Weekly Prompt #30: Are you using black-and-white thinking?
Hi everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: How is your anxiety impacting your relationship? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: Are you using black-and-white thinking?
Negative thoughts often involve extreme, all-or-nothing thinking. But life is rarely that simple. Recognize when you are falling into this cognitive trap and try to introduce shades of gray. Look for a middle ground or alternative possibilities. By embracing nuance, you can reduce the intensity of negative thoughts and open yourself up to more balanced thinking. In this discussion, I want to explore how anxiety can affect our thinking on how to navigate these challenges. Please feel free to share any or all of your experiences with anxiety and I look forward to discussing more with us.
@ASilentObserver Short answer is yes. Everything is black and white in my mind.
@TheMadHatterWasHere
Hello,
I try to branch out from all or nothing thinking/black and white thinking. Sometimes, I do have my moments though in competitions where I continually doubt myself and I refuse to see the good in the competition. On the other hand, I do face a lot of catastrophizing though.
@TheMadHatterWasHere I understand how black-and-white thinking can create difficulties. It can be difficult to see things as shades of gray when we are experiencing difficult emotions. What are the upsides to black-and-white thinking?
@ASilentObserver You never get disappointed bc you always expect the worst.
Very often. I am someone who makes decisions based on facts/logic or pros and cons. I am a realist, so there is a lot of yes or no in my mind. Very black and white.
Funny enough, I struggle quite a bit when it comes to choices that don't really matter that much because they are just based on emotion or a feeling. How do others deal with those decisions? Ones that you can't really grasp in a logical way.
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you value logic and consistency when making decisions. Black-and-white thinking can sometimes lead to rigidity and inflexibility. How does this approach impact your life?
@ASilentObserver I think in judgement it can make you very harsh, like either 100% that way, or 100% the other way. So a bit blunt or confronting, especially for some who are a bit sensitive to nuance and those kind of things.
For me, I struggle a bit with this inflexibility when it comes to making decisions or changes when I already planned or decided something. Leading me to overthink or ponder on it for a while because every argument for option A lead me all the way to option A, and every (new) argument for option B can send me all the way towards option B again.
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you value flexibility in decision-making. How do you handle situations where you feel stuck between two options?
@ASilentObserver Literaly not at all, if I can't make the decision based on logic/facts and arguments I struggle. I end up thinking about it the whole time and knowing I will regret either feeling-based choice I make and I don't know how to properly deal with them and make them...
@Michelh1996 I see the situation. For me, because the choice is so hard to judge based on logic, what I need to prioritize also gets foggy along the way. Both choices are attractive on different regards. And at some point it's hard to decide which aspects are more important really, also while new aspects are added to the list constantly. When this happens, I end up choosing based on feeling. I wonder how it works for you and everyone who would like to answer
@marydaisy I hear you, that's exactly what it is like. Which aspects mean more to me? And postponing the decision by adding new layers of information, mew aspects to try and tip the scales. Even sometimes when one choice seems to be the best one, actively look for arguments to add to the other choice because you don't want to let that option go just yet.
How do you make that decision based on feeling in that moment? I am very interested :)
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you are grappling with a difficult decision and struggling to find a clear path forward. Feeling stuck between two options can be incredibly challenging, especially when both choices have appealing aspects. It is common to experience inner turmoil in these situations, and relying solely on emotions can lead to indecision.
@Michelh1996 Hello again :) What you explained in your last answer really resonated my experience, thank you for that. For me it's important to remember that there is no higher power that has the knowledge about which is the true path and which is not. It's not that we can't decide or reach that knowledge because we are stupid or something :D (This idea is from a tedtalk but can't remember which one). And while I choose based on feeling, I first try to remember my initial feeling about the dilemma. In the cases that you mentioned, (when I postponed the choice just because I wasn't ready to let go one of the options) I remember my initial feeling and choose according to it. Other times, I can't remember nothing so I improvise, then regret. Not a pleasant experience :D I'm curious how do you deal with it
@marydaisy Hiya! Seems like we're dealing with the same experience then, which is very interesting so thanks for sharing some of your ways of dealing and struggling with it :) Very insightful. I notice that recently I have become more aware of this issue for myself so I am still learning and trying to figure it out. Trying to go back to the initial moment, and reflecting on your first instinct is something I will look for going forward for sure!!
Something that I do besides over-analyzing and adding more layers is adding another person. So try to get confirmation/approval in a way. And while it is good to add another perspective on the situation, the downside is that I can go too far with this by basically "wanting" the decision to be made for me. Makes it easier to put the responsibiliy and blame somewhere else. But the upside is of course a new perspective or some confirmation that the choice you're leaning towards is a good one which can tip the scales and push your choice through.
