Weekly Prompt #34: How do you conquer fear and the "All-Eyes-On-Me" feeling?
Hello all and welcome back to another discussion,
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: How open do you feel about talking about your anxiety with others? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you. Thank you to @Michelh1996 for suggesting the topic of Conquering Fear and the "All-Eyes-On-Me" Feeling and that is what I look forward to discussing and hearing you all in this discussion.
I know we have all been wrestling with that feeling of being stuck - wanting to do something new, and put ourselves out there, but being held back by a swarm of anxieties. The fear of judgment, the "all-eyes-on-me" jitters, even though we somewhere know it's probably not true. We all experience moments of feeling judged, fearful, or like everyone's watching.
This week's prompt: How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
I would love to hear your experiences and what strategies you've used to overcome these fears. Maybe we can brainstorm some positive affirmations or ways to reframe that negative self-talk that holds us back. Please also share some success stories! Have you ever pushed through the fear and taken initiative? What did you do, and how did it feel afterward? I believe there's power in being proactive, and not letting anxieties dictate our choices. So, let's discuss and share some ways to move past and take those first steps, even when it's scary. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences!
A lot of things are much easier and simpler and less scary than we think… Things in our mind sometimes amplify— raindrops turn into hurricanes and darkness turns into nightmares. Tasks turn into projects and checklists turn into anxieties… But the only way to conquer them is to go head first into them. To stop letting your mind rule those fears and jump right into doing something. To just begin and try. And only when we start trying do we realize that it wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be, and that we’re stronger and more capable than we realized. And that, well… it really is fun to do what we thought we couldn’t.
It’s fun to do things we once thought we couldn’t.
@brightLynx1428 Well said, bright. I completely agree with you. We often let our minds get carried away with negative thoughts and fears, but taking action and facing our challenges head-on can help us overcome them. It is a great reminder that growth happens outside of our comfort zones, and sometimes the things that scare us the most can be the most rewarding experiences.
Yeah True that
The “all eyes on me” feeling is really stressful. I feel judged because I feel like I’m not perfect or doing anything right and that can really lower your confidence. A few days ago I was at a get together with church people. We were doing a fit check. Everyone had to line up and strut like they were a model and the judges had to rate the confidence and outfit. I joined the very long line and the people in front of me just went to the back of the line because they didn’t want to go first. So I wanted to be first and when it was time to walk like I had planned in my head I froze a bit, my heart was hammering , I was sweating, I felt like I had no control over myself so I walked normally. In my head, me walking so sassy looked so easy but then when it was actually time to walk it felt really difficult because I didn’t want to look stupid or not right. I tried to move my hands like how I wanted but I ended up just spinning 2 times. The judges rating wasn’t so bad but not the best either. After everyone went, they had a retry line for people who wanted to again. I thought about going again but I felt so embarrassed after the first try I just gave up.
@secretHickory9712 It feels like this activity brought up strong feelings of self-consciousness and anxiety for you. I can understand how difficult it can be. What thoughts were going through your mind as you were trying your best to do your best?
Yep it definitely did. I was thinking about walking like how I wanted to and you know when your heart is pounding so loud you can hear it? That’s how I felt and it was so hard to focus on what I was doing.
@ASilentObserver
Faith and mindfulness meditation plus writing my thoughts helps me
@mindtalk That is amazing, mind. I am glad that faith and mindfulness as well as writing your thoughts helps you. What aspects do you like most about these activities?
@ASilentObserver How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
There are 2 situations in which I suffer the most anxiety- job interviews/reviews and social settings. In the first situation, I have received some extremely negative feedback which has made me doubt my capabilities. I was told I had no personality and I should change my career. Now the idea of filling out a resume or attending a job interview stresses me so much I get a headache and my hands shake. In the second situation, I always feel like I am being judged. Since I was young, I was never skinny or pretty. I was never dressed in the current styles. I was considered plain, ridiculed, or even mistaken for a boy. When I go in public, I either look down when I am walking or my eyes are unfocused.
@NotAllHere713 Thank you for opening up and sharing with us, notall. it feels like you faced difficult experiences that left you feeling anxious. I get it the criticism you received about your appearance and abilities must have been hurtful. Also your anxiety in interviews and social settings is probably due to fear of rejection or more criticism. How do you handle the criticism?
@ASilentObserver
Anger, denial, arguing with myself, acceptance. I deal with criticism similar to the stages of grief. Criticism, heard frequently, leads to the death of self-esteem.
@NotAllHere713 seems like dealing with criticism can bring up difficult emotions for you. Dealing with it in stages similar to grief is understandable. How does it feel when you go through these stages?
I figure most people are into their own thing and unbothered 😌
@compassionateCar7091 That makes sense, it can feel good when we are left alone. What else is on your mind today?
@ASilentObserver Whenever I am in situations where I feel under increased scrutiny, I feel uneasy, leading to physical clumsiness and shaky knees. My social anxiety often causes me to feel nervous and overwhelmed in situations that I find intimidating. Overcoming this emotional barrier has been difficult, but I have managed to do so by interacting effectively with others and completing required tasks. However, I must acknowledge that overcoming this challenge was not easy for me. In such situations, I suggest seeking the company of a trusted individual who makes you feel safe.
@imofficiallyburnt I understand how you've had experiences of feeling under scrutiny causing discomfort and unease. Seeking the company of trusted individuals can provide comfort and safety. What helps you feel most comfortable when you're in those situations?
I conquer my fears head on by doing them afraid. Alot of things we're afraid of are not half as bad as we imagined. Now I'm not going to lay in a bed of snakes 🐍🐍 or worms, or dance with a chainsaw wielding man⛓️🪚🦹♂️ LOL 😂😅😅. I'm pretty sure those are as bad as I imagine LOL 😂😅😂. But going to social events, going to court because of a summons, asking for an extension on a project, taking a new job...these types of things as Joyce Myers says, "Do it Afraid"!
@RisingPhoenix1987
Great advice! Do it afraid! I definitely did this yesterday! I had to give a zoom presentation in front of almost 30 people. I am terrified of public speaking but I was terrified and got through it. When I tell you I was sooo proud of myself for conquering that fear!!!
@RisingPhoenix1987 That's a great approach, Phoenix. It takes courage to face our fears head-on, even if it feels difficult at first. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Though one
@beezie116 it can be, please share what you can
@ASilentObserver this hasn't been a one-and-done experience for me. It's been decades basically in the making. So kinda complex and deeply layered. I usually use affirmations, helpful YouTube videos and being around positive people who don't want to destroy me.
Also have tried or are trying medication, meditation, workbooks, self help books, peer support groups, helplines, websites that offer free courses, resources or scholarship opportunities for growth, likewise grants and non-profits and other such supports.
Some therapy I've tried is exposure, trauma and CBT. Some apps I use or have used are Summit, Finch, Headspace, The Work (by Byron Katie), Five Minute Journal from or by Intelligent Change, Voidpets (the new self care features are 🔥 awesome 🔥) and Stardew Valley.
Furthermore on YouTube I watch a lot of Douglas Bloch lately, and I have his book "Words that Heal". He's a counsellor and survived depression and anxiety. He posts weekly videos on tools and skills for how to manage. And bad puns/jokes.
In conclusion I started about two decades ago to work on myself and while it's never really gotten easier I have definitely become more adept and confident somehow at managing. Sometimes this isn't enough and I need to deal with whatever emotional tsunami is happening, but being in an adaptable human body is cool af and if one can learn to take what they like and leave the rest and keep that alive, that can live pretty well, even in this messed up world today. If you have any questions ask away 😊 😊 😊 😁
