost in.
Do you journal? I find writing out the thoughts stops them swirling in my head.
@Dobby777 Cause you need to like boxing to shift from hurting yourself?
Yes i need to feel some punching or atleast brsak something
I like using henna tattoos. You don’t have to be good at it, but you can just draw it out wherever you want to cut or harm, and then make a rule to not touch the henna (or the spot under it). There’s are tons of tutorials online, and it can even go on your nails if that would be helpful
I hope you find what works 🩵
Hello Doddy... I knew little about self harm and so unfortunately do the professionals. Turns out I have been self harming, and finally get to understand. Take a look at my profile bio and my thread called... Who knew?... I have also replied (today) on someone else's thread called... Somatics... Self harm is usually just a system of probable trauma. So the roots (the trauma) needs to be dealt with. The things I have written about are evidence based and actually work. It takes time and understanding and I have both the experience of the trauma and what works. Hopefully something I have written makes sense for you, and if it does please ask me more or look for someone who is "Trauma Informed" if you believe you need that. Take good care and good luck...
PS also at the root is being able to feel safe.
I think i do... since semptember i've been deeply thinking if my own cousin SA'D me accindently as kids. But i doubt it was actual SA, since we were small kids. But it didn't seem as kids playing doctor either, because i was pressured to "play" with him. I didn't remember it for YEARS until now. So it feels morally gray. I was very upset about it fo 6 months.
Another reason may be that i was scared of losing friends. So i often people pleased my classmates even when they insulted or broke my boundaries. And now people expect me to be assertive out of nowhere. When i people pleasedi get quite prideful and i love receiving compliments for any help or work i do. But when i get criticized i feel like a failure.
Thank you for support!!!
Thank you for your reply... Hopefully you saw I'm in the UK, so it's my evening now and it will be easier for me to reply tomorrow... We should talk? Unfortunately distractions are just distractions and don't get to the root, also CBT (I saw below) doesn't work for us either... Hopefully you have time to check out the things I suggested above, and take care of yourself, until we can talk more.
I just noticed... The word system, was meant to read symptom.
Hello again @Dobby777 it's getting late morning UK time now, and as I said, I am getting back to you. I have been doing some reviews/refreshing of my knowledge etc and some extra research to assist. I am new to here, but believe I understand how to set up a Pen Pal here and feel that could be a safe private and confidential space if you would like to talk more with me?...
We can chat tomorrow at around 4pm. But i don't really know how to add you to my chat, but if you're a listener i will try to find you.
😊 Hopefully you are talking the same time zone as me, but you don't need to answer that here... As I said, I am new here, so no I am not a listener (but hopefully you saw my profile bio). I'll hopefully set up a Pen Pal here later, it should notify you, and I will be there tomorrow at the time you said. Take care until then... (Maybe respond to this at the Pen Pal, then we both will know it is working for tomorrow.)
I live a different kind of self harming, something not so visible: for example I try not to breath for minutes until I can't anymore. From my very small knowledge I advice doing two things, writing your thoughts for tring to understand the cause of it and free your mind from all the bad things, and doing something manual with your hands, maybe working with wood, making "origami", drawing... generally tring to create something and not break yourself. I think it's useful, at least it is for me, for the rest I hope you find your way to heal and wish you the best
Try kickboxing at a gym or club—give it a shot and stick with it until you lose interest. You’re not doing it just for sport; you’re going with a purpose.
You could also consider donating blood or plasma. Think of it as intentionally letting go of something that could actually help save lives.
Funny enough, writing this reminded me that I’ve been meaning to donate blood too but kept putting it off. I’m going to book my appointment now. Thanks for the nudge.
Ooh so sorry for that, are you still doing it now
I am not 35 I am 19 but I would liek to say maybe its not about replacing it but about finding why you even do it.
Are yoi stressed of something? Scared? Maybe you are and the fix is to remove the thing that is making you want to bite.
@Dobby77
You being concerned about not wanting others to see and wanting alternatives is a good thing. I went through Cognitive Behavior Therapy to help identify my triggers and what I was feeling. Do you understand what causes this reaction or what doing it does for you? No one self-harms for the same reason. When looking at a replacement behavior use the desire outcome guide you. I used deep brushing on my arms it took longer for me to get the same “relief”, but it helped me to stop scratching. I still use the deep brushing when it gets real bad. I use hand manipulatives from play dough, bead filled stress balls, a small rock rolling tightly in my hand, even an acorn.
Best of luck working through this.
I guess it's because of stress and one unpleadant memory. And probably dissapointment too. When i don't get the grade i like or i simply get irritated i feel like the only way to relieve this is tbrough cutting. But yesterday i decided to punch a wooden wall instead. I think it's a bit better. I hate being criticized, because it just worsens it. But i am aware that i will be criticized my whole life. Also not many people really understand me. Well i am cautious about spilling secrets. Only one friend is very trustworthy and she knows about it, but she has her oen issues and suffers from suicidal thoughts. I don't want to put any pressure on her.
@Dobby777 at least try the boxing idea you never know
Try and fail but never fail to try