Another thing I use is lists, tables where I score options with numbers/colors. This helps put things into perspective because even if this creates a clear winner and you still can't decide, it shines a light on which sub-aspects you find more important. Something that helps you learn going forward as well. Only thing is of course that it works best with arguments and facts, not as good with emotions. But its something ;) it does take time though, and you're not going to make a whole document for every decision in your life right...
And when it is not a decision in the moment, but for a later moment I try to "make" the decision. Let is "brew" for a while. Go to bed, go by my day as if I made decision A, and at a later time, see if I still agree. It can help, but sadly for me this also leads to a lot of shuffling around, bouncing between the options. So I haven't quite mastered the upside of this approach yet.
Often. I find myself desperately needing things to change for the better, drastically and soon, based on my own unstable and terrifying situation and understanding of greater problems at all levels. At the same time, the fear leaves me paralyzed because I have limited capacity to do even the basics. So I want to introduce the possibility that if I can do a little, and find a way to combine that with the contributions of various amounts of others, we might still all get to have our rights and a decent quality of life, and resist the destructive, authoritarian forces which are slowly coming for us all.
@Zeraphim It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of fear and uncertainty about the future. Black-and-white thinking can indeed be paralyzing. I appreciate your desire to find ways to make a difference and fight against what you see as destructive forces. Can you share more about what changes you would like to see happen?
Currently, the UN Universal Declaration
of Human Rights is considered by our governments as a thing we can
say we're doing but it's not legally enforceable. We can say, for
example, that housing is a human right for all, but there's no
legislation financially compelling governments to actually provide
social housing to ensure everyone is sheltered. Instead, housing is financialized, kept empty on purpose to drive up rental prices in
order to extract more profit by landlords and developers, while half
the population has to decide between food and staying housed.
I want to
see human rights upheld. I want there to be a future worth living
through, for everyone.
Oops, that was meant to be a reply to @ASilentObserver on my post. I messed that up, sorry. 🙁
@Zeraphim That is okay, Zera. It sounds like you care deeply about human rights and ensuring everyone has access to basic needs like housing. What steps do you think individuals can take to advocate for these rights?
@ASilentObserver
I am also catastrophizing besides thinking black and white. If it’s not the same thing 🫣😳. I tried mindful thinking techniques to change my mindset. I’ve tried meditating, art, yoga, nature, diverting. Sometimes they help, but mostly they don’t. Not because of them, but because of me. Even if I get anxious about something and then it turns out perfectly ok, next time same thing. I don’t even know why I post this… *shrinks into size of nothing and crawls back under rock
@Fluffymonster101 It sounds like you are experiencing difficult feelings of anxiety and frustration with yourself. Feeling like you have tried different things but found them not very helpful in reducing your anxiety is understandable. What feelings come up for you when you think about trying new things?
@ASilentObserver
For trying new ways to cure sometimes feels like, what’s the point, ain’t gonna work anyways. But I am here :) For trying new things as in experiences, I don’t get out unless I have to and when I do, all I want is to get back as soon as I can.. sometimes I have better moods and think more positive. But it’s short and rare. I have mood swings I can’t explain. Or understand.. I am indeed frustrated and *** at myself to the point of self loathing. I also believe I am my worst enemy
anyways, thank you for taking the time with me, I do feel like a bother. Thanks for just being there
@Fluffymonster101
whenever someone is not answering the phone or text, I immediately start thinking the worse. Mostly they are dead, something must of happened. I start making scenarios in my head. They aren’t good ones. And so I start the torment. I try to peep talk myself with thoughts like, they’re just busy or sleeping, or whatever, but until I get the confirmation….it’s awful. I try to distract myself but as soon as my mind gets to wonder off is pointless. And I do this circle until they call back or get in touch. I wasn’t always like this. Used to be sociable positive and fun. Would think bad things just don’t have a place in my life and no matter what thought this too shall pass. I still say to my self this mantra but I don’t believe it. It feels like it will never pass anymore. Everything is black and negative. And anything that’s related to social interaction outside my household kinda freaks me out. Even taking out the trash is dangerous. What if there’s a neighbor and they want to engage like old times. What if anyone else sees me. If I absolutely have to get to the store, which btw is like 10m from building, I wait till late night when is almost closing time. Less people. I can’t really explain. I think about it, I start feeling wrestles, but don’t really know how to translate what I feel.
