Weekly Prompt #31: What are your fears when it comes to social situations?
Hi everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: Are you using black-and-white thinking? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of?
For some, the fear of judgment and rejection looms large in social settings. The thought of being scrutinized or criticized by others can be paralyzing. The fear of not being accepted or fitting in can make social interactions feel like a minefield. It's natural to want to be liked and accepted, but the fear of not measuring up to others' expectations can be overwhelming. So, what are your fears when it comes to social situations? What are you afraid of? Share your thoughts and experiences – you're not alone in navigating the complexities of social interactions. Let's explore our fears together and support each other in facing them with courage and compassion.
@ASilentObserver I'm afraid, terrified actually, that as a man, people will see my femininity. And by virtue of that, they will either consciously, or intuitively know, that because I am effeminate, that I see myself as effeminate. And that by virtue of that, they will either consciously or intuitively know, that as much as it makes my life experience painful, I unconsciously enjoy seeing myself in an effeminate way. That it fills me with palpable, actually intense joy, to be called beautiful. That when someone insults me by calling me love, which has happened twice before. I feel the most confusing mixture of humiliation, and also delight. That cute puppies and animals, or cute people, and sweet things swoon my heart. That I get excited and childish inside in certain ways for certain things. Or that I quite like the idea of being sweet, or kind, or tender, or affectionate, or loving, or cuddly. And that I really love to cry, like a lot. For anything. And that I really love my feelings, and am very emotional.
So I am afraid that if I hide it, they will see it, because they literally always do. And that it will then become a weakness that they can use to manipulate, or abuse me, because of the fact that I'm trying to hide it. Because this is very often the case.
For a long time I didn't know how much of myself I was hiding. Until I met another gay man, and we had a bit of an encounter. Where I found out I wasn't at all sexually attracted to him. And still don't think I am, to men that is. But I could be 100% myself around him, whatever that was. And I remember that I wasn't actually any different. I just felt more relaxed, but was still very much how I always am. So that and other things showed me there was nothing to bring out of the closet.
And this leaves me in a very awkward position of existing in a way where my identity automatically appears to be as a closeted gay man, and that makes me a relentless target with no avail. But I cannot be something that I am not. And I'm not straight, but I'm also not gay.
@sadrobot101 It seems you are afraid that others will see you as effeminate and draw conclusions about your sexuality. You are worried that they may use this perception against you, and that being seen as effeminate would bring shame. How does it feel to carry this fear?
@ASilentObserver It feels confusing and frustrating, and tiring to have such a fear. It also feels shameful because it feels like I can't be my true self. So it feels frustrating and defeating because you trade one shame for another. And confusing because I feel I maybe haven't really explored who I really am yet in some regards. Due to this fear. It feels defeating because either way I can't really hide it, so I do suffer the thing I fear, regularly.
So on the one hand, I cannot be something I'm not, which is a true man. And on the other hand I also cannot be something I'm not which is an openly gay person. There is nothing to come out with. How can I say that I'm gay?
And it's just frustrating to me because I feel like my whole life society has constantly tried to box me up into some label to make me an identifiable thing that makes sense to them. And I don't even make sense to myself.
So I reject all labels as my true identity, but neither do I protest when they are forcefully thrown onto me.
@TalkingSloth I hear you sloth, you feel like you can't win, either you're going to be seen as a fake or a phony or you're going to be seen as something else that doesn't fit with how you see yourself. That is difficult. But please know we are all here with you to listen to and support. You are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver
What are your fears when it comes to social situations?
When it comes to social situations my fears are rather or not the person likes me and would be interested in talking to me. I also have the fear of being judged by others since I have Autism. And a lot of people don't really like talking to autistic people and that makes it hard for me to walk up to someone and start a conversation with them.
What are you afraid of?
I am afraid to walk up to strangers and start a conversation with them since I don't really know them yet and when I do get to know them I don't know how to start the conversation so I normally let the other person start the conversation.
@lovingRainbows2088 I understand you may feel apprehensive about starting conversations with new people due to your autism diagnosis and fear of rejection. These fears can make social interactions challenging. How do these feelings typically show up for you in specific situations?
This isn't going to helpful. But, it's every *** thing.
@tealBear2472 It sounds like you are experiencing difficult feelings around social interactions. Feeling anxious about what others might think can be tough. How are you feeling at this moment?
@ASilentObserver my fear when it comes to social situations is being ignored
@MissAngel7 It sounds like you have a fear of being ignored in social situations. Would you share more where this fear comes from?
I tend to have a negativity bias when interacting with people, meaning when I meet other people for the first time, I don't expect them to have good intensions nor do I expect or think they'd be nice. That puts me on my guard until they prove me otherwise. It's just a defense mechanism that I probably developed as a child since I was screamed at all the time by my parents.
So I guess my fear of being yelled at and insulted, rather than being judged, is the big one.
@cafedaydreams Thank you for opening up with us, Cafe. It sounds like you have a hard time trusting others because you have been hurt in the past. That hurt can sometimes turn into fear of getting hurt again, so we protect ourselves by not letting people in completely. I understand that this is a defense mechanism that has been built over time to protect yourself. How does it feel to carry this fear around?
@ASilentObserver
So this prompt is interesting to me because I've always experienced social anxiety at a sort of baseline that is difficult to conceptualize into a rational "if/then" fear, but I know has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised in a very small rural community and was surrounded by a lot of complex family tension very early on (ie. before I had words to identify the feelings etc). As an adult, and a mental health professional of almost 10 years, I've been able to cope with my social anxiety and lean into and embrace my awkward introverted nature in a way that works for me, haha. However, recently I've accepted a job at a fairly prestigious private liberal arts university to help build a collegiate recovery program there. I've noticed a spike in my social anxiety during groups with these young, extremely driven, bright (and often middle-upper class or higher) students-- when my previous group facilitation experience hadn't suggested that would be the case. I think it's because being around these "cool and competent" younger students has triggered my tendency to think of myself as an imposter somehow-- like that don't belong there, or that I'm not qualified because I don't come from the same academic rigor or background etc. This is what the prompt made me think of-- I'd love to hear some feedback =]
Sam
@WakingLife93 Thank you Sam for sharing your thoughts with us on this topic. It seems like you have grown and learned how to cope with social anxiety over the years, which is wonderful. Given you have noticed increased anxiety when working with highly accomplished young students, you feel like an imposter. These feelings may stem from your past experiences and the beliefs they have shaped about yourself. But please know your worth and abilities are not defined by external factors like background or credentials. You doing your best and deserve to feel confident in your role. Please know you have all of us here to listen to and support yu as well.
I am an introvert and in social situations, I like to be quiet but due to this very nature, people judge be being rude and egostic. Also, screaming, someone talking in high pitch or yelling triggers my anxiety. I am soft spoken, but if someone yells or talks in high pitch, I don't feel right.
I also have this issue of being misinterpreted by people.
@energeticAmy Thank you for opening up, Amy. Good start. It sounds like you're experiencing difficult feelings related to social interactions and communication. Feeling misunderstood can be especially challenging. Would you like to share more about how you experience being misinterpreted?
@energeticAmy
I am with you there with the screaming and yelling. Do you also prefer to work in silence? No background noise/music and such?
I am afraid of being a stranger in crowd, I am afraid when I am no longer a person who others know or understand. When people I used to know behaves like they don't know me. It feels very uncomfortable when i think they are judging me . Whether they are judging me or not but it feels very uncomfortable. Sometimes I fear that someone is judging me for whatever I am doing in group or those people judging me who used to know ( now they act I don't exist ) I am afraid when I feel like stranger, when I have nothing to say and I am standing quietly like I am traumatized or something. I have a very bad and wierd thing ( I won't call it fear) in my mind also, which I think I shouldn't have and I should saw everyone as same but.... It is that I don't have handsome, smart, good looking or great friends around me in group but I have some ordinary friends and I mostly think that people are judging me for this that I have some simple or not so great friends around me that i have some simple friend group but I shouldn't feel that but I do and that made me feel unsatisfied in social situations ( I don't know if feeling unsatisfied in social situations is making any sense or not ) I didn't share it before but I am sharing it today. I need some help with this, please someone help me.
@exuberantTalker9747 Thank you for opening up with us talker. It seems like you struggle with social anxiety and negative self-talk. Feeling unsure of yourself in social situations and worrying about how others perceive you can be really tough. Please know you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. We are all here with you to listening to and to support.
I am a nerdy type person and have always been socially awkward. Because of my lack of self-confidence I always think that I have to perfect, or at least a lot better than everyone else to just feel equal to them. I have a lot if mental issues and often push people away because in my thinking if they really like me they will return, kindof like a test, but virtually nobody comes back to me and I don't blame them.
@Osmosis2 I am sorry to hear that Osmo. It sounds like you struggle with feeling socially awkward and not good enough, which can lead to pushing people away. How does that make you feel?
@ASilentObserver I'm primarily scared that no one actually likes me. I never know who to trust or if anyone cares about me. I always doubt my worth as a person, even if I know that someone loves me I still find it really hard to believe.
@Sparrow555 I am sorry to hear that Sparrow. It sounds like you have a lot of fears surrounding social interactions. Feeling uncertain about others' intentions can cause significant distress. How do these fears impact your daily life?
@ASilentObserver Sometimes I avoid my friend which can lead to them actually hating me. Everything I anticipate comes true because I can't navigate social situations.