Sry for long boring msgs
@Fluffymonster101 that sounds like you have been experiencing difficult feelings of anxiety and unease related to social interactions and communication. You used to be more sociable and positive, but now you find yourself feeling more isolated and anxious. You even avoid tasks like taking out the trash because people might see you. These changes are understandably concerning.
@Fluffymonster101 sounds like you are experiencing difficult feelings of frustration and self-loathing due to your struggles with depression. Feeling like your efforts to improve yourself are futile can be especially discouraging. Your struggles are valid, and you're not alone in facing them.
Hi @Fluffymonster101
i do the same thing. Once one anxious situation is handled there’s another right after that causes massive anxiety all over again. That’s how it’s felt for me lately i just want a break! It’s hard when you think there’s an issue then it sorts itself to see the positivity. I just keep practicing the best I can to think in better ways.
@Brontebb
aww am sry you live that as well. But I appreciate you sharing. I hope you keep practice until it becomes natural.
Thanks for posting this. I forgot black-and-white thinking can also be a result of negativity. Extreme circumstances can sometimes force us out of that "middle ground" and nuance and make everything so much worse in our minds lol. I'll try to work on relaxing and remembering there doesn't have to be "perfect" anything- good or bad. Maybe that will remind me to find that middle ground.
@HidaYasu It sounds like you are recognizing the impact of black-and-white thinking in your experiences. Reflecting on finding balance and middle ground can be helpful. How do you plan to work on finding this balance?
@ASilentObserver I honestly have no idea at this point... my brain just goes straight to worst case scenario automatically. I haven't thought "normally" in so long I don't even remember what it was like.
But I am currently in therapy, so I can bring it up with my therapist.
Basically, yes. Although for me it’s mostly black thinking and catastrophizing. Even the smallest thing that makes me anxious is turned into the worst possible outcome in my head and I feel like I definitely know what is going to happen.
That’s me too! I always called myself a realist but I think with that said I know bad things happen often and my brain jumps to worst case scenario. What’s interesting is when I’m not experiencing anxiety I tend to be more positive but when anxiety is in my mind it’s a lot of imaginary scenarios that I feel is what will happen factually then bam anxiety is worse. I have to talk to myself a lot to combat it.
Yeah I feel what you’re saying. I always try to remind myself that I in fact cannot foresee the future, but it’s definitely hard to really believe in it when your anxiety tells you constantly the worst possible outcome.
@Pxvxrd28 It sounds like you have been experiencing anxiety around small things feeling like they are the worst possible scenario. Can you recall when you first started having these thoughts and feelings?
Tbh I‘ve always been overly anxious. When I was a child it was more about health and now it’s not about socialisation, but the anxiety has always been there
@Pxvxrd28 It sounds like you have been experiencing anxiety for quite some time, and it has evolved over the years. How have these experiences shaped how you view yourself and your life?
@ASilentObserver I have been getting better with finding the grey. When I am in a spiral, that's really hard though, because the negative thoughts are so intense. I struggle to distance myself from the thoughts enough to even think about a middle ground. That inner critic gets really loud and I believe it, so middle ground doesn't make sense in the chaos of my brain.
@HealingGriz It sounds like you are experiencing difficult feelings right now. Black-and-white thinking can be overwhelming when you're in a spiral. Understandably, your inner critic can feel loud. What feelings come up for you when you are trying to find a middle ground?
@HealingGriz you explained that so clearly.
@ASilentObserver
I do use black and white at times more than seeing it in colors. When I am first looking at something or figuring out a problem it is black and white than when I have solved something or completed something I see it in colors
@pamharley003 It sounds like you have noticed that black and white thinking can come up sometimes when you're first approaching a problem or situation. Can you tell me more about what it looks like for you to think in black and white? How does it feel?
@ASilentObserver
When I think in black and white at first it is not colored to me because it is not solved or something finalized. as the pieces get put together does it start showing colors. in my journal i will write black and white: what is bothering or needs solving then when it is complete I write in color: and how it was solved or worked out if that makes sense
@pamharley003 It sounds like you have a way of conceptualizing things that are unresolved as being in black and white, and then as you work towards resolution, it becomes more vibrant and colorful. I can understand how that would help you to make sense of things.
@ASilentObserver
i feel that learning to catch ourselves when we fall into a black and white thinking helps. Its a constant effort that we can try our best to make 😊
@xoolee I appreciate your insights. You seem to have a good awareness of black-and-white thinking. How do you usually respond when you find yourself falling into this pattern